30 – Being Alone
Chapter Thirty
Being Alone
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The world still turned, as they say. Days and weeks passed, and life went on. Fluttershy and Sunset were no longer a couple, and even so, life went on.
It still hurt. Every day, there were new reminders of everything she’d given up. She’d be cooking a meal and think how much Sunset would like it, or she’d hear a song that reminded her of her ex-girlfriend. No matter what she did, it seemed something would remind her of Sunset.
The only thing she could occupy herself with that kept her from thinking of Sunset seemed to be Bitchette. There was something about the band that felt very disconnected from Sunset. Maybe it was that they started getting more serious around the same time Fluttershy and Sunset had started having problems, and so Sunset had only seldom accompanied Fluttershy to their practice sessions. Whatever the reason, Fluttershy was glad to have something that was uniquely hers.
Since she wasn’t actually in the band, she had to search out ways to use it to fill up her time. But the more she looked, the more she found. It seemed that there was always something they could do, and she often found herself looking up tips online for how to help them more.
It worked out well, since while the band was very dedicated to their playing, they didn’t seem to invest much time into anything else. Fluttershy didn’t mind, though. She worked on designing a few logos for them to choose between, setting them up on music sharing websites to get their name out there, looked into how to go about getting them gigs when they were ready for that, anything she could think of.
Which included setting up auditions for their new rhythm guitarist. She and Rainbow had driven around putting up fliers to advertise their need of a guitarist in music shops, concert venues, bars, and anywhere else they thought musicians might frequent. It was to little fanfare though, as only one person answered the call.
“Hello, Windfall,” Fluttershy said as Rainbow brought him down to the basement. He had a soft guitar case slung across his shoulder, ready for his audition.
“Hi, Fluttershy.” He smiled at Lightning Dust and Lemon Zest. “And you must be the rest of the band.”
“Yeah, I’m Lightning Dust. Bassist”
“I’m Lemon Zest, and I’m the drummer. So… do we just automatically give him the part?”
“I still wanna hear what he’s got,” Lightning Dust said.
“Fair enough.” Windfall took out his guitar and set the case aside. “Where can I plug in?”
Rainbow got him set up at the amp, then stood back to listen to him. “Alright, Windfall, let’s see what you can do!”
Windfall nodded. “Heads up, I’ve been more of a metal guitarist, but I’ve been practicing some punk stuff since Fluttershy told me about the band. I hope it’s fine that it’s still a bit on the heavier side.”
Lightning Dust grinned. “Heavier can’t be a bad thing. I like him already.”
“Could be a cool addition to our sound,” Rainbow said.
“Alright then.” Windfall started playing. It was easy to hear what he meant about the hybrid style; his chords weren’t as fast as Rainbow’s or Ringo’s, and were more in a heavy metal riff style. Still, he brought a lot of energy to his playing, and Fluttershy thought it could match well with the others.
Although he didn’t attempt to play a solo, some of the riffs he played looked pretty complicated. It was hard for Fluttershy to tell his skill since she was still a novice, but at the very least she could tell that she would have trouble playing a lot of what he seemed to do with ease.
He finished by shifting into a more traditional punk style, emphasizing speed over substance. Even so, he managed to keep a strong sense of rhythm and melody. A quick glance around showed that everyone seemed to be impressed by his playing.
“That was pretty sweet!” Lemon Zest said when he finished.
“Yeah, nice style,” Rainbow asked. “Did you come up with those riffs yourself?”
“Most of them, yeah. I’ve written a few songs, but I’m not great with lyrics.”
“Having another songwriter in the band would be cool,” Lightning Dust said. “But first thing’s first. Before we make a decision, we should try playing some stuff together. How’s your improv?”
“I’m sure I can keep up,” Windfall said with a grin.
Everyone got into place while Fluttershy remained sitting on the couch. She was looking forward to hearing how they sounded together, but as far as she was concerned, Windfall was definitely a good fit.
He looked at Fluttershy with a surprised expression. “Aren’t you gonna play too?”
Fluttershy cocked her head to the side. “Hmm? I’m not in the band.”
“You’re not? I thought you played lead guitar.”
Rainbow snickered. “Uh, that’d be me.”
“I didn’t mention that?” Fluttershy asked. She thought she’d said Rainbow was the lead guitarist, but maybe she’d only said she was in the band.
“We tried to get Shy to join on rhythm guitar, but she wasn’t into it,” Lightning Dust said. Fluttershy smiled, remembering that Lightning was also less than into it, despite how she made it sound.
“Yeah, she’s more like the band mo– er, manager!” Lemon Zest chuckled nervously while Rainbow facepalmed.
Fluttershy looked down to the ground. She knew Lemon Zest was going to say ‘mom’, and honestly, she probably wouldn’t have thought of anything of it if she hadn’t drawn extra attention to it. Still, she did like the sound of being the band manager.
“Oh, that makes sense.” Windfall grinned. “I thought it felt a little weird to imagine Fluttershy in a punk band.”
“Don’t let her fool you,” Rainbow said. “Shy’s written some of our songs, and trust me when I say she could totally be in the band if she wanted to.”
“I guess it’s lucky for you that she doesn’t,” Lightning said. “Now are we gonna play, or what?”
Lemon Zest counted them in, and they launched into an informal punk rock jam. There was some awkwardness at first as everyone figured out what to do, but that went for all of them, not just Windfall.
Before too long, they fell into sync with one another. Fluttershy found herself tapping her fingers against her knee in rhythm to the music and smiling contently. Although it would be horribly out of place with the genre, she almost wished she had a tambourine to join in. It had always been easy to play along to jam sessions like this in the Rainbooms.
“That’s pretty good, Fluttershy,” Sunset said as she played. “I think even Pinkie could learn a thing or two about playing percussion from you.”
“Or three even!” Pinkie added.
Rarity covered her mouth as she laughed, causing her keytar to drop out momentarily. “Oh yes, I think we could all learn from Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy smiled and blushed. “Oh, stop it. It’s just the tambourine, it’s not even a real instrument.”
“Nonsense!” Rarity said. “You help keep the rhythm alive! You’re an important part of this band too, you know.”
“Exactly,” Applejack added. “Besides, it’s not like we have another tambourinist. If anyone isn’t needed, it’s Sunset or Rainbow.”
“Hey!” Rainbow hit a sour note and glared at Applejack. “I am the lead singer too, you know!”
“Uhm, we all sing though, Dashie,” Fluttershy said, causing everyone except Rainbow to laugh.
“Besides, I doubt I’m the only one who thinks Fluttershy’s voice is the prettiest,” Sunset said with a wink.
Fluttershy blushed even more. “I don’t know about that…”
No. This was supposed to be the one thing that didn’t remind her of Sunset. Just because she had been in a band with Sunset once didn’t mean this band had to be another painful reminder.
“That. Was. Awesome!” Rainbow said as they finished. “And I think it gave me an idea for a new song!”
“So, do I have the part?” Windfall asked hopefully.
Everyone looked at each other, silently giving their agreement.
Fluttershy cleared her throat. She couldn’t manage to look at anyone and blushed as she talked, but she had to do something to chase away the memories. “Uhm, as the band manager, I have to say ‘yes’.”
“Sweet!” he said. “Guess I’ll have to get to learning all our songs.”
“Hope you’re a fast learner,” Lightning Dust said. “I’m getting a little tired of playing Rainbow’s basement.”
“Yeah, we’ve been hoping to get some real gigs soon,” Rainbow added.
“I’m sure I can manage to learn a setlist’s worth of songs pretty soon.”
“Uhm, I have something to help with that.” Fluttershy stood up and reached into her pocket, pulling out a flash drive. She handed it to Windfall. “I recorded the rhythm guitar parts of our songs so you could have something to go on.”
Windfall flashed her a thumbs up. “Cool, that’ll be handy.”
“Wait, when did you do that?” Rainbow asked. “You should’ve told me, I could’ve helped.”
“You were asleep,” Fluttershy said. “I recorded them over a few nights when I was having trouble sleeping…”
“We all could’ve helped,” Lemon Zest said. “That way Windfall could’ve gotten to hear the full band sound.”
“Oh… I didn’t really want to bother you all with that…”
“Shy…” Lightning shook her head. “You’ve gotta have more confidence in your ideas! That was a good one, we all should’ve been a part of it.”
“I’m sorry…”
“Hey, this is already really helpful,” Windfall said. “Thanks a lot, Shy.”
“That’s Fluttershy for you,” Rainbow said. “Best band manager ever!”
Fluttershy giggled. She really liked the sound of that.
“There it is up ahead!” Pinkie announced.
Fluttershy nodded as she drove up to Pegasus Landing. It was the same venue she had been to just a month before, but this time around it looked much more daunting.
“And there’s a spot right there,” Pinkie said. “Now just put on your blinker and – oh, look at you, parking like a pro!”
Fluttershy smiled, pulling into the parking spot without needing any directing. Parking was barely worth noting, but it had been so long since Fluttershy had driven that it still felt like an accomplishment.
“Thank you for bringing me, Pinkie,” Fluttershy said as she turned off the engine.
“Silly, Fluttershy, you brought yourself!” Pinkie unbuckled and Fluttershy followed suit. “I was only along for the ride.”
Fluttershy was still smiling as she got out of the minivan. She could’ve had Rainbow bring her, but she wanted to do this herself. Besides, it was a good excuse to get back behind the wheel, which gave her a sense of confidence that she hoped would continue through the meeting.
She walked into the venue, which was mostly empty since it was the middle of the day. The only other person was a middle-aged man in a cheap looking suit. He looked up at them as they walked in, but didn’t say anything.
“Uhm, hello,” Fluttershy said. She looked to Pinkie who smiled in encouragement. “I’m, uhm, Fluttershy. I think we talked on the phone?”
He looked at her critically. “ ‘Uhm, Fluttershy’? Can’t even get your own name out?”
Fluttershy couldn’t stop herself from blushing and looking at the floor. She willed herself to say something, anything, but nothing quite came out.
“Hey, that’s no way to greet a potential client!” Pinkie said harshly.
“What are you, her mom? Let the girl speak for herself if she’s going to, or stop wasting my time.”
Fluttershy glanced at Pinkie, who looked both shocked and outraged at his tone. She took a deep breath and turned back to the man. “You’re the venue manager, right? I’m the manager for Bitchette, and I was hoping we could maybe book a show here.”
“You were hoping you could maybe book a show?” he asked skeptically. “Look, kid, let me be honest with you and save you a lot of hassle. You ain’t got what it takes to work in the music industry, I’m telling you that now. And you wanna manage a punk rock band? Just go home, kid.”
“But… you haven’t even heard them yet…” Fluttershy said, but it came out as more of a mumble.
“Hmm? Kid, you can’t even speak up enough for me to hear you. What are you doing here?”
“Come on, Shy,” Pinkie said, grabbing hold of Fluttershy’s arm. “We’ll go find a better venue!”
Fluttershy looked at Pinkie and wanted to argue, but she just nodded. With her head hung low, she followed Pinkie out of the building.
“Well, that didn’t go so well…” Fluttershy said as they stepped outside.
“Sorry, Shy…” Pinkie smiled. “I know what’ll cheer you up. Let’s go out for ice cream! My treat!”
Fluttershy smiled a little, even if she didn’t really feel like it. Pinkie was trying her best to cheer her up, the least she could do was show her appreciation. “That’s okay, Pinkie. Maybe we can just go for a walk.”
“That sounds fine to me!”
They walked aimlessly down the road, Pinkie leading the way. Fluttershy didn’t know whether to tell Rainbow or not. This had been important, and she had let the band down.
“Maybe… Maybe he was right,” Fluttershy said.
Pinkie stopped in her tracks and turned towards Fluttershy. “Don’t say that! You’re a great manager.”
Fluttershy sighed. “I’m not even a real manager. That’s just something Lemon Zest said because she almost accidentally called me the band mom.”
“Well… you could be.” Pinkie shrugged. “I mean, no one else is the band manager. Why not you?”
There was an empty bus stop bench nearby, so Fluttershy walked over to take a seat. “Because… I’m no good at dealing with other people. And I’m not very ‘punk rock’.”
Pinkie sat beside Fluttershy. Although there was plenty of room on the bench for them both, she sat right up against Fluttershy and placed an arm around her. It was a little surprising, but Fluttershy leaned into Pinkie and closed her eyes.
“Do you think that guy looked like a rock venue manager?”
“Well, not exactly…”
“See? You don’t have to look like the thing you’re managing. You just gotta be a little more confident.”
“But that’s so hard…”
“I know. But I also know you can do it.”
Fluttershy took a deep breath and just let herself focus on the way it felt to be pressed against Pinkie. It was weird, she hadn’t even liked being intimate with Sunset in public, but she didn’t even care. Maybe she was just that desperate for some form of comfort.
It was so much like being with Sunset. Of course, it was different. Pinkie didn’t… feel exactly like Sunset did, she didn’t hold her quite the same way, but it was close. And maybe that was unfair to both of them, but Fluttershy just needed something to help her feel okay for a few minutes.
What would Sunset do if she’d been the one with Fluttershy instead of Pinkie? She wouldn’t have suggested they go somewhere else. She would’ve taken charge and demanded he give them a chance, because she was the perfect type of person to be a manager.
She could imagine Sunset marching right back in and demanding a proper interview. She’d find a way to make him listen to her, and she’d get Bitchette the gig that they deserved.
Fluttershy sat up. Pinkie wasn’t Sunset, and neither was Fluttershy. But Bitchette deserved someone like her, so Fluttershy would have to try again. Even if she was just pretending to be someone good enough, even if just for a little bit.
“Shy?” Pinkie said.
“I… I need to go back,” Fluttershy said, then chided herself. If she couldn’t get this out to Pinkie, there was no hope for her. “I’m going to make him listen to me! He doesn’t get to tell me I’m no good as a manager.”
Pinkie was beaming. “Atta girl! Let’s go show him what you’re really made of!”
Fluttershy wasn’t sure if what she was really made of would amount to much, but she stood up and led the way as she marched back. The walk back felt much shorter than the walk to the bench had been, and she managed to keep that little fire burning inside her.
She placed a hand on the door and stopped to take a breath. She felt Pinkie’s hand on her shoulder. “You can do this.”
Fluttershy took another moment, then turned to her with a smile. “You’re right. I can.”
She pushed the door open and walked in. There was no sign of the manager anywhere, so Fluttershy called out, “Hello?”
After a few moments, a door opened and his head popped out. “What’re you doing back here?”
Although she wanted to buckle under his gaze, Fluttershy refused. ‘Be like Sunset.’
“I’m here to play my band for you, then you can tell me when they can play.”
He grinned and stepped out into the entryway properly. “Ooh, someone’s suddenly awfully cocky. Little girl, you don’t know –”
“I’m not a little girl.” Fluttershy pulled out her phone and opened the music app. Bitchette was already queued to play. “And you will listen to my band, just like you said you would over the phone.”
He stared at her for a minute, then showed a genuine smile. “Alright, you got me. I’ll listen to one song, so make it count.”
Fluttershy didn’t bother to double check which song was queued to play. She believed in her band; any Bitchette song would be good enough.
The sound of Windfall’s guitar erupted from Fluttershy’s phone, followed by the rest of the band. Despite the hectic nature of the genre, it was the sound of four band members in perfect harmony with one another.
The manager surprised her by seeming to listen intently to the song. Either he was more professional than he looked, or Fluttershy really had made an impact on him.
No one spoke during the three minutes the song played for, and he gave no indication of his thoughts. It was enough to shake Fluttershy’s flame, and she wasn’t sure if she could keep it going much longer. If he said one more mean thing after the song was over, she was going to crumble.
The song ended, and there was only silence between them. He stood in contemplation, letting dread set into Fluttershy. She was positive he was going to dismiss her, why hadn’t she picked a different song? She shouldn’t have demanded so much, he was probably just waiting for her to break.
She tried to keep her voice calm as she asked, “Well?”
He sighed. “Ah, what the hell. We got a New Year’s Eve Bash coming up, lots of bands playing. It won’t be prime time, but they can have a slot. I’ll check the details and give you a call later.”
Fluttershy blinked. It… it worked? She actually did it. “Th-thank you.”
He smirked. “Kid, listen. Second chances aren’t big in this industry. If you want your band to succeed, you gotta come in hard like that on the first attempt. Got it?”
Fluttershy nodded. “Yes.”
“Alright, now get out of here. I got work to do.”
Fluttershy didn’t even want to risk thanking him again in case he thought that was soft of her. She didn’t want to risk saying anything for fear she would ruin everything. She just turned to Pinkie, nodded, then walked out of the venue.
They were barely out the door when Pinkie threw her arms around Fluttershy. “That was incredible!”
Fluttershy hugged Pinkie back. “I was so scared…”
“But you did it! See, told you you’re a good manager.”
Fluttershy smiled. Maybe… maybe she really could do this.
“Is, uhm… is ice cream still an option?”
Pinkie grinned. “You bet it is! Let’s go celebrate!”
They walked down the street side by side. Feeling emboldened by her victory, Fluttershy reached for Pinkie’s hand. Pinkie didn’t hesitate for a second, immediately curling her fingers around Fluttershy’s. They turned to each other and smiled, but didn’t say anything as they walked.
Honestly, Fluttershy didn’t think anything of it, and she hoped Pinkie didn’t either. She didn’t like Pinkie as anything more than a friend, but that didn’t mean she thought anything less than the world of her. It felt nice to be close to someone, and it felt natural for that someone to be Pinkie. Besides, it was cold out.
They walked down the street for a few minutes, staying close for warmth and for comfort.
It was Pinkie who finally broke the silence. “So where are we going?”
Fluttershy stopped, Pinkie following suit one step later. “I was following you.”
Pinkie cocked her head to the side. “But that’s silly, because I was following you.”
They kept their eyes locked for a moment longer, then they both burst into laughter. They hadn’t gotten too far from the minivan, and really, a few minutes of walking with a friend was hardly a problem.
Pinkie reached into her pocket with her free hand and pulled out her phone. She navigated it without letting go of Fluttershy’s hand, seeming to have no problems doing so. “There’s an ice cream shop not too far from here.”
“Okay, lead the way.” Fluttershy smiled. “And, uhm… I’m following you this time.”
Pinkie laughed. “You got it, Shy.”
They turned a corner when they reached the end of the block. It was a nice enough walk to the ice cream shop, although it was cold enough to make Fluttershy question if ice cream was really the best idea.
Along the way, Fluttershy found herself questioning how come she had always been so opposed to showing affection to Sunset in public. It wasn’t like anyone seemed to care that two girls were walking down the street while holding hands. It wasn’t like anyone seemed to notice at all.
Maybe that was part of their problem. Certainly not all of it, not even scratching the surface of the reasons for their breakup, but it still could have been a factor. Fluttershy had grown to accept her relationship, but only when it was safely hidden behind walls. And staying holed up in Sunset’s house hadn’t exactly been good for them.
Not that there was anything Fluttershy could do about that now. All she could do was keep going, focussing on what she could and trying to learn from her mistakes for next time.
‘Next time…’
Was she really already thinking about a next time? Surely she owed Sunset more than that. It hadn’t even been three whole months since she broke up with Sunset, she shouldn’t be thinking about any future relationships yet. Not even hypothetical ones. Not even when she was walking down the street holding another girl’s hand.
It didn’t mean anything. Fluttershy knew that, but suddenly, she couldn’t shake the thought that she was being unfair to Sunset. They weren’t even girlfriends anymore, but she couldn’t shake the fact that she was somehow being unfaithful.
It would be awkward to let go of Pinkie’s hand so suddenly, though, so she kept it to herself. All the same, when they reached the ice cream shop, Fluttershy used opening the door as an excuse to take her hand back.
“Are you hungry?” Pinkie asked as they waited in line. “We could get something other than ice cream, if you want.”
In addition to ice cream, they offered some food options. Fluttershy was a little hungry, but it seemed to mostly be burgers, and she doubted they had a vegetarian option. “Ice cream sounds good to me. Maybe with hot fudge.”
“Ooh, that does sound good!”
They stepped up and ordered their ice cream, and Pinkie added a side of french fries. Fluttershy led them to a booth, making sure to pick one for two so they had no choice but to sit across from each other.
Pinkie set the fries in the middle of the table where they could both get to them. She took one and dipped it in her ice cream before popping it into her mouth.
“I’ll never understand why you eat them like that.”
Pinkie shrugged. “It’s good!”
Fluttershy smiled and took a bite of her ice cream, deciding not to question it further. It was pretty far from Pinkie’s strangest eccentricities, after all.
“I still can’t believe how you told off that guy,” Pinkie said. “I think Rainbow’s rubbing off on you.”
“Maybe a little,” Fluttershy said with a giggle. Then her smile faded as she added, “Actually, I was thinking of what Sunset would do.”
“That makes sense. Sunset’s really good at stuff like that.”
“Yeah, she is…”
Pinkie dipped another fry in her ice cream. “Have… you seen her recently?”
Fluttershy frowned. “No.” She glanced up at Pinkie, then back down to her ice cream. “Have… have you?”
“Yeah, she was at Applejack’s for game night last week.”
The Apples had regular game nights, and sometimes their friends went. Fluttershy had been expressly invited to go last week and had turned it down for that exact reason. It was hard to go to Applejack’s for a few reasons, not the least of which was because there was always a chance Sunset would be there.
“How’s she doing?” Fluttershy asked, trying to keep her tone casual.
“She’s good,” Pinkie said, although Fluttershy didn’t believe her. “She asked about you.”
Of course she did. Even though Fluttershy had hurt her, that’s just how Sunset was. She would still care about Fluttershy, no matter what.
Determined to not let on how she felt, Fluttershy casually took a few fries. “That’s nice.”
“You know, she’d really like it if you called her…”
Fluttershy winced. “I know.”
“Or I could go with you to see her. Maybe that would make it less awkward.”
At least Pinkie acknowledged it would be awkward. “Thank you, Pinkie, but I’m sure she’s fine. Sunset’s tough.”
“She is, but…” Pinkie sighed. “Christmas is coming up. At least say you’ll see her over the holidays. She doesn’t have many people who care about her like we do.”
That went for Fluttershy as much as Sunset. Even so, it was hard to commit to that. “I… I’ll think about it.”
“You can just come to Applejack’s for Christmas Eve! Sunset will be there for sure, then it wouldn’t even be just the two of you or anything.”
“I…” Fluttershy sighed. It looked like she wasn’t getting out of this without yielding something. “Maybe I could do that.”
Pinkie didn’t look convinced. “Do you really not want to see her that much?”
“It’s not that. I… I do want to see her, actually. It’s just hard.”
“But friends can make it easier! Let me help, or Applejack.”
“Pinkie.” Fluttershy reached across the table and put her hand on Pinkie’s. “I’m glad you’re looking out for her. She needs friends like you. But… it’s just a little too painful for me right now…”
Pinkie wilted. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be.”
Fluttershy turned back to her ice cream. The hot fudge was quickly melting it, and soon there wouldn’t be anything left. “We better eat these before they melt.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Pinkie said sadly. Then she shook her head and her usual smile returned. “Hey, did I ever tell you when I was little I put my parents’ coffee creamer in the freezer one time because I thought it would turn into ice cream?”
Fluttershy giggled. “I bet they weren’t too happy about that.”
“No, but I think deep down they thought it was pretty silly.”
At least that was one good thing about being with Pinkie. She could bounce back from any conversation, no matter how difficult it had been, and still bring a smile to Fluttershy’s face. She just had to hope she could hold onto that when they were apart.
“No way! Are you serious?”
Fluttershy was sitting with Rainbow on her bed, and she had just told her about her day’s success. Her sister was quite surprised, to say the least.
Fluttershy smiled and nodded. “He said you wouldn’t be the main band performing, but he would add you to the bill. He’s supposed to call me later with the details.”
Rainbow beamed. “That’s insane! Wait until we tell everyone, they’ll be stoked!” Her expression shifted to confusion as she asked, “But why didn’t you bring me? I could’ve helped.”
“I’m sorry, I just… I wanted to know I could do it myself.”
Rainbow clapped her on the back. “Hey, you did good. No reason to apologize for that, right?”
Fluttershy smiled again. “I guess so.”
“You know, we really appreciate everything you’ve done for us lately.” Rainbow scratched her neck. “Well, not just lately. You’ve always been a big help, but these days you’re basically the fifth member of the band.”
Fluttershy blushed. “Or like the, uhm, the band’s manager?”
Rainbow grinned. “You still thinking about that?”
“W-Well, I mean, uhm…”
Rainbow snickered. “Well, why not? It makes sense as far as I’m concerned.”
Fluttershy beamed through her growing blush. “I just want to be helpful.”
“Well, you’ve definitely got that covered.” Rainbow glanced away for a moment. “You think we’re ready though? Windfall’s only been in the band for what, two weeks?”
“Rainbow, he already knows the songs well enough to record them with you all. You’ll be great at the show, I know it. Besides, it’s still a month away.”
Rainbow nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. We’ll just have to practice extra hard until then to make sure it’s perfect.”
Fluttershy nodded. “It’ll be great. You’ll, uhm, kick ass.”
Rainbow snickered. “Oh no, we’re corrupting you.”
Fluttershy giggled. “Maybe a little, but only in all the best ways.”
She looked out of Rainbow’s window. New Year’s was coming, only a month away. She wondered when it would start to snow. She normally liked the snow, but thinking of that…
“Something wrong, Shy?”
Fluttershy shook her head. She was letting her thoughts get away from her again. “No, I’m fine.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“It’s just… lots of memories about last winter…”
“Oh…” Rainbow scratched at the back of her neck. “Well, you know, you’re better off now. I know it sucks and all, but Sunset wasn’t all she was cracked up to be.”
“She wasn’t that bad…”
“She threw a glass at you.”
Fluttershy winced. Apparently Sunset had told Rainbow that she was the one who threw the glass, and Fluttershy hadn’t corrected it out of cowardice. “She didn’t throw it at me.”
“Close enough! You don’t need her anymore, Shy.”
Fluttershy fell back on Rainbow’s bed. “Maybe… Maybe not…”
Maybe it was the wine. That’s what she told herself, anyway. If it wasn’t for the wine, she would have understood that Sunset had meant they should take turns in the bed, not that they should share it together.
Fluttershy was sitting on Sunset’s bed, kicking herself for the misunderstanding. She should just try to go asleep and put the awkwardness behind her, but she just wanted to cry instead.
Surprisingly, Sunset came back into the bedroom. “Sorry, forgot something.”
Fluttershy nodded. Sunset collected her pillow and blanket and turned to leave again.
It was stupid. Fluttershy had already made a fool of herself. And yet, she couldn’t help but speak up when Sunset reached the door. “Stay?”
“Huh?”
“We could…” Fluttershy shook her head. She could hardly believe what she was thinking, let alone that she was asking for it out loud. That had to be because of the wine, too. “I feel… safer with you.”
Sunset sounded confused. “Safer? From what? Nothing’s gonna get you here, Shy.”
“I-I know. But I…” Fluttershy swallowed and looked up at Sunset. Her words caught in her throat. She couldn’t tell Sunset about the nightmares she had every night, about how whenever they were apart she was plagued by intrusive thoughts and unreasonable fears.
“Hey, it’s okay.” A moment later, Sunset was sitting on the bed beside Fluttershy. “You know I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
“I know. That’s why…” Fluttershy took a shaky breath and leaned her head against Sunset’s shoulder. “I think… if you stayed with me tonight, I wouldn’t…”
It took Sunset a moment to answer, and Fluttershy was sure she’d refuse. It was a strange request, and Sunset would never want to…
“Well… sure, if that’s what you want.”
Even though she was getting just what she wanted, Fluttershy couldn’t help but frown. “Thank you. And I’m sorry.”
She moved to the inside of the bed and didn’t look at Sunset. She couldn’t.
“Don’t be,” Sunset said after a moment. “Get comfy, I’ll get the light.” She stood back up and turned off the light, then returned to the bed. She lay down next to Fluttershy, making sure to give her plenty of space.
Obviously, the space Sunset had left was intentional. But… but Fluttershy was so selfish. She rolled onto her side towards Sunset, closing most of the distance between them. Even she felt a little uncomfortable at the turn of events, but at least she wasn’t alone.
Even so, when she closed her eyes, memories of him flooded her mind. Without even thinking about it, she reached out her hand for Sunset’s and laced their fingers together. “Is, uhm, is this okay?”
Another moment’s hesitation before Sunset answered. “Yeah, this is fine. Good night, Shy.”
“Good night, Sunny.”
Fluttershy tried to sleep. She’d already taken more than she deserved, and she was sure this was making things awkward for Sunset. She had Sunset’s hand in hers, she was lying beside her friend, she wasn’t alone. Wasn’t that enough for her?
But Fluttershy was selfish. She was so selfish, she always wanted more. So she waited. Waited long enough that she hoped Sunset would be asleep so she wouldn’t notice, then she scooted closer.
They were side by side now. Fluttershy could feel Sunset lying next to her, even with her eyes closed, she could feel that she wasn’t alone. She was sure this would finally chase away those thoughts that plagued her every night.
Now if only she could do something about the thoughts that she was being unfair to Sunset. That was harder, because every step closer she took to Sunset was a step further from what was acceptable for two friends.
But then, to her utter amazement, Sunset scooted even closer. She let go of Fluttershy’s hand and instead placed her arm around Fluttershy’s body. Even among her best friends, she had never been so close to one of them before, at least not for longer than a hug.
And it was Sunset who did it. Maybe she was just asleep and moving on instinct, but it was still proof enough.
Fluttershy finally smiled. She wasn’t alone. She wasn’t alone, and as long as she had Sunset, she wouldn’t have to be.
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Thats a Mama Luigi to you
Pinks would probably just be like Icecream is always an option
9834608
That’s because icecream is always an option!
Excellent chapter fluttershy seems to be coping better than sunset and we get to see he managing skills with the band, plus it's nice to see her at least being encouraged to see sunset again.
9834978
I'm not sure I think either of them are really better than the other with their coping mechanisms. Maybe Shy is a little, although she's throwing herself into things to the point of not sleeping at night in the other chapter, so she's not exactly healthy either. But yeah, at least she has her manager position and is doing pretty good there
That flashback to the beginning of the story was not fair. That...the comparison between then and now is just brutal. And mean. These girls...these girls love each other yet all they do is hurt each other. That's...that's just kinda fucked up. I won't say they tried their best because they clearly didn't...but..damn.
9835201
These two really were happy for a while there, they just couldn't cope with a tragedy too big for them.
It's true, I am a right bastard sometimes
Loved the Flutterbold moments of Fluttershy being a good manager and being comfortable showing (platonic) public affection with Pinkie Pie.
If only she was so bold in other areas like talking to sunset again, but no so bold that they get in another shouting match. Hmmm. Fluttershy has got to find a happy medium then the ship would be perfect, and even krickis wouldn't be able to insert brilliant and emotional drama into it.
9842525
I’m always a sucker for bold Fluttershy. And gosh yeah, these two being strong enough that even I couldn’t screw things up for them would be perfect. Much as I torment these characters, I do really love them and their relationship
This story is going too well
I love that but I wonder how hard will the rug be pulled or if the lowest point is already done (because loosing a baby is pretty low). But I honestly ship this Pinkie with all of them at this point, and this chapter just made me want Pinkieshy a bit because it was very cute.
And that's kinda what worries me. I can't even be optimistic about this, though I do hope for the best
9883512
I’m not a huge Pinkieshy shipper, but I think they can be very cute together. And like I mentioned in the other comment, I do think Pinkie is in love with all her friends, at least a bit.
And thanks for all the comments yesterday. It wound up being too much to reply to, but I enjoyed them whenever we’d stop for breaks
I will say in answer to pointing out typos and things, it’s always appreciated, so if you find more let me know so I can fix them 
Pinkieshy
I can't believe it but you're actually managing to make me hate Fluttershy, especially because she refuses to own up to the fact that she threw the glass and not Sunset
So I've already gotten caught up to all these stories, but I've been reading them out loud to my partner recently (started with Looking Glass) and I forgot about this chapter?? And how happy she got to be with Pinkie before all the stuff with Sonata and Lemon Zest happened. And I just.. can I put in a formal request that she gets to be with Pinkie and happy and in love in the last two fics? I mean ignore me and do what you wish of course, but I... she and Pinkie could be so good ;;
11083409
I still have to figure out how I'm going to properly resolve Fluttershy's and Pinkie's stories now that the series is ending much sooner than I had planned. Spoilers for the later stories I'm probably never going to write, but the original plan for these two is that they become some sort of queerplatonic thing where they have a relationship that isn't easily defined, but Shy spends nights with Pinkie sometimes and they both get a lot of fulfillment over it, but they never formally date. This is still more of a relationship than Shy has with Zest, who remains an occasion cuddle buddy but largely just a friend. Both Pinkie and Shy have other romantic partners that they do date, and are both happily poly in the end.
Really cool that you're reading this series to your partner! Makes me all warm and fuzzy to think you like it enough to share it in that way!
11083574
Reading to them has been a ton of fun! And before I was reading it to them I rambled to them and my girlfriend about WWB because I was (and still am) so invested. It became a joke in our triad that WWB was simply labeled as "Lily's pony soaps." And spiraled out from there. "I'm reading my soaps." Became a pretty frequent sentence from my mouth for a bit.
11083876
Haha that's cool! I always called this my queer horse soap opera, it's awesome to hear other people had similar reactions to it
I love that Fluttershy's enjoying being band manager, especially since she just kind of fell into it. :)
Watching her work up the nerve to go back fills me with good feelings. :D
And now my dumb shipper brain is going "PinkieShy! PinkieShy! PinkieShy!" it just wants serotonin c.c;
Hmm, if Rainbow ever finds out the truth, she's gonna fucking flip. It's gonna damage her relationship with Fluttershy for sure. D: I'm sure that isn't a ticking time bomb or anything!
11157749
Your running commentary makes me very excited to see more, and that's not something I've felt from this series in quite a while. I keep thinking "ooh I can't wait until Present gets to this part" lol
I love Shy being a punk rock band manager. It's a path that felt very unique to this story, and without saying too much, it leads to a lot of my favorite stuff.
11157790
Aw, thank you! :D I pretty much have to, I have too many emotions that need to be expressed!
And I do at least know that it leads to a sequel...
Man, seeing a sprinkle of Pinkieshy right after I was made aware that Pinkie and Flutters never went on an adventure together in the show(like ever or even a buddying up together episode)
Also yes, Shy stepping forward into being the band’s manager has been such an interesting plot point
And then you go and do the thing at the end Author
11201134
Glad you're enjoying both the Pinkie moments and Shy as a band manager. Even if I did have to twist the knife at the end there
Rude!
There's the missing spark we were looking for!
Sunset would sure be proud of how you handled it Fluttershy.
That's actually not a bad food combination if you ask me.
I mean, we've seen her eat weirder things before.
Lmao!
Rainbow is definitely gonna be pissed when Fluttershy tells her the truth.
10660251
Reading this series for the first time, and I can only agree with you. Fluttershy basically ruined Sunset's life in the human world at this point. She poisoned Dash against her, and who knows what Rarity's opinion on the whole thing is. She keeps saying she loves her, but she used her up and threw her away. She never tried to do anything to fix the situation, never tried to get herself some help. That song she wrote about her relationship with Sunset was particularly gross. If this is Krickis writing Fluttershy after years of abuse turned her into a selfish emotionally stunted child with a victim complex then good job. Especially after the cap to this chapter it reinforces how I felt from the start, that Fluttershy knew exactly what she was doing. She felt reeeeeally bad about it every step of the way, boo hoo, but she gave Sunset plenty of outs (while at the same time emotionally manipulating Sunset) so she can justify everything to herself. It's rather telling that Fluttershy only seems to lie to make herself look better while Sunset lies to protect people from the ugly truths. I just keep thinking to myself how Twilight asked the Humane 5 to take care of Sunset, and watching them fail so completely is pretty painful. I'm half tempted to drop the series at this point. My other half is tempted to hate-read it in the hopes that Fluttershy's struggles only deepen. My sympathy for Fluttershy dried up about 6 chapters ago. But I don't think that's going to happen. Knowing generally where the series is going from looking at descriptions of the upcoming entries, I don't see any of this getting fixed, and I don't know if I care to have it hanging over my head while the rest of the story moves on.
Tldr: Yup. Which is an impressive feat considering Fluttershy's generally my favorite character in MLP romance. THIS Fluttershy is giving other Fluttershy's a bad name. It makes me wish pony Fluttershy would get clued in.