28 – Living With Pain
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Living With Pain
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It hurt, but Fluttershy was used to pain. Losing her mom and daughter. Enduring Stormy Skies and those horrible nights. Growing up with the constant reminder that she was a burden and that was all she’d ever be. Fluttershy was well acquainted with pain.
Which meant she knew how to deal with it. It turned out that she could get through anything, she just had to keep busy. That was the most important thing. She couldn’t stop, it was always on to the next thing. School, friends, volunteering, work… Fluttershy always found ways to keep herself busy, and that kept her from hurting. At least, for a little while.
And right now, one of those ways was doing all she could for Bitchette. On some days, that amounted to baking treats for her friends, some days it was even dinner. Sometimes they just needed a fresh pair of ears to let them know how a song was coming along, or some encouragement that they were doing good. Sometimes they needed someone to step in on guitar, and she was getting a little better about it.
Today was more about keeping tempers in check. Ringo was late again, despite the fact he was on his last chance. Because of Rainbow, this was more like his tenth last chance, and even Fluttershy was getting frustrated by her refusal to acknowledge he was bringing them down.
Well, since Rainbow was the one who insisted on keeping him around, Fluttershy figured she could deal with whatever negative emotions she was feeling on her own. And although Lemon Zest seemed frustrated, she was usually the calm one.
That left Lightning Dust. She was as sick of Ringo’s behavior as any of them, but unlike the others, she didn’t mind vocalizing it. So since she was upset, Fluttershy would keep her busy. That’s what worked on herself, after all.
Which was how Fluttershy found herself learning a little bass, and about what made it different than playing the guitar. Lightning Dust was a surprisingly patient teacher, and it seemed to do the trick of getting her to focus on something other than Ringo.
“This is harder than I thought,” Fluttershy said. She had expected her growing skill at the guitar would carry her through learning to play the bass. She found instead that while it certainly helped, she very much still had to learn the new instrument.
Lightning Dust grinned. “It’s not just a guitar with less strings.”
Fluttershy nodded. “It’s fun though.”
“We’ll make a bassist out of you yet!” Lightning Dust playfully shoved Fluttershy, which made her smile. She wasn’t into roughhousing like the others, but she liked that they included her as one of their own.
“What made you decide to learn the bass?” Fluttershy asked.
“Flipped a coin. I lost.”
“Oh.” Fluttershy wasn’t sure how to respond, but Lightning Dust just laughed.
“Basically some friends of mine decided to start a band even though none of us knew jack shit about playing at the time. So when two of us wanted to play guitar, we flipped on it, and I wound up with the bass instead.”
“So you’d rather play guitar?”
“Nah, I would’ve got in as the second guitarist when we first started talking about this band if I still wanted that. It just turns out that the bass suits me more. Besides, even Rainbow can play the guitar, it takes finesse to kick ass at the bass!”
“I can play bass!” Dash shot back.
“I said kick ass at bass, not just play it.” Lightning laughed. “Besides, you play guitar.”
“I can totally play bass too.”
“You play guitar on the bass.” She smirked and turned back to Fluttershy. “Dash hasn’t figured out that the bass isn’t just a different sounding guitar.”
Fluttershy giggled. Playing rhythm really wasn’t ever Rainbow’s style. Even when it came to guitar, she always played lead while leaving rhythm to someone else.
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Where the heck is Ringo? I swear, if he’s not here in ten minutes…”
Lemon Zest drummed her fingers on her floor tom. “You’ll what? Talk to him again?”
Rainbow glared at her. Maybe letting her stew in the results of her actions had been a bad idea. The band didn’t usually argue, but when they did, it was always over Ringo.
There was only one good way to distract them all at once. Fluttershy handed Lightning Dust back her bass and instead picked up Rainbow’s spare guitar. “Let’s get to practice. I’ll fill in for Ringo.”
Everyone was slow to respond, but at least it put an end to the arguing. They all followed Fluttershy in getting into place without complaint, even if there was an air of uncertainty to the room.
It felt strange for Fluttershy to be the one initiating things, but they used Ringo’s absence as an excuse not to practice too often. There was no doubt that this was definitely the best decision for everyone.
They settled on one of Rainbow’s songs and got to it. As always, Fluttershy was conscious of several mistakes in her playing, but she knew she was only there to give an approximation of their full-band sound. And she also knew that approximation was sounding a little better every time.
It was fun. Very different from playing with the Rainbooms, but not a bad different. And not just because she was playing a different instrument; the songs were all louder and faster, with backing vocals by Lightning Dust serving as more of a counterpoint to Rainbow’s lead rather than a harmony like Fluttershy and Rarity had done.
Even so, there was no denying that the band was in sync completely. That was the same between both bands. Even if Fluttershy fumbled some notes, she never missed her cues.
There was one other thing that was the same between the Rainbooms and Bitchette. Fluttershy was playing a different instrument, she played with different people, and the sound was completely different. And yet, just like when she was in high school, Fluttershy got lost in the music.
So lost in it that she didn’t even notice when someone else came down the stairs until the song was over. Ringo clapped and smiled at them as they wrapped up, and no one seemed to know how to respond.
“I’m barely ten minutes late and you replace me?” Ringo asked. “I assure you, I’m harder to replace than that.”
Fluttershy looked down and bit her tongue. Thankfully, the others were finding their words. “You’re over twenty minutes late,” Lemon Zest pointed out.
“On an hour-long session,” Rainbow added.
Lightning plucked a string on her bass, letting the low note echo. “Maybe we can make up the lost time. I’m cool with staying an extra half hour.”
“Same,” Lemon Zest said. “I just gotta call my grandparents if I’m gonna be late for dinner.”
Ringo chuckled. “We’d hate to have our little Zesty disappoint grandma and grandpa. Besides, I’ve got somewhere to be.”
“What?” Lemon Zest shot upright. “Dude, we’re trying to cover for you here!”
In a rare moment of clarity, Ringo looked around at the angry girls and folded. “Okay okay, I suppose half an hour wouldn’t kill me. Now, step aside, love, and let me show you how it’s done.”
Fluttershy begrudgingly returned to the couch so Ringo could take her place. They decided to replay the same song they’d just done, this time with Ringo.
The whole time, Fluttershy kept her eyes on Ringo. Was he even performing better than her? He was a more experienced guitarist, there was no doubt about that. But Fluttershy knew Bitchette’s songs better than he did, and it showed.
Before the song even finished, he made a critical mistake. Lemon Zest played a quick little drum roll, then the music stopped – except for Ringo’s guitar.
“Ugh, Ringo!” Lightning Dust threw her arms out. “That was my spot!”
The music was supposed to stop for just a moment, then Lightning Dust had a quick little bass flair that led them into a chord change for the song’s bridge. In a band with two guitarists, little moments like that were the closest Lightning could get to the solo spotlight, so Fluttershy always took care not to step on them when they played.
“Whoops, slipped my mind,” Ringo said.
“That was the chorus riff anyway,” Rainbow said. “We’re supposed to be switching to the bridge here.”
“Well, you’ve got me there.” Ringo got his hands in position to play the first chord of the song. “Let’s try from the top, shall we?”
“Fluttershy had it…” Lemon Zest grumbled. But she just sighed and counted them in. Everyone started playing once again. Everyone except Lightning Dust.
“Dust?” Rainbow asked when she realized there was no bass. “What’s up?”
Lightning kept looking at Fluttershy. After a moment, she turned to Ringo. “See if you can outplay Shy.”
“W-What?” Fluttershy looked from Lightning to Ringo.
“You can’t be serious, love.” Ringo shook his head and gave Fluttershy an incredulous look. “The girl’s a novice.”
“Yeah, exactly.” Lightning crossed her arms. “Shy makes it to every practice, she helps Dash fine tune things when we’re not even here, she’s helped with lyrics, she fills in for you all the time, she knows all our songs, and she’s getting better at them all the time. So if you can’t at least outplay her, then what the hell are you doing in our band?”
Fluttershy couldn’t see anyone, she had her eyes trained on the floor as she tried in vain to keep from blushing.
She heard the annoyance in Rainbow’s voice, though. “Dust, Shy isn’t even –”
“Fine,” Ringo said. “This is ridiculous and I’ll expect an apology once I prove it. But if this gets you off my case, then I’m game.”
Ringo started playing a rapid punk chord, which went higher and higher as his hands moved down the fretboard. It didn’t take long until he was playing a blazing solo.
Fluttershy hadn’t known he could play like that. If he brought that level of talent to Bitchette songs, this wouldn’t even be happening. Although she’d never dare say so, Fluttershy couldn’t help but wonder if he may even be a match for Rainbow.
Only… he was technically very skilled, but that was it. There was no sense of melody, nothing that could be easily built into a proper song. Just note after note of nonstop assault.
He finished on a sustained note and held his guitar in the air as it droned on. Fluttershy wondered if she was the only one who noticed the lack of musical quality aside from being technically impressive.
Ringo certainly didn’t seem to notice. “Let’s see you top that!”
Fluttershy stared at Rainbow’s spare guitar, and she knew she couldn’t. Ringo was a better guitarist than she was, flat out. All she was going to do by trying was embarrass herself.
This wasn’t her idea. She hadn’t even agreed to it. And now she was supposed to win? She couldn’t.
“Hey, don’t sweat it,” Ringo said. “It’s not every bloke who can carry a band.”
Carry? He thought he was carrying Bitchette? That was laughable. Ringo was the one being carried, the reason they couldn’t schedule shows, the only thing they ever fought about, everything wrong with this band!
And Fluttershy realized she did want to win. But not just win, she wanted to beat him. She couldn’t remember ever actually wanting to beat someone at anything before. But his attitude, his arrogance, his… everything! Fluttershy wanted to show him that Bitchette was better than him, that she was better.
But she couldn’t.
Not if she tried to play like him.
She took a deep breath and moved her fingers into place. “This is a song I wrote.”
Ringo actually laughed. “Oh no, I’m done for here. What’s it gonna be about, hopes and rainbows?”
Fluttershy ignored him. The song had been written on Rainbow’s acoustic guitar while her sister slept, but it had never been performed. Now she was playing it on an electric guitar in front of other people.
It wouldn’t do to perform it the way she wrote it initially. Even played electronically, a mournful ballad wasn’t going to beat Ringo. So she would just have to kick it up a notch.
She tried to think of how Rainbow would play. She didn’t go for speed, although she played the chords much faster than they were meant to be when she wrote them. Melody was more important than speed; she couldn’t be faster than Ringo, she had to go for the one thing she had on him.
She played it like it was a Bitchette song. She would prove that she was more in tune with the band than he was.
Of course, there was no way she could get her voice to sound like Rainbow’s, so it made a stark contrast to the way the music was played. Still, she closed her eyes, and she sang.
You were a shelter from the storm
But now its rages inside our home
Every day and every night
I don’t really want to fight
You’re filled with something good, I’m sure
But we’re not anything good anymore
Every glass smashed, every hurt
I’m not sure what it is worth
I can’t close my eyes
Without thinking of our demise
I just want to love you most
But I’m in love with a ghost
So I will close my eyes
And leave you another day
Butterflies in my stomach
Will carry me away
I was supposed to love in kind
But I was scared out of my mind
Every hour and every minute
I just can’t put myself in it
We played dolls and we played house
But I really think it was cat and mouse
Every sickness, every cure
This is my fault, this is yours
I can’t close my eyes
Without thinking of our demise
I just want to love you most
But I’m in love with a ghost
So I will close my eyes
And leave you another day
Butterflies in my stomach
Will carry me away
No one said anything as she finished, not at first. Fluttershy opened her eyes and blushed as she realized she had at some point stopped noticing that anyone was around, having once again gotten lost in the music.
“Fluttershy…” Rainbow said, clearly struggling for more words.
Lemon Zest wasn’t struggling, though. “Dude, that was awesome! I never even knew you could sing like that!”
Fluttershy blushed harder, but she smiled too. “I, uhm, I used to sing harmony in the Rainbooms.”
“Hmph.” Ringo frowned. “I could play that song in my sleep.”
“Maybe.” Lightning shrugged and grinned. “You couldn’t write it, though.”
“You and Rainbow write all our songs anyway,” Ringo protested. “I don’t need to write songs too.”
Lemon Zest shrugged. “Look, I’m not a songwriter either, but I’m just saying that would be a sick song to add to our repertoire.”
“Oh, uhm, you can play it if you want,” Fluttershy said with a smile. It was kind of personal, but it would be easier to hear coming from Rainbow’s mouth than her own.
“Now that we have that settled, can we get back to practice?” Ringo asked, clearly annoyed.
“You got any other songs like that, Shy?” Lightning Dust asked.
Something in her expression gave it away. Fluttershy’s song about her relationship probably wasn’t actually ‘punk rock’ enough for Lightning Dust, but that wasn’t what mattered. Ringo was getting fed up with the band, and she was just trying to push his buttons.
Well, Fluttershy might as well press a few herself. “Uhm, not exactly. But I wouldn’t mind trying to write something with you girls, if you want. Or we could work on figuring out how to turn that one into a full band song.”
No doubt Ringo didn’t appreciate being excluded from Fluttershy’s comment about ‘you girls’, whether he realized it was intentional or not. “Maybe we should make sure we have the songs we’ve been working on down pat?”
“We already do,” Lightning Dust said. “At least, the rest of us do. We’ve kinda been practicing them when you haven’t been here.”
Rainbow had been silent since Fluttershy’s song, doing her usual to try and avoid confrontation with Ringo. But even she couldn’t sit out any longer. “She has a point, you know. It’s been pretty shitty trying to be in a band when one of our members hasn’t been around.”
“Fine.” Ringo shoved his guitar back into its case. “Well, I’m not gonna sit around just for you all to gang up on me. I only joined this band as a favor to Flash anyway, you lot needed me.”
“We needed someone, you just happened to show,” Lightning Dust said. “Until you didn’t anymore.”
“Cool it, Dust,” Rainbow warned.
“No need, because I’m out. Best of luck to you girls, because you’re going to need it without me.”
Even Rainbow didn’t try to stop him as Ringo climbed the stairs, stomping all the way. He slammed the door behind him, and the four girls were on their own once more.
“Well, that happened,” Lemon Zest said.
“It was always going to happen,” Lightning said. “It’s good we finally cut the dead weight.”
“It wouldn’t of happened if you didn’t push him so much,” Rainbow accused.
“No, she’s right, Dashie,” Fluttershy said. “He’s been holding you back. Even you can see it, you just didn’t want to have this confrontation.”
Rainbow tried to protest, but she couldn’t seem to manage. After a moment, she folded and took a seat on the couch.
“I mean, I guess I agree,” Lemon Zest said. “It sucks, but you know, we’re better off without him. But… what do we do now?”
Rainbow looked at Fluttershy. “Don’t suppose you changed your mind about joining us?”
“Oh…” Fluttershy sat down beside Rainbow. She had to admit, she’d been thinking about the band like she was part of it. But she still wasn’t sure she wanted to be a musical part of the band. “I… I know I’m not really good enough to be in a band yet. I think it’d be better to find someone else.”
Rainbow nudged her. “Hey, you just beat Ringo, right?”
“I… I don’t know that I really beat him. I think I just showed we have different strengths.”
“It would be pretty weird to have Fluttershy up on stage with the rest of us,” Lightning said with a smirk. “But then if Shy isn’t joining, what do we do?”
Rainbow frowned and leaned forward. “We could just rewrite out songs to only have one guitar, I guess.”
“I think your songs work really well with two guitars,” Fluttershy said.
“Me too.” Lemon Zest stood up to get drinks, handing them out to all the girls in turn. “But none of us know another guitarist.”
No one answered. It was the undeniable truth of their situation, after all.
Rainbow opened the beer Lemon Zest handed her and took a drink. “Well, wanna just call it a day then? We can all think about what to do, then get back together and see if anyone had any ideas.”
Lightning Dust sighed, taking a drink of her own beer. “Yeah, I guess that sounds fair enough.”
“I’ll ask around again,” Lemon Zest said. “Maybe I’ll have better luck finding someone this time.”
“I just hope this is the last wasted practice,” Lightning Dust said. She pulled out her phone. “Guess I’ll head out after this.”
Fluttershy frowned and took a sip of her beer. She didn’t really like beer, but it was what they all drank, and she had other reasons besides the taste to drink it with them. It helped sometimes. Help keep the pain away.
Although if they left, it wouldn’t. Fluttershy had learned better than to drink alone. Even if she was with Rainbow, she’d be too caught up in her thoughts. But without practice, she’d need another reason to keep them all together.
She looked towards the stairs, where Ringo had stormed off just a few minutes before. “Well… it wasn’t exactly wasted.”
Everyone turned to look at her. “What do you mean, Shy?” Rainbow asked.
“I, uhm, I know it wasn’t fun, but getting rid of Ringo will make the band stronger.”
“Shy…” Rainbow frowned.
“I… I think we should all go out and do something. To, uhm, to celebrate.”
“Don’t you think that’s a little messed up?” Rainbow asked. “We shouldn’t be happy someone left the band.”
“Fuck it, I’m happy.” Lightning shrugged. “I’m down for celebrating.”
Lemon Zest scratched at her neck. “I… don’t really think I’m happy, but you know, doing something together would be cool. You know, get back to being a band again. Maybe we could catch a show for some inspiration.”
“Hell yeah!” Lightning Dust pulled out her phone again, but this time she used it for more than checking the time. “Let me see who’s playing, that’s a great idea.”
Rainbow sighed, then finally smiled. “Yeah, okay. But only because I’ll be damned if I trust the two of you alone with Shy.”
Lightning Dust snickered. “Yeah, we might corrupt the poor girl.”
“Wait a second,” Lemon Zest said. “I get Dust, but not even me?”
“Hmm…” Fluttershy pretended to consider for a moment. “I think Zesty is trustworthy.”
“What?” Lightning mocked indignation. “I’m at least as trustworthy as… okay, no, you’re right.”
They all laughed on their way out. Even before the celebration began, it seemed no one was really torn up about losing Ringo.
They all piled into Rainbow’s van, Fluttershy in the front, Lemon Zest and Lightning Dust in the back. “Find any good bands playing?” Rainbow asked as she started the engine.
“You bet I did!” Lightning Dust said. “Head for Pegasus Landing, there’s a kick-ass band there tonight. But first, wanna make a quick pit stop at the liquor store? There’s one down the street from the venue, then we can take a cab back.”
“Feeling like something more than beer?” Rainbow asked as she pulled out of the parking lot and started driving towards Pegasus Landing. Fluttershy had never been there, but it was near the store Sunset worked at, so she’d driven past it plenty of times.
“Yeah, it’s a celebration! We should get smashed!”
Fluttershy wasn’t so sure she wanted to get ‘smashed’, but at least no one was planning on driving afterwards. Besides, she wouldn’t mind drinking something other than beer for a change.
“So what are we drinking?” Lemon Zest asked.
“Uhm, we could get wine,” Fluttershy said.
Lightning Dust laughed. “Don’t get me wrong, wine is fine, but this is a party, Shy! We gotta do something fun, like tequila.”
“Oh, I’ve never had tequila.”
“And you never should,” Rainbow said. “Last time I had tequila, I puked all over my couch.”
“…is that what that stain is?” Lightning Dust asked. “You know, I could have gone without knowing that, actually. Let’s skip the tequila.”
“Oh! Hard lemonade!” Lemon Zest said.
“That’s barely above beer!” Lightning complained.
“But it’s good…”
“I got an idea,” Rainbow said. She glanced at Fluttershy and frowned, forcing her words out despite obvious awkwardness. “Hey, Shy… Does, uh, does Sunset work tonight?”
Fluttershy frowned as well. It was true that Sunset had occasionally sold her friends alcohol in the past, but she hadn’t spoken with Sunset since she moved in with Rainbow, and she wasn’t in a hurry to run into her unexpectedly. Besides, there was no need for that when they had Lightning Dust.
“I don’t think so. Why?”
Rainbow grinned. “Good. We’ll get some lemonade and ice from her store, then get some vodka to mix with it.”
“Vodka and lemonade?” Fluttershy asked.
“Hell yeah!” Lemon Zest said. “You’ve never had it?”
“Oh, I haven’t been drinking for very long. I’ve only ever had wine and beer. And, uhm, whiskey once…”
“Woah, we gotta get you out more.” Lightning Dust said. “Can’t have little miss perfect cramping our – ow!”
Fluttershy looked into the rearview mirror to see Lemon Zest had just punched Lightning Dust’s shoulder. “Don’t mind her,” she said with a smile. “But dude, you’ll love it. Vodka lemonade is so good.”
Even if Fluttershy didn’t really mind Lightning Dust’s jokes about how different she was from the rest of them, she appreciated Lemon Zest keeping her in check.
They kept joking around on the way to the store. It kept Fluttershy’s spirits high as they drove, although that could only last for so long. The closer they got to the store, the more familiar the sights were, and the more anxious Fluttershy felt.
When they reached the parking lot, she scanned it for Sunset’s motorcycle. There was no sign of it, but it felt like she might pull up and see them any minute.
Rainbow looked at her when they parked. “You, uh, wanna wait here?”
“I… yes.”
“Alright, I’ll just be a minute.” Rainbow unbuckled and got out of the van.
Lemon Zest was quick to follow. “Hold on, I gotta make sure you get the good shit.”
Lightning Dust leaned back. “I’ll wait here with Shy. Just be quick about it.”
Fluttershy watched as Rainbow and Lemon Zest walked into the building. She sighed, a familiar painful feeling coming back.
“So this is where your ex works?” Lightning Dust asked.
Fluttershy frowned. Her ex. That’s what Sunset was now. “Yeah…”
Lightning Dust was quiet for a moment. She never hesitated to offer her advice when Fluttershy was having problems with Sunset, but delicate situations weren’t her strong suit. It was no surprise, then, that she changed the subject when she did speak. “Hey, I don’t really think I’ve ever said it, but thanks for everything you do for us.”
Fluttershy turned to face her, seeing she was looking at the ground. She got the impression that the appearance-conscious punk girl would never say this around the others. “I don’t do that much, but I am glad to help.”
“You keep us on the ball, you know? Especially Rainbow. She acts different around you, more focused. Like she doesn’t wanna let you down, so she actually tries a lot harder.”
Fluttershy blushed. “Dash can get a little distracted.”
“We all can, which is why having you around helps us a lot. And I don’t think Dash noticed, but I could tell you were with me on getting rid of the dead weight.”
Fluttershy shifted in place, unsure how she felt about being thanked for that. “I just want to see Bitchette be as good as it can be.”
Lightning Dust looked up at her and nodded. “Yeah, me too. So you know, don’t hesitate to keep us in line more.”
Fluttershy smiled. She knew how hard it must be for the tough girl to admit someone like Fluttershy had become an important part of her band. “You got it, Dusty.”
Lightning laughed. “Okay, seriously just call me Dust. My parents are the only ones who call me Dusty.”
Fluttershy giggled. “Okay, Dust.”
The others were back before too long, bringing a gallon of lemonade, a bag of ice, and a pack of plastic cups with them. Rainbow handed the ice to Lightning, then she started the van and got them back on their way.
“Was, uhm…”
“No sign of Sunset,” Rainbow answered. “You were probably right, I don’t think she was working tonight.”
Fluttershy nodded. Sunset’s schedule didn’t usually change too much, so it had been silly to worry.
But then… what would happen if she talked to Sunset again? Would Sunset be angry with her? Probably… Fluttershy knew how much she hurt her. How could she not? She’d hurt herself just as much.
Because when it came down to it, she didn’t want to leave Sunset. She loved her, no matter what happened, Fluttershy loved Sunset as much as she’d ever loved anything.
But things had gotten so bad, she wasn’t sure if it was even safe for them to try and keep making it work. She’d thrown a glass at Sunset. She’d actually tried to hurt the person she cherished most.
It was kind of funny, in a way. Fluttershy had been afraid of Sunset back in high school, and then again after the fight with Stormy Skies. Fluttershy had been afraid, and yet, Sunset had never once hurt her. No, in the end, it was Fluttershy who had crossed that line.
And that was why she had to be alone. It was what she deserved. It was all she’d earned. Besides, Fluttershy knew how to be alone. That was something she was very good at.
“You okay over there, Shy?” Rainbow asked.
Well, not completely alone. She’d always have Rainbow by her side, no matter how much she screwed up. “Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking.”
Rainbow pulled into the parking lot of a liquor store and parked far enough away that the car full of twenty-year-olds would go unnoticed. Lightning Dust got out, said she’d only be a minute, and walked towards the store.
“How long until the show starts?” Lemon Zest asked.
“Dunno, Dust didn’t say.” Rainbow shrugged. “Probably like seven or something, we should have plenty of time.”
“Uhm, don’t you have to call your grandparents?” Fluttershy asked.
“Oh, right!” Lemon Zest sat up and pulled out her phone. “Thanks for reminding me.”
She tapped on the phone a few times, then took off her headphones and pressed it against her ear. Looking at her through the rearview mirror, Fluttershy realized she’d never actually seen her without her headphones on before.
“Hey, Grandma, it’s me. I’m hanging out with my friends a little late tonight, we’re going to see a show.” She paused for a moment, then chuckled. “Of course I’ll be careful. Am I ever not?” Another pause. “Yeah, I know. Love you too, I’ll see you in the morning. Bye.”
“Aww, you didn’t give Grandma our love too?” Rainbow teased.
Lemon Zest just smiled. “Want me to call them back? Because I so will.”
She put on her headphones again, and Fluttershy couldn’t help but let her curiosity get the best of her. “Why do you always wear your headphones? You’re not even listening to anything, are you?”
“Nah, I just think they’re comfortable.”
“Oh.” Fluttershy wondered how headphones could be that comfortable, but she couldn’t think of why else Lemon Zest would never take them off.
“Surprised they let you wear them at school,” Rainbow said. “A friend of ours was always getting in trouble for hers back at CHS.”
Lemon Zest shrugged. “I guess my teachers just knew I wasn’t playing anything from them. Couldn’t really argue with my grades, you know?”
Rainbow snickered. “So you’re secretly an egghead now?”
Lemon Zest looked confused. “Uh, I was one of the final six in the Friendship Games acadeca, you know. Aren’t you two like really smart, too?”
Fluttershy exchanged glances with Rainbow. “I, uhm, I think we were chosen for our teamwork.”
“And for the Fall Formal,” Rainbow said. “And the Battle of the Bands. We kinda kicked ass all senior year.”
“Huh. Guess CHS really does have a different standard when the Friendship Games rolls around than CPA does.”
Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “What’s that mean?”
“Now now,” Fluttershy chided. “We’ve all graduated. There’s no reason to bring up old rivalries again.”
Rainbow sighed. “Yeah, alright.”
Although Fluttershy wasn’t sure she trusted Rainbow to stick to that, they didn’t have long to wait before Lightning Dust came back anyway. “We’re good to go! Wanna do the pre-party here and walk to the venue?”
“Sounds good.” Rainbow climbed between the seats to get to the back, while Fluttershy opted to get out and use the back door to get in again.
The back of Rainbow’s van was big enough to tote all their instruments, so since they’d left those at Rainbow’s house, they had plenty of room to sit around and drink together. Lemon Zest opened the cups and filled them with ice, then passed them around for everyone.
Even with only two ingredients, Lightning Dust insisted on mixing the drinks. Fluttershy found she was excited to try something new, certain that it would be better than beer at least.
She waited until everyone had theirs, then raised her cup. “To Bitchette?”
Everyone echoed the sentiment, then they all drank. Fluttershy found she liked it a lot, the tartness and sweetness of the lemonade working well with the alcohol. She wondered if she could convince the others to switch from beer to something more like this.
“So we got time before the band starts, right?” Rainbow asked as she sipped her drink.
Lightning checked her phone. “Yeah, almost an hour.”
“Cool. So who’s up for a drinking game?”
“A game?” Fluttershy asked. “Like what?”
“Well we don’t have much room, so how about truth or drink?”
“Truth or drink?” Fluttershy asked.
“Pretty much just what it sounds like,” Lightning Dust said. “It’s like truth or dare, but it’s just questions. If you don’t wanna answer, you have to take a drink. But if you do answer, the one who asked drinks. Works a bit better with shots, though.”
Rainbow shrugged. “So we don’t have the perfect drink for it, it’s just for fun anyway. Here, I’ll start. Lightning Dust, have you ever actually been in a threesome?”
Lightning smirked. “What, because of that thing with the twins? Sorry to disappoint, but no.” She wore a wistful smile. “It could’ve been great, though.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes and took a drink.
“Alright, so my turn.” Lightning Dust looked around the group, and her eyes fell on Fluttershy. She gulped, nerves growing at the thought of what embarrassing thing she might ask. “Alright, let’s find out how perfect you really are, Shy. What’s the most trouble you’ve ever been in?”
“Hmm…” Fluttershy really hadn’t ever caused trouble. She was as well behaved as she could be, but of course that was probably because… “Well, when I was volunteering at the animal shelter I work at now, sometimes I’d stay late. I’d, uhm, I’d usually stay as late as I could, actually… But when I went home, Stormy Skies, my stepdad, would always get really angry if I was out too late to cook dinner.”
Lightning Dust smirked. “You were out too late saving animals? Seriously, that’s the best you got? Come on, how mad could he be for something like that?”
Fluttershy frowned. “Well, if he was sober he’d just yell at me. If he was already drunk, it would depend if I could get to my room before he got a hold of me.”
“Oh.” Lightning Dust’s eyes fell to the floor. “Well, shit. I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was like that.”
“It’s okay. I got away from him eventually. But, uhm, I think you’re supposed to drink now.”
Lightning smiled a little again. “Yeah, you got me there.” She took a long drink, then her smirk was back in full-force. “Now it’s your turn. Ask any of us.”
Fluttershy had to stop herself from taking a sip of her drink as she thought about it. She couldn’t ask Rainbow anything, she already knew all of her secrets. But she didn’t really have any questions for the others, either.
But then she looked at Lemon Zest and smiled. She felt a little guilty for asking, but reminded herself that Lemon Zest could always opt to drink instead. “So, uhm, Zesty… What’s the real reason you always wear your headphones?”
“Oh.” Lemon Zest took a sip of her drink.
“Okay, first off, that was a bitch sip,” Lightning Dust said. “Secondly, how is that a hard question to answer?”
Lemon Zest blushed. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Hey, she took the drink, Dust,” Rainbow said. “That’s part of the game. She doesn’t have to answer.”
“Yeah, I just don’t get it.” Lightning Dust shrugged. “I mean, you told us you fooled around with my sister, you know? How much more awkward could this be?”
Lemon Zest sighed. “I have a medical condition.”
Rainbow arched an eyebrow. “And the only cure is more cowbell? Seriously?”
“I am serious,” Lemon Zest said. She took off her headphones and handed them to Rainbow.
She looked skeptical, then put them on. “Holy shit. How do you hear anything with these?”
“By listening carefully.” Lemon Zest held out her hand, and Rainbow handed her back the headphones. They quickly went back on her head. “It’s called Sensory Processing Disorder, and… it’s common with people with ADHD. I get overstimulated really easily, and things that other people don’t even notice really freak me out.”
“So wait, why the hell do you play the drums?” Rainbow asked.
“My…” Lemon Zest sighed and absent-mindedly took a sip of her drink. “My therapist recommended it. Put myself in control of the noise, you know? Like, exposure therapy. It’s actually really helped a lot with getting used to loud noises, and it helps with my ADHD too.”
Fluttershy smiled. “There’s no reason to be embarrassed about that. It’s good that you found a way to make things work for you.”
Lightning Dust nudged Fluttershy. “She answered and took a drink, so I think you have to take two now.”
Fluttershy giggled. “Oh, right.” She took two large drinks, secretly glad to have a reason to enjoy more of the drink before all the ice melted.
They managed to get onto the kinds of questions everyone probably had in mind when they started the game. Lemon Zest asked Lightning if there had ever been a time before she lived and breathed punk, and they learned she went through a huge boy band phase in middle school. Lightning asked Rainbow if she ever liked wearing frilly dresses, which she tried to deny, only to have Fluttershy remind her that she never complained when Rarity made them dresses for the school dances.
All in all, they still managed to embarrass each other, but it was a fun kind of embarrassment where everyone was laughing. The vodka probably helped that along, as they steadily worked through the bottle.
By the time they were out of vodka, Lightning Dust announced the show was starting in fifteen minutes, so they’d better get a move on. They left the van and Lemon Zest had to fight to stand straight, leading to them all to laugh again.
Fluttershy wanted this to last forever. As long as she had friends by her side and dumb things to laugh about, she could get through anything.
“Man, that was awesome!” Lemon Zest said as they were leaving the venue.
“Told you they were good,” Lightning Dust said.
It hadn’t exactly been Fluttershy’s kind of music, and she didn’t really think it needed to be as loud as it was, but Fluttershy had fun as well. “I just can’t wait until it’s you girls up on stage like that.”
“Hell yeah, that’s gonna kick ass!” Lightning said. “Once we find a new guitarist, I say we shoot straight for the stage.”
“I’m sure whoever we get is gonna need some time to learn our songs,” Rainbow pointed out.
“We’ll just need to find someone good enough to learn them quickly, then.” Lemon Zest turned to Fluttershy with a sly grin. “Or someone who already knows them.”
Fluttershy blushed. “Oh, I could barely play the tambourine without messing up in front of a crowd. I’d never manage the guitar…”
“Hmm…” Lightning Dust stopped walking and stared at Fluttershy.
Fluttershy stopped as well. “Hmm?”
“I was just wondering what we could do to make you look the part if you did play with us.”
Fluttershy giggled. “I don’t think I could pull off the punk look.”
Rainbow wrapped an arm around Fluttershy’s shoulders. “Don’t let her fool you. Shy’s the only one of us with a tattoo, you know.”
“Wait, what?” Lemon Zest exchanged looks with Lightning Dust. “I didn’t know that. That’s awesome!”
“Please tell me it’s something sick, like a skull or something,” Lightning Dust said with a grin.
“It’s, uhm, it’s a sun…” Fluttershy said. She didn’t like showing off her tattoo anymore, didn’t even like looking at it.
“Show us!” Lemon Zest said.
“I, uhm…”
Lightning laughed. “What, is it somewhere private?”
“N-No, it’s just…” Fluttershy couldn’t think of a reason not to show them, so she rolled up her sleeve and showed the sun on her shoulder.
“That’s wicked cool,” Lemon Zest said.
“Yeah it is,” Lightning agreed. “Didn’t know you had it in you, Shy. I’m kinda jealous, actually.”
Fluttershy smiled and rolled her sleeve back down. Although there were a lot of mixed up feelings tied into that tattoo, she was happy to have impressed her friends.
“Hey, I know what we should do!” Rainbow said. “What if we all get matching Bitchette tattoos?”
“That’d be awesome!” Lemon Zest said. “I’m down, but what would we get?”
“I, uhm… I wouldn’t mind getting a Bitchette tattoo.”
“Okay, I can’t let these two get one and sit out,” Lightning Dust said. “But what would it look like?”
“I… don’t know,” Rainbow admitted.
Fluttershy smirked. “Maybe we should come up with a band logo before getting a tattoo.”
Lightning laughed. “Yeah, that’s fair.”
“We should still do something cool together,” Lemon Zest said. “I kinda always wanted a piercing. You girls up for that?”
“I’m down,” Rainbow said. “Wonder what I should get…”
“You can figure it out when we find a place.” Lemon Zest pulled out her phone and started searching.
Rainbow nudged Lightning. “What do you say? Get some sick punk piercings before we start playing.”
“You know I’m in,” Lightning said, though she seemed a little less vocal than usual.
“Found a place nearby! It’s this way!” Lemon Zest turned them around and led the way.
As they walked, they all discussed what kind of piercings they’d get. Fluttershy certainly wasn’t interested in getting any ‘punk’ piercings, but she had always considered getting her ears pierced.
Although Rainbow wouldn’t admit it, she had to be at least a little concerned about what her parents would say if she came home with a bunch of holes in her face. Fluttershy suggested she get her upper ear done as a medium between conventional and punk, and Rainbow agreed.
Lemon Zest had all kinds of ideas, ranging from her nose to her tongue to her eyebrow. She seemed positive that her grandparents wouldn’t mind whatever she did.
The only one who didn’t seem to have much to say on the topic was Lightning Dust. But there was no doubt that she wouldn’t be outdone, and would get something at least as out there as Lemon Zest.
Before too long they went from talking over ideas on the walk to talking about them in a tattoo and piercing shop. “So who’s going first?” the piercer asked.
Everyone looked at each other, then Rainbow stepped up. “Well, I know what I want, so I’ll go.”
She selected a silver ear cuff and picked what the piercer called her ear’s helix for its placement. He encased her ear in what looked like some sort of piercing gun. “Alright, here goes. Three, two, one.”
He pressed down on the gun and Rainbow jumped a little, but she just flashed a thumbs up. “Ready for the other side?” he asked.
“Yeah, let’s do it!”
He did the same procedure, to similar results. It made Fluttershy feel a little better about getting her own done, since it didn’t look like it hurt too much. It couldn’t have been worse than the tattoo, and she’d been fine for that.
“I’ll go next,” she said. She picked stud earrings with teal gemstones. She took a seat in the chair Rainbow was in while her sister showed off her new piercings to her friends.
The piercer loaded the gun with her earring of choice and put it to her ear. “Ready?”
Fluttershy tried to keep her nerves in check, reminding herself it couldn’t be worse than the tattoo. “Yes.”
“Three, two, one.”
It did hurt, but the pain didn’t last. It was no worse than a bee sting, more of a shock than anything. “That wasn’t so bad.”
He did the other side, and then it was done. Much easier than getting the tattoo had been.
She got out of the chair and sat down with the others. “Looks great!” Lemon Zest said.
“Yeah, nice choice,” Lightning Dust agreed. Rainbow patted her on the shoulder and flashed a smile.
“You should go next,” Lemon Zest said to Lightning Dust. “I’m still deciding.”
“No way!” Lightning said. “I gotta make sure you don’t get something more extreme than me!”
Lemon Zest laughed and stood up. “Alright, fine. I think… let’s do my eyebrow!”
She chose a spike piercing for her left eyebrow, and was through just as quickly as Fluttershy and Rainbow were. Within a few moments, the others were admiring her new piercing.
“You’re up,” Rainbow said.
Lightning Dust stood up and hesitated a moment. She glanced at the piercer and spoke quietly. “What’s… the least painful?”
“Earlobes,” he said automatically.
Lightning frowned, no doubt realizing that wasn’t very punk at all.
“Dust, you okay?” Rainbow asked.
“Yeah! I…” she sighed. “I’m afraid of needles…”
Everyone looked at each other. Lightning Dust always seemed unstoppable, it was hard to imagine something like a little needle could make her wary.
“It’s like a bee sting,” the piercer said. “Most piercings only hurt for a moment.”
“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Lemon Zest said.
“No way, all of you did it.” Lightning looked at the piercer with a determined expression. “Which is worse, lip or nose?”
He shrugged and gestured to the outer part of his nose. “Nostril and lip are pretty close.” He pointed to the middle of his nose. “Septum hurts more.”
Lightning looked back at the others, and Fluttershy noticed she was blushing. “I’ll… I’ll do a lip piercing.”
“That’s gonna swell,” he warned. “Doesn’t hurt much, but makes you look like you got punched in the mouth for a few days.”
She nodded. “I don’t care about that, it’s just…”
Fluttershy stood up and took a place beside her friend. “It’s okay. You can do it.”
Lightning nodded. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”
She chose two rings close to each other, which the piercer called a spider bite piercing. Even though it was two piercings, she insisted; Fluttershy suspected she wanted to try and save her reputation by getting something a little more punk than a single piercing would be.
She sat in the chair and gripped the armrests tightly. Fluttershy moved to her side and took hold of her hand. She expected Lightning to resist, but she just held onto Fluttershy tightly.
The piercer used a clamp to hold her lip in place, which only made her grip Fluttershy tighter. Still, she just stared straight ahead, determined to see it through. “Alright, here goes. Three, two, one.”
“Shit!’ Lightning said loudly, the clamp causing her voice to sound thick.
“One more to go,” he said. “You’re doing great.”
At least it was quick. Fluttershy wondered how she’d ever get a tattoo, because Lightning was growing pale just from the piercings.
He did the second piercing, which Lightning took a little better. Or maybe she was just zoning out too much from the first one to notice the second as much, it was hard to say.
But it was over. The piercer undid the clamp, and Rainbow helped Lightning up. “Looks sweet!”
“Yeah,” Lemon Zest said as she came up to examine it. “Awesome choice.”
Lightning looked down at the floor. She was so pale that Fluttershy worried about her. “Thanks…”
The piercer disappeared for a moment, then came back with a bottle of water. “It happens to a lot of people. But you did it, and now you have a great looking piercing.”
She smiled a bit and took a sip of the water.
He gave them all a rundown of how to care for their piercings. They waited around until Lightning Dust looked a little better, then made their way out the door.
Since they hadn’t had anything to drink at the concert, which had gone on for four hours between all the different bands, they decided to skip the taxi and drive back to Rainbow’s house. They took the long way back to the van though, giving Lightning the chance to get some fresh air.
“Thanks for being so cool about me being a bitch back there…” Lightning said.
“What are you talking about?” Rainbow asked. “I didn’t see you being a bitch.”
“Yeah, you just got a sick piercing and took it like a champ,” Lemon Zest said. “That’s what I remember, anyway.”
Lightning smiled at her friends. “Thanks, guys.”
It was late enough by the time they made it back to Rainbow’s that they had to sneak in to keep from waking up her parents. Although Fluttershy was staying in the spare bedroom, she still went to Rainbow’s room with her.
Rainbow collapsed on the bed without bothering to change out of her clothes. “What a night.”
“Think you’re parents will say anything about the piercing?” Fluttershy asked as she took a seat at Rainbow’s computer desk.
“Dunno. Think they’ll notice?”
Fluttershy frowned. She knew Rainbow had a point about her parents being inattentive, but she felt like they at least tried to do right by their daughter. “I’m sure they will.”
“Maybe. Anyway, I doubt they’ll care much.”
“As long as you don’t get something like Lemon Zest. I wonder if she’s right that her grandparents won’t mind.”
“They sound pretty cool from everything she says, so maybe.” Rainbow let out a yawn.
“Should I let you get some sleep?”
“Nah, I’m good for a little longer.”
“Okay. So, do you have any idea how to go about getting shows once you’ve got a guitarist?”
“Not really.” Rainbow paused for a moment, then turned to face Fluttershy. “To tell the truth, I don’t want to rush into it, you know? I wanna make sure whoever joins is ready.”
“Yeah, that’s probably for the best. Maybe we could put up flyers or something.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Fluttershy tapped a key on Rainbow’s keyboard, turning on the computer screen. She typed in Rainbow’s password and opened an image editor. “Maybe we could work on a flyer together?”
“Maybe,” Rainbow muttered.
Fluttershy recognized the sound of Rainbow’s voice. She turned to look, and sure enough, Rainbow had her eyes closed. Any minute now she would be snoring.
Fluttershy stood up. “Good night, Rainbow.”
“Night…”
Fluttershy smiled and left the room, heading for the guest bedroom next to it.
Unlike Rainbow, Fluttershy took the chance to change into pajamas before lying down. She smiled and gently touched her new earrings, thinking of what Rarity would say when she told her about it. She’d approve of the choice, of course; Fluttershy hadn’t gotten anything crazy done, and besides, Rarity’s ears had been pierced for as long as Fluttershy had known her.
Then she frowned, wondering what Sunset would say. Would Fluttershy even tell her? She’d have to when they next saw each other, but then… when would that be? She did still want to be friends with Sunset, she was far too important to her to cut from her life completely. But thinking of seeing her again hurt, just as thinking of not seeing her again did…
Fluttershy closed her eyes and tried to clear her thoughts, but it didn’t help. All that came to mind was Sunset’s smile. How she would’ve encouraged Fluttershy if she had been there when she got her ears pierced. How she would’ve held her hand while she was nervous. Even now, even after Fluttershy had hurt her so much, there was no doubt that Sunset would’ve been there holding her hand if she could.
Just like she’d be here now to wipe away Fluttershy’s tears. Whenever they fought, Sunset was the first to apologize. Fluttershy would cry, and Sunset would come into the bedroom and tell her she was sorry. She’d hold her, and she’d do whatever she needed to do to make Fluttershy stop crying.
And now, Fluttershy cried alone. It was what she deserved, all she had earned for herself.
There would be no sleep, so she might as well do something that could help someone else. She got up and turned a light on, feeling a little bit better than she had in the dark.
Quietly, she made her way back to Rainbow’s room. At least Rainbow was a heavy sleeper, so she wasn’t likely to notice Fluttershy at her computer. Having someone else in the room with her, even someone asleep, also helped Fluttershy feel just a little better.
She returned to the image editing program that was open, and got to work.
Being tired was nothing new to Fluttershy. It had been a while since she’d stayed up all night, but it certainly wasn’t the first time. There had been plenty of times back when she was living with Stormy Skies that sleep simply wouldn’t find her, and even when she was living with Sunset, there had been a fair amount of restless nights.
So she barely slowed, barely gave any indication that she wasn’t at one hundred percent when the sun rose. She even had coffee with Firefly, Rainbow’s mom, before she left for work.
After that, she went into the garage and borrowed Rainbow’s bicycle. Fluttershy had too much ground to cover to walk, and she was sure Rainbow wouldn’t mind.
It was a nice morning for it, too. The autumn air was crisp, but the sun was shining brightly and she was dressed for the slight chill in the air.
There were a few music stores in the city, but only one that was close enough to bike to. Even that one left her panting as she rode out to it. She chided herself for not doing more to try and lose the weight that she’d picked up in the months since the accident, but felt proud that she was doing something now.
She chained the bike up outside, then went into the building. They were just opening, so she was the only one there.
She looked around at the various instruments for a moment. They all seemed so expensive, but then Fluttershy had never bought an instrument before.
“Welcome, miss,” a guy around her age said. She turned to smile at him and he looked at her quizzically for a moment. “Say, do I know you from somewhere?”
She studied him. He did look somewhat familiar. He was tall with forest green skin and a shaggy mane of pale blue hair that was almost silver. Fluttershy couldn’t help but think whenever she had last seen him, he hadn’t grown the goatee yet. “Uhm, I’m not sure. School, maybe? I went to Canterlot High School.”
“That can’t be it, I went to Equal Heights.” He thought for a minute, then smiled. “But you went to Cloudsdale Middle School, right?”
Fluttershy grinned. “Yes! Wait… You were Rainbow’s friend, right? Uhm, Wind something…”
“Windfall,” he said with a smile. “Yeah, I remember you were always hanging out with her. Was it Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy nodded. “Yup. How are you doing these days?”
“I’m pretty good. Been working here for the past year now, it’s such a cool job. How about you, what are you up to these days?”
“I’m working at an animal shelter and going to school to be a veterinarian. Well, I’m taking a semester off because of some stuff, but I’ll be back after winter break.”
He nodded. “That sounds great for you. I remember you used to smuggle animals into school.”
Fluttershy giggled. “Yeah, it’s a really nice job.”
“So, do you play something, or are you looking to learn an instrument?”
“Oh, I play the guitar a little.”
“Nice! It’s a great instrument. I take it you’re here to get something for your guitar then?”
Fluttershy had gotten so sidetracked with catching up with an old acquaintance that she’d completely forgotten what she was actually there for. “Actually, I was hoping I could put up a flyer here.”
She reached into her purse and handed him the flyer she’d designed. It described the band and said they were looking for a second guitarist to fill out their sound. Because she wanted the band to look as good as possible, Fluttershy had created a logo for them. She expected the others would want to redesign it later, but it would do for now.
Windfall smiled at the description. “A punk band, huh? Gotta say, you don’t seem like the type.”
Fluttershy giggled. “I get that a lot.”
“Bitchette’s a cool name, though.”
“Thanks,” Fluttershy said even though it didn’t really have anything to do with her. “Rainbow’s the lead singer, actually. Once we get a guitarist and can start playing some shows, I’ll have to come back to let you know so you can come see.”
Windfall nodded and brought the flyer over to a corkboard where there were other similar musician wanted ads. “I can one-up you on that. I play guitar and I’m not in a band right now. How about I audition?”
“Oh, that’d be great! I’m sure Rainbow would love that too. But uhm, we’ll still have to see what everyone thinks.”
“I wouldn’t want to be in a band that I got into just for knowing a few people anyway. We’ve gotta see how we sound together first.”
Fluttershy smiled. “Right. Oh, and I hope you don’t mind, but all the current members are girls.”
“Being surrounded by a band full of awesome chicks? What in the world would I have to complain about there?”
Fluttershy laughed. “It was nice running into you. Now that I know you work here, we’ll have to come back whenever we need gear.”
Windfall grinned. “I appreciate that. And I’m looking forward to auditioning.”
“Just between you and me, I hope you get the part. It would be nice to have a familiar face.”
“Well, I appreciate that too.”
Fluttershy said goodbye and left the store. She wasn’t looking forward to the bike ride back, but seeing Windfall and having a potential rhythm guitarist lined up for Bitchette made her feel better about it.
She made her way back to Rainbow’s house leisurely, debating if she should put up flyers in public places like parks. ‘Let’s see how it goes with the music stores, then we can figure out what else to do.’
She made the trip in good time, and put the bike away in the garage. She was excited to tell Rainbow about the day, but first she would try to take a little nap.
She climbed the stairs to the guest bedroom, then collapsed on the bed in her clothes. She may have been up all night, but she didn’t have work until the afternoon, so she had no reason to be up all morning.
Rainbow would be proud of her. She’d helped the band, and she’d gotten a little exercise too. As silly as it was, Rainbow being proud of her mattered more to Fluttershy than being proud of herself did, so she had plenty of good thoughts to guide her into a good sleep.
Except that wasn’t what happened. Fluttershy tossed and turned, but couldn’t quite manage to fall asleep. Not when one thought kept coming back to her.
Sunset would be proud of her. If only Sunset knew what she had done, Sunset would be proud of her. And that mattered more than anything.
But she couldn’t tell Sunset. She couldn’t even look Sunset in the eyes, let alone talk to her. She couldn’t so much as text Sunset to see how she was holding up.
Because Sunset was hurt. Sunset was hurt, and Fluttershy wasn’t there to dry her tears. Sunset was hurt, and Fluttershy had hurt her.
Fluttershy was running. Sunset was hurt, and Fluttershy was running to her. She had to help her, she had to do something.
But the more she ran, the farther Sunset became, she was trying to run towards her, but all she could do was run away. Run away from the pain that she had caused, run away from everything until she was all alone.
Because being alone was all she was good at. If she was alone, she wouldn’t ever hurt anyone.
Her mom was sick. She was always sick, for as long as Fluttershy could remember. That was Fluttershy’s fault; she just hadn’t been strong enough to carry a child.
Fluttershy had been, though. Fluttershy was going to have a little girl, her Sky Shimmer, her world. But then Fluttershy hurt her too. She hadn’t been able to keep her temper in check and she had distracted Sunset and caused the accident that ruined everything.
But Sunset never blamed her. Sunset was always there, always looking out for her. And then Fluttershy hurt her as well, and then she ran away.
All Fluttershy did was cause pain. It was only right she got her own in turn.
“Shy?” Rainbow said, a voice cutting through the dark. “Shy, wake up.”
Fluttershy opened her eyes. Rainbow was there. She was shaking Fluttershy to wake her up, and she looked concerned.
“Rainbow?”
“Are you okay?” she asked. “You’re, uh, crying…”
Fluttershy reached up and rubbed her eyes, and found they were wet. “Oh.” She sat up, unsure of what to say.
Rainbow didn’t really seem to know either, since she awkwardly changed the topic. “I, uh, I saw the logo you designed on the computer and wanted to come and let you know looks great. Didn’t think you’d still be asleep.”
“I had… kind of a rough night…”
“Yeah… Sorry for passing out on you.”
“Oh, no, it’s okay. Besides, I have good news.”
Fluttershy smiled. She still hurt, but she was used to pain. And that meant she knew how to deal with it. All she had to do was keep busy, and now that Rainbow was awake, that would be easy.
She just had to keep busy. Then she could keep going. She launched into her explanation of what had happened at the music store and gave up on the notion of getting any more sleep.
Lyrics to Fluttershy’s song by Char 
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now that was a sweet chapter, nice to see a little break in the heart wrenching that. being said it is sad to how fluttershy is feeling like she deserves to be separated from sunset, the whole glass throwing incident is really hurting her, the lyrics to the song and the whole trying to keep busy tell you she still in love with sunset ( she even keeps thinking of how supportive she would be) even if she hadn't outright said.
When I had my ears pierced I told them not to count. When they count it warns you when they are going to do it, and most people will involuntarily flinch. I'd also been sick as a dog the night before and was feeling rather numb when I got my ears pierced. The net result was that I didn't flinch in the slightest when they did the deed. There was a bunch of guys watching and waiting for me to react. When I didn't even so much as twitch, they all thought I was seriously hardcore.
Things to remember about getting piercings, they have to stay in 24-7 until they've healed up. The store that does it is supposed to sell you something to help prevent infection. Piercings in the lips are prone to infection more so than any other part of the body, save perhaps certain neither regions.
I also pictured Fluttershy as coming across as really hardcore when she got her piercings.
Happy that Fluttershy's helping out Bichette so much, but at the same time...she's just ignoring her own problems. That can't last forever, can it? Wonder if it'll ever come out that she was the one who threw the glass and not Sunset.
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Gotta throw drama in even when positive advancements are made!
Well, I couldn’t let things just be happy or I wouldn’t be me
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I got my ears pierced unprofessionally, so I’ve never been in a professional piercing situation but I know a bit about piercings (just a bit though; I’ve only had my ears pierced). Like Lightning Dust here, I actually have a huge phobia of needles so it was pretty awful for me. As for Fluttershy being hardcore, I kinda think is more than she (or others in this story) give her credit for.
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Yeah, she’s straddling the line of a healthy coping mechanism by throwing herself in something else, but doing it in an unhealthy way. rather than give herself a distraction while she processes things, she’s kinda avoiding them entirely. Time will tell how it works out for her
If only Fluttershy would talk to a therapist like SciTwi suggested a few chapters ago.
Not even Rainbow is properly clued into how sad she is and why.
I kept thinking something terrible would happen at the happier bits but then I remembered that several terrible things have happened and what is going on now (while being happy on the surface level) is Fluttershy counter productively dealing with it all.
Drinking, distracting herself and overworking.
However adding Windfall from By Blood or Choice was cool and I expect great things from him in future Fluttershy chapters.
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lol let’s be real, almost all the characters in this series could use a therapist
Indeed, this chapter was more of a “good and bad” type thing rather than a sucker punch of terrible things when you’re given happy things. Gotta keep people on their toes so they don’t know when the terrible thing’s gonna happen
Glad to hear you recognized where Windfall comes from. He wasn’t exactly a huge character in the series, but of course if anyone’s gonna remember him, it’d be you
His human counterpart will get to be a recurring character, although I’ll admit I struggled quite a bit figuring out how to characterize him, so he doesn’t really shine much in this story.
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You should have seen me angrily staring at my computer reading over and over the description of Windfall when i realised it was a recurring character. Then giving in and reading on to see who it was.
I was very much not disappointed.
now I see what when you commented about 'every main character having romance by the end'. Or something to that effect
Ooh I like this game already
Oooh I don't like where this is going
I fucking love it
Let Char-Char know they're brilliant! Those lyrics were top tier and fit Flutters very well.
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I’ll let him know, and I’m glad you enjoyed them!
Fuck yeah, more cowbell!
I got a fevah, and the only cure is MORE COWBELL!
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Haha I've never actually seen that original skit, but I couldn't pass up the reference
God, what a shitlord. :V Good riddance.
Avoidance solves nothing.
...I forgot, is it this universe where Abacus Cinch is Lemon's grandmother? Swear I've read that somewhere...
Oh, wow, there it is. :) And actually, I see she said that earlier too, I just missed it.
Man, I'm so impressed by the trust Lightning Dust has in the others. Not only showing that she has a vulnerability, but allowing herself to be vulnerable around them, and accepting Fluttershy's support without complaint. Never thought I'd be so interested in something Lightning Dust-related, but you have kind of made her her own character here. :)
oof
Wow, what a spiral of thoughts that led to. D:
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Nope, not this universe. Can't say I know what story that's from.
And yeah, Lightning Dust was actually supposed to be an antagonist at one point in the planning, someone who didn't like Shy's presence in the band stuff. But in the end, I wound up loving her character in the story and took a different path.
Oofity.
That's good to know.
Well well well, look who finally showed up late again.
She has a point.
About time he decided to throw in the towel. 😒
Damn.
Hard lemonade?
Well they have been friends for a very long time.
That's interesting.
Huh, sounds a lot like my friend Michael back in high school who wore headphones a lot as well.
I mean Rarity does know what she's doing in regards to fashion. 😏
Ngl, I've been questioning myself that a lot in regards to G5 with 4 out of the 5 main character are female and the fifth member hitch is a guy and how he feels being in the group. 🤔
As someone with ADHD, I can relate to this.
Some days my brain just can't help but hear god, the universe, and everything, and I really need something to dull my sense of hearing for a bit. Sometimes it's as simple as covering my ears for a minute or two, sometimes I pop in earbuds to do the job and possibly listen to music to try and redirect focus. I also have a pair of earmuffs I've had for a long time that I sometimes rely on.
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). I used to wear noise cancelling headphones when I had to go out, and I only stopped when I began never leaving the house in the first place 
I definitely get it, having ADHD myself (and autism just to mix it up
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Based.