• Member Since 5th Dec, 2017
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computerneek


A lazy man with a keyboard, recovering his creativity. Now with Patreon and Tip Jar!

T

She's keeping a secret. And another one. Even a third.
She never knows when she's going to discover another- so she has to be pretty good at keeping them. Probably helps she keeps most of them in one place.
Oh- and she mustn't forget, there are some secrets that can't be relocated. Like her enemy. Or her other enemy.
Yet she must stay secret from all, even those she fights alongside.
She is, herself, a secret soldier.
And somepony's onto her.


A reimagining of Secret Search, in which she actually demonstrates (some of) the skills necessary to keep so many secrets. I'm not perfect, though, so I'll probably mess up somehow. We'll find out.


Tags may be updated as the story progresses.

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 45 )

I dunno. The original was quite good. I hate seeing so many unfinished stories, and all of this quality.
Worst case, write a backlog of some good 20-30 chapters (and warn us, so we don't think you dropped off the earth) and use those as buffer for if things need changing. :D

Admittedly, it has a better start (maybe? It's different, but then she's mainly setting up more automatic systems rather than running them on her own like last time... We'll see), but I am not really sure why it needed a redo. More specifics please?

I'm not surprised that the shipping snuck in. I'd say the only thing more common about those two is the idea that one of them is a Changeling. :trollestia:
...Hmmm. I wonder...?

9098102
I tried that, and it was killing me...

The problem with the original is that it was too fast-paced- both in plot progression and story timeline. In order to solve the magic inhibitor problem, she’ll either have to blow it sky-high with Bolo weapons or make a remote bypass... Which, the bolo is the only one with enough processing power to do that.
In either case, though, it makes the whole antimagic emitter party into yet another pew-they-die enemy- and, honestly, it’s way too early in that story for everypony to know about the bolo.
This problem, of course, started at the very beginning... and eliminating it, as late as it is, would constitute a massive change in tone. I can get away with that early on, often- but in chapter 20? Nope.

So I’m restarting. She’s going to demonstrate a little more skill in secret keeping (Seriously, Secret Search had her reveal her secret kitchen on day one)... so hopefully, I can pull off something better than the original.
Teleporting the Bolo to a separate location instead of to her house is the first step in this. I’m also giving her different priorities related to it, a little more enginuity, and a little more pre-existing knowledge.

And, as one might infer from the title, she’ll also have an enemy (or two) that nopony else can fight.

9098160
Ahhh. I suppose you could get around that, though; I have heard some stories have her a martial arts expert (amusing typo: marital arts; I really don't want to know!), so perhaps she could just grab some body armor and whack all of them by hoof.

And didn't Scratch know the codez or whatever to bypass it already? But if you need to restart, go ahead. I just feel it's a shame to drop so many good stories. :fluttercry:

9098397
I don't think it's a straight-up drop; if ever I decide a story is never going to get any further, I will publish any/all remaining unpublished material and label it cancelled. However...
For different reasons, pertaining more to how my style has changed over the years, my latest stories- Last One, Delivery Express, Secret Soldier, maybe another one- are likely to get the most attention.

Okay, that got you the official excuse for the like and actual library placement (not that it usually takes that long anyway. Is there a single one of your stories with more than a few chapters that I disliked?).

When you said that she could have the party ready whenever, I didn't originally think it was so literal! :rainbowdetermined2::rainbowlaugh:

Questionp: What was Bon Bon's expression that freaked out Lyra so much?
(Okay, technically, that should have had a yes/no answer under that convention, but I couldn't resist using it.)

9102314
:facehoof: You went and read the link, I can tell. NOT what I meant! :D

9102722
What? I did leave that to the reader's imagination... so ANY facial expression would be technically correct, so long as the reader in question can see Lyra responding to it that way, in context.

9102729
I was thinking either some sort of situationally-disturbing seductive expression or other "aware of Lyra's attraction" expression or puppy-dog eyes, but neither seem to make sense.

9102767
That's a very good question. Bonbon's almost certainly noticed- and might well be playing on that... But she might also be attracted right back, just controlling herself better.

I know my brother just loved this chapter. Turns out I can write convincing SoL after all- I just have to have a little depth to my characters!

9102774
I still think the one-second party setup was the best part.

9103881
Me too.

One one thousand.

:rainbowlaugh: Oh, goodness, the roads! Yeah, I call Discord on that. :twilightoops:

Did you also have this strange feeling of amusement when Pinkie said "Last cake"?

How did Bons detect that spell on the approach, anyway? She's an Earth pony, so I guess for this story the other can still detect spells even if they can't cast them? I can't recall what she did in that regard on the other version of this.

9109008
The way I see it, since all ponies have magic, all ponies can feel the magic fields. Unicorns will, of course, be the most sensitive- so while earth ponies and pegasi might be able to feel the magic fields, they will completely miss most spells. Bonbon has trained her thaumic sense, bringing her up to something resembling a unicorn's sensitivity... and an average unicorn can rather easily detect most spells. Lyra probably didn't care if Bonbon realized she'd set herself a proximity-based alarm clock- and didn't realize Bonbon might feel something like that.

In the other version, these topics were never mentioned... Nor designed, in my mind. Magic was simply magic... But now, it's got more of a structure to it.

As for Pinkie's "Last cake"... What do you mean, strange feeling of amusement?

9109441
I dunno. I guess because it's unexpected, but "last cake of the night" just makes me smirk.

Also, yay for worldbuilding! :D

Hmmm. Interesting. It does make more sense for her to be more subtle and then get investigated.
...That does make one get the impression that Equestria is like certain countries that do that sort of thing, though.
I really like that security system, though. Talk about cool!

That first section at breakfast really needs some more names in the latter half. It works as-is, but it is tricky to track who's speaking without an occasional name to refresh the mind.

9227123
And here I thought the behavioral difference was enough...

9227129
It was, but it still helps, since it's kinda bad practice.

Heh heh. I hope that was you setting flags. I recall the Pinkboom fondly. :D

I wonder if that's why she'll end up ascending or if it's just a function of thaumic reservoir? My headcanon would point to the second, but obviously you are not me, so who knows?

I think that BonBon might perhaps want to consider the fact that her roomate is just that good and think twice on trying to spy on her. After all, you don't really want to upset one known to have escaped Tirek when he had the power of four alicorns and then some...

9232749
Setting flags... The comments on why Lyra isn't an alicorn yet? Yep. Equestria doesn't yet know what creates an alicorn- the Sisters already were, Cadence was a fluke nopony understands, Twilight was with Starswirl's spell... They think they know, but they're really just guessing.

As for Bonbon, that's a good thought. Though of course, she might just decide she's an Agent and investigate anyways...

I had to reread that several times. So, Lyra's attempting to make another friend and Bon Bon is getting nosy?
And there might just be another Bolo involved. :pinkiegasp:

9262350
Checking to see if I understood what happened. I didn't realize that the horizontal rules were character (and not just scene) changes on the second one, so I was not sure what was going on for the latter half. I figured it out, and thought I'd make sure I was correct.

9262366
Oh yes, anything can change on a section break: Scene, location, perspective, and so on. They usually denote a time and/or perspective gap.

So... What friend do you think Lyra is trying to make...?

9262369
The Bolo, of course! :D
I'm not sure, but the one referenced in the chapter start seems like it's still aware, and exposed, so that implies that it's not the one now buried under her house.

9262382
Ahh, that makes sense.

Seems good so far. I'll be keeping an eye on this...


And by that I mean pressing a button and waiting for more chapters like some sort of word-eating ambush predator.

...

I hope Lyra wins.

I think the conversation worked. I'm not certain what you wanted out of it, but if you mean the fact that she was getting grilled more than doing the grilling, perhaps. That bit with the fridge was good. It stumped them all, muahaha...

Dang, she's lucky. It's one thing to hit numeric items and start it up, but to happen to type the right keys for an actual command! :P

9264989
Yes, she is. Especially considering that's probably the only valid command right then anyways- and one that should have already called itself, even!

And yes, the whole getting grilled thing is what I was talking about.

9264771
If she is comes into a situation where she can lose.
I also hope she is properly paranoid enough to know about bonbons snooping.

9265469
Ahh, yes. That... really depends :trollestia:

Ah. Someone discovered the hazards of investigating mysterious machinery. Or happened to be nearby for an unrelated accident. Who knows...

The Bolo might be unhappy that it suddenly lost power, though.

Wow. She's good. I would also not be surprised if that scroll had a tracker... :D

I do wonder what's the part with the agent's affiliations; are they segmented, or are there different agencies/controllers?

9270630
Uh... I think you're missing something rather significant here.

That little generator in Lyra's basement is not capable of outputting 55KW.
No. The Bolo is also fifty miles away. On a different, larger generator that's much more reliable.

9270650
Yep, she's good. I haven't posted the next chapter yet 'cause I'm not entirely satisfied with it.

9270655
I was unsure of that. It does make sense.
Darn it, I think the stories are confusing me. Did she move one under her house, or is the distant one the same one that hid her from Tirek?

9270665
Uh... You might want to reread. The whole story.

In short, she was hidden from Tirek by being hundreds of miles away, in the Bolo, with layer after layer of magic. Magic she used to teleport the Bolo to her "experimentation zone" fifty miles from Ponyville- where she has the 55KW geothermal, where her real self is right now. Then she grabbed a little geothermal to bring home, installed it, and dashed out to greet Bonbon on virtually zero magic.

9270672
Ah, right. I did say the similarity was confusing me. For that matter, there's only a single paragraph at the start of Two and some minor context clues in chapter one that tell us that she didn't just TP it under her house but couldn't immediately dig out, which is what I had thought had happened.

9270700
True. Float around long enough and I just ordered another story published...

9270700
Oh- and don't forget the whole traveling a lot, the train ride, a couple chapters ago she took a train out and entered the place...

So, there's a fanclub of ponies who have been figured out by her? :D

9295050
Or something, yes. There's something else in this chapter that readers are supposed to be clued in to, though... Did you catch it?

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