A copy of the Communist Manifesto falls into the hooves of Princes Twilight Sparkle. Welp. Let's see how this goes.
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- Member Since 10th Mar, 2017
- offline last seen January 30th
Edenme
I have always wanted to write something in my life that reflects me. I have always been intrested in the MLP fan base. So what a better opportunity to meld the two things in one throw of the stone!
Edenme
Joined 10th Mar, 2017 ·
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On one hand, the topic speaks to me on a personal level, and thus I feel obligated to read it.
On the other hand, while I can follow the general story well enough the actual words you use are often awkward or confusing if not also misspelled. For example:
Dazed state of super mental capacity? The previous sentences indicate that Twilight is deep in thought, but "dazed" means unable to think properly.
Or
... One-sixteenth of the way from where? I assume this is about her voice being quiet, in which case you could easily have just written "Twilight whispered" or something of the like.
So, my overall advice is:
- Don't use strange/overly complicated descriptions when something shorter and easier to understand could be used, unless the strange descriptions are somehow part of the "feel" of the work (Plenty of authors use overly complicated descriptions in a way I actually like, but it takes a lot of skill to pull it off.)
- Run this through a spellchecker for simple errors and read over it yourself or get an editor for errors that a checker wouldn't catch (like when "Twilight", the name, is capitalized).
(insert Nazi joke here)
8764772
Your advise is thanked.
8764772
It seems this story is not ready for the public eye just yet.
The word princess has two ses. What exactly is the Communist Manifesto, anyway?
8775346
To answer your question, I will tell you this: the Communist Manifesto was a book written by two men. The most prominent one being a man named Marks. I believe his first name was spelled Carel. He and another man wrote the communist manifesto basically outlines the laws of communism and why communism is the way. It explains why the rich class, the bourgeoisie (bush-wa-zi), is the enemy of man and of labor. This is an extremely simplified version. I extremely advise and encourage you to watch a documentary on it, or ask your parents.
BUT REMEMBER, COMMUNISM IS GOOD ON PAPER, BUT BAD IN EXECUTION. ULTIMATE POWER CORRUPTS!
This will end in tragedy