“Twilight, breathe,” came Cadance’s soothing voice. “Remember how I showed you.”
Twilight brought her hand to her chest as she breathed in. She held it there for a few seconds, and then released her breath, her hand moving in an outward motion.
“I don’t think I can do this,” Twilight moaned.
It was Friday evening, and Cadance was helping Twilight get ready for her very first date.
“Twilight, stay still if you don’t want makeup in your eyes,” Cadance warned, bringing the makeup brush back to Twilight’s right eye.
Twilight stopped moving her body, though her mind was not as easily quieted.
“What if I do something wrong? Or what if she realizes she doesn’t like me? What if I knock over my drink and spill it all over her?!” Twilight cried.
Cadance sighed, shaking her head. “Twilight, you’re overthinking this.” She put a hand on the younger girl’s shoulder. “Sunset agreed to go on this date with you, and you told me yourself that she said she was looking forward to it.”
“But-”
“No buts! ”Cadance declared. “You don’t need to do everything perfectly, she isn’t going to suddenly not like you, and if you spill something on her,”Cadance paused to give another sigh. “Knowing you, you’ll apologize profusely, and then try to wipe it off yourself with a napkin and just make the whole thing even more awkward.” Cadance finished, refocusing on applying Twilight’s eyeshadow.
“What? But… That’s-” Twilight squirmed under Cadance’s ministrations. “Aren’t you supposed to be reassuring me?” she accused.
“Oh, I am, ladybug.” Cadance cooed, lowering the makeup brush. “Look, what I’m trying to say is that even if you do something silly, the worst thing that’ll happen is that you embarrass yourself. And maybe Sunset, too while you’re at it.” She trailed off. “But it’s not like she’ll hate you for that! Now keep still while I finish, I’m almost done.”
Twilight obliged.
“There we go,” Cadance took a few steps back, giving Twilight an appreciative look. “You look great, Twily. And you really don’t need to worry this much. Sunset likes you, Twilight. And even though this is your first date with her, she’s not going to be expecting you to be any different to who you normally are.”
Twilight nodded, taking another deep breath. “Okay, I guess you’re right.”
She stood up and turned to look at herself in the mirror. What she saw was a very pretty, and very surprised girl looking back at her. She smiled at her reflection. “I… I think I’m ready.” She said with newfound confidence.
Cadance dropped Twilight off at the restaurant Sunset had picked for the date. It was a local Indian cuisine place that Twilight had visited a few times with her family called The Tasty Treat.
She had been expecting Sunset to pick a posh restaurant where the menu was in French, or something like that, but seeing a familiar place helped settle her nerves a tiny bit.
“Good luck, Twily!” Cadance called through the open car window, before driving off.
Twilight looked back to the restaurant, and noticed Sunset standing by the entrance, waving at her with a smile.
She was wearing pretty casual clothes. An orange blouse, pink skirt and, of course, her signature leather jacket. Twilight made a mental note to thank Cadance for making sure she didn’t overdress.
Twilight herself was wearing her parka to stave off the cold, and underneath, the purple skirt, and dark blue blouse and socks that Sunset had helped her pick during their mall trip. It was quickly becoming her favorite outfit.
“Hey, Twi. It’s great to see you again,” Sunset greeted her with a hug.
“Hi, Sunset. Have you been waiting long? Are you cold?”
“Nah, I’m fine,” Sunset replied. “Com’on, let’s go inside.
Sunset led the way inside, and picked a table near the window.
“You look great, by the way,” Twilight said, feeling her cheeks warm up. She took off her parka, and placed it on the back of her chair before sitting down.
“Thanks,” Sunset smiled. “You look pretty hot yourself.” She wiggled her eyebrows, causing Twilight to blush, and look away bashfully.
“Uh, th-thanks,” she said, twirling a lock of hair in her finger.
Sunset turned her attention to the menu, prompting Twilight to do the same. Though she didn’t need to, since she always got the same thing when she came here.
“So, you’ve been here before, right?” Sunset asked, looking up from the menu.
Twilight nodded.
“Anything you could recommend?”
Twilight bit her lip. “Sorry, I never tried any of their vegetarian dishes.”
Sunset shrugged. “That’s alright. I’ll just go with the vegetarian curry. It looks pretty good.”
“I always have the chicken tikka masala when I come here.” Twilight said.
The waiter came over and they placed their orders.
When the waiter left, Twilight tried to come up with something to say. But when nothing came to mind, she started fiddling with her napkin, occasionally shooting timid glances at the gorgeous girl across from her.
Sunset just sat there, with her head resting in her hand, smiling at Twilight.
The moment was broken by the sound of Sunset’s phone vibrating in her pocket.
Sunset frowned. “Sorry, I forgot to set it to silent,” she said, while reluctantly pulling it out.
When she saw who the caller was, she groaned before denying the call. “Ponyfeathers, them again?”
Twilight perked up. This was the third time Sunset had been bothered by someone trying to contact her. “Who is it?” As soon as Sunset opened her mouth, she added, “and please don’t say ‘nothing worth wasting our time with’.” She gave Sunset a beseeching look.
Sunset closed her mouth, looking guilty.
“Okay,” she said, quietly. “It’s my old friends. They keep saying they want to see me.”
If she could, Twilight would have raised a single eyebrow. “And I take it you don’t want to see them?”
Sunset shook her head.
“Well,” Twilight said, tentatively. “Maybe they found out who framed you and they want to apologize?”
Sunset snorted. “Yeah, that’s probably it. But I don’t really feel like listening to them either way.”
“Well, what if you met up with them and shouted at them. Would that make you feel better?” Twilight asked, with the most doting voice, and playful smile she could muster.
Sunset chuckled. “Maybe. Can we talk about something else, now?”
Twilight nodded. “Sure.” She wracked her brain once more for a topic, and settled on the thing that had dominated their conversations in the past few days. “We could talk more about Equestria?” she suggested.
Sunset nodded, her smile returning. “Alright, what do you want to know?”
Twilight leaned forward, over the table, her eyes glinting with excitement. “When can I see it?”
Sunset hesitated. “Uh, I guess we can go whenever. But we’d probably want a few days off for it. Maybe we can go during spring break?”
Twilight pouted. “But that’s, like, two months away. Can’t we go sooner?” she pleaded.
Sunset giggled. “Okay, okay. We can take a weekend trip if you want.”
Twilight’s face lit up. “Can we go tomorrow?” she chirped.
Sunset guffawed, a stark contrast to how she was only a minute ago. “That’s way too short notice, Twi. If you really want to go as soon as possible, we can plan a trip for next weekend.”
Twilight sat back up straight. “Okay, I guess I can wait a week. Ooh, I might be able to convince Cadance to give us that Friday off school. That way we can go even sooner and stay even longer!”
Sunset crossed her arms. “I didn’t think you’d want to miss school for anything less than an emergency,” she said, playfully.
Twilight snorted. “Normally not, but for something like this?! Honestly, if I had my way we’d leave tomorrow and not come back until I was satisfied.”
Sunset raised an eyebrow, making Twilight a little jealous. “Oh, I’m sure it wouldn’t take me too long to satisfy you,” she said with a salacious smile.
Twilight’s eyes widened, and her cheeks burned.
Sunset wiggled her eyebrows a few times, before the two of them broke down into laughter.
Sunset walked Twilight home after the date. When they reached her front door, Twilight didn’t know what to say. Thankfully, Sunset did.
“I had a really great time tonight,” she smiled at her date.
Twilight blushed. “I had a great time too, Sunset.”
Sunset pulled her in for a hug. It was much the same as the ones they’d shared before, but it felt… warmer, somehow.
They drew back only enough to see each others’ faces, but they kept holding each other.
They stood there, in the snow, just staring at each other and holding each other. But it wasn’t awkward, at least, Twilight didn’t feel that way. To her, this moment felt a lot like what Cadance would sometimes describe to her.
She was transfixed by the beautiful girl smiling at her.
Slowly, they drew closer again. Twilight’s eyes focused on Sunset’s full lips. Her eyes lidded, and shut. Her heart beat in her chest as she puckered her lips, preparing for the kiss.
Then, the moment was broken, when she felt something soft and warm rubbing against her cheek.
Twilight opened her eyes, and saw Sunset rubbing their cheeks together, humming in delight.
“Uh… Sunset?” Twilight said.
Sunset backed up a step, giving her a questioning look.
“Did you just… nuzzle me?” Twilight asked, her face halfway between confused and amused.
Sunset blushed. “Uhm, I guess I did. Oh… you were going in for a kiss, weren’t you?” she added, sheepishly.
Twilight nodded, fighting off her giggles. “I guess I’ll have to wait until the second date for that,” she said, playfully.
“O-Okay. So… I’ll see you tomorrow?” Sunset asked, recovering from her embarrassment.
Twilight nodded, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She opened the door, but before going through, she gave Sunset a quick nuzzle back, then rushed inside with a giggle.
Masterful story man, made me laugh, made me cry, and warmed my heart, Can't wait to see what you have planned for the future. And I can wait, I'm a patient man. (God knows I've been waiting for PR Shattered Grid to finish off for long enough. Just one more issue...)
Wonderful story, i'm really excited for the sequel, whenever it is ready. Keep up the hard work!
Please provide a link when you do publish the sequel. I kinda want to see how Sunset deals with her former friends.
that last bit was so adroable!
Can't wait for the sequel, and hope Sunset throws back any apologizes into the Rainbitches faces.
Oh you absolute troll!!! Well played!
Well I enjoyed this and the way you handled things gives me hope that you’ll handle the inevitable confrontation with the girls just as well. With harsh words, tears and ultimately forgiveness. That’s always been the problem I have with Anon-a-miss fics, the Rainbooms are treated as irredeemable monsters. Yes they were in the wrong but let’s be fair here, they had some pretty damning evidence and precedent behavior on Sunset’s part.
I’m not saying they should all hug and apologize, Sunset was hurt and she has every right to let them know just how much she was hurt, but she shouldn’t cast them off because that just makes her a hypocrite. After all, is false accusations any worse than theft, high treason, and spreading decent?
My point is that water is wet, and that I look forward to your sequel.
The closest thing to a negative comment I can make about this is, "Shame on you for making us wait for the sequel!"
But seriously, this was a great story and I'm incredibly excited to read the sequel when it's out.
Hope for more comeuppance against indigo
Plus will we see the Canterlot five in this sequel
The ship got to the proper port despite the detour, excellent.
Outstanding story, well done
It's over!?
What an incredible story, this has been to read! I loved every second Twilight & Sunset were on-screen together! I hate I have to now wait for the sequel, but if it means more Sunlight 2.0 (I keep forgetting Sci-Twi & Sunset's ship name is) down the road, then very well I'll wait! Glorious job on this Alice, til next time!
Seems Sunset isn’t as smooth as Twilight thought
The moment was still very sweet
nice, it's a good story, I think the end felt a little rushed but I'm looking forward to the sequel.
A NICE STORY. I LOOK FORWARD TO THE SEQUEL WHEN ITS TIME
This was a fantastic read! It was well written, the moments between Sunset and Twilight was cute, and the pacing was really good too. I just wish for more, but I guess that's what the sequel is for. I'm looking forward for the upcoming sequel when the time comes.
For now, I'm placing this story in my Top Favourite Completed Stories shelf!
Well done!
It's a great story. Could you pm me when the sequel is out? I rarely check my feed.
I'll give this story a Like as it is overall a pretty decent story. A few points do feel rushed and the dialog could be a bit better but this story is pretty good overall.
However, I do hope that the Rainbooms get their chance at redemption, even though Sunset may stay back at CPA. I've always hated stories where they are treated as irredeemable to the point where I would give the story a Dislike, as I felt it would be too out of character. After all, MLP is all about redemption.
Fixed that for you.
That said, I'm really looking forward to the sequel.
This was a really enjoyable story. It was rather nice to read one of these stories about Sunset getting over Anonymous without the rest of the drama from the other girls. Even if that changes with the sequel I'll probably read it.
9114348
I think the author was going off the reasoning that real-world ponies are mostly vegetarian. They can eat meat, but it's not exactly good for them, and really a last desperate thing if they're really hungry.
9114394
9114299
Yes, quite. Really, a lot of evidence did point to Sunset. I'm not saying they were in the right as they sure as hell weren't but in their situation, I might have looked towards Sunset as well... And yeah, it's about redemption, or at least the highs and lows of friendship.
Enjoyable story :) looking forward to the sequel
9114505
I thought that the ponies of Equestria were vegetarian. That tends to be the case in plenty of other fanfics, at least.
And beside, I like the idea of Sunset being vegetarian either way.
9114394
I'm not especially fond of the mane 5 to begin with, so I make no promises. (I won't be too harsh at least)
9114396
Kinda like this?
Or
noooooooooooooo that was soo good
9114551
Why is that? You not being too fond of them, that is.
Awww. That was adorable. A part of me wonders if they're rushing it with going to another dimension already, but that part of me is drowned out by the rest of me demanding to see the cuteness of them in another dimension. Looking forward to the sequel.
9114341
sci-set
Ok, there will be a sequel, eventually. I am now significantly less irritated. I will be looking forward to this with much anticipation.
And now predictions...
I see events roughly playing out like this. Sunset and Sci-Twi getting to the portal, only to be intercepted by the Rainbooms (Either because of school on Friday or because Pinkie being Pinkie and gathering them there). There is some shouting and hurt feelings before Sunset and Twi go through the portal. Stuff in Equestria happens (Twi times two, Celestial confrontations, Lunar commiserations, and romantic hi-jinks). While in Equestria Sunset grows emotionally and comes to accept Rainbooms apologies (possibly due to accepting her own past w/ Celestia, or by meeting their Equine counterparts, or some other means). There is a possible epilogue involving a confrontation w/ the Rainbooms.
9114601
After being in the fandom for a little over a year, their personalities and quirks kinda started to grate on me. I rarely get why they all stay friends other than 'they are friends so they continue to be friends'. In a leaked episode that's pretty much how it ends.
9114664
Fair enough.
Don’t forget to update this story to say the sequel is up. I’d hate to miss it!
9114624
Thx
9114706
What S/He said!
I was going to make a joke about the people inevitably asking for more in the comments but then I saw the Author's Note. You really know how to keep them hooked!
I look forward to what you cook up. This was very nice and light, with good characterization to boot. Keep up the good work!
9114664
This mystifies me. No offense, but the whole point of the show is showing how six-seven completely different ponies/humans can stay friends, and navigate through their issues together and such and still stay friends despite these massive differences and social circles that they come from.
I really liked the concept, it kept it nice and relatively compact, with a very clear plot line. While I do appreciate that MLP is very much focused on the Mane 6, I liked how this story made a realistic stab of setting up a situation that allowed for the exploration of just Twilight and Sunset without completely rewriting what happened in the OTL, rather making relatively subtle changes that snowballed.
Cadance is probably imagining Twilight accidentally touching the dick she thinks Sunset has.
Smarter than most.
9114551
They are canonically vegetarian according to Pinkie. People who always bring up the fact that equines are opertunistic carnivores seem to forget that the ponies aren’t from Earth and don’t follow our rules.
You are making a sequel right? Because if not I’m going to have to hunt you down.
Wow, really great story. I look forward to the sequel.
9116128 Exactly!
Reads through to the end
Ah, a good start to the story, wonder when... wait, epilogue? It's over? This story has barely begun!
sigh
Well, let's talk about this. I'll point out some of the flaws that came from this story, places you can improve upon in the future. However, I'll say it again, I quite enjoyed it. This was a pleasant story. A decent read.
Characterization:
Characterization was on point for all the main characters. The only problem was their lack of character growth. Neither side learned or grew as people. They are basically the same at the end of the story as they are in the beginning. No lessons are learned, no growth is made. It can even be argued that Sunset got worse: Falling back on her tactics of bullying and emotional manipulation. That's problematic.
In a romance story, we're meant to see what the couple, together change into. That didn't happen. It makes the story weaker.
Conflict:
The main conflict, and it's villain, are a constant threat, and you set it up well: a bully who takes advantage of a timid person. However, the resolution is problematic, as Twilight didn't contribute anything to solving it. Twilight is our protagonist, not Sunset. We see through her eyes. The protagonist has to help solve the problem. When they don't, they are no longer active in the story. It makes the story weaker. It makes Twilight a worse character. Less sympathetic.
For an example, tell me: What is one thing that Twilight did to help resolve her conflict with Indigo? Standing up to her did nothing and it required Sunset to step in to help her. Twilight didn't help to finish the conflict, which means it's much weaker.
Romance:
Many romance stories focus on the conflict of "getting together". That's not a relationship. That's not romance. Romance comes from the small interactions of everyday life. Love isn't an emotion you see at first sight, it's the one you feel after a thousand. This romance story falls flat as it stops the moment our leads are together. There's still plenty of conflict and trials they're going to go through, both in their relationship and external factors.
A personal complaint, perhaps, but a valid one. This story could've gone past the initial infatuation. It could've been something more. Instead, it's a (relatively) minor conflict and then a first date before the story ends. I find this ending premature.
The Elephant in the Room:
Now for the biggest problem with this story. You set up Chekhov's gun and then never fired it. What am I refering to? Sunset's ex-friends. Not only did you bring them up every other chapter, but you also didn't delve any deeper than "Screw those girls!"
You didn't bring up why they fell out, the reasoning behind it, Sunset's feelings (Other than, again, Screw those girls), nor even have them meet. I could edit this story and remove any mention of them and zero things would change. It's that simple. That's a problem. If this were a longer story and you built up to them meeting after this arc, I wouldn't crucify you for it. As it stands, the story doesn't deliver on the hinted promise of the Mane 5 and Sunset meeting.
Grammar and diction:
Grammar was hit or miss this entire story. Most of the time it was pretty good. However, there were a few sentences that were awkward, able to be worded better. Some scenes lacked description and others had too much. This is a criticism for your editor.
Talking heads scenes rarely work. Using too many "said" variants is bad. Read through the story a couple of times, looking for specific changes. I use the order: General cutting and rewriting section recommendations, diction, then grammar.
That's all I can think of at this time. If I think of anything more upon a reread, I'll be sure to let you know.
9114551
They're not. Pinkie mentions hot dogs, Applejack uses the oath "pork chops and applesauce" in the comics, they keep pigs, and a han sandwich is on the spread in Bird In The Hoof.
And then physiology; the brain basically runs on amino acids, which are more plentiful in animal proteins. When you rate animals by intelligence you'll find that carnivores tend to be more clever and generally better problem-solving skills. We were helped along in evolution by what we ate, which was plenty of meat, which allowed our brains to develop larger.
9118201
And yet, most of the time in the show they're eating vegetarian alternatives like carrot dogs and hayburgers. And we all know this show has its continuity errors and inconsistencies.
Besides, I only say that Sunset is vegetarian, I never say it has anything to do with her having been a pony.
9118309
Except for Magnum fishing.
It's probably part of Sunset's bleeding heart syndrome tbh.
They say the pigs are for truffles, but Applejack already has Winona and dogs are better for truffles (better at finding them, and you don't have to get them before the pig eats them)
What other shippings you love?
9119088
My favorite ships are SciSet (of course), Startrix and Suntrix.
And there is not nearly enough Suntrix out there!
I very much enjoyed this story, and I am looking forward to the sequel.
9120397
I agree with you on the SunTrix. Such a great ship and definitely not enough of it out there. Someone should take their budding relationship from Forgotten Friendship and run with it.