- Member Since 8th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen Feb 11th, 2015
GamingPoptart
IN TO THE FRAY THE GREATS FIGHT I WILL EVER KNOW LIVE AND DIE THIS DAY LIVE AND DIE TE NEXT DAY
GamingPoptart
Joined 8th Jul, 2012 ·
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Fucking shit, i just used this exact picture that you have on a cover for a different website like one minute ago! WTF?
Ugh tiny things. Tiny grammatical errors disturb me. WHY DO THE TINY THINGS ALWAYS DISTURB ME.
1311605 youpay attention to detail to much maybe
Story line was very rushed and there were lots of grammatical errors. Consider maybe getting an editor? There are many on this site, including me.
1311673 i ree-read it and noticed spaces were missing also good luck coping with THAT i didnt even notice anything wrong at first
grammar errors said a million times. try writing every genre of story to help improve and also try writing one with a long story line, not sure how far your taking this.
Like a few others before me there are grammatical errors everywhere. I have trouble reading it due to these errors and would like notice if this changes so I can read it and maintain my train of thought. I'll keep an eye on this but reserve my opinion for now. Don't get me wrong, with some general editing this would be pretty good.
Thanks for all the feedback
I'll make sure to get an editor to
Thanks for all the likes and favorites
add more suspense, describe his thoughts when he sees the light, dont have him just follow it.
Example: I noticed a small faint glow coming from the crack under my door. I opened the door, wondering where the light was coming from. Its glow was coming from downstairs, the kitchen probably. Weird, I remember shutting the lights off...
Ok well I didn't say this earlier but I really like this....but I have to agree sadly that there are SOME errors. Don't worry same thing happened to me and is still happeneing. Just needs preactice. Plus your doing good for your first fic compared to me so yeah. Watch and favorite my friend and if you want an editor for YOUR work I think I have a few people I can reccomend for you. Just ask and i'll see what I can do.
You really need a proof reader.
Good story and please conitnue
FIRST..............ok i dont found what is funny about say that.......Nice story bro
javascript:void(0); thanks for the complement but what are you talking about.
I bet it was noob tubing that pissed Luna off
The moment Call of Duty was mentioned was when I went on a full scale rage at the shear memory of that shit stain on humanity that makes a poor excuse for a game
lol
Well... I like the story for what it is, it's just difficult to read in places, because of really two or three things (just repeated over and over). Wrong words (there/their, were/where), some spelling, and missing spaces. It's good and would probably be more popular if those mistakes were fixed. If you need help with that, i'm sure that there's plenty of people offering, including myself.
I like it and thanks for the shout out
Cannot wait for the next chapter ^^
And i just realized something....clop scene soon.
You damn spoiler
1447602
1447878it was.bb just a gues
s.....IM SO 
SORRY
1449719 It was just a joke bro
1449865and so was wht i said sorta oh well
Make more Stories like this 1 PLEASE BEST STORY EVVERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1485703 Thanks bro
This is the best story I ever read
beautiful
1487013 Just the trouth bro :)
what... the.... fuck
1495574 What was it? bad
You basicly repeated the last chapter...
1495766 Sorry I didn't mean to
1495786 its okay but there's another's story with nearly the same chapter except with celestia
1495885 well considering i needed to tell the name of it i believe you and if they don't *hops in the shit-destoyer-10,000-prototype-suit-#1infused with titanium alloy a through f, nanites, and reflective shields, powered by solar energy, armour that is 13.4 inches thick* they will get some of this
1495985 Thanks
1496005 you forgot the last : so here you go
that was for you and also if your a girl illallow it without feeling awkward cause I'm a Guy...
I love it.
Bro i'm A GUY
1496234
1495597
no
1497434 i feel very awkward right now because you blushed at what i said tho it might of been embarresment and imnot gay/into guys (gay means happy if any of you didn't know) so its a very awkward situation unless it was embarrassment
1499662 I mean't the blush out of embrassment I am straighter then a stripper pole
1499750okay WWWOOO awkwardness avoided also I'm not gay either
This reminds me of another story.....
But, very good Sir!