March 12, 2020
Research about a new world had driven people to Canterlot. People like my parents, scientist working on cures for diseases. But some messed with the system, and caused a huge amount of energy to be released. I was one of the lucky ones. I received harmonized magic. But my parents contracted a sickness.
Now I have to find the cure, and save everyone that has fallen ill. The future of the world rests on my shoulders, but I'm not alone. I am building a team to not only find a cure, but stop The Network. I am Omega, and this is my story.
Chapters (1)
This is a nice start, and I get the impression that you've spent a lot of time thinking about the world this story's set in. It sounds like you've got a lot of cool ideas so far.
However, seeing as how this is set in an alternate universe, it's very important that the first chapter establishes a setting of some kind, and this one doesn't really do that. It goes straight into an action scene with only cursory descriptions, which might work if you were writing a story in Equestria, since everybody here already knows what Equestria's like, but because you're writing an AU, you could make this a lot better if you just slowed down and took the time to properly establish a setting.
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Actually I was saving that for chapter two. I wanted to establish a few characters and the situation they are in. The setting will be described in the second chapter, but thanks for the kind words.
Will this continue?
Where's Spike too?