Bruh I finally got back into my old account
After one of Princess Twilight's experiments goes wrong her friend Rainbow Dash gets the ability to read minds. Rainbow is cool with this until she reads the mind of her adoptive sister's teacher. That mare has some dark thoughts.
Contains sexual themes and implied pedophilia
Page generated in 0.075 seconds
Total duration
898 users online
1,120,974 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hoooolllyyy Celestia.
Simultaneously horrified and intrigued as to where this will end up.
8625613
I'm currently writing the sequel so you find out soon.
The person who wrote this is beautiful uwu
This was horrible. I can see why I never wrote anything after this but still I had fun reading it again
10714685
Hot dang you're sweet
But you're even more beautiful than me
Well, you definitely made full use of the random tag... and the dark tag as well. Seriously, Cheerilee, what’s wrong with you?
It’s also fairly hard to comment on such joke stories, since one never knows what’s a bug and what’s a feature. Anyway, just know that if you ever write something a bit more serious, try to make the story’s pace a bit less breakneck and don’t tell and exposition so much when it comes to introducing readers to a new scene.
Also, and this is good to know for any kind of story, there’s no sense in adding in a space after the opening quotation marks. Also, direct speech always needs to end with some kind of punctuation mark. If it’s followed by a dialogue tag with a verb that conveys a speaking action, it should end with a comma (or a different mark, such as question or exclamation mark, but it cannot end with a full stop). So, to illustrate:
This bit should be written like this:
Also, instead of using a couple spaces between paragraphs to separate scenes, the site allows you to use this nice horizontal rule as a line break:
You can either select it from the tool bar, or you can add it in yourself by typing [*hr] (without the *).
And yes, I’m well aware of how old this is. Just thought I might tell you it’s not as horrible as you might think and that most of the issues (or “issues”) can be fixed quite easily.
10752530
Oh definitely, I wrote this when I was a young and dumb teen and it clearly shows lol.
But I'm taking your advice if I ever do decide to write in the future, as unlikely as that is, so thank you very much for being nice and constructive ^^
10755649
Haha, I see. I think we've all been there at some point.
And you're welcome! I'm glad to help a bit and spread some wisdom to those who may use it.