6 – Autophobia
Chapter Six
Autophobia
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“And you simply would not believe the restaurant we went out to! It was simply divine!”
“Good. You deserve to have a nice time on your birthday.”
Rarity sighed, and Fluttershy knew what was coming. “It was nice, but I do so wish you all could’ve been there. I miss our back to back birthday celebrations.”
“I do too,” Fluttershy said with a frown. It had been hard to see Rarity leave so soon after graduation, even if they did still keep in touch. “But the important thing is that you had a good time.”
“Oh no, I won’t be dissuaded that easily! You’re going to listen to me gush about you and how much I miss you, and that’s final! How else would you know?”
Fluttershy giggled. “I think I have a pretty good idea.”
True to her word, Rarity wasn’t dissuaded. “Did you know I have no one to talk to at the spa anymore?”
“Uhm, we talked for three hours last time you were at the spa.”
“Yes, but it’s not the same when you’re not there with me!”
“I don’t think I’ve even been to the spa since you left.”
“What!?” From her tone, Fluttershy might as well have told her that she’d been involved in some sort of tragic accident. “Oh you poor thing!”
Fluttershy couldn’t help but smile at her friend’s hysterics. “It wouldn’t be the same by myself.”
“No no, I will not hear any excuses. My absence is no reason to neglect pampering yourself. I’m sure Sunset would enjoy the occasional spa trip.”
“Well, maybe…” It might be nice to go to the spa with Sunset, and there was no denying that she could use the chance to relax a little more. “She’s usually busy, though. And, uhm… we don’t have a lot of money.”
“Oh, I’m sure I could take care of that little issue.”
“Oh! No, I didn’t mean anything like that!”
Rarity giggled. “I know, darling, but I do still owe you for your birthday, after all.”
Even though Rarity wouldn’t see it through the phone, Fluttershy shook her head. “I don’t need anything. And… I wasn’t able to get you a gift this year…”
“I’m not worried about that in the slightest, I know times are tough right now. Which is exactly why you should take me up on this offer! Really, I’m doing quite well for myself these days, the least I can do is treat my friends from time to time.”
Truthfully, going to the spa was something Fluttershy had always liked doing with Rarity specifically, a unique part of their friendship, but she could see a losing battle. “I suppose I can talk to Sunset about it.”
“Good, and do make her agree.”
Fluttershy laughed. “I’ll try.”
“Speaking of Sunset, how are things – oh, hold on a moment.”
“Oh, okay.” Fluttershy could hear muffled voices as Rarity held her phone away from her mouth. Whatever was going on, Rarity didn’t sound happy about it.
Rarity sighed as she returned to the phone. “I’m terribly sorry, but would you mind if I called you back in a bit? Something’s come up, I’m afraid.”
“Of course. Is everything alright?”
“It will be, just some issues with an order.”
“Okay, good luck.”
Even if the conversation was cut short, Fluttershy was still smiling after they said their goodbyes. While there was no replacing having her friend around, it was nice to keep in touch.
In their final year at CHS, Rarity had gotten noticed on social media for some of the outfits she’d designed. She’d continued to build an online presence until her obvious talent and young age caught the eye of Hoity Toity, a highly regarded figure in the fashion industry.
They corresponded over the last few months of her time at CHS, and he offered her an apprenticeship position that was normally only offered to college graduates. She would work under Hoity Toity, who could teach her more about the fashion world, both design and the business, while also building connections with others in the industry and future clients of her own.
It was a dream come true, and far too good an opportunity to miss. Even if that meant she had to move halfway around the world to study in France. Rarity had been conflicted about leaving her friends and family, but they all gave her their unanimous support in pursuing a once in a lifetime opportunity to follow her dreams.
And from the sound of it, things were going pretty well for her. She kept in regular touch with Fluttershy and the others, giving them updates on her new life while keeping up with theirs. She was always telling Fluttershy about how exciting things were, and about all the extravagant places she got to go as part of Hoity Toity’s entourage.
With Twilight off studying quantum physics, Applejack expanding her family’s business, and Rainbow starting her new band, it seemed exciting things were happening all around.
For Fluttershy, too. The state grant that paid for her school only covered enough costs for her to attend a small community college, but she was working towards a veterinary degree. She was still getting through the necessary prerequisite classes, so it would be a long time before she was fully licensed, but she was working towards her future.
And of course, a lot had changed in the short term too. It had been three weeks since Fluttershy had started living with Sunset, and that time had been a whirlwind of changes. From big changes, like getting away from Stormy Skies, to little changes, like guitar lessons with Sunset.
And as much as that could be daunting, each new change had been a positive one. She was slowly growing more comfortable in her new home, reconnecting with her faith, and, for a little more than a week, she wasn’t even sleeping alone anymore.
Fluttershy had surprised even herself with that one. The night she asked Sunset to stay and share the bed with her had not exactly been planned. But she had enjoyed sleeping beside Sunset the night before; it had been the first time since leaving Stormy Skies’s house that she hadn’t had nightmares about him.
The nightmares didn’t stop completely. Some nights she slept soundly, others she awoke in terror. But now when those bad nights came, she’d wake with a start and Sunset would be there. She’d move closer to the other girl and feel safer. Some nights she’d unintentionally wake Sunset up. That would always make her feel guilty at first, but it was hard to maintain that feeling once Sunset was holding her and telling her that everything would be okay.
That wasn’t to say that she didn’t have doubts. What was she to Sunset? Would Sunset come home one day to say that she met someone, a new girlfriend or boyfriend that she wanted to be with? Obviously Sunset could do a lot better than Fluttershy if she really wanted to. And when that day did come, what would that mean for the two of them? Would Fluttershy go back to sleeping on the couch? Would she need to move out?
Fluttershy liked things the way they were, and she didn’t want them to change. But could she really stop that? Maybe the only thing she could do would be to try and make changes she would be okay with.
She felt selfish for even thinking like that. She knew it would be wrong to try and force any changes onto Sunset, but when she thought of how things could go if she didn’t…
Her hand found her locket and she rubbed her thumb over it in an automatic motion. It might not be entirely accurate to say she was happy, but for the first time since her mom died, she felt safe. Sunset made her feel safe, and Fluttershy couldn’t let that slip away, no matter what.
Needing something to keep her preoccupied, Fluttershy rose from the couch and retrieved Sunset’s guitar. She turned on the amp, made sure the volume was low, and sat in the nearby computer chair. She strummed the strings while leaving them open, then began practicing the finger exercises Sunset had shown her.
It wasn’t Fluttershy’s first experience with guitar. Occasionally during sleepovers, Rainbow had tried to get her to play a little bit. Fluttershy had gone along with her and found it fun, but they never made a regular thing out of practicing.
It would’ve been hard, anyway; Fluttershy didn’t own a guitar, and had always been wary of picking up hobbies that made noise. She had even opted to play tambourine with the Rainbooms simply because she wouldn’t need to practice the simple instrument too much.
But now she was living with Sunset, which meant she had access to a guitar every day and no reason not to use it. It wasn’t like Fluttershy had always had a desire to learn to play. Perhaps a casual interest since so many of her friends were musicians, but nothing more serious. But she did have ample time on her hands, no real hobby to fill it with, and a willing teacher that she was eager to please.
An old Rainbooms song interrupted her practice. Life is a Runway, the only song Rarity sang solo on, and now more appropriate for her than ever. Fluttershy smiled as she set aside the guitar and returned to the couch to answer the phone, cutting off Rarity’s song to speak with the singer herself instead. “Hi, Rarity. Did everything turn out okay?”
“Yes. Thanks to Miss Pommel’s help, we were able to sort things out quite quickly.”
“She’s Hoity Toity’s assistant, right?”
“Yes, and we’d be lost without her.”
“I’m glad you got everything taken care of.” Fluttershy fidgeted nervously. “Uhm, Rarity? Can I ask you for some advice?”
“Of course, darling, anything at all. Is something the matter?”
“Well, uhm, I have a friend…”
“Ah, the classic advice for a friend thing. Really now, you should know that you can tell me anything.”
“N-no. It’s, uhm, advice for me, but it’s about a friend. Who, uhm, might be… more than a friend…”
Rarity let out an excited squeal. “Oh my goodness! Who is he? Do I know him? Oh, tell me tell me tell me, and don’t spare any of the details!”
“I, uhm… I think I’d rather not say who she is…”
“Who she… oh. Oh! I see.”
Fluttershy squeezed her eyes tight, her fear at what Rarity might think of her suddenly outweighing her desire to get advice.
“And how do you feel about her? Would you like her to be more than a friend?”
“I…” Fluttershy swallowed and willed herself not to cry. At least not until she knew what Rarity had to say. “Yes, I would.”
Unaware that Fluttershy was attempting to pull herself into a ball and disappear, Rarity just giggled happily. “Oh, this is so exciting! Your first love! Now we just need to win your fair lady’s heart! With your natural charm and my expert guidance, this should be a snap.”
Fluttershy had to take a steadying breath to keep from crying, but she couldn’t stop a few tears from forming. She told someone else, and once again she was accepted. “Thank you so much.”
“Oh, we haven’t even gotten started yet! Now, if you don’t want to tell me who she is, then what can you tell me about her? Really, the more information we have to work with the better.”
Fluttershy smiled and blushed. “Well, the thing is… I’m not really sure how she feels. We, uhm, we’ve never actually… talked about it.”
“But something tells you that she’s interested? I find it’s usually best to trust our feelings on these matters.”
“Yes, uhm… we’ve… done some things…”
“Oh my,” Rarity said, and Fluttershy could hear the smirk in her voice. “Fluttershy, I had no idea you had that kind of side to you.”
“N-nothing like, uhm, l-like that! We’ve, uhm, we’ve slept next to each other.”
“Hmm… Something tells me it was at least a teensy bit more than that. Why, the two of us shared a bed once.”
“Yeah, but that was different. This wasn’t because there wasn’t anywhere else to sleep, it’s just because it’s nice sleeping together.” Fluttershy’s bush grew more intense when she realized what she’d said. “Er, you know what I mean.”
“I do. But never fear! We shall get the two of you sleeping together in the other sense soon enough!”
“R-Rarity!”
“I’m sorry, darling, but I simply couldn’t resist.”
Fluttershy took a deep breath. Might as well go all the way. “And, uhm, we did a little more than sleep next to each other… We, uh, we cuddled. A few times.”
“Well then, I certainly do see why you think she’s interested in you. And I must say, I’m sure she gets the same impression from you.”
“I… maybe…”
“Fluttershy, what else could she be thinking is going on? You know, some people just want to feel the romance, not talk about it. But if you really want to know, you could always ask.”
“I… I know, but… It’s always so hard to talk about…”
“Well, there is another way, although I’m not sure it’ll be any easier for you.”
“What is it?” Anything sounded better than having to talk about that with Sunset.
“Actions speak louder than words, as they say.”
Actions were what had her in this confusing situation to begin with. “What do you mean?”
“Kiss her.”
Fluttershy’s mouth fell open. “O-oh. Uhm…”
“I did say it might be harder.”
Fluttershy took another steadying breath. “So I should just… kiss her?”
Rarity hesitated for a moment. “You mean you’re really going to go for it?”
“M-maybe…”
Rarity squealed excitedly again. “Oh, this is exciting! My shy little butterfly is going to have her first kiss! ”
“W-well, maybe…”
“Oh, I know you can do it! And if you need any advice, well, I’m sure you know just whom to turn to.”
“So, uhm… you really think that… that she won’t kiss me unless she does want to, uhm, be with me?”
“I can hardly think you could ask for a clearer indication, darling.”
That did make sense, but Fluttershy couldn’t help but have doubts. If actions spoke louder than words, then perhaps bigger actions would make things even more certain. “Uhm, can I ask you something? It’s, uhm, something personal.”
“Fluttershy, you’re one of my closest friends. I’m sure whatever it is couldn’t possibly be too personal.”
“Have you, uhm…” Fluttershy steeled her nerves and forced the question out. “Have you ever been, uhm, intimate with someone?”
“I, er… yes, I have.”
“I’m… not sure what to, uhm, do exactly.”
“Well… I’m sure you realize that things wouldn’t, er, work quite the same way for you as they do for me. Both of the people I’ve been with are, well, guys.”
“Oh! I-I know, I just… uhm…”
“But fear not! I’m positive I can find someone willing to give me some pointers to pass along to you! I do think Coco has an interest in ladies, perhaps she might –”
“N-no, I didn’t mean, well…” Fluttershy closed her eyes and took a breath, trying to force her nerves out as she exhaled. “I… I don’t really know what to do then either, but… my friend, or well, maybe more than friend, she’s been with other girls, so… I think she’ll, uhm, help me figure out what I should do…”
“Ah, of course. Truly, any lady worthy of your love would do no less than to take things slow with you.”
It made Fluttershy happy to hear how casually Rarity referred to Sunset’s gender, especially in light of the current topic. “But uhm, I don’t know how to… start that. I know kissing is probably the first step, but then, well…”
Rarity giggled. “Darling, I assure you that you’re overthinking things. And you know, that’s another way your sweetheart-to-be can guide you. She knows that you haven’t been with another girl, yes?”
“She knows.”
“Then I’m sure she already plans to take things slowly and help you along the way. Perhaps that’s why she hasn’t brought up how she feels yet, she may be trying to give you time to sort out your feelings.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“On that note, it seems like you might be getting a bit ahead of yourself. You haven’t even shared a kiss yet, I’m certain it will still be some time before you find yourself in a more intimate position.”
Fluttershy was less sure, but she didn’t want to say so. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“And when the time comes that you do know what you want, then the best thing to do is to let her know. Tell her that you’re ready to advance your relationship if she is, and things will go from there.”
“Thanks, Rarity. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’re quite welcome, Fluttershy dear. Do let me know what’s happening whenever Sunset tells you how she feels!”
“W-what!? I never said it was Sunset!”
“Yes, but now you’re not denying it,” Rarity said in a singsong voice.
“I-I…”
Rarity giggled. “Oh, you two will be simply adorable!”
“How…”
“How did I know? Well, I can scarcely think of who else you might be sleeping beside while you’ve been living with Sunset, plus of course we all know she’s interested in girls.”
“Please don’t say anything to her, at least not until I know what’s going on between us…”
“My lips are sealed. And you know that I would never dream of sharing your secrets.”
“Thank you, Rarity.”
Rarity giggled. “I suppose this answers the question I was going to ask about how staying with Sunset has been going.”
Fluttershy blushed as she smiled. “Yeah. It’s been, well, kind of amazing.”
“That’s wonderful to hear. After hearing about what happened with your father, I –”
“Stormy Skies.”
Rarity paused at the sudden interruption. “Beg your pardon?”
“He wasn’t my father, not really. And, uhm, Sunset says the other Fluttershy calls him Stormy Skies. I think I want to start doing that too.”
Another pause, although it was a short one. “I can see why you’d feel that way. Well then, after hearing about your trouble with Stormy Skies, it’s so good to hear things are turning around.”
Really, Fluttershy wished Rarity hadn’t even brought him up, especially in light of the previous topic, but she didn’t say so. “Thank you.”
At least they didn’t linger for long. With Fluttershy’s assurance that she got all the advice she needed, Rarity switched to talking about the order she was working on. Even that conversation didn’t last much longer before Rarity said goodbye for the night. It was only early afternoon for Fluttershy, but that meant it was late in the evening for Rarity.
With school long since done for the day and no volunteer work, Fluttershy was left with little to do until Sunset came home. She resumed guitar practice for a while, but soon her small and unpracticed hands grew tired of the exercises, so she had to find another way to occupy her time.
For the first week or so, she occupied her time alone by cleaning the house. It wasn’t a very big way to repay Sunset for taking her in, but really, she wasn’t entirely sure that anything could be. Sunset had given her a new start after a horrible situation, and a clean house wasn’t going to compare with that.
But it was what she could do. Fluttershy wasn’t good at very many things – she didn’t know how to do complicated things around the house, and she didn’t bring in any money to make things easier. All she could do to try and be worth having around was cooking and cleaning, so she did them readily.
Which, of course, had only lasted so long. It was a small house, and easy enough to keep clean. It had worked to make Sunset happy for a time, but there was no way it would be enough to last forever.
Perhaps it would be best to use the time to plan what she’d do once Sunset came home. If she actually went through with it, if she kissed Sunset as a confession of her desires, what would happen?
“Wow, uh… Sorry, Fluttershy, but I think you got the wrong idea. Maybe it’s better if you went back to sleeping on the couch. And, you know, we should probably start thinking about where you’ll live once you move out.”
On second thought, the less Fluttershy thought about what would happen the better.
Kissing Sunset seemed easier than talking to her about her feelings. How could she vocalize how she felt when she wasn’t even really sure herself? But that didn’t make it easy by any means. Especially with thoughts like that running through her head.
Fluttershy needed to figure out how to do this, but she couldn’t bring herself to think of it. Of course, she couldn’t make herself not think about it either, since there were no other thoughts going through her head.
She checked the clock – 2:53 pm. It would be a few hours before Sunset came home, and Fluttershy was going to drive herself into a mess of anxiety by that time. She needed to do something to make this easier.
An idea occurred to her, and she immediately wrote it off. She wasn’t that desperate. She decided to watch a movie instead; it would give her something to focus on while being the perfect amount of time until Sunset’s return.
She turned on the TV and DVD player, found something that looked passably interesting despite the fact that she’d rapidly gone through Sunset’s DVD collection already, and put the disc in the player. There were several unskippable commercials that claimed to show movies that were ‘coming soon’ but had already been out for years, then the menu came up.
Fluttershy hit play, sunk into the couch, and prepared to not think about anything. Just the movie, which was starting. Certainly not about Sunset, or that the two of them had watched this movie together. She didn’t need to think about how Sunset had kept an arm around her while they were watching it. If anything, she could focus on the parts that she’d missed the last time, since she had been too preoccupied listening to Sunset’s heartbeat to notice some of what was said.
Fluttershy realized several minutes had gone by without her having noticed the movie at all, and she re-evaluated exactly how desperate she was for something to calm her nerves. Without bothering to pause the movie, she stood up and walked to the kitchen.
Hardly able to believe what she was doing, Fluttershy pulled a wine glass out of the cabinet, followed by the bottle out of the fridge. Sunset had a few kinds of alcohol, but having little idea what was what, Fluttershy picked the same one they had first tried. Since then, they had drunk together on one other occasion, making this Fluttershy’s third time drinking and first time drinking by herself.
Under Sunset’s recommendation, Fluttershy had never had more than a single glass of wine, and she wasn’t about to change that now. Even so, she found that once she worked past the initial issues she had with alcohol – or worked past it as much as she could, at least – she did wind up enjoying it. It made her feel warm and a little silly, and helped push away negative thoughts and let her take chances she would normally be too afraid to take.
Chances like asking Sunset to share the bed with her, or, perhaps soon, kissing her.
But first, it would help her feel just a little less worried as she waited for Sunset to come home. She filled the glass to about where she thought Sunset usually did, then placed the mostly empty bottle back in the fridge.
Realizing that over the course of a week the two of them had drunk almost the entire bottle made her feel a little insecure about going through with it. But she had already poured the glass, and it wasn’t like she really had a firm concept of how much was too much. Maybe she could ask Sunset about that sometime.
Fluttershy returned to the couch and drank slowly while she watched the movie.
Sunset was late coming home. Not worryingly so, but it was still running Fluttershy’s anxiety back up.
The movie had long since ended. It couldn’t be truthfully said that Fluttershy was able to pay more attention to the movie the second time around, but at least she hadn’t spent the whole time dwelling on Sunset. Granted, that was partly because she also started dwelling on whether or not she should be drinking, but it was still preferable. Once it was finished, Fluttershy had shut everything off and washed her glass.
Then began the waiting. She had thought Sunset would be home soon, so she hadn’t bothered with another movie or any other long-term means to keep entertained. Rather, she had just been wasting time on her phone, hopping from one app to another and idly wondering how much longer until Stormy Skies canceled her phone line.
That had been fine at first, but then one hour passed, followed by another. Fluttershy was beginning to grow worried after all by the time she heard the kitchen door open.
She stood and walked to the kitchen to greet Sunset as she entered. “Welcome home.”
Sunset showed her a weak smile before turning to shut the door. “Hey, Shy.”
Fluttershy frowned at her defeated tone. “Bad day at work?”
“Yeah. I gave the wrong change to a customer on accident, so we had to count the cash drawer to fix it. The customer honestly didn’t even give a shit, but Golden Lucre must’ve had some sort of stick up his ass because he chewed me out for it anyway.”
“That’s really unfair. Sorry you had to deal with it.”
As Sunset took off her leather jacket, Fluttershy took it from her and brought it to the bedroom. She returned with a more comfortable sweater, and Sunset smiled appreciatively.
“Yeah. So then an afternoon cashier called off and he comes up to me acting like nothing happened and asks if I could stay to cover the afternoon rush. I wanted to tell him to get fucked after the thing from earlier, but I figure maybe it’ll get him to lighten up some if I help out.”
That sounded dubious – Sunset was always talking about how her boss had it out for her, there was no way she thought he’d change his mind. More likely, she just didn’t want to remind Fluttershy that they needed whatever extra money they could get. “You should’ve just come home. If it was that big of a deal, he could’ve stayed.”
Sunset grinned and pulled on the sweater. “I think I’m rubbing off on you.”
Fluttershy giggled. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“I think you could do a lot better than being more like me.”
“I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree.” Fluttershy walked with Sunset into the living room, but stopped short of sitting on the couch with her. “Should I make us some dinner?”
Sunset turned to her with a concerned look. “You know you really don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but can’t I want to? You had a bad day, and you deserve a chance to relax.”
Sunset couldn’t hold out for too long. “I guess dinner does sound nice.”
“Leave it to me!” Fluttershy turned around and marched back into the kitchen.
“Don’t worry about doing anything too big, though!” Sunset called after her, causing Fluttershy to laugh.
She looked through the cabinets and fridge to see what they had, wondering why she hadn’t planned this while she was waiting for Sunset to come home. “How about beans and potatoes?”
“That sounds great.”
At least cooking was something Fluttershy could do; Lord knows there weren’t very many other ways she could make herself useful. She turned on the oven and stove top, then gathered ingredients and pans while waiting for them to heat up.
In addition to the potatoes and beans, she set aside an onion, celery, a tomato, and various spices. She cut the potatoes first, then set them in a bowl of cold water for later. Next she poured about a tablespoon of oil into a skillet and chopped the onion, adding that as well once the skillet was on the burner. The sizzling as she sautéd the onions was satisfying, and as always, the smell brought back happy childhood memories.
“Watch out, Fluttershy, it’s very hot.”
“I know, I’ll be careful, Mama!”
Once the onions started to turn golden, she added the celery and potatoes. As it cooked, she salted the dish moderately and added a little basil. She let her memory play while stirring occasionally.
“I don’t like the onion. It stings my eyes…”
“It’s okay, dear, I’ll do that part. Why don’t you get the spices ready? We’ll need basil, garlic, ginger, and parsley.”
“Leave it to me, Mama!”
The tomato, parsley, garlic, and ginger were next. She added them with two cups of water and covered the skillet.
“That smells amazing.”
Fluttershy turned to see Sunset standing in the doorway. “Thanks. It’ll be a little while before it’s ready though.”
“For your cooking? It’ll be worth the wait.”
Fluttershy giggled. “I’d ask if you want to help, but there’s hardly anything left to do.”
Sunset hung her head in an exaggerated show of disappointment. “Oh, darn… Guess I’ll just have to live with the fact that I don’t have to do anything.”
“Hmm, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you waited until you knew I was mostly done to say anything.”
“Nonsense. You think I have any idea how to tell how far along the cooking is? You give me far too much credit.”
“How did you live without me?”
Sunset walked over and patted the microwave. “Mostly because of this baby. We’ve been through a lot together.”
“Of course, how could I forget?”
Sunset came closer and smelled the food again. “Don’t suppose I could have a taste?”
Fluttershy laughed. “Sunset, it’s barely cooked. Why don’t you go take a shower and relax while I finish up?”
“Trying to say something about how I smell, Shy?”
Fluttershy’s expression immediately fell to horror. “No! I didn’t mean it like that! I just, uhm…”
“Nah, you’re right. I’ll hop in the shower and get the smell of work off me.”
Even though Sunset was smiling, Fluttershy couldn’t help but feel guilty. She really hadn’t meant anything by the comment, but she wondered if she’d offended Sunset. She sighed and got back to work.
The meal had simmered for long enough, bringing her to the final steps. She added the beans, stirring them in gently, then transferred the whole thing to the oven. All that was left to do was to sit back, relax, and let it cook.
“It smells so good, Mama!”
Breezy Day set the pot down and smiled at her daughter. “Only because I had such a good helper.”
Fluttershy beamed at the praise.
“Now, how about you go get your father and tell him his dinner’s ready?”
Fluttershy stopped beaming. “Okay, Mama.”
Every single step was noticeable as Fluttershy walked to her parents’ bedroom, and her eyes never lifted from the floor. Walking slower wouldn’t make things any better, not really, but she took her time all the same.
She paused in front of the door, looking up for the first time since she’d left the kitchen. It looked so tall, and she felt so small in front of it. It was usually hard to tell what was on the other side. Would he be the good dad, who always seemed tired but spoke quietly in short sentences? Or would he be the scary dad, who made loud demands instead?
Today, however, Fluttershy already knew. It had been the scary dad that had come home from work and ordered Fluttershy to take her crayons from the kitchen table. She didn’t want to speak to him, didn’t want to see the scary dad. At first she tried to breathe, and when that proved too difficult, she just tried to keep from crying. It was always worse if she cried.
The sooner she knocked, the sooner she’d get it over with. Yet still, she delayed. It was only when she realized that if he found out she didn’t come right away he’d be angry that she was spurred to movement. She lifted her hand, forced it into a fist, and winced as she knocked.
Her hand barely made any sound against the door. Would he even hear? If he didn’t, she’d have to knock again. But if he did hear and she knocked again, he’d be upset that she knocked twice. Why couldn’t she just do something right? Why did she have to be so stupid?
Enough time passed that Fluttershy had no choice but to knock louder. She opened her mouth to try and call for him, but no sound came out. She just looked back down to the ground instead.
The door creaked open slowly and Fluttershy could feel his presence towering over her. She didn’t dare look up. “What?”
“D-dinner’s ready…”
“Speak up when you’re talking to someone.”
Fluttershy winced. Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry. “Uhm, dinner’s ready, sir.”
Stormy Skies grumbled. “About time. Move it.”
Fluttershy shrank back, pressing herself against the wall. Stormy Skies walked past her, barely paying her any attention now that her message had been delivered.
She didn’t follow him. She wouldn’t dare. Her mama would save her some on the stovetop so she could eat it once he’d gone back to bed, which was just how she liked it. Fluttershy retreated instead to the safety of her bedroom, wiping the tears from her eyes as she went.
By the time Fluttershy snapped to attention, it was already too late. There was no burning smell at least, but she knew it had still been too long. She could feel it.
‘Please let it be okay…’ she silently prayed, but she knew better than to hope for that. Still, she had to do what she could. She turned off and opened the oven, grabbed a pot holder, and set the pan on the counter.
When she pulled off the lid, everything looked okay, but she knew better than to trust appearance alone. She grabbed a long wooden spoon and stirred, then scooped out a small amount. She blew on it until it cooled, then confirmed her fears with a bite.
It was overcooked. The texture was far too soft, because she just couldn’t stay focused on cooking properly. Why hadn’t she set a timer? Why did she have to be so stupid?
More importantly, what was she going to do now? Any minute now, Sunset would be getting out of the shower, and –
Fluttershy realized she couldn’t hear the shower. Sunset must already be out of the shower, and Fluttershy had nothing to offer her but mushy beans and potatoes.
As if on cue, the bathroom door creaked open. Fluttershy could only hang her head as she heard Sunset enter the kitchen.
“Wow, that smells incredible! Looks great too!”
Fluttershy winced. How it smelled and looked was only worth so much… “I, uhm, I messed it up. It cooked too long because, uhm… Well, I’ll figure something out and make us something else.”
“I’m sure it’s not that bad.” Sunset ignored Fluttershy’s warning and got herself a bowl and a fork. Fluttershy looked up and frowned as Sunset scooped a large portion of failure into her bowl.
Instead of taking a seat at the kitchen table, Sunset brought her food into the living room. Fluttershy sighed and served herself a smaller helping, but lingered in the kitchen for fear of Sunset’s reaction.
It must have been even worse than Fluttershy thought, because she heard Sunset make a surprised grunt. A moment later, however, she found the real reason as Sunset yelled. “Fuck, that’s hot!”
That got Fluttershy to smile, at least a little. “It just came out of the oven. I’ll get you a drink.”
“Thanks. It’s really good though!”
Sunset was far too kind. There really wasn’t a need to spare Fluttershy’s feelings, she already knew it was awful. But rather than point that out, Fluttershy preoccupied herself with getting Sunset’s drink. At least she couldn’t mess that up.
Fluttershy opened the fridge and looked over what they had. “We’re, uhm, we’re almost out of that wine.”
“Try the Merlot. Dark bottle.”
It was a good thing they only had a few bottles of wine, since Fluttershy had no idea how ‘Merlot’ was spelled. But it was easy enough to figure out through the process of elimination; the only dark bottles were the Merlot and one that said ‘Cabernet Sauvignon’.
Fluttershy retrieved the wine glass she’d used earlier from the drying rack, then got a second one out of the cabinet for Sunset. She poured them both what she thought looked like a generous amount, then returned the bottle to the fridge.
“Is dark wine different than light wine?” Fluttershy asked as she brought their wine to the living room. Since she didn’t want to risk spilling any, she had to double back for her food.
“A bit, yeah,” Sunset said as Fluttershy walked back into the kitchen. “Some people prefer red or white wine, but I like both. They each go better with different foods.”
“I see.” Fluttershy brought her dinner out to the living room and sat down next to Sunset. She said a quick prayer in thanks for the meal, which Sunset didn’t seem to know how to respond to. She never did, but that was okay. Sunset didn’t hold any religious beliefs of her own, but she never seemed to question Fluttershy’s.
With her prayer finished, she took a bite and found it was still too hot. Sunset didn’t seem to have that problem; she had stopped eating while Fluttershy prayed, but returned to eating ravenously, without showing any sign that she even noticed the heat. It made Fluttershy smile. “I’d say I don’t know how you can eat it so quickly, but you’d just say that you like hot things.”
Sunset chuckled while Fluttershy set aside her bowl in favor of her wine. “Well, mostly it’s hot drinks. But I do like other hot things, like food, and showers, and you.”
Fluttershy snorted and almost wound up spitting out the wine. She swallowed, but barely wound up tasting it over her surprise. “I can’t believe you said that!”
Sunset just shrugged. “Don’t blame me, just saying it like it is.”
Not knowing how else to respond, Fluttershy just shook her head. Still, she was smiling as she took another sip of wine.
“Honestly, though, it’s just because this food is so good. If you weren’t studying to be a veterinarian, I’d say you should be a chef.”
“But I overcooked it.” Fluttershy took another bite, making sure to blow on it before eating it this time. It wasn’t so bad, she supposed, but it was far from perfect.
“Well, it tastes amazing to me.”
Fluttershy smiled. “Thanks, Sunny.”
She expected Sunset would put on a movie or something while they ate, but despite being in the living room, they just talked. Sunset asked about how her day at school had been, and they made plans to go shopping for a few things they needed around the house.
It was nothing wondrous. In fact, the conversation couldn’t possibly be any more routine and ordinary. Just the kind of everyday conversation that they’d forget about before the week was out, the kind of conversation that didn’t require either of them have anything particularly interesting to say.
But to Fluttershy, it was perfect. In moments like this, she was starting to feel like she was a part of Sunset’s life. Maybe she could even eventually be part of a bigger life that the two of them built together.
It was a good night, and Fluttershy could have been happy leaving it exactly as it was. She knew that soon the two of them would go to bed, and while they may never talk about it, Sunset would still hold her as they fell asleep. But she wanted something more, and she could no longer pretend like she didn’t. She wanted to know that this could last, that it wasn’t just a temporary bright part of an otherwise dull life.
“Uhm, Sunset?”
“Yeah?”
“I-I was wondering… If, uhm, if you w-wanted to m-maybe…”
As Fluttershy trailed off, unable to force out the words, Sunset sat up. With the dinner and wine finished, Sunset had sunk comfortably into the couch. Now she sat up straight, focusing on Fluttershy, even if Fluttershy couldn’t manage to look at her. “Is everything okay, Shy?”
“Yes. Uhm. It’s nothing…” She had meant to say ‘it’s nothing bad’, but then stopped short. This was stupid, she was being stupid. Whatever was happening was good, how could she risk changing it?
“It sure sounds like it’s something. Come on, you can tell me whatever’s on your mind.”
Fluttershy attempted to swallow the lump in her throat, but it remained. “I just, uhm, I kind of wanted to… That is, if, uhm, if you maybe wanted…”
Sunset scooted closer and put her arm around Fluttershy. “Hey, it’s okay. There’s no need to be nervous. What do you want to do?”
Fluttershy shut her eyes tightly and spoke quietly. “Kiss you.”
“Oh. Really?”
All of Fluttershy’s anxiety suddenly burst forth as panic. “N-never mind! Forget I said that, I just… I’m…”
“Hey, Shy? It’s okay. I’m not, like, mad or anything. Just a little surprised.”
Fluttershy made a small noise, but didn’t react otherwise.
“Come on, there’s nothing to worry about. Look at me?”
It took all of Fluttershy’s willpower, but she managed to open her eyes and turn towards Sunset. She didn’t make eye contact, though, instead just facing her general direction.
It didn’t deter Sunset from leaning in and kissing Fluttershy’s lips, however.
Fluttershy’s head popped up and she finally looked directly at Sunset. She couldn’t manage any response however.
Sunset flashed a confident grin. “So how’s that for an answer?”
Fluttershy still couldn’t manage to speak, so she lowered her head and reached a hand to her lips. It had happened so fast that she hadn’t even reacted, and had barely had time to take note of what was happening. She replayed the memory in her head, trying to slow it down, and felt herself beginning to blush.
“So what brought that on?” Sunset asked.
“I…” Fluttershy stumbled over her words again, then smiled. The shock cut through most of her panic, leaving her no more calm but better able to articulate. “I’ve never kissed anyone before, and uhm… I guess…”
“Oh, I gotcha.” Sunset laughed. “I thought, you know, you meant you wanted to kiss me specifically, not that you wanted to experiment with kissing.”
“W-well, it’s not, uhm… I wouldn’t want to kiss anyone else. I feel safe with you. I feel like… like I can try things I couldn’t before, and it’s okay because it’s with you.”
“I understand, and I’m glad you feel so comfortable with me.” Sunset leaned her forehead against Fluttershy’s. “So, do you maybe want to try again? Now that you know it’s coming.”
Fluttershy understood what Sunset meant. She hadn’t even tried to kiss her back, it had really just been Sunset kissing her. “I… don’t really know what I’m supposed to do.”
“Sure you do, you’re just overthinking it.” Sunset pulled back slightly, but kept her arm around Fluttershy. “It’s just like the other day when you kissed my cheek for the picture. Just, you know, on my lips instead.”
“O-okay.” Fluttershy could feel her heart pounding against her chest as she leaned in closer. Sunset leaned in as well and closed her eyes, so Fluttershy did the same. All her worries left her as they kissed, leaving only one thought in her head – that Sunset’s lips were wonderfully soft against her own.
Fluttershy felt light headed as they pulled away, whether from the kissing or the wine. She didn’t know what to say, but it didn’t seem to matter. She and Sunset just smiled wordlessly at each other, and for once, Fluttershy didn’t worry about anything at all.
She still blushed as she asked, “Could… could we do that again?”
“Sure.” Sunset shifted position and took Fluttershy’s hands in her own. “But you know, kissing isn’t just about your mouth. A big part of the fun is what you do with your hands, too.”
“Oh. Uhm, should I be doing something different?”
“If you want to. Just do whatever you think might feel nice. For example…” Sunset kissed Fluttershy again, but this time, she didn’t stop at one kiss. And as they kissed, Sunset placed a hand on Fluttershy’s cheek, caressing it gently.
The touch caused Fluttershy to smile, and as her lips parted slightly, Sunset’s tongue flicked between them. Fluttershy’s eyes briefly opened in surprise, then she closed them again. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to respond, but she left her mouth slightly open as they kissed, and Sunset took the invitation.
It was hard enough figuring out what to do with her tongue against Sunset’s without even trying to figure out what to do with her hands, but they somehow still found their way to Sunset’s body. One hand rested on Sunset’s leg while the other moved around her back. Hardly noticing what she was doing, she pulled Sunset closer.
Although she wasn’t sure if she actually meant to guide Sunset’s actions, Sunset followed readily. She broke apart from the kiss to turn her body and bring one leg over Fluttershy so they were face to face. Fluttershy was still sitting on the couch, while Sunset was kneeling over her, one leg on either side of Fluttershy’s.
For a second time, Fluttershy’s eyes shot open and she looked into Sunset’s face. This time, however, they remained open as she found herself underneath Sunset. She froze in place, her only movement coming from her heart beating against her chest.
Sunset knew nothing of Fluttershy’s sudden apprehension, and closed her eyes as she bent down to kiss her again.
This time, Fluttershy didn’t close her eyes immediately when they started kissing. She kept them fixed on Sunset as she reminded herself that she wanted to do this. That this was something she had started.
Sunset made a content noise, and some of Fluttershy’s concerns faded away. It was a gentle sound, nothing like –
Fluttershy closed her eyes and increased the intensity of the kiss, determined to think of nothing else. She placed one hand behind Sunset’s head, running her fingers through the other girl’s long hair. The other started on Sunset’s leg, but she moved it upwards along her body.
When she reached Sunset’s sweater, Fluttershy’s hand found its way underneath it. Her fingers brushed against Sunset’s skin, which was warm despite the cold. The skin to skin contact helped ease the rest of Fluttershy’s worries, so she continued to move her hand along Sunset’s figure.
She brought her other hand down from where she had been stroking Sunset’s hair, moving it slowly down Sunset’s body. Under the sweater, she gingerly traced her way from Sunset’s side to her stomach while their tongues danced around one another. She found herself lost in the moment, and only stopped to think about the implications of what she was doing when her fingertips touched the edge of Sunset’s breast.
Of course, after her shower Sunset wouldn’t have a reason to put a bra back on. Shifting course, Fluttershy moved instead towards Sunset’s back. Her fingers moved aimlessly as Fluttershy simply enjoyed the way Sunset’s skin felt.
Sunset pulled back just a bit and spoke quietly. “You know, it’s okay if you want to try experimenting another way.”
Fluttershy opened her eyes to see Sunset’s grin and realized she had been absentmindedly moving her hand closer to Sunset’s breasts again.
‘I didn’t mean anything by it. I didn’t even notice I was doing it.’
The words died before they could reach her mouth.
Fluttershy closed the distance between them, and she took the chance to be the first to put her tongue into Sunset’s mouth this time. Even after Sunset said it was okay, Fluttershy still moved her hand very cautiously towards Sunset’s chest, as if she would change her mind and be upset at any moment.
But Sunset didn’t change her mind, and she seemed to be anything but upset when Fluttershy’s fingers circled her nipple. She made the same small noise from earlier, and Fluttershy found she enjoyed it even more.
Throwing caution to the wind, Fluttershy brought her other hand under the sweater as well. She moved it towards Sunset’s chest for a moment before changing her mind, bringing it lower instead. She moved her fingers around Sunset’s waste line, lingering on the edge of her pants for a moment before sliding her hand underneath them.
She lost her nerve after that, but she kept her hand resting on Sunset’s outer thigh. She still worried it might have been too far when Sunset pulled away again, so she quickly returned both hands to Sunset’s sides.
“So, uh… you wanna maybe move this to the bedroom?”
Fluttershy knew what Sunset was asking. How could she not? Even if she hadn’t moved it from Sunset’s leg, her hand had been beneath Sunset’s underwear a moment before.
It was daunting to think about. But Fluttershy reminded herself this was her own doing, and it was something that she wanted.
And, most importantly, it was with Sunset. Everything would be okay.
When she couldn’t find words to answer with, Fluttershy simply nodded instead. Sunset stood up and took her by the hand, and Fluttershy followed Sunset into the bedroom.
There weren’t a lot of things Fluttershy was good at. She could cook and clean, but she didn’t have many other ways to make sure Sunset always wanted her around. But at least this was something she could do, and it would be worth it. This was how Fluttershy would make sure she wasn’t alone anymore.
So yeah, I decided Rarity is in France, not Prance. Using horse puns for the EqG always felt weird to me. This means that for WWB, the city they live in is not Canterlot, since that was only canon confirmed as their city’s name after Friendship Games (and thus isn’t part of my series canon) even if it was common fanon before that.
More importantly, wow this makeout scene got pretty intense. This is absolutely the most explicit this story will ever get, and it’s (hopefully) still well within the T rating allowance (I realize the whole under the sweater bit might be a little far, so if any site staff see this and think that’s the case let me know and I’ll figure something out, although I do think I kept things pretty PG-13).
Something something death of the author is overrated
On a similar note, readers who have been with me for a bit can probably tell I’m a very sex-positive person. In part because of that, I kinda want to acknowledge the fact up front that this is not intended to be an outright positive sex scene and the discomfort Fluttershy feels is in no way a normal part of sex. While no one should get their information on what’s normal for sex from media, far too often that’s exactly what happens, so I’d like to not contribute to the problem of misinformation. If you’re in a situation like Fluttershy is here, it’s better to stop things and readdress how you feel before resuming. (And as a side note, Sunset was never aware of Fluttershy’s concerns here; if you think that your partner is uncomfortable while y’all are getting into things, make sure they’re okay before continuing).
This concludes Krickis’s after school announcement 
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Argh these week long delays between posts are killing me!
9258894
I mean, a chapter a week is a pretty fast release schedule tbh
Now where have I heard that title before?
Alright guys let's do this!
LEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRROOOOOOOYYYYY!
JEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!
9258916
lol guessing you have something with the same title? Great minds think alike I suppose
9258921
Thank you! Gosh I need to write Rarity more, why the fuck did I put her in another country for this story... And yeah, I think even as far as things went here, I should be okay with the rating. I’m just a worry bun
9258930
I... I feel like I’m missing something with this comment
9258912
True. Is this still going down the route I predicted before or is this a alternate universe
9258933
Just trying to vent my excitement for this story.
9258952
This story fits in with everything predetermined for it in Finding Home, including the stuff you figured out
9258963
Ah alrighty, well I’m happy you’re so excited for the new chapter
Man you are ruthless! You had me grinning like an idiot, then you put in that flashback scene... it started out adorable and heartwarming, then turned dark and depressing. Then you had me grinning like an idiot again.
Bravo my friend. Btavo.
9258964
All I will say is poor Fluttershy and Sunset
9258968
Thrilled you’re enjoying things so much 
Yeah, I can be a real bastard with emotions like that
My heart was racing through that chapter and when I read the last paragraph, my heart just fell out of my chest and into a pool of "OHMYGODFLUTTERSJUSTFUCKEDUPSOBADTHISSTORYISDOINGTHINSTOMEFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK."
Plot Twist 10/10
9259009
Also very glad that the negative stuff here is coming through rather than everyone just getting excited that the ship is happening.
Haha this is exactly the kind of reaction I hope for with this story (and, like, pretty much everything I write lol)
9259035
Oh yes. Hurt me good Crowkis. Hurt me good.
9259041
If it’s hurt you want then by golly you came to the right place
9259035
Yeah, was so excited and then OUCH. The worst part is that it's not like they don't actually like each other, this could be happening for the right reasons...but it's not
Speaking of Rarity, I'm glad they keep in touch even if they're far away.
You're one of those authors who make even understated, fade to black sex scenes (and the lead up to them) far more intense than ones that are more explicit. Frankly it's lucky you haven't written anything further or you might make the computer melt.
9258963
Ah, and here I thought it was signifying Fluttershy recklessly charging forward to her doom.
9259110
Yeah, this all probably would’ve happened eventually with how things have been going for them, but it happening this soon and for these reasons is not a particularly good thing
lmao that’s... not for lack of trying
I’ve had a few M-rated scenes/stories that I’ve considered, always like porn with romance type stuff because romantic sex is my jam. But it turns out that while I love sexual buildup (both reading and writing), once things get to the point of stuff actually happening, I just kinda get bored. So it’s a safe bet that I’ll probably keep all sex in my writing to PG-13 levels, if for no other reason than I just seem to be uninterested in writing anything further.
I so hope this won't end in tears. I mean, I'm sure there will be tears along the way (good intentions and road paving and all that), but I really hope it won't end on that.
Great chapter, truly elevating the story. Made me also wary, but that is only a plus.
9259338
I will promise that there will be a lot of ups and downs along the way. This is a bumpy ride, no matter where it ends up 
My lips are sealed on that one
9259402
My lips are sealed on that oneI'm counting on that.
Oh my. Go Flutters!
9261431
I’ll go fix that 
Omfg
Ohoho Sunset you smooth ass pony you! And good on you Fluttershy! Get it girl!!
Ya, that was getting really steamy... needs a cold shower now.
9261431
Somehow I doubt it's the bush involved here.
LOL
9778513
Lol yeah, this is the most sexual I've ever had a scene get, even I was surprised by it
Eep!
And there's the drama.
Both Fluttershys suffer of deep trauma and self loathing hm? Oh well, I'm sad but it makes for a good story and everything will hopefully be okay
Nice reversal on how Sunset used to use her sexuality as a tool to keep Flash around. A lot of similarities.
10688700
Yes, that is a thing that I did in purpose with intention, honest... *Sweats nervously*
XD
Fluttershy just wants to bang.
Oh good, she finally made the joke. :)
YES YES YES I was afraid we'd have to wait longer XD
11141113
Hehe I like that years later someone still has this reaction to Sunset's dumb joke
And really, when you think about it, white ponies could just be a very pale pink. And purple is a very blue version of pink.
I don't blame her decision one bit, as sometimes we'll have to make the toughest sacrifices we don't want to do but it's often worth it in the end.
Well she did get another one actually called the other side.
Not surprised there Rarity figured it out, she is practically an expert at this. 😏
Don't let it get to you Fluttershy, there just thoughts and Sunset might have a different reaction once you talk to her about it.
I wonder if he's found out she's left without him knowing by now. 🤔
I was not expecting that last part.