- Member Since 6th Feb, 2015
- offline last seen February 14th
Randablitz
Luna's my favorite pony and Princess, I also love Star Wars, video games, and telling stories. I hope to sate your appetite for quality stories.
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OMNI:Hmm...Good.
Thanks, I'll be improving it before I write anymore chapters because I want to add more to the fight.
Interesting always ways a fan of dark souls fics
8914723
Thanks I hope I please you with it.
OMNI:*Slow Clap*Holy FUCK this is good.
I'm glad you like it so far.
Will there be more??
9406018
There will be more. It's just very difficult to write for a character who doesn't really speak their thoughts, Iv'e been working on another story with another author, and I've been suffering from writers block, but playing Dark Souls 3 again is helping me come up with ideas on how to present the new Darkmoon Knights.
9406079
Oh okie.
A rather nice beginning, enjoyed reading it despite not really being acquainted with Dark Souls lore. Noticed some typos here and there and also a few recurring issues with direct speech and punctuation—can explain more, if you’d like.
9826167
More Souls lore will be added as time goes on. As for the other errors, I'd like some clarification.
9827743
I see. Do you want it here in the comments or in a PM?
9827824
Either one. I don't care. If you want to be more actively involved, I'll give you my Discord name and number so we can chat as I write the story.
My Discord name is LeB4n3#9497. Also if you really, really want to be more involved, I'll give you my Gmail so we can write future chapters together. If you'd like. My Gmail is masterchief6683@gmail.com.
9828161
Alright, a comment it is then, hopefully it might also help others.
So, about the direct speech. Now, there are two types of verbs that can appear in dialogue tags. First are verbs that convey speaking action--said, replied, whispered, asked, yelled, et cetera. These are connected with a comma* in direct speech, not a period. However, many people also forget that the sentence containing the verb needs to start with a lowercase letter (except proper names and I) if it is present after the direct speech.
*Question and exclamation marks, ellipsis and so on are also fine.
Here is an example of a correctly written line and tag:
Notice that it has both the comma and lowercase he.
Here are a few examples taken out of your first chapter:
Original:
Corrected:
Original:
Corrected:
That seems pretty easy, right?
So, let's make it a little more complicated now. Sometimes, you need to use the dialogue tag (e. g. she said) before the direct speech, mostly for better flow or context. Then, it will looks like this:
Notice that both the dialogue tag and the direct speech start with an uppercase letter. Also, the comma is now before the direct speech.
And the last thing I'd like to mention is the use of beats. Beat is just a fancy name for a dialogue tag possessing a verb that conveys different action than speaking (for example smiling, nodding or blinking). When a beat is used, comma cannot be present. Period has to be in its place. (And of course, exclamation or question marks stay where they were.) Due to this, the beat has to start with an uppercase letter.
Again, notice the placement of periods and the uppercase letters and compare it with the previous examples. One troublesome spot from your chapter:
Those are the very basics. Of course, there are many more forms of dialogue, such as direct speech fragmented by beats. However, I believe this is enough for now and I can always get to the other types later. Tell me if something was unclear or if you have any additional questions
Also, keep in mind the one speaker--one paragraph rule. Otherwise the results are quite jarring and hard to read:
Furthermore, I value your offer, but I'm just an editor and not a co-writer. Never really felt comfortable in such a role
I find this helpful and shall make these changes as soon as possible.
I respect your decision to stay as an editor, but just know that if you ever change your mind the offer is still open to you.