• Member Since 5th Dec, 2017
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

computerneek


A lazy man with a keyboard, recovering his creativity. Now with Tip Jar!

T

She's keeping a secret. And another one. Even a third.
She never knows when she's going to discover another- so she has to be pretty good at keeping them. Probably helps she keeps most of them in one place.
Oh- and she mustn't forget, there are some secrets that can't be relocated. Like her enemy. Or her other enemy.
Yet she must stay secret from all, even those she fights alongside.
She is, herself, a secret soldier.
And somepony's onto her.


A reimagining of Secret Search, in which she actually demonstrates (some of) the skills necessary to keep so many secrets. I'm not perfect, though, so I'll probably mess up somehow. We'll find out.


Tags may be updated as the story progresses.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 17 )

I dunno. The original was quite good. I hate seeing so many unfinished stories, and all of this quality.
Worst case, write a backlog of some good 20-30 chapters (and warn us, so we don't think you dropped off the earth) and use those as buffer for if things need changing. :D

Admittedly, it has a better start (maybe? It's different, but then she's mainly setting up more automatic systems rather than running them on her own like last time... We'll see), but I am not really sure why it needed a redo. More specifics please?

I'm not surprised that the shipping snuck in. I'd say the only thing more common about those two is the idea that one of them is a Changeling. :trollestia:
...Hmmm. I wonder...?

9098102
I tried that, and it was killing me...

The problem with the original is that it was too fast-paced- both in plot progression and story timeline. In order to solve the magic inhibitor problem, she’ll either have to blow it sky-high with Bolo weapons or make a remote bypass... Which, the bolo is the only one with enough processing power to do that.
In either case, though, it makes the whole antimagic emitter party into yet another pew-they-die enemy- and, honestly, it’s way too early in that story for everypony to know about the bolo.
This problem, of course, started at the very beginning... and eliminating it, as late as it is, would constitute a massive change in tone. I can get away with that early on, often- but in chapter 20? Nope.

So I’m restarting. She’s going to demonstrate a little more skill in secret keeping (Seriously, Secret Search had her reveal her secret kitchen on day one)... so hopefully, I can pull off something better than the original.
Teleporting the Bolo to a separate location instead of to her house is the first step in this. I’m also giving her different priorities related to it, a little more enginuity, and a little more pre-existing knowledge.

And, as one might infer from the title, she’ll also have an enemy (or two) that nopony else can fight.

9098160
Ahhh. I suppose you could get around that, though; I have heard some stories have her a martial arts expert (amusing typo: marital arts; I really don't want to know!), so perhaps she could just grab some body armor and whack all of them by hoof.

And didn't Scratch know the codez or whatever to bypass it already? But if you need to restart, go ahead. I just feel it's a shame to drop so many good stories. :fluttercry:

9098397
I don't think it's a straight-up drop; if ever I decide a story is never going to get any further, I will publish any/all remaining unpublished material and label it cancelled. However...
For different reasons, pertaining more to how my style has changed over the years, my latest stories- Last One, Delivery Express, Secret Soldier, maybe another one- are likely to get the most attention.

Okay, that got you the official excuse for the like and actual library placement (not that it usually takes that long anyway. Is there a single one of your stories with more than a few chapters that I disliked?).

When you said that she could have the party ready whenever, I didn't originally think it was so literal! :rainbowdetermined2::rainbowlaugh:

Questionp: What was Bon Bon's expression that freaked out Lyra so much?
(Okay, technically, that should have had a yes/no answer under that convention, but I couldn't resist using it.)

9102314
:facehoof: You went and read the link, I can tell. NOT what I meant! :D

9102722
What? I did leave that to the reader's imagination... so ANY facial expression would be technically correct, so long as the reader in question can see Lyra responding to it that way, in context.

9102729
I was thinking either some sort of situationally-disturbing seductive expression or other "aware of Lyra's attraction" expression or puppy-dog eyes, but neither seem to make sense.

9102767
That's a very good question. Bonbon's almost certainly noticed- and might well be playing on that... But she might also be attracted right back, just controlling herself better.

I know my brother just loved this chapter. Turns out I can write convincing SoL after all- I just have to have a little depth to my characters!

9102774
I still think the one-second party setup was the best part.

9103881
Me too.

One one thousand.

:rainbowlaugh: Oh, goodness, the roads! Yeah, I call Discord on that. :twilightoops:

Did you also have this strange feeling of amusement when Pinkie said "Last cake"?

How did Bons detect that spell on the approach, anyway? She's an Earth pony, so I guess for this story the other can still detect spells even if they can't cast them? I can't recall what she did in that regard on the other version of this.

9109008
The way I see it, since all ponies have magic, all ponies can feel the magic fields. Unicorns will, of course, be the most sensitive- so while earth ponies and pegasi might be able to feel the magic fields, they will completely miss most spells. Bonbon has trained her thaumic sense, bringing her up to something resembling a unicorn's sensitivity... and an average unicorn can rather easily detect most spells. Lyra probably didn't care if Bonbon realized she'd set herself a proximity-based alarm clock- and didn't realize Bonbon might feel something like that.

In the other version, these topics were never mentioned... Nor designed, in my mind. Magic was simply magic... But now, it's got more of a structure to it.

As for Pinkie's "Last cake"... What do you mean, strange feeling of amusement?

9109441
I dunno. I guess because it's unexpected, but "last cake of the night" just makes me smirk.

Also, yay for worldbuilding! :D

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