YourPalRainbowDash
Joined 20th May, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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>She quietly screams
i.qkme.me/3owrj0.jpg
What. Did. I. Just. Read? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_smile.png
100% dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_hmph.png Approved. Oh and Bon-bon too. Can't forget her. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_gaze.png
1034359
Heh, sorry, I didnt mean for it to seem that way.
Its Starting too fast... you should make up the story a little but its a great story anyway
Yeah, it was quick, but nonetheless good. I haven't read any clopfics that focus on the Nurse, so it's nice to see those coming along nicely.
Well done, mate.
1035216
Yeah apologies for that, this story was me putting my toe in the metaphorical sea that is Clopfiction writing. Im currently working on a new story starring the Princess of the Sun and the Princess of the Night. Hopefully that'll turn out better.
I tried to hold back anything negative I might have said, so let me gently say you need to space the lines so top and bottom are not touching. Its a choir to read without any visible breaks to let us know we can bookmark a line and find it easily, instead of having to look through multiple lines just to find our place again.
Perhaps a little more story, I know you wanted to keep it short and like you said this was rushed but you still could have put a little more for us to feel before or during the sex. I have nothing ill to say about the sex.
1035467
Dually noted, will be included in my next story I can promise you that. Also, on a sidenote, thank you for the constructive criticism.
Only real problem i noticed was this, "Alas, you arrive at her southern lips" A very poor word choice as 'alas' is a negative word, synonymous with unlucky and unfortunate.
i don't think ponies have a hymen...
1036306 its just for virginity, even so everything has virginity in one way or another
1035558 I love this, if it could be continued that would be cool, but i figure you probably dont want to. Although i absolutley love redheart so this was really nice
1037326
I'll see where i can take this...perhaps I'll write a better backstory for this about them dating and whatnot
1038325 Thanks, i'm glad to see you'll give it a try, i appreciate it!
1034359 I believe the politically correct term is "oxymorons."