Twilight Sanchez, or when the teleport goes wrong

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Twilight Sparkle is experimenting. As usual.
Rick Sanchez is having a run-in with Galactic Federation. As usual.

But what happens when experimental teleport of an alicorn collides with emergency one of a mad scientist?

Let's find out!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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DarkMagicEn-Forcer1

DarkMagicEn-Forcer1 #1 · Mar 5th, 2018 · 1 · ·

Pickle Rick!!!

Omniverse Infinity

Omniverse Infinity #2 · Mar 6th, 2018 · 1 · ·

OMNI:This is actually completely genius.
MIND:HEY!

Wacky

Wacky #3 · Mar 6th, 2018 · · ·

Hmmmm, could be interesting...

erias velam

erias velam #4 · Mar 6th, 2018 · · ·

en espera de mas xD ¿sanchez?

Formboy1

Formboy1 #5 · Mar 7th, 2018 · 1 · ·

....Did..... Twilight and Rick just merge or something?
AWESOME!!!!

Phillips_Quickfix

Phillips_Quickfix #6 · Mar 7th, 2018 · 3 · ·

The premise is interesting, unfortunately I found myself losing interest very quickly afterwards. The improper sentence structuring and dialogue pulled me out of the story pretty quickly and I just couldn't get back into it. Spelling was also an issue in several spits. All in all if this was your first attempt then it's not bad for a start, but you've long way to go yet. Keep at it and you'll get there.

If there's one tip I can offer it's to treat this like the first draft. Now that it's done it's time to go back over it and make edits. Restructure some sentences and expand on your descriptions. That's the biggest problem I found. A typical paragraph is usually four sentences or more. Don't be afraid to throw in a few good descriptive adjectives and verbs. This us your canvas and the words are your paint. Don't be afraid to get a little messy.

erias velam