The death of a best friend. An ability that could level a whole town. Guilt permanently branded on your soul and emotions that could cause destruction, death, and sadness. The past seem to twist your way of thinking causing an antisocial demeanor from the trauma you did too yourself. The present is even more gruesome as it could break your entire mind frame leaving you distraught and wanting suicide. And maybe the future can be your only retribution you just have to "want" to live and see the day that happens. This is the story of Orpheus Spectrum.
Note: On hiatus and probably will be deleted.
Chapters (1)
>Sorry using “this” alot but
"alot" is not an English word, although it is the name of an Indian town.
>so bare with me
"bare" and "bear" are not the same word. You should have used "bear".
>Laying on the floor in front of me was my friend Weiss, as I look at him I notice a hole
I stopped reading here. You need to either get an editor or learn more about how to use English properly.
1712263
Okay I fixed the problems and the only reason why I didn't notice them was because it was late at night and I was too tired to see what was happening and I hope this makes the story suffice.
Just no.
1712263
4.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/S8TRIo4br3I/AAAAAAAACv4/Zh7_GcMlRKo/s400/ALOT.png
1712828
How about you write stories when you're not physically handicapped?
wat?
1713616
I lub you.
1713641
lol i forgot the "of" well ima fix it.
1713616
um I wasnt physically handicapped when i made this but i was tired when i was reading over it.
1713609
why is it a no
1713663
TMYK: Lack of sleep is considered a physical disability as well as a mental one by the Canadian Health Institute. Not only does it hinder one's mind and processing capabilites, but it also causes one to be slower and their hands to be unresponsive.
1713653
Also, shadows should be capitalized.
I'm too busy slacking off to give you the grammar fixes of the entire fic but I (may) get to it.
1713677
Everything.
No to everything.
Because everything.
Just no.
1714166
Can you at least explain? Please because I need to process this.
The grammar is terrible. The spelling is terrible. Personally, I dislike the plot, (but that's just me), I dislike the design of the main character. It's a self-insert. The main character has weird unexplained powers. The sentences are put together in a way that often doesn't make any sense.
Basically, no.
Well you guys can screw off, grammar isn't everything when making an opinion of a story, In fact, grammar shouldn't even effect the stories quality! It's a simple "Hey, you missed this." and its over. I personally thought the story was great and would like to hear more in the future. The guy was tired and needs a proofreader, so what? We came to this site to read fics, not read grammar reports.
1714173 As for you, I liked the story and encourage you to do more, a proofreader is always great to have. Know any english teachers? Grammar nazis?
1714201
First: The grammar may be horrid but at least is readable.
Second: My spelling is not wrong and you can get a dictionary and a thesaurus.
Third: Not everyone is going to like the character because not everyone goes through things like I did to make me write him so only people who has social anxiety or traumatizing past can actually relate.
Fourth: What wrong with inserting one's self, that is what makes a story more meaningful.
Fifth: The powers are explained in story and it is vague for now and further explained down the road.
Sixth: Even thought the sentences are not perfect, no one can make everything perfect because I am human and I even made a post script that said that I am sorry and please if your going to judge at least let me read one of your fan fiction so we both have equal ground to comment on each other. Trying to point out you don't like it the way you shown it is not fair and you can't say anything if you have not written something okay?
So basically you make something better than mines and then you have the right to judge okay.
1714281
Thank you, you're so kind and I am getting my friend's sister to help me with the next chapter as well with grammar and plot advancement.
1714315
Here you go.
Also, I'm sorry if my explanation of what was wrong with the story hurt your feelings. I was merely pointing out that you had a lot of things to learn before you write a successful story. While grammar isn't the only thing that makes a story good, nobody wants to read a story that is ugly to the eyes.
1714389
).
It's no problem and your story seems pretty legit and I had some friends read it and they said it was fine. Even though they may not be experts, if they say their alright with it than I am happy. Now I am still working on my grammar and this fan fiction is way better than my first one. My notes did say that this story is likely to change as well as the grammar because this is beta chapter well a first draft to be specific and I wanted to see the comments, some say it is good while others say it is bad, soooo the grammar is bad as well as the sentencing and the final product will be uploaded when my brony friend wants to stop being a douche and read my fiction because he doesn't like fan fictions(lol ikr
1714315
Are you implying that every editor needs to write a story of their own to be an editor?
1714691
Not necessarily, but it would be nice to but I am not an expert but to me that's how I feel.
"not everyone goes through things like I did"
SO EDGY.
I can see the potential for this story, but you need two things:
First off, get a proofer, editor, pre-reader, what ever the hell bronies and pegasisters call them these day.
Secondly, You need to keep the traits of your OC straight. Doctor said "Right now he can tolerate very small voltages without feeling them and can give off a low-medium voltage..." prove it by getting the kid to get hairs to stand on end or short out a piece of equipment, not just cry and be forgotten the rest of the time.
I hope a bit of constructive criticism helps and i hope to read further into The Life of Orpheus Spectrum.
i.imgur.com/DQ8HA.gif
MOAR! About time I found a fic concerning someone's OC, this is very good so far!
Yay! The hatred is being quelled! I say my work here is done.
1714336 And your welcome, keep trucking on!
good story.