Tales Of Times, Past And Present

by God_of_Awesome

Celestia's Dungeon

"So, are you here to see Celestia too?"

"No, I just wandered in here."

"Heh, right. How silly of me, of course."

"No, I'm serious, I just wandered into here. Don't even remember coming in. Did you say Celestia?"

"Ah- uh- um, yeah."

"So, I'm in Equestria, huh?"

"You're in... yes, you're in Equestria."

"Man, how long did I zone out?"

Starlight Glimmer, for that was indeed the first speaker here, took a hard look at her companion as it were in the Hall. He was bipedal, not unheard of, had a creamy yellow complexion topped by a black mane and dotted with pointed yellow eyes. In fact, a lot of him was pointy; his nose, his ears, his chin, his claws, his tilted bowl cut mane. His mouth hung open and she saw fangs. She didn't know about the rest of his anatomy, since he was covered in clothes from the neck down, but she wouldn't be surprised really. He was staring out the window with a dull look on his face, so at least that was something.

"And what's this disgusting ape doing here?"

Starlight turned to the voice, a white and blonde unicorn stallion with a bow tie and collar some other kind of neckpiece. His nose was stuck high into the air with a strangely stretched aristocratic sneer. It was like he was trying really hard to be haughty and annoying and unfortunately it was working.

"Bad enough we let your kind infest the rest of our country from all over the World but you come into my home as well."

Starlight grimaced as his commentary sank in, and a well instilled need to interfere welled up inside her. She looked to her companion to see how he was holding up under all the abuse and twitched in surprise. He was completely unphased, still looking out the window like he were trying to remember something.

The stallion seemed to notice he was being ignored and seemed about to respond huffily to that, his hoof raised in indignity. Just as Starlight was about to intervene though, she watched the energy drain away from him. He just seemed to lose interest, his hoof went back down and he sighed.

"Oh well, my best material is wasted."

"Your best material?" Starlight asked. "Those were just rude insults."

"I also put a lot of effort in the sneer. What do you think, too much?"

"I don't even know what you're trying to do!"

"It doesn't matter, Miss Glimmer," The noble- she presumed he was a noble- said. "Aunty is waiting for you downstairs.

"In the dungeon," He added ominously.

"The dungeon?" Starlight shook her head. "Aunty? What?"

"And take the human with you, I gather he'll be important given the subject matter."

"What?"

---

"Wait, so that guy was talking to me?"

"Eh, um, yes," Starlight, walking with the human down into the lower levels. "You didn't hear what he said?"

"Not a word. Man, now I must seem like a jerk."

Starlight arched a brow, frowning worriedly at him. At least, she guessed it was a him but she wasn't an expert on his species. Most races gave the same context clues, as far as she knew, although with bipeds, it was a little harder to tell. Maybe she could try to pick at his name to be- Starlight blinked in panic. She never asked his name! Well, he hadn't either, but that was no excuse to be rude.

"Say, I never introduced myself. My name is Starlight Glimmer. What's your name?"

The human looked down at her. "Huh? Oh, well it's-"

And that's when three burly men with spears tackled him to the ground.

"Halt intruder!"

"It's a bit late to say that, isn't it?"

"Yeah, he is well and truly halted, I think."

Starlight cantered back from the pile of manflesh. These newcomers were all human and- well, the most critical piece of anatomical evidence was one of only two things actually covered on these specimens, but she guessed they were males too. They wore loin wraps and gold helmets that entirely obscured their faces. That aside, the great red plumes on their heads kind of made them look like royal guards.

Starlight was trying to figure out what to do about these three guys pinning her new acquaintance to the ground bodily and with spears. She mentally vetoed making these guys her mind slaves, three times, and was about ready to try one very desperate gambit; diplomacy. However, it never came to that because they did it first.

The one on top, who might have been the leader, looked up at her and seemed to startle. "Oh, Mistress Glimmer! We've been expecting you. Hold on, let us apprehend this intruder and we'll show you where the dungeon is."

Starlight spoke, unsure, "It's... down-ish, right?"

"Eh, more or less," commented one of the other ones as their leader extricated himself from the pile.

"Ho-ho-hold on! You guys are actually royal guards?"

The leader drew himself up to his full height, puffing out his chest. "We are Solar Guards," He said, as if that mattered a great deal. "We serve the ever beautiful Princess Celestia."

One more of his subordinate climbed out of the dogpile just so he could strike a pose, his arms stretched apart and up, his legs locked together. "Praise the Sun!"

"Yes, praise the Sun."

"Uh, well." Starlight looked at her so far unnamed acquaintance, still pinned by the largest of the three. One foot planted on his back, the man crouched over him with his spear hovering close to his neck. However, the pointy eared human seemed unperturbed by all of this. "He's with me."

"Really?" The leader's helmet bobbed as he spoke. "He matches the description Prince Blueblood gave us for an intruder."

"Yes!" Agreed the crouching subordinate. He told us to apprehend him with extreme prejudice," he added while pressing further down on his captive.

Starlight glowered. "Really now? Blond mane, compass cutie mark?"

"No, more like, black mane, pointy ears," said the standing subordinate.

The leader shook his head. "No, I think she's describing the most handsome Prince Blueblood."

"Ah yes, that dashing rogue."

Starlight thought about her meeting with the prince and snorted.

The human guards looked over their captive and seemed to be making their own reassessments.

"Ya know, he doesn't seem all that dangerous."

"Seems kind of overkill, actually, bringing all that force down on him."

"I think we broke his arm, actually," observed the crouching one.

"You broke something!?" Starlight squawked.

"I'm fine," the pointy eared human said.

The crouching human slunk off his captive and helped him to his feet. When he got up, Starlight saw he was decidedly not fine, as one of his upper limbs was bent at an odd angle. Starlight grit her teeth and cantered on her front hooves, glaring at the human guards.

"You hurt him!"

"I'm fine," the point eared human repeated. He held up his broken arm to his captor and asked, "Could you hold this?"

The guard complied and the pointy eared human grabbed the other end of his arm with the other and wrenched. There was a snap as his arm was force back into place, making the pointy human grimace, but only for a moment. He held up the limb and moved it about, flexing his digits like it had never been broken.

Starlight blinked at the sudden self-healing. She looked at the other humans and, even with their face covering and unusual anatomy, she could tell they were surprised. However, the next bit of dialogue revealed they at least had a grasp of what was going on.

"Goodness, your magic is strong, stranger."

"Well, he is an elf, so I guess that makes sense."

"My estimation of your danger just went up, intruder," said the leader. "But you're being very cooperative so far so I suppose we can refrain from tackling you. Again."

"Wha- what's going on?" Starlight asked, raising up a hoof. "How are you alright?"

The pointy eared human- or elf?- or whatever he was, nodded. "Human magic enhances our endurance, stamina, constitution, all that good stuff. Mine's just turned up to eleven."

"Oh," Starlight said lamely.

"We'll still have to process you with someone higher-up, intruder," the leader said, moving to grab the man who, still, made no move to resist.

"There will be no need for that, Lieutenant Smooth Voice," said a sweet, motherly voice.

Starlight turned to see who that was, hearing the three guards behind her drop to their knees as one. She herself smiled at the sight and gave a short bow.

"Princess Celestia!"

Celestia smiled in return, closing the gap between them as she came up from where Starlight had been headed. "Starlight Glimmer, I'm glad you could make it." She then looked up at Starlight's companion, who was waving his previously broken arm at her.

"Hey Celestia!" He said with familiarity.

"Hello Ting."

---

"So, you know him?"

"I am well acquainted with Ting The Traveller, though perhaps I should make introductions with him and Luna. Ting came to be long after Luna's abeyance."

"He's not a thousand years old or something?"

Celestia looked back behind them both towards the human trailing along, staring blankly at the walls and the ceiling. Their way now was lit by torches as they moved underground. Celestia clearly refused to let this place become foreboding for it, as colorful paintings hung on the walls and servants moved to constantly replenish vases full of flowers. There were a normal number of guards stationed down here, none of them human. Those three were left at the entrance to the underground halls.

Ting seemed to notice he was being paid attention too and came back to Earth. He at least had been partially paying attention though. "Huh, me? I, uh, I guess I'm about... three hundred years old? Two and a half?"

"He is one of the second youngest, that I know of, of those whom many call the Immortals." Celestia said that last word with a certain amount of dismissal.

Starlight's tilted her head. "Second?"

"The youngest is a zebra haemonculi, Zambarau."

"And they're like you?"

"As in ageless like me? Yes, but Zambarau and Ting are not immortal rulers of their people. Zambarau is a candy maker and Ting..."

"I'm a glorified tourist!" Ting said with a smile.

Starlight looked him over. "One of the guards called you an elf."

Ting flicked one of his ears. "Yeah. Ya get humans with unusual magic and most of the times they get these elongated, pointy ears."

"Ju- just the ears?"

"Yeah, the rest of me is just weird looking."

"Oh," Starlight replied lamely. Looking for something else to say, she asked, "So you travel a lot?"

"Eeyup. Kinda have to, trapped in the wanderlust," He said with a sigh and a shrug.

Starlight looked at him like she didn't get what that meant. Like, she knew what a wanderlust was, but she picked up on the fact there was more context here than she realized. Ting picked up on her look of incomprehension and looked over to Celestia, followed by Starlight.

Celestia nodded. "The human gift of indomitability comes with it a certain curse of instability; the wanderlust. In order of growing rarity, a single person, a family, an entire village to whole nations will suddenly uproot themselves and go in whatever direction fate takes them. In this way, it is said that the human race embodies the spirit of the nomad."

"Kinda makes it hard to establish any sort of nations, but some of us manage. Thankfully, the wanderlust is relatively uncommon, so not everyperson is constantly travelling. Most never do," Ting said with a shrug. "Now, the wanderlust appears to different people in different ways; some people just get an urge to get up and go, some people black out and wake up destiny knows where, some people find odd events happen to them that take them far from home. Me? Well, I'm kindly called 'absent minded'. My mind will go a wandering and often enough so will my body."

Starlight nodded. "So when I met you earlier?"

"I just started paying attention again. Now, I end up in Equestria plenty of times, I remember the rainbow in my eyes, but this is the first time I apparently walked right into Canterlot Castle."

"Okay, 'rainbow in my eyes', I'm gonna need context for that one too."

"Sure, Celestia will know more."

"The Rainbow Bridge," Celestia said. "An enchantment I and my sister, along with two human sorceresses, constructed. In exchange for a favor, we agreed to make Equestria a safe place for humans to settle, those humans that had become deeply lost inside the wanderlust."

"Yeah, unfortunately, those two sorceresses had more to do with building the Rainbow Bridge than you."

"Yes, and their need to balance all blessings with a curse is built deep within the Bridge. It's what allowed them to achieve such great magics. For example, those who are lead safely to Equestria are cursed to never find their way home again."

"And then there's the Tolling."

"Ah, the 'Tolling'."

Starlight was lost again. "The Tolling?"

"Among the dual blessing and curses the sorceresses placed on the Bridge, there was one that made it so probability would favor the young while turning against the old. While it's assured many human children trapped in the wanderlust have survived a quest to Equestria they otherwise might not have, it has also been problematic. Especially in the case of family trapped together in the wanderlust, earning the Rainbow Bridge its other name.

"The Trail Of Orphans."

Ting added, "Those who survive when their families didn't are said to have been 'Tolled'."

Starlight grimaced at this. "That's- that's terrible."

"That's a fact of life," Ting said. "Ever since humans were cursed by The Wyrm Beyond The World, or so they say." Ting flinched at something. "Oh yeah, that reminds me." He started digging around in his clothes. Starlight noticed now how many pockets he seemed to have, which made sense.

Starlight turned to Celestia for clarification, who said to her, "The destinies of humans and ponies have been linked in many strange ways. This includes the odd attention we both receive from Discord."

"Discord cursed the humans with wanderlust?"

"According to some stories. Most likely when he was quite younger, when he was far more 'The Spirit Of Chaos' than he was 'Discord'."

"Huh?"

Before Celestia could expound on that, Ting went, "Aha!" He pulled a wooden mask from one of his pockets, holding it up for both ponies to see. It was brown, with two thick nails driven into each cheek like a demented blush. It was carved with thin eyes, a quaint smile and a handlebar mustache. Starlight looked it over and felt a palpable sense of... mischief radiating from it.

"What is that?"

Celestia sighed at the sight of the object. "A reliquary," She said knowingly, and tiredly. "A repository of many lesser chaotic aligned spirits suborned by Discord and bound to that mask."

"His gift to us," Ting added. "He made it so only a human could wear it. It caused us a lot of trouble. I found it on my travels and, now that I think about it, I think it'd be safer with you."

"Your trust is appreciated, Ting," Celestia said as she plucked the mask from his hand with her magic. She looked it over before floating it back to him. "Before I do put it away, though, I actually wish to ask the spirit conglomerate a question. Could you put it on for a moment?"

Ting grimaced. "You sure about that, Celestia?"

Princess Celestia looked around and signalled to nearby servants. These ponies put down what they were doing and made themselves scarce. What guards were there just grimaced and made themselves ready. She then nodded. "Yes, in this place, I'm sure I can keep the spirits of the mask under control."

Ting smiled then. Starlight noted he seemed quite capable of shrugging off his trouble with ease. "Well, alright then!" He grabbed the mask and pressed it to his face.

Immediately, his hands felt to his side even as the mask stayed on his face. Starlight watched as the wooden brown melted into neon green, molding itself over Ting's face. He stumbled back, his body twitching as the spirits took control of him. His head leaned back, a hole opened for his mouth and he spoke.

"Ten thousand nameless spirits.

"Unbound by morality or reality.

"Unshackled from physics or ethics.

"We are legion," And for that line, he spoke with the voice of the many spirits inside of him. He lowered his head back down, letting Starlight see the new features. His hair was still on his head but it seemed out of place, like an obvious toupee. She couldn't see his nose or his eyes, though the features of his ears and mouth were kept in place, just painted green. Emblazoned on his face was a black swirled mark, a question mark, like the entity didn't know who it was.

"We are Anonymous."

Starlight took one step back, putting herself a bit more behind the cover that was Celestia. "Princess, are you sure this is safe?"

"It depends on who is wearing the mask, Starlight. Although having its own sapiency, the spirits mostly act upon the impulses of the host. Ting's worst impulses involve sarcasm, a severe case of ADHD, and a masochistic tendency to put his immortality to the test. My biggest worry will be wrangling a straight answer out of them and if the spirits get truly rowdy, they know I've no fear of hurting this particular host to stop them."

Starlight nodded, immediately on board with this. Like, if motherly Celestia were willing to hurt this guy, it must mean it was okay, right?

Celestia, for her part, looked down at the student of her student and noted the thaums and motes around her horn shaping themselves into the form of a variety of evisceration, burination and even disintegration spells. She put a hoof on her shoulder and grounded those spell quickly, making Starlight blink in surprise.

"Just hold off on those for a moment," Celestia said. "No need to go overboard."

"Heh, right, sorry."

Anonymous looked about with no eyes. Where he looked, the walls would glow with silver runes, shot through with golden lines like wires in the wall. He pursed his lips at the sight of them, raised his hands up and clapped twice. Suddenly, the whole hallway lit up with those lights, making the masked man light up with joy.

"Oooo, shiny!"

"No, no, Anonymous, over here." Celestia waved her hoof, trying to draw his gaze. "Pay attention, I brought you here for a reason."

Starlight quirked a brow. "Huh, after his whole spiel about morality and ethics, even with what you told me, I was expecting him to be more menacing."

"Spirits like their drama, Starlight."

Starlight looked around the many lights in the hallway. "So... these're spells? I guess the gold parts are from you and Princess Luna did the silver writing?"

"Correct, but this isn't unicorn magic. Then again, neither is much of what you do, Starlight Glimmer, and that's a bit of your problem and your asset." Celestia carried on before Starlight could query on that one. "This actually leans far more closely to earth pony magic. It took longer to set-up, but I and my sister won't constantly have to feed it with our power. Rather, this channels directly from Sun and Moon."

"Huh, neat."

"Pretty," Anonymous said. He actually seemed to bring himself to focus at last, staring at Celestia with a great big grin, oh that stretched his face out unnaturally. "Well, hey there, Sunbutt."

Celestia simply nodded in return. "I'll come right out and ask it, Anonymous, before you get distracted or wander off." She tilted her head and continued on softly, at odd with the implied tone of her words. "Did you have anything to do with the Empty Heart falling into a broken young girl's hands a few years ago?"

"Objection!" Anonymous thrust his finger out, countering the accusatory statement with an equal gesture with his fingers. Starlight admired how much point could be put into that one digit. Straightening up, Anonymous pulled out a sheaf of paper from nowhere, tapping at it as he spoke. "We would like to present the following evidence to court-" He slammed the paper down on the table suddenly in front of him. "-that we are not crazy enough to mess around with Heart Of Tambelon!"

"I feel like I'm missing a lot of context here," Starlight said.

Anonymous reached up and pulled a projector screen from the ceiling. It lit up from a projector that didn't exist, although this projection didn't so much as glow as eat away at light. Starlight, and those guard angles just right to see it all, took some involuntary steps back at what they saw. This was an image of emptiness, a lacking of love or hate, of emotion, of everything good and evil both that blessed and cursed mortal life, writ into a two dimensional image.

In the voice of a bored professor, Anonymous lectured his horrified audience. "This is a two-dimensional cut-out of the city-body of Tambelon Whom Devours Songs. Notice here in the middle is the Empty Heart or the Unloved Void Heart Nestled In The Web Of Silence. Please try to remember that unnecessarily morose and purple word salad, it will be on the test."

A golden glow took hold of the screen and sent it careening back into the ceiling, and oblivion, with a yank. Anonymous glared at the intruder on his lecture. "Well, I know somepony who's going to test poorly on the quiz."

"That's enough, Anonymous. Nopony needs to see that demon, not ever again."

"C'mon, is this about what happened to Star-"

"Please, Anonymous. Enough."

Anonymous snorted. "What're you gonna do, Sunbutt? Blast me?"

Celestia's eyes narrowed. "I just might, Anonymous. That body you're in is awfully sturdy."

"I want you to do it. C'mon, hit me. Hit me!"

Starlight blinked, looking between them. "Hold on, Star-? Star who? Starswirl?"

"Yeah, Starswirl," Anonymous said. "He died destroying the Voice Of Tambelon, and Grogar lived."

"You say that like it's significant but I don't know who that is."

Anonymous actually flinched at her dismissal. "G- Grogar The Unraveller. You don't, really?"

"No. Twilight might. Sounds like a big bad guy though."

"Correct," Celestia said to Starlight, before glowering at Anonymous. "But that's enough."

Anonymous smirked at her before looking at Starlight. "Here's a lesson for you, Glimglam-"

"Don't call me that."

"Glimglams. Liches are a type of immortal that come about when someone dies, their mortal soul moves on and an immortal soul takes residence in their life force before it dwindles. A lot of them go crazy because they can't accept they're a different person but Grogar, now Grogar, he was always really, scarily sane."

Starlight blinked, letting the implication there begin to sink in. Before that thought process could complete though, she was jerked from her contemplation as a shining bolt of light sunk through Anonymous's heart and out his back for a yard.

The green headed human clutch his shirt where a burning hole still smoked. "Ha- haha! Made you do it!" Then Anonymous face planted to the ground.

Starlight spun towards Celestia, watch the solar diarch do a familiar breathing exercise she had seen her own teacher do. Celestia repeated it twice and then sighed.

"My apologies, Starlight Glimmer, everypony," She addressed her guards as well. "I seemed to have lost my temper there. If anyone is worried, Ting will be alright. He's had worse than that. Let me take that mask off of him."

Starlight followed Celestia over to the- well, not a body. Still, it was almost scary how sunny Celestia had blown a hole in anycreature, even if they were supposed to be tough enough to take it. For her part, Celestia sighed as the both of them hovered over Ting and Anonymous's still form.

"There's... no blood," Starlight observed.

"My beam cauterized the wound," Celestia commented. "Blood loss would have made it harder for Ting to recover. To be honest, I had a fair idea this might end in violence, but I think accepting that may have made me too ready for it. However, getting Ting, of all humans, to put on the mask while I actually still had Ting here seemed like the best option. Still, that was a hasty decision that has ended with one half-dead human on my floor and me looking like a crazy pony. Splendid."

"If it helps, I, uh-" -won't ask about Starswirl and whoever the Tart' is Grogar. "-so, will this get Equestria in trouble with the humans?"

"As in one of the human nations?" Celestia asked. "Well, which one? There is the Uncontrolled Sovereignties Of Amanica, the Ausapian Outback, Firinland, Fingland, Roam, Japalm, Humandar and Manstollia, to name a few."

"Wow, that's a- that's quite a lot."

"Remember what we said, humans get around. As well that the fate of humans and ponies are quite closely intertwined. Almost all of those human nations overlap with a pony nation, save for Amanica. The Thestralian Outbat, Scoltland, Horsway, Troy, Neighpon and Canteron. Manstollia has humans and ponies integrated, and Saddle Arabia borders closely to the Ottoman. Also the Purrsians. And unfortunately a site considered sacred to all three of them is located perilously in the middle, turning the area into more of an argument than a place.

"Ting is Torean, citizen to a nation that he outlived, fractured and scattered when all of its people were taken by the wanderlust at once and went off in every direction. Such a rare occurrence, it's still spoken of by humans for happening centuries ago. It was not long after Ting's birth, actually. For that, some humans think he's cursed. Others think he's blessed, and take great pride in the trials he can survive. For many, it's both, as humans are often known as the Creatures Of Contradiction.

"So no, Starlight, I don't we'll be getting into any trouble. A lot of humans would cheer for the prize specimen living through my wrath especially."

"Why you especially?"

Celestia sighed. "We haven't gotten to that part of the lesson yet, Starlight. Patience."

"Uh, um... okay."

Celestia nodded and bent her head low to the body, her horn glowing as she kept Ting and Anonymous pinned to the ground. Her wings spread wide and she whispered to the mask. Nonsense words, dissonant, irregular sounds, anarchy made audible. Celestia's mouth became an echoing blur as she began to speak with two voices, each her own but saying different things, equally lacking in sense. More copies of Celestia's voice joined until it was a chorus of babble.

Starlight simply didn't possess the right equipment to know what Celestia was doing. Even with her talent for black magic, she didn't have wings. She couldn't know Celestia was calling each spirit out, naming their names and pushing her ego and charisma down on them. Much like Fluttershy did, actually. In fact, when one got down to basics, it was what most pegasi did with the weather, even if it didn't look like it.

The clouds and the moisture and pressure fronts, these things of the sky. They were savages, all of them, and violence was the only language they understood. A pegasi with a strong kick, fast wings and an enormous ego could easily clear a town's sky in ten seconds flat.

Oh goodness, now I'm wondering off topic.

The green of the mask melted off of Ting's face back into wood. A golden glow lifted both into the air, separating the two. Ting was gently placed on her back and the mask was slipped into her shimmering mane, subsumed by the rainbow hair.

"Honestly, this was all a mistake," Celestia said with a sigh. "Not one with grave consequences, Ting will be alright and he'll even get a good story out of this. But I put quite a poor showing in front of my little ponies, not to mention how the humans living here will take it when they hear of this. And they will; Ting will talk, I won't tell him not to. He may even put it in as much of a sympathetic light as he can, but his fellow humans will hear it different."

"Do they- do they not like you? Do they not like the princesses or something?"

"Oh, the humans adore Luna, for which I am very grateful for, but I am not very popular with them."

"Why?"

"Patience."

Starlight snorted.

---

"Oh goodness, what was that?"

"Huh, oh, that was Princess Celestia."

"I know who Princess Celestia is, m'am. Who was that on her back?"

"Oh, that was Ting."

"Ting? As in Ting The Traveller?"

"Yep, that guy."

"What was he doing sprawled across her back?"

Starlight considered her next words carefully. She remembered that Celestia said the humans would find out anyway, though, and decided to screw it. "She shot him through the chest."

"O- oh." His voice quavered before he gulped. Starlight watched him nod then, like he was just accepting that.

"So, did you just wonder into here too?"

"Whaat? No, no. I was asked here to come, by the princess, to give her a report on my garden."

"Huh, okay."

"Is that why she shot him?"

"Nah, it wasn't that. It was a- it was a whole thing."

"Oh, okay." It was not okay.

Starlight changed the subject. "So, you grow a garden?"

"A cabbage patch, and I take care of it. Ponies grow it, primarily earth ponies."

"Oh yeah, that's what earth ponies are good for. At. Oh gosh, that came out horribly."

"Mm."

"So, hey, moving past my casual tribalism, hi! My name is Starlight Glimmer."

"Huh, Xavier, of Roberts' Clan."

Starlight took a look see at her new companion, as she waited out in the halls. Celestia requested that she stay put while she made sure everything was in place inside the dungeon proper. Coincidentally, that left her with this guy who had been waiting nervously outside himself. Like Ting, he was completely covered in clothing, so she was taking his male-ness for granted. However, this one had a beard, and that was normally a pretty good indicator, as far as she knew.

"A cabbage patch, huh? That something Princess Celestia likes to hear about?"

Xavier smiled softly, like he'd heard that before. "My cabbage patch is special."

"Uh, how so?"

Xavier tilted his head, thinking about it. He seemed to scrutinize her for a bit before he continued. "I grow foals in my cabbage patch. Out of the ground."

"...

"... oh." Because what else is she supposed to say?

"It's a magic cabbage patch that the Honey Bunny clan created and for some reason I became the caretaker of," Xavier explained. "It lets stallion couples have children after they, erm, seed the ground with their love."

"D- uh, um. The Honey Bunny clan?"

"Earth pony clan."

"And you're a human."

"It was a whole thing."

"Ah. So, wait, only stallion couples?"

"I've heard there are different methods for mare couples, something involving pegasus magic and someone called Epona, but only through hearsay."

"Huh, okay." There was another silent pause before Starlight decided in usual Starlight fashion to simply stab the problem through the heart. "So, why are you afraid of Princess Celestia?"

Xavier stumbled at the blunt question and started stammering some kind of answer, explanation or excuse. Through it all, one word, or name, stood out to her in the rambling.

"Corona."

"Starlight."

The red door opened. Both of them turned, Starlight simply paying attention and Xavier gasping as he saw who it was. Celestia looked at her student's student for a moment before looking to the other being, clutching his chest and breathing audible, his eyes drifting to the unmoving body on her back.

"Xavier, I believe my sister is available at this moment. Why don't you go look for her and give her your report?"

The human nodded with indecent haste, bowing as he backed away before turning to sprint. The ponies there watched him go, Celestia giving an extended wince.

Starlight turned to her. "So who's Corona?"

"Soon, Starlight."

"Hmph."

---

Now this one, she guessed, was female. The humans so far still had these effeminately flat faces but their jaw line, as abbreviated as it was, normally had telling, masculine angles but this one had a round face. Still, Starlight was mostly guessing. Educated guesses but guesses nonetheless, while having so many questions. For example, were those teats on her chest? Was she pregnant? What was she doing in the dungeon?

"Starlight, this is Megan. Megan, meet Starlight."

"Hey there."

"Hi."

And that rather lame verbal greeting was accompanied with a far more energetic gesture of the tall human crouching down and fist bumping Starlight's hooves. Starlight took note that her mane was yellow, unlike the other two she saw, and her skin was pale, like the other five. Albeit, Ting had a yellow-ish pallor.

Instead, Starlight took a moment to look around and especially take a look into the adjacent open cell. It was expansive, looking to be less of a cell and more of a studio apartment with a lot of underground cellar decor. There was a bed, not just a cot, in one corner, and what looked to be a kitchen; furniture. A little open closet showed a small but serviceable bathroom.

"This seems... nice," Starlight remarked.

"It is said that a nation is judged by its prisons," Celestia said. "It's something I've taken to heart."

"R-right," Starlight said. She turned to Megan. "So you, uuuuh, live here?"

"No, not anymore," Megan said, unperturbed. "I'm just getting the last of my things."

"Oh, so you're being let out now?"

"Megan hasn't been a resident here for a while now," Celestia clarified.

Megan grabbed her arm. "I'm kept at the Crystal Empire now."

"She lives with Princess Cadance," Celestia... corrected? "Now, I wanted to introduce you two to each other as you both have quite a lot in common."

"We do?"

Starlight smiled bashfully, one foreleg rubbing the other. "I'm guessing it has something to do with us both being former bad guys?"

Megan stared at Starlight with wide eyes, saying nothing for a moment. Starlight took advantage of the silence to keep on. "Well, as long as we're sharing, I was a cult leader and I ended the world a few times."

"Like- wait, wha- did you- there is a lot to unpack with that. Were you the leader of a doomsday cult?"

"No, it was an equality cult. After I was overthrown, I may have overreacted a bit."

"And a few times? Like, more than none at all?"

"Oh yeah, well, see, it was all done via time travel, so it kinda never happened?"

Megan looked at her, at the Princess, back at Starlight, we're back to the Princess, now the ceiling, the ground, on to a place of acceptance and back to Starlight.

"Okay."

"So, now that I've told you mine, how about you tell me yours?"

"Um, well, I hijacked a blimp and tried to eat all the songs in Cloudsdale."

"Eat all the songs?"

"Well, I had this evil amulet-"

"Oooo, say no more. You should meet my friend, Trixie. She also put on an evil amulet."

Megan's smile came more relaxedly. "I'd like that."

"I'm quite glad you two are getting along," Celestia said. "I have one more thing I wish to show Starlight Glimmer, but feel free to join us, Megan. What I am about to show you concerns your people's history as well."

[hn]

Starlight found she quite liked Megan as they walked and talked, diving deeper into the dungeons of Canterlot Castle. Sure, Megan reminded her rather more of Trixie still, what with making rather more hasty emotional decisions that led her down a dark path beyond her volition. This didn't quite compare to the drawn-out emotionally unstable decisions she went about making before.

"Honestly, I probably belonged in the dungeon more than you," She said.

There was a pause.

"What?"

"Starlight, it is my preference to use these facilities not for the purpose of punishment," Celestia said gently. "Ponies and other creatures are kept here for curative reasons, for their safety and the safety of others."

Megan put in her two cents. "It's less of a prison and more of a mental asylum."

"Indeed," Celestia agreed. "And there is no shame in that. There is no shame in being unwell, Megan, and receiving help."

Megan didn't say anything for a moment before tilting her head towards Starlight. "After... after I took off the Empty Heart, I started having visions. Prophecy visions, sometimes some really good stuff to know about beforehand but never anything really nice. I'd have some, mm, real bad reactions to some of them. Real bad. Only Cadence's singing helps."

"Princess Cadence? Her singing?"

"Ya, she was the one who stopped me in Cloudsdale. She sang to me and reminded me I could just... cry."

Another silence, an emptiness of sound that ate up all the comfort and left only awkwardness.

"You have not been, nor were you ever, the only guest and patient I housed in these sunken halls," Celestia said. "There are others. There is one in particular..."

Princess Celestia paused in her speech, still walking forward. After a moment of thought, she continued, "There was a misguided group of ponies. A cult, really, lead by Blazing Zeal, the Brotherhood Of Converts. They believed in the supremacy of pony-kind, that we are a more morally pure race than all others. They believed in Corona like a goddess."

Starlight looked at Megan as she took a particularly deep breath. She asked, "Who is Corona?"

"I am Corona," Princess Celestia said. "It is one of my myriad of names, one I am no longer fond of."

"So, pony supremacists, huh? I take it they weren't nice to humans then?"

"That's putting it lightly," Megan said, almost in a growl.

"What?"

"The Brotherhood used certain magics," Celestia said. "Black magic, some of sorts you might be very familiar with, Starlight Glimmer, and some I am happy you never displayed."

Starlight grimaced, but feared to ask. Celestia didn't elaborate as she turned a corner into a smaller hall. Going through a steel door, they walked inside a small dark room. It had one other occupant, a blue stallion in a white lab coat, who turned away from the room’s only illumination as they entered and bowed his head.

"Princess."

"Doctor. How is your patient today?"

"As usual, your highness. No new updates. No incident for more than a hundred days and hopefully a hundred more."

"Excellent."

"Did you know there appears to be a dead human on your back?"

"Oh, he'll be alright."

"Ah, excellent."

Megan and Starlight went up to the window, looking into a brightly lit room on the other side. Starlight took in everything about it; the padded walls and floor, all the furniture with rounded corners, the bright colored infant toys, the... the other pony inside.

"He looks off," Megan remarked.

"He looks like someone took a foal and stretched them over an adult's body," Starlight remarked. "Princess, what's wrong with this pony?"

Princess Celestia joined them at the window, looking at the pony-foal gleefully pushing blocks about. "It certainly says a lot about the Brotherhood, about Blazing Zeal, that this is their ideal pony form made manifest."

Megan took two steps back. "No. No no no! No, Princess, that's impossible! The Brotherhood, that happened hundreds of years ago. He can't be one of them."

Celestia nodded. "You are right on most accounts, Megan. I put an end to the Brotherhood those five and a half centuries ago. I cared for those poor creatures they created until the end of their days, and I have made sure that others like them were never made; that another Brotherhood ever arose again. Not in Equestria, not anywhere in the World."

"Then what is this?"

"There are a myriad of different types of ageless, of what most call the immortals. Some are like Ting here, born by some happy accident. Like my sister and I, bred by purpose. Other kinds and more. One kind are those who have the potential for agelessness, but had to sacrifice some fundamental part of themselves to achieve it. Dainn tore out regret and restraint and Son Wukong gave up his doubt. Scorpan sacrificed the unconditional love he held for his brother, so self-assured that he'd regain it in time.

"When the Brotherhood found him, took him like they did so many others, lost in the wanderlust, they had no idea that the enduring spark lay dormant in his soul. I don't know if he did either. He was made, forced, to sacrifice far, far more than most immortals of his kind ever do."

"Princess, if you don't mind me asking," Starlight spoke up. "What happened to the Brotherhood? Or Blazing Zeal?"

Celestia didn't answer immediately, just watching the creature on the other side of the mirror gaily arrange a series of stuffed animals. "One way or another, Blazing Zeal was made to regret his actions until the day he died."

Celestia's horn glowed, pulling a speaking tube down from the ceiling. "Hello, Jack."

The creature dropped his teddy and looked up. "Princess! You're here."

He had the voice of an adult that never experienced puberty, far too high pitched. He spoke in a tone, ecstatic, enthralled; the sound of it made Starlight step back and even made Megan grimace.

"I am, Jack. I am," Celestia said. "Just for a short while, but I'm here. How was your day?"

"It was nice. I had a tea party earlier and then I took a nap. I think I'll..." He tilted his head. "I think I'll have another tea party now!"

"That sounds lovely."

He bounced to his feet, prancing back and forth. "Would you like to join me for tea, Princess?"

"I'm sorry, Jack, I haven't the time, right now," Celestia said. "Perhaps another day."

He frowned, and then scowled. His child-like face pulled back into a sneer. "That's not my name!"

Celestia sighed.

He kicked and bucked and reared his legs. "That's not my name! That's not my name! That's not my name!" He stopped and shook his head, screaming around the room. "You gave me a name! A real name! A pony name!"

Starlight glanced at Celestia, Megan's head practically whipping in the same direction. For her part, Celestia didn't look back. She leaned in towards the speaking tube and said it through a voice that almost cracked.

"Quick," She said. "I'm sorry, Quick, sometimes I forget. Your name is Quick Reminder."

Quick calmed down immediately, sitting on his haunches, smiling with wide, vacant eyes. "That's okay, Princess. You're just being silly. It's okay to be silly, sometimes!"

"You're right, Ja- Quick, it is," Celestia told him. "Why don't you go be silly for a while?"

"Okay, Princess!" Quick proceeded to prance off in one direction, squealing with delight.

Celestia pulled the speaking tube away from her face to its alcove. "Just a Quick Reminder, a reminder of what happens when you let ideology overcome morality. Do you understand, Starlight Glimmer?"

---

...

Elsewhere...

---

Luna was staring at a different kind of just-off-equine sort of creature. This was a horse, a wild horse, with a long stretched jaw and beady black eyes, even taller than her. It looked more like she and her sister than her ponies, but more primitive, primal, and it was not a comparison she would appreciate. By contrast, the hirsute heavy proto-human ergaster in the next pen were far shorter, but just as primitively chiseled, as her companion.

"Captain," She said to the silver-clad bipedal warrior. "Little Lion, what do you make of these creatures?"

"Ghastly," Groused the man.

"Agreed. I suspect you mean the ergaster yourself, but likely we feel the same way about each of our primeval counterparts. That they are like us, but distinctly not. They ape our form-" Although, a more literal translation would be "They changeling our form", which unfortunately retained some prejudice connotations. "-and so brutishly, with none of the divine beauty of sapience."

"Uh, that and that one over there is picking his nose," Little Lion said. "Just got his finger jammed right up there."

"Ew, gross."

This area of the royal gardens was something more akin to a small zoo, though its roster of animals was constantly rotated. It was open to the public at a price, an admissions fee that the castle reimbursed right back into various small charity projects. The current theme was the closest primitive cousins of various sapient races, which brought in creatures from all over and even piqued one princess's curiosity. Well, two, but Twilight was sadly busy, and this one that came was there mostly out of boredom.

It was here that a servant led Xavier over to the Moon Princess and her current guard. The bearded man's eyes lit up and the sight of her, and his babbling in humanian caught both their attention. He bowed and addressed her in his native tongue, which both of them understood.

"Nightmare Moon," He said in a tone of reverence.

A silver gauntlet went on his shoulder, and the much taller man spoke in the native tongue of the land. "'Ey, chap, how about we speak equestrian? And we not call the Princess that?"

"O-of course, my apologies," He switched languages as he bowed again. "Your highness, I am Xavier of Clan Roberts, associate of Clan Honey Bunny."

"Honey Bunny?" Luna queried. "Ah, yes, I had heard that the cabbage patch had a human caretaker. Strange, but if the Honey Bunnies trust you..."

"Yes, m'am, your highness. I'm here to deliver my report."

"Of course, Xavier of Clan Roberts. Please continue."

The man nodded and reached into his bag, pulling out a manilla envelope. Leafing through them, he nervously delved into the minutiae of running a magical garden for magical gay spawn. He recited from rote information about the leylines that lead into the manse of Honey Bunny cabbage patch. They were some of the last clans with such extensive knowledge of geomantic principles. Luna found herself nodding along with it, visualising in her second heart the pathways of magic through the aether that led into the garden. Xavier couldn't see or feel it for himself, he lacked such magic, but he was well informed with a head for such thing.

He spoke with greater confidence, or at least greater capability, of the ponies that came to use the garden. The stallion couples that seeded the garden with their love and so equine life could grow from the magical soil. Xavier explained the methods they used to make the stallions comfortable, both in the seeding and housing those that chose to stay for the eleven months it took for the cabbage to grow and bloom, how they tended to the health of the unborn foal and tracked its health long afterwards.

Personally, Luna thought these magical plants would be better suited be called flowers. Indeed, she wasn't the only one, with many ponies produced by this magical method being referred to as "flower foals". It was the Honey Bunny clan who insisted they were cabbage patch foals, and they refused to budge on the matter. Luna's musing in this direction was cut short as she realized Xavier was meandering to a close.

"-and it's been another successful year of bring the joy of family to those who would otherwise be incapable of having it."

"Very good," Luna sighed.

"You sound disappointed, my lady," Little Lion observed.

Xavier looked at him and then her. "Princess?"

"Oh, it sounds horrible for me to be wishing that something was going wrong," Luna said. "Especially in as such a delicate and important an operation as that garden." She hummed wistfully. "In my time, only with a mare could a pony couple have a child. Two mares could manage it with the aid of Epona."

Xavier tilted his head, "Wasn't it that she, Epona that is, she refused to help stallions?"

Luna snorted. "Not at all. She considered her inability to help them her greatest failing."

"Excuse me, a little lost, my lady," Little Lion admitted. "Who is Epona?"

"A spirit," Luna said. "Of fertility, family and love, of mares, mothers and foals. For all her power, she couldn't manage to get a stallion pregnant, nor use a willing mare as a surrogate. The former out of anatomical difficulties, and the latter some sort of symbolic disconnect. It pained her, in those days. Thankfully, I have heard she is not so prideful to hold it against the first Honey Bunny for doing what she couldn't, figuring out a work around and using the earth itself as a surrogate mother."

"Ah, neat," Little Lion said.

"He and his husband apparently did it by accident, anyway," Luna said.

Xavier nodded. "That's what they say."

"Huh," Little Lion grunted. "Well, what was keeping you down, my lady?"

"I was just hoping for some excitement," Luna admitted.

Xavier shook his head. "My apologies, your highness. We haven't had anything exciting happen near or about the cabbage for, oh, nearly ten years."

"Ten years? What happened then?"

"Well, perhaps eight. Seven and a half? I was a boy then, who had just come across the patch. In those days, something had taken to attacking the patch and the couple whom came to and from it. The attacks happened sporadically, with long stretches between them, but had been going on for years. Couples began to stop coming, and the cabbage patch began to die without an influx of love."

"How were these attacks stopped?"

"They... they just did."

"The assailant just stopped?"

"Yes. At least, no more attacks have happened for seven and a half years."

"Hmm, intriguing. This may very well bear investigating, actually."

"My lady," Little Lion began. "Perhaps we could-"

"No time for that!" Luna cut him off, wrapping her wings around both humans. "Come, mine companions. Adventure!"

And then they were gone in a flash of light.

Author's Note:

As always, concepts within are free-to-use by anyone who takes a liking to them because, as you can clearly see, I certainly wasn't shy reusing concepts myself.

Comments

[Yami Vizzini]

I’m not sure exactly what about Anon’s lecture set Celestia off that much. Unless she was just afraid of it saying too much about how many other liches there are....

[God_of_Awesome]

9360443
The implication is Starswirl became Grogar. Or, more accurately, Grogar took over Starswirl's body. It's a sore spot for her that she usually doesn't shoot people for but Ting is a big boy who can handle an itty bitty hole in his heart.

[karnazom]

"Yes, praise the Sun."

Hmmmmmm*Deja vu*