- Member Since 8th Aug, 2018
- offline last seen April 22nd
Barley Citrus
I write about the countless coital encounters between humanoid horsies, anthropomorphous equines and at least passably bipedal pony people... Also, I really fuckin like Equestria Girls my dudes.
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I believe the phrase is "getting back on the horse" but I can see why you might be reluctant to use it properly...
9877783
Yeah, that might be a little confusing.
Though both of them are actual phrases.
Wowee that was fast! Like, jarringly fast!
Not gonna lie, that last sentence in this paragraph almost ruined it. "the new victim of her whims". Rarity comes across as extremely self centred and manipulative. She's forced herself and her fetishes / kinks on Twilight, who was given no choice until Rarity had effectively taken the choice away.
It makes it sound like Sunset had a lucky escape.
If that was the intention, then well done.
You need to add a non-con tag, because it's clear Rarity's just using Twilight at this point. That's how vulnerable teens get groomed.
9878057
I agree that Self-centeredness is one of Rarity's majour flaws as a person in this story and it's one of the key things that lead to her and Sunset growing apart. For example, Rarity's unwillingness to be a bottom.
But she didn't force anything on Twilight. She acted very forwardly with Twilight, and Twilight is in a situation where she feels not in control, so someone who's willing to take control for her is attractive, and it makes her want to go along with Rarity.
That's why I reaffirm throughout the fic how much Twilight is genuinely attracted to Rarity and enjoying herself.
9878073
This was more-so meant to be playful. This is a jump forward in time after Rarity and Twilight have been together for a while.
The idea is that Rarity is making up a role-play-esque excuse for them to leave.
Twilight is fully consenting and, as I write right after that part, she is giggling and running after Rarity, because she has just as much fun with Rarity's sudden whims.
The prologue is meant to show that, while Sunset might've just subbed out of feeling vulnerable and grew out of it. Twilight, after entering a relationship with Rarity and working through her hangups, she's still just as excited by the roleplay of it.
9878103
9878112
Well perhaps I misread your intentions then, or I didn't catch the playful aspects, but something about the tone of the fic made the hairs stand up on my neck is all.
9878120
I understand.
I like to blur the lines with these things
So it's reasonable to question Rarity's intentions.
But I'd call it Dub-Con at very most
I think a Non-Con tag would paint the wrong picture.
9878157
Agreed on the dub-con. And agreed on your reasons against non-con tag.
I have to agree with Dusk Melody. In this fic, Rarity is acting very manipulative to get what she wants, almost to the point where it could be the beginnings of gas lighting twilight, Making her doubt her reality and accepting Rarity’s as the correct one. It can be dangerous, especially when Rarity uses it to avoid her own issues.
The sex itself was hot, and I would love to see where you want to take this.
9881100
My b on it coming off that way, and while yes, Rarity is portrayed as self-centered
I just want to clarify that she does in fact genuinely care about Sunset's and Twilight's wellbeings and helping them out.
It just so happens that on top of that, she's trying to fulfill her own physical desires as well.
This isn't meant to condone her actions but simply show that Rarity can have an unhealthy reaction to a breakup just like anyone else.
And in this case, it develops into a real relationship and ends up being healthy for both of them.
But I do appreciate your thoughts
Your criticism is totally valid
And I'm glad you enjoyed the sex scene
I'd love to hear what you liked about it if anything stood out to you
I really like the way you pictured rarity in this. Self-centered and caring at the same time. Although I think twilight was kind of a doormat if that was the intention then good job on that. Sex was hot to lol.
Maybe it's time to move on.
Someone needs to teach Rarity a lesson.