Dreams

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Dreams

Luna is seldom awake during the day. But today she can't sleep.

Her dreams have brought something to light, something once buried in shadow. Something she needs to discuss with her sister.

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hawthornbunny

hawthornbunny #1 · Sep 2nd, 2019 · 1 · ·

I always love the premise of insomniac self-reflection. Interesting to see it take place in a daylight setting due to Luna's sleep schedule. Nice worldbuilding around the Nightmare and Sunset Shimmer too. This was a nice read. :)

Knight of the Raven

Knight of the Raven #2 · Sep 22nd, 2019 · 1 · ·

I liked the beginning, getting in Luna's head as her train of thought wanders and she roams around the castle in her search for Celestia. I found the vocabulary used in the narration to suit her, including calling the sun "the offending bright yellow shiny thing" in her frustrated, exhausted state.

The only exception is the use of "but whatever," which I can't picture her using. However, the two lines surrounding that one bit—"It wasn't presentable by any stretch of the word" and "The tangled snarls would nicely complement the mess of questions and confusion racing around her mind."—once more fit well my image of Luna.

Luna's voice fades from the narration once she meets with Celestia, perhaps because the point of view shifts to a more external, less intimate one that describes both sisters at the same time.

I also liked your explanation as to why the princesses go to sleep with their regalia: they're simply too tired to take it off after working for the entire day or night. Simple and elegant, at the risk of sounding pompous.

I found your take on Luna's powers over dreams and on her banishment in general interesting as well, along with the link with Sunset Shimmer.

""Your sister," Luna called back as loudly as she could muster, which in this case was Fluttershy's definition of loud" was a fun line, and appropriate to boot; Luna does have first-hand experience with said definition. The reference to Twilight was nice too.

I didn't find any mistake or typo and the said tags were written entirely correctly save for one slip-up in ""I mean, we're actually talking to each other." Celestia said with a smirk."

All in all, a lovely short story that made me look forward to more. Good job.

Jubilee Bloom