The blood on my hooves

by RainbowThunder

The blood on my hooves

We are all afraid of those who are dangerous to us and those who can hurt us. But the most dangerous things are when they happen suddenly and unexpectedly...

The rifle slowly sought out his victim - green unicorn's elderly with cutiemarks in the form of a wooden shield. His name was Golden Heart. He was nicknamed for his kindness. Of course, no one can be kinder than Fluttershy, but that's not the point. He spent his life selflessly helping other ponies, but the killer didn't care. Now he thought only of his goal, where and how he would shoot, whether to do it discreetly? But in the house of the General on pension there were many security guards among whom there were also snipers who could shoot in a matter of seconds the violator of an order. West Way was one of the best killers in the area, but even he was not shining to lay all the protection, so out of his hiding place immediately would have led to imminent death. Therefore, the only way for him was sitting peacefully on the neighboring house mountain and wait for the target will come out in the open area.

I would like say some words about him, if you allow. West Way was the white unicorn with purple mane and long tail. None of us could count how much blood he spilled in his career as a killer. It may seem that the blood was the only reason for his life. West’s conscience died in his soul, giving way to cruelty, indifference and ruthlessness. Of course, you can't kill if you feel remorse. West Way had long ceased to feel them.

Where was I? Ah, yes. Years of preparations and decades of tactics developed imperceptible killing ponies and other living in the territory of Equestria creatures were not in vain - even after a day of waiting, he did not leave his post and waited for prey, for which he will pay millions of bits - that's how much it cost to kill such protected targets. The cost of killing one pony ranged from hundreds of thousands to millions of bits. He took on any job, whether it was: the murder of the leader of a mafia group, whose will killed someone's family or a harmless foal, accidentally interfered with the work of some influential businessman. At the moment, his goal was Colonel of the Princess Celestia's Royal Guard, repeatedly saved the life of her Majesty. He wasn’t liked by one rich pony. West didn't know who it was, but he paid for the murder of two million bits, so the killer didn't question it.

And now, finally, the victim appeared in the eyepiece of a rifle. Unicorn measured strolled through the garden, accompanied by a bodyguard, but even a specially trained pony will not be able to resist the sniper, on whose account hundreds of dead ponies.

"That’s really nice day. The sun is shining, birds are singing. Peace and quiet …" Golden Heart said.

"Yes, I will make your day more nice, don’t worry". West Way thought and put his in the crosshairs of his gun directly into the head of the victim, and slowly pulled the trigger.

"PFT!" of the gun sounded quiet. The victim as the stone fell in the fountain. Another shot, and his bodyguard went to the same place. The job was done, and the mercenary had only to quickly escape from the scene of the crime, until the police came here.

"Oh yes, that's so easy". West thought, laughing in this mind. With a quick and deft movement the killer threw his trusty weapon on his back, and with a quick but quiet step rode away for his reward.

"Another nice day and killing, West. Well done!"

Suddenly, his chest, his side was pierced with searing pain. The unicorn screamed and rolled on the ground.

"Nooo!"

When he came to himself, he saw only the barrel of a shotgun, looking straight into his face.

"Please don't do this. Don't kill me." the unicorn said mentally, but pony was adamant. He didn't care about him; his only goal was to avenge Golden Heart.

"Burn in hell, West Way." The pony said.

West understood: it was over.

"Bang!" the gun was shouted. Аnd the world in West’s eyes was shrouded in darkness. The pain was disappearing and everything was becoming quiet...

***

It took some time, you cannot say exactly how much. Woke up, West Way was in a strange place.

"Where am I? What is that place?" He asked himself.

Everything was black. And only a small window of light looked out at him from the void. Suddenly the world around him was shown with the light, and a lot of scared pictures started to scroll before eyes of the killer. He saw his victims: the family, which was weeping over the lifeless body of the young colt, that West had killed the other day. Also he saw a crying mare, who bending over the murdered body of a killer stallion and other victims of the bloody murderers. All of them cried, because West caused them terrible suffering. Before the unicorn didn’t thought about it, he didn't care about his victims. But only now he realized how many unhappiness he gave this ponies.

"O my God. I remember them all ... What have I done?" Нe said himself, feeling remorse. Apparently, at this point, the conscience finally came back to him.

He felt all their heartache. He howled from it, he wanted to stop feeling her, but he couldn't...Over time, to the mental pain was added physical pain - the feeling that thousands of hot spokes at once stuck in the body of the poor West. These torments were terrible. The torment he caused.

"Ahhh! I can’t take this anymore! Please stop! Please help!"

The scream of the utter despair and pain lit up the black walls. Writhing in the pain, the stallion tried to get out of this Hell, but he did not come out. He suffered, wept, begged to be let out of here, but no one heard. He continued to suffer. There was no door back, only pain, darkness, and the devil's window, constantly losing the results of his actions ...

Comments

[LiboR]

I like the concept, but that's the problem. The story really feels more like just a concept or even a poem rather than a full-blown story.

"O my God. I remember them all ... What have I done?" Нe said himself, feeling remorse. Apparently, at this point, the conscience finally came back to him.

He felt all their heartache. He howled from it, he wanted to stop feeling her, but he couldn't... Over time, to the mental pain was added physical pain - the feeling that thousands of hot spokes at once stuck in the body of the poor West. These torments were terrible. The torment he caused.

I try to feel with the character here, but it would really need much more build up than just ~1000 words to immerse into West's predicament.

West’s conscience died in his soul, giving way to cruelty, indifference and ruthlessness.

This is a place where the story could be built up. Showing the scenes where his sane mind state slowly fades away would be helpful for readers to feel more with the character. I'm sure about that.

[Teikan]

inevitable ? Ha