She moved onto Sassy. “And yeah, aging spells have a few side effects. Apparently, Mom was a really hyper filly with AD-”
“Look Twily! A butterfly!” Celestia said as she chased after the thing.
“...attention problems,” Sunset said before her horn lit up to encompass her mother in a field of magic before she could nab her prey. “Come here you!”
Sunset nodded. “You know, I’ve been reading up on previous princess throughout Equestria’s history and how their coronations went. Just to, you know, get me ready for this whole thing,” the amber alicorn said. “And I found something really, really interesting in the case of Princess Star Butterfly.”
The utterance of that pony’s name got a wince from Celestia. While not the worst of ponies, Celestia had spent years wondering how Princess Butterfly had become so...odd. “Sunset-”
“While not exactly the most...admirable of princesses, she did set a very nice precedent when it came to one of the ponies that showed his loyalty with a half-hearted action,” Sunset went on, completely ignoring Celestia. “Apparently, Star decided that if a pony’s act of loyalty isn’t good enough, then the newly crowned princess can make up a new one for him to perform on top of what they promised.”
I see what you did there.
I also have to wonder what Marco’s Equestrian name was and what poor Star did to him.
Before Sunset could answer, the door banged open to admit Princess Celestia. “Up and at’em Sunset! We need to get going early this morning….to…” she stopped talking and looked at the pink pony laying on top of the human’s lap in silence before shaking it off. Her smile disappeared. “I have got to stop coming into this room.”
Wouldn't what Upper Crust did count a rape for what she did to Jetset, I mean she did force herself on him with a magical drug? Well, I think premature meet up of the future Elements of Harmony won't have any consequences for when they will be older and meet up as adults after all they will be mature by that time and leave those old awkwardness behind, expect maybe for Fluttershy.
Well, I think it's time to check out of this story. I gave it one more update to make that call and here we are. Your creative elements need polishing and your technical elements need work badly, but these have been problems since Sunset Reset and since you obviously have no intent of improving them to make your story better, I'm disinclined to keep tolerating them for a whole new story. You had all the time in the world to find a pre-reader for this story and work with them to make your story better. This has not been the case.
On the off-chance you do show an interest in better yourself and the story, some point form tips.
1 - You really need a proofreader, your continued spelling errors and love of LUS are very distracting. You referred to Sunset as "amber alicorn" 8 times in this chapter, and 20 and 13 times in the first two. Your "pink princess" score is 10, 10, and 12. You use both terms more than you use the terms "Empress" and "High Princess". In that regard, you may as well make it Sunset's official title, "Sunset Shimmer, the Amber Alicorn." This is besides the numerous spelling errors you regularly make, "Chrysalysis" for instance, which is in this chapter twice.
2 - Your characters continue to regularly make foolish, short-sighted decisions and then tell each other it's okay to be that way. This is the exact opposite of character growth. You had an identical problem in Sunset Resets with characters, especially Sunset, repeatedly going through the motions of introspection and angst without actually learning and growing from them. It makes your characters very frustrating and annoying to read since at this point they seem to be scatterbrained morons who have no interest in overcoming their flaws. This goes double time for Sunset, whose self-loathing and regret has been so hammered in that we can't even have a nice intimate moment between her and Cadance without it being turned into a reminder of how much she wants to be punished for her actions. We just finished Sunset Reset, that was your chance to finally advance Sunset's character and develop her to a new place for this story. You chose not to do this.
3 - You try to juggle too many subplots of drastically different tone and focus and it gives your readers mood whiplash. In this chapter alone we have Shining traveling to the future, then being aged-down into a colt, Cadance and Sunset discussing intimacy with her in her human form, you bring up that Chrysalis is still out and about out there, Upper Crust raping Jet Set, Sunset's reaction to her role in this, and Sunset's corronation being moved forward. And I don't think I even listed all of them. Again, Sunset Reset had this same problem, you have over half a dozen plotlines going on at once, fighting for screentime, and some of them are simply not interesting and others don't seem to go anywhere. Despite Chrysalis being a subplot since the earlier chapters of Sunset Reset, she has never actually appeared or done anything. Your repeated mentions of her just accomplish reminding readers that she's out there for no reason but to remind us she's out there. At this point any suspense or surprise that may arise from her appearing is ruined by the repeated reminders of her existence. You may as well have ended each chapter with an author's note "don't worry, I haven't forgotten Chrysalis, she'll appear later!" I'm sure Chrysalis will appear eventually, and reactions will not be "oh no, I didn't expect this to happen!", they will be "about time, what took her so long?"
I enjoyed Sunset Reset for its unique and creative ideas but it was heavily dragged down by poor technical aspects and a lack of polish to your ideas. But I struggled through them because the ideas were good enough to let me ignore the technical elements. This is no longer the case. You finished your first story. This story was a clean slate to start over, to really make those needed improvements to your work. You could have made a conscious effort to read writing guides and improve your technical elements, found a friend to bounce ideas off of to develop them better, gotten a proofreader to at least give your story a once-over for typos before posting.
You had lots of reviewers from Sunset Reset that I'm sure would have been happy to work with you on this one. But I'm just seeing the same mistakes as before. And I know from other comments on both stories I am not the only person to think this and point out your writing's problems to you. When commenters quote your story to point out typos or raise plot holes, it is because they care about your story, they care enough to take the time to leave a comment with spelling corrections, or have paid enough attention to the plot that they have followed it and are concerned where it is going. But, as I remember from Sunset Reset, you often ignored such comments. It paints a very unfortunate image of you as an author - your writing is subpar, you have been told this repeatedly by multiple reviewers, and you don't care.
I sincerely with you luck in writing this story and hope others enjoy it, but for me the flaws in your writing now outweigh the strengths and I have no interest in continuing the journey.
8742697 I'm reminded that children are self-absorbed little monsters. Maybe it was a good thing they didn't really meet up until they were adults and they had some empathy.
Children, the greatest of monsters bundled up in cute. This is going to go badly until someone sits and talks to them, one at a time. Children are selfish, yes, but not because they are unrepentant but because they don't know better. They can be extremely selfless and kind too, if you show them the way.
I agree with you, I thought it was more that Twilight was doing exactly what Celestia did her her education with Twilight as in let her learn and figure out her problems on her own as well as lighthearted support council when ever she stumbled, Spike had said as much to Twilight in the S6 the Crystalling and Celestia admitted in S7 that in order to grow as a her own autonomous pony she had to learn doing things on her own initiative and not blindly follow her instructions in what she should do. I find that the purpose of the correspondence with Twilight and Sunset through the book was to give guidance and support for the gradually reforming Sunset into her own person/pony without reminding her baggage back Equesteria and not correspond to her as a friend but more as a supporting figure for her to lean on when things are tough for her and stay focus on her life and telling her know of Twilight's own problems would shift the attention away on to Sunset's personal problems. Plus as far as we know Sunset never asked to know what doing on in Equestria and Twilight just bring it up for that reason. As for leaving her in EqG after her defeat, I think Twilight more of less knew, or thought, that forcing her going back Equestria in that time would only rekindle the the same patterns she had before, or the confrontation with her old mentor and authority figure as a criminal would be reduced to 'you were right and I was wrong' and wouldn't have grown from the experience, leaving her a shell of what she was. I would like to believe that Twilight, weather she knew it or not wanted her to go back to Equestria on her own when she is good and ready, as she learn from Celestia; plus Celestia did told her that she had hoped that she would come back on her own to become her student again, might be why she left her there knowing that porthole would eventually open again for in 30 moons or so.
For the Celestia of this story I think she was thrown out of her usual approach and her element in this quagmire of a situation because her perceptual rapport she had with Sunset being her parental figure as well and Candance's reproach, typical teenage arbitrary judgment who think they know everything, on which seem to be more focused to make Celestia feel bad than to actually making objective analyses of the underpinning issues between them.
Yay! New chapter! And, yeah, it might take a particularly perilous situation with high stakes, like, let's say, the fate of the world, for them to become friends... And what was that about Chryssie?
Hey please don’t be a jerk to the nice guy who is doing this for free. Personally I enjoyed it and I like the subplots. He pulled it off last time I thought. Though I found the first 2 chapters slightly too foolish and OOC for the human counterparts and a bit rough.
8742817 Another problem I find in both this one and SR is both occasionally get bogged down in too much purple prose. At times they feel long for the sake of being long. I'm positive this chapter could have been told in 2500-3500 words less, and still get the point across.
Eh, let the guy say what he wants. If he needs to make some essay explaining why he dislikes something because of whatever reason, let him get it off his chest and then move on to whatever. I do this as a hobby, not for some ego boost or financial need.
I sincerely with you luck in writing this story and hope others enjoy it, but for me the flaws in your writing now outweigh the strengths and I have no interest in continuing the journey.
It's interesting that at the time of my reading your comment (I had the chapter open for a while) that the likes and dislikes for it are exactly even because I'm finding myself torn as to whether I agree with your opinion that the flaws outweigh the strengths.
For all of the problems that plague the author's stories I find myself eagerly anticipating each new chapter of this story.
8743984 Nope, i think anthros would be better because they are still technically human and depending if you are a lazy writer/artists, they still have fur, muzzles, tails and so on. Lazy being that crappy anime stuff where its just ears and tails on a stupid human. Anthro is just a pony standing up and having digits. Humans are... boring at best.
8743808 I agree that all of the flaws DrakeyC are present and have been negatively affecting this story and the previous one. I don't think there is sufficient proof for his statement that the author just ignores comments like this and doesn't care. I do feel that the authors strengths in character dialog and interaction are enough to keep me engaged in this story despite the flaws.
“Um...sorry about...costing you your job.” “Don’t worry about it,” Spike replied in an easy tone. “It’s the third time Princess Flurry has had me fired.” Shining Armor blinked. “Yeah, but-” “This week,” Spike went on before Shining Armor could continue. “She’s...like that.”
Princess Flurry Heart the Princess of Tsunderes.
She moved onto Sassy. “And yeah, aging spells have a few side effects. Apparently, Mom was a really hyper filly with AD-” “Look Twily! A butterfly!” Celestia said as she chased after the thing. “...attention problems,” Sunset said before her horn lit up to encompass her mother in a field of magic before she could nab her prey. “Come here you!”
Okay this will be amusing.
After Cadance took in the sight of the earth pony and unicorn arguing about who was to blame for the destruction of a dress, a pegasus galloping away, another pegasus looking proud of proud of herself, and Twilight becoming even more disturbed as Celestia created a magical barrier to show off, she looked over in time to see Sunset conjure a paper bag out of thin air and begin hyperventilation procedures. “Are yousurethat these girls are supposed to be friends?”
8743728 He was making no such claims of you doing this for money or an ego boost at any point in said essay, actually. That said, he did seem to care at least a little bit about you improving your works even if he expressed it in such a negative way. It's a shame you didn't actually read it and are brushing it all off like that, because I would love to see you improve as well.
I don't ignore comments, i just don't follow the vast majority of them that tell me what to do. Although i will admit that i don't look at every one of them weeks after the chapter has been posted. If some takes the write something to me, i'll almost always take the time to read it.
I like writing with lavender unicorn syndrome, and since I'm not writing for money or an ego boost, thus giving me a reason to adjust to the desires of others for some personal gain, I'm not going to stop doing it. Hell, SR had an amber alicorn or pink princess about once every two paragraphs at the least because it was fun for me to write that.
That said, I do like it when someone leaves a comment. They're basically mini-reaction videos. But its not the driving force as to why I do this. I'm also not doing this so that I could practice at writing a book some day. I 'm not doing this to feel better about myself or become 'horse famous' and while I did consider getting a paetreon maybe two or three years ago, that would have involved getting an editor as to avoid spelling mistakes, going back and forth as little edits are made to the story, stick to deadlines, and all the other things involved with giving someone a product that is worth money on top of the ethical questions involved.
I just daydream on paper and see where it goes from there.
If people like it and feel like they want to give me a pat on the back for it, that's nice. If not, that's fine too. But I'm not going to turn something I enjoy doing into chore, because then I won't be doing it for very much longer since it's doubtful I'll find any joy in it.
8745372 I'm really glad you take this attitude to this sort of thing. Yes I can understand their technical complaints and your response to them but their narrative complaints are exactly why I like this story. I like what you are doing and juggling and the detailed depiction of their life even if some events don't necessary impact the overall plot. I like the extra words and the look into your story's world they give. Sunsets growth arc being long and slow is another positive for me. She is improving especially since her choice to stay. That type of improvement should be two steps forward one to three steps back because that is how such change happens in the real world and on top of that lets a reader that is enjoying your work experience even more of it. So I for one say thank you for the "extra" words and the almost spinning her wheels Sunset. They are part of what make this story great to me.
But I'm not going to turn something I enjoy doing into chore
Would it truly be a chore to have a proof-reader correct the minor grammatical issues and misspellings? I completely understand not wanting to take a very in-depth analysis of the story to correct any other problems but just handling these two would be trivial and wouldn't require you to invest your own time into it.
Honestly you're the first person I've met that didn't want to improve themselves in their hobby.
8745675 When people post corrections in the comments of the more recent stories I've been working on, or a mail I do take the five minutes to search, copy/paste corrections when I can get around to it, but nobody's been doing it lately so it just doesn't happen. And I don't go around asking people to take the time someone needs to go through a 10-15k word document to pick out every typo.
Ifsomone does it on their own because they choose to do it, that's great and I make the corrections and sometimes send a quick thank you note, which I admit I haven't been doing lately. But that's different than going up to someone who's reading the story and going "Hey, you like what I write, want to edit it for me?"
8745372 And with that, I'm checking out as well. If you aren't interested in growing as a writer, it's no wonder your characters stagnate as well. Should you decide that actually trying to get better at your hobby is something worth your time, do let me know.
Who knew that Tia was a hyperactive filly. I can't wait for the next chapter, hopefully Cloudy Quartz and Igneous Rock attend the festial and bring along a certain pink filly.
After a long break, I finally got around to finishing the other story and now I begin this sequel. I will say, I'm worried, the epilogues have already painted the scenes to come.
Nightmare is active, and is gathering those to deal with the alicorns A psychopathic Starlight is targeting the Mane 6 as children, Terminator style
placed their by -> placed there by
dirk -> dirt
About time.
Wow, damn her mother had it rough.
Oi, no bully Fluttershy!
I see what you did there.
I also have to wonder what Marco’s Equestrian name was and what poor Star did to him.
Oh boy!
8742349
Introverted Luna must have helt like a blessing.
8742553
Yep, although she could have been worse. It has never been confirmed what she was like when she was a foal.
Wow, quite a bad case of crash&burn at the end. I wonder if there will be anything salvagable from this fair.
First impressions, these fillies aren't good with them.
Wonder just how they will move beyond this hurdle?
Wouldn't what Upper Crust did count a rape for what she did to Jetset, I mean she did force herself on him with a magical drug? Well, I think premature meet up of the future Elements of Harmony won't have any consequences for when they will be older and meet up as adults after all they will be mature by that time and leave those old awkwardness behind, expect maybe for Fluttershy.
Well, I think it's time to check out of this story. I gave it one more update to make that call and here we are. Your creative elements need polishing and your technical elements need work badly, but these have been problems since Sunset Reset and since you obviously have no intent of improving them to make your story better, I'm disinclined to keep tolerating them for a whole new story. You had all the time in the world to find a pre-reader for this story and work with them to make your story better. This has not been the case.
On the off-chance you do show an interest in better yourself and the story, some point form tips.
1 - You really need a proofreader, your continued spelling errors and love of LUS are very distracting. You referred to Sunset as "amber alicorn" 8 times in this chapter, and 20 and 13 times in the first two. Your "pink princess" score is 10, 10, and 12. You use both terms more than you use the terms "Empress" and "High Princess". In that regard, you may as well make it Sunset's official title, "Sunset Shimmer, the Amber Alicorn." This is besides the numerous spelling errors you regularly make, "Chrysalysis" for instance, which is in this chapter twice.
2 - Your characters continue to regularly make foolish, short-sighted decisions and then tell each other it's okay to be that way. This is the exact opposite of character growth. You had an identical problem in Sunset Resets with characters, especially Sunset, repeatedly going through the motions of introspection and angst without actually learning and growing from them. It makes your characters very frustrating and annoying to read since at this point they seem to be scatterbrained morons who have no interest in overcoming their flaws. This goes double time for Sunset, whose self-loathing and regret has been so hammered in that we can't even have a nice intimate moment between her and Cadance without it being turned into a reminder of how much she wants to be punished for her actions. We just finished Sunset Reset, that was your chance to finally advance Sunset's character and develop her to a new place for this story. You chose not to do this.
3 - You try to juggle too many subplots of drastically different tone and focus and it gives your readers mood whiplash. In this chapter alone we have Shining traveling to the future, then being aged-down into a colt, Cadance and Sunset discussing intimacy with her in her human form, you bring up that Chrysalis is still out and about out there, Upper Crust raping Jet Set, Sunset's reaction to her role in this, and Sunset's corronation being moved forward. And I don't think I even listed all of them. Again, Sunset Reset had this same problem, you have over half a dozen plotlines going on at once, fighting for screentime, and some of them are simply not interesting and others don't seem to go anywhere. Despite Chrysalis being a subplot since the earlier chapters of Sunset Reset, she has never actually appeared or done anything. Your repeated mentions of her just accomplish reminding readers that she's out there for no reason but to remind us she's out there. At this point any suspense or surprise that may arise from her appearing is ruined by the repeated reminders of her existence. You may as well have ended each chapter with an author's note "don't worry, I haven't forgotten Chrysalis, she'll appear later!" I'm sure Chrysalis will appear eventually, and reactions will not be "oh no, I didn't expect this to happen!", they will be "about time, what took her so long?"
I enjoyed Sunset Reset for its unique and creative ideas but it was heavily dragged down by poor technical aspects and a lack of polish to your ideas. But I struggled through them because the ideas were good enough to let me ignore the technical elements. This is no longer the case. You finished your first story. This story was a clean slate to start over, to really make those needed improvements to your work. You could have made a conscious effort to read writing guides and improve your technical elements, found a friend to bounce ideas off of to develop them better, gotten a proofreader to at least give your story a once-over for typos before posting.
You had lots of reviewers from Sunset Reset that I'm sure would have been happy to work with you on this one. But I'm just seeing the same mistakes as before. And I know from other comments on both stories I am not the only person to think this and point out your writing's problems to you. When commenters quote your story to point out typos or raise plot holes, it is because they care about your story, they care enough to take the time to leave a comment with spelling corrections, or have paid enough attention to the plot that they have followed it and are concerned where it is going. But, as I remember from Sunset Reset, you often ignored such comments. It paints a very unfortunate image of you as an author - your writing is subpar, you have been told this repeatedly by multiple reviewers, and you don't care.
I sincerely with you luck in writing this story and hope others enjoy it, but for me the flaws in your writing now outweigh the strengths and I have no interest in continuing the journey.
8742697
I'm reminded that children are self-absorbed little monsters. Maybe it was a good thing they didn't really meet up until they were adults and they had some empathy.
Children, the greatest of monsters bundled up in cute. This is going to go badly until someone sits and talks to them, one at a time. Children are selfish, yes, but not because they are unrepentant but because they don't know better. They can be extremely selfless and kind too, if you show them the way.
8742817
8671061
I agree with you, I thought it was more that Twilight was doing exactly what Celestia did her her education with Twilight as in let her learn and figure out her problems on her own as well as lighthearted support council when ever she stumbled, Spike had said as much to Twilight in the S6 the Crystalling and Celestia admitted in S7 that in order to grow as a her own autonomous pony she had to learn doing things on her own initiative and not blindly follow her instructions in what she should do. I find that the purpose of the correspondence with Twilight and Sunset through the book was to give guidance and support for the gradually reforming Sunset into her own person/pony without reminding her baggage back Equesteria and not correspond to her as a friend but more as a supporting figure for her to lean on when things are tough for her and stay focus on her life and telling her know of Twilight's own problems would shift the attention away on to Sunset's personal problems. Plus as far as we know Sunset never asked to know what doing on in Equestria and Twilight just bring it up for that reason. As for leaving her in EqG after her defeat, I think Twilight more of less knew, or thought, that forcing her going back Equestria in that time would only rekindle the the same patterns she had before, or the confrontation with her old mentor and authority figure as a criminal would be reduced to 'you were right and I was wrong' and wouldn't have grown from the experience, leaving her a shell of what she was. I would like to believe that Twilight, weather she knew it or not wanted her to go back to Equestria on her own when she is good and ready, as she learn from Celestia; plus Celestia did told her that she had hoped that she would come back on her own to become her student again, might be why she left her there knowing that porthole would eventually open again for in 30 moons or so.
For the Celestia of this story I think she was thrown out of her usual approach and her element in this quagmire of a situation because her perceptual rapport she had with Sunset being her parental figure as well and Candance's reproach, typical teenage arbitrary judgment who think they know everything, on which seem to be more focused to make Celestia feel bad than to actually making objective analyses of the underpinning issues between them.
Hope this was worth your attention.
8743155
I believe you responded to the wrong comment.
8743178
no it wasn't
8743181
Okay. Not sure what part of your comment was directed at me then. I didn't even mention Twilight.
Yay! New chapter!
And, yeah, it might take a particularly perilous situation with high stakes, like, let's say, the fate of the world, for them to become friends...
And what was that about Chryssie?
8743183
That is why it wasn't directed at you in particular .
8743191
So you replied to my comment but did not actually respond to what I said in it?
8743197
Indeed it was a mistake on my part apparently.
8742817
Hey please don’t be a jerk to the nice guy who is doing this for free. Personally I enjoyed it and I like the subplots. He pulled it off last time I thought. Though I found the first 2 chapters slightly too foolish and OOC for the human counterparts and a bit rough.
8742817
Another problem I find in both this one and SR is both occasionally get bogged down in too much purple prose. At times they feel long for the sake of being long. I'm positive this chapter could have been told in 2500-3500 words less, and still get the point across.
8743286
Doing something for free does not buy you a pass out of criticism for a poor job
8743286
Eh, let the guy say what he wants. If he needs to make some essay explaining why he dislikes something because of whatever reason, let him get it off his chest and then move on to whatever. I do this as a hobby, not for some ego boost or financial need.
8742817
It's interesting that at the time of my reading your comment (I had the chapter open for a while) that the likes and dislikes for it are exactly even because I'm finding myself torn as to whether I agree with your opinion that the flaws outweigh the strengths.
For all of the problems that plague the author's stories I find myself eagerly anticipating each new chapter of this story.
Ugh humans
8743848
Better than anthros.
"What could possibly go wrong?"
8743984
Nope, i think anthros would be better because they are still technically human and depending if you are a lazy writer/artists, they still have fur, muzzles, tails and so on.
Lazy being that crappy anime stuff where its just ears and tails on a stupid human. Anthro is just a pony standing up and having digits.
Humans are... boring at best.
Amusing as always.
8743808
I agree that all of the flaws DrakeyC are present and have been negatively affecting this story and the previous one. I don't think there is sufficient proof for his statement that the author just ignores comments like this and doesn't care. I do feel that the authors strengths in character dialog and interaction are enough to keep me engaged in this story despite the flaws.
Princess Flurry Heart the Princess of Tsunderes.
Okay this will be amusing.
A complete train wreck, but very amusing.
8743728
He was making no such claims of you doing this for money or an ego boost at any point in said essay, actually. That said, he did seem to care at least a little bit about you improving your works even if he expressed it in such a negative way. It's a shame you didn't actually read it and are brushing it all off like that, because I would love to see you improve as well.
8745033
8745190
I don't ignore comments, i just don't follow the vast majority of them that tell me what to do. Although i will admit that i don't look at every one of them weeks after the chapter has been posted. If some takes the write something to me, i'll almost always take the time to read it.
I like writing with lavender unicorn syndrome, and since I'm not writing for money or an ego boost, thus giving me a reason to adjust to the desires of others for some personal gain, I'm not going to stop doing it. Hell, SR had an amber alicorn or pink princess about once every two paragraphs at the least because it was fun for me to write that.
That said, I do like it when someone leaves a comment. They're basically mini-reaction videos. But its not the driving force as to why I do this. I'm also not doing this so that I could practice at writing a book some day. I 'm not doing this to feel better about myself or become 'horse famous' and while I did consider getting a paetreon maybe two or three years ago, that would have involved getting an editor as to avoid spelling mistakes, going back and forth as little edits are made to the story, stick to deadlines, and all the other things involved with giving someone a product that is worth money on top of the ethical questions involved.
I just daydream on paper and see where it goes from there.
If people like it and feel like they want to give me a pat on the back for it, that's nice. If not, that's fine too. But I'm not going to turn something I enjoy doing into chore, because then I won't be doing it for very much longer since it's doubtful I'll find any joy in it.
8745372
I'm really glad you take this attitude to this sort of thing. Yes I can understand their technical complaints and your response to them but their narrative complaints are exactly why I like this story. I like what you are doing and juggling and the detailed depiction of their life even if some events don't necessary impact the overall plot. I like the extra words and the look into your story's world they give. Sunsets growth arc being long and slow is another positive for me. She is improving especially since her choice to stay. That type of improvement should be two steps forward one to three steps back because that is how such change happens in the real world and on top of that lets a reader that is enjoying your work experience even more of it. So I for one say thank you for the "extra" words and the almost spinning her wheels Sunset. They are part of what make this story great to me.
8745372
Would it truly be a chore to have a proof-reader correct the minor grammatical issues and misspellings? I completely understand not wanting to take a very in-depth analysis of the story to correct any other problems but just handling these two would be trivial and wouldn't require you to invest your own time into it.
Honestly you're the first person I've met that didn't want to improve themselves in their hobby.
8745675
When people post corrections in the comments of the more recent stories I've been working on, or a mail I do take the five minutes to search, copy/paste corrections when I can get around to it, but nobody's been doing it lately so it just doesn't happen. And I don't go around asking people to take the time someone needs to go through a 10-15k word document to pick out every typo.
Ifsomone does it on their own because they choose to do it, that's great and I make the corrections and sometimes send a quick thank you note, which I admit I haven't been doing lately. But that's different than going up to someone who's reading the story and going "Hey, you like what I write, want to edit it for me?"
8745372
And with that, I'm checking out as well. If you aren't interested in growing as a writer, it's no wonder your characters stagnate as well. Should you decide that actually trying to get better at your hobby is something worth your time, do let me know.
I'm still waiting for Sunset to demand why she hasn't met a Luna yet.
Enter Celestia, perpetually making everything worse...
Who knew that Tia was a hyperactive filly. I can't wait for the next chapter, hopefully Cloudy Quartz and Igneous Rock attend the festial and bring along a certain pink filly.
After a long break, I finally got around to finishing the other story and now I begin this sequel. I will say, I'm worried, the epilogues have already painted the scenes to come.
Nightmare is active, and is gathering those to deal with the alicorns
A psychopathic Starlight is targeting the Mane 6 as children, Terminator style
SHIT~
Yup... this should be fun
8742329
I saw that and thought this
8755767
HA