FEATURED: 26/11/2018. HiE, parody of the whole "We make ponies feel good". crackfic with plot. Buck is a human soldier that finds himself in Equestria and to survive he uses his only skill outside killing: Massages, and those work great on ponies!
8479707 Well, I DID imply how her own..."reaction" was so wild the sun itself spelled it out and its light looked a little spent after an explosion XD so we can say that Celestia's "Not So Modest Org." was so big the Sun itself resented that XD XD XD
8479761 ... Fine by me but will we see her in another chapter? also will Luna fall victim to Buck? Also who's next will be next Twilight and Rainbow or somepony else? Cause it seems Twilight has a LOT of stress now.
8480050 Doesn't "resent" mean "Suffer from it"? I admittedly am not a Native English speaker...so sometimes I get the terms mixed-up if I am not careful...
Y-Yeah, sorry to intrude..." Buck said unsure as he was forced to crouch down to not hit the ceiling with his head. "You...You must be that masseur, the Heman?" Rarity asked unsure.
8480708 I refuse to believe Blackbeard is an operator.
He’s just a Recruit who took a spare uniform, stole the prototype shield (800 HP), and proved himself in battle, earning a spot in Rainbow. However, as the government began to track down the shield thief, he eventually had to arrange to have the original, TRUE shield returned. He tried to have his contacts help him manufacture a new shield, to replicate the prototype, but they were incapable of doing so, instead producing a miserable, almost useless 60 HP version. Nevertheless, he was a part of Rainbow, he couldn’t afford to be on “Leave” much longer, so he had to take the cheap knockoff and roll with it to keep up appearances.
Naturally, his performance has dropped now that he basically doesn’t have a shield, suffering many more injuries, failing missions sometimes, and frequently dying in the training simulations. As a result, Six is currently reviewing his profile to see whether he is enough of an asset to remain in Rainbow. Upon learning of this, Craig is now desperately trying to beg his contacts to help him improve the shield, but fear of severe backlash from the Brokered Union of Transcontinental Technological Happenings Under Research for Testing committee has stopped them from doing so. The committee fears that the shield is “game-breaking”, arguing that, should two first-world countries ever fight, the side with the shield technology and prototypes would surely win, throwing the balance of power into disarray. Some officers and soldiers heavily dislike the committee for limiting their weapon and technology capabilities, especially with project S.H.I.E.L.D, arguing that the technology is perfectly reasonable since it could easily be countered with explosives, shotguns, or even a bit of flanking strategy, but the committee has refused to hear them. As a result, the original shield prototype is locked away, and Craig’s career is in jeopardy, as well as his life, should he be placed in a difficult combat scenario alone, as his current knockoff would be virtually useless in protecting him or his allies.
on top it activates, when they lift their feetBOOOM!
Hmm that is a myth... usually the mines go BOOM directly after pressing the trigger [with a timed delay maybe] Keeping it pressed would do nothing, it would go off.
8480923 Landmines don't wait for the person to LIFT the foot from the mine to explode. That's a trope used to raise tension and put the character on the spot... It makes little sense to have it work that way, You get a squad blocked for the time it takes to save the poor sod, while if the mine went off you would have the poor sod maimed, maybe some of his fellows hurt as well, the squad blocked for the same time while treating the wounded AND you get a big boom to warn you that somebody in on the track... Additionally the fuze that acts on pressure release is more complicated than one that acts on pressure. Link to Quora.
The short of the following is thus: you need a proofreader/editor. I've said this to many an author on this site over the last few years. This story has potential, and it is already funny, but it needs some sanding and polish.
"You...You must be that masseur, the Heman?" Rarity asked unsure.
"Technically the right term is 'Human'.
No 'technically' about it.
"I can only find fancy dresses...I just need comfy clothes for everyday life...And nobody here seem to have those. I was pointed here because you CAN make dresses from the ground-up, so I wondered if..."
Soooo....Our protagonist is a cross-dresser? That's what your wording implies. If he just wanted clothing that wasn't a dress, wouldn't the wording be "Because you CAN make clothing from the ground-up" (by the way, you have two spaces between 'because' and 'you').
"Thank you, now that we have the measurements, let's talk about money so I will see how much stuff I can order." he said nodding.
"Blunt as a rock..." the mare muttered shocked.
"Sorry, force of habit."
Why would that choice of wording be shocking? He has a limited amount of funds, so he can only buy so much. And why apologize for it??
"Huhuhu! Nice try. Come on, find a table comfortable enough to lie face-down on and I will start immediately. Just give me five minutes to go back and take my oil." Buck said cracking his knuckles.
'grab', 'get' or 'retrieve' sounds better...unless he treats it like vitamins and he's getting in his dose for the day.
Said that his right hand moved towards her horn to delicately massage the skin around it and, to his chagrin, gently run two fingers along its full length up and down.
Extra words? Also, 'discomfort' or 'after some hesitation, gently ran' might be a better word choice. I don't see how he couldn't already be chagrined given how literally EVERY pony has reacted this way so far.
Guooooooh!" the mare answered with a bestial growl as she started kicking out with her back legs and trashing lightly on the table.
*thrashing
Lyra and Bon-Bon instead huffed in annoyance at somepony else stealing their toy.
I could be wrong, but I think it's 'their' that's supposed to be in italics, not 'toy' unless they're deliberately objectifying him.
"You two remember me my cousins living South, same accent." Buck said amused.
*remind
"Uhm...if he comes here daily...And if that day he does not over-work...I think that MAYBE we can pull it off, just in case let AJ do most of the showing while you instead speak and explain...A couple trees you can do, but do not over-do or it will take FOREVER for your leg to recover." Buck answered.
I've never played Rainbow Six, so I know nothing about any of the characters that isn't spoken about here, nor backstory. Was Blackbeard a doctor/veterinarian before he became a soldier? Because unless he's had legit training not to mention has been educated on pony recovery times this isn't a judgement he can really make.
Again with all the "Hue Hue Hue"s! Why is everypony Brazilian?!
Cute unplanned Innuendodetected!
why is there a Spell/Monster speaking in Big Mac's Thoughts?
"Ah! Those scars? Noo, those are souvenirs of my time as a soldier back in my world: few bullet wounds here and there, some knife wounds, a couple of burning marks from Molotov Cocktails, one or two scars from barbed wire...Nothing out of ordinary
An ordinary day in the life of Keemstar
"Bad men, crazy idiots that believe their ideals to be the gospel of God and ready to kill every 'infidel' that does not follow their ideals...
The Catholic Church? That sounds like the reasons behind the Crusades to m- DEUS VULT!
"Huhuhu! Nice try.
GOD DAMMIT. I AM SICK OF THESE GOD DAMN PONIES AND THEIR GOD DAMN BRAZILIAN LAUGHS
Sigh, you atheism isn't all righteous as people say it is either you know,atheism Started wars too and did horrible stuff too, Im kind of tired of everyone saying religion is the cause of everyone's problems or more than everyone's beliefs.
8479707
Well, I DID imply how her own..."reaction" was so wild the sun itself spelled it out and its light looked a little spent after an explosion XD so we can say that Celestia's "Not So Modest Org." was so big the Sun itself resented that XD XD XD
8479761
... Fine by me but will we see her in another chapter? also will Luna fall victim to Buck?
Also who's next will be next Twilight and Rainbow or somepony else? Cause it seems Twilight has a LOT of stress now.
8479761
Also its 'represented' not 'resented'.
8480050
Doesn't "resent" mean "Suffer from it"? I admittedly am not a Native English speaker...so sometimes I get the terms mixed-up if I am not careful...
8480055
Resent means feel bitterness or indignation.
You know, you can find Blackbeard's real name in his bio, his real name is Craig Jones
Entertaining, but the story would benefit from a proofreader immensely.
#BuffBlitz
Holy shit this got featured!
I AM POWEEEEEEEER!!!!
pre06.deviantart.net/2806/th/pre/i/2014/079/a/f/he_man_transformation_by_santalux-d7awk0x.jpg
spike’s really funny here!!!
moar pls!
If this is about Buck, why is Blackbeard the cover art?
8480301
The same way the Lord Chanka is actually Vladimir Putin?
8480708
I refuse to believe Blackbeard is an operator.
He’s just a Recruit who took a spare uniform, stole the prototype shield (800 HP), and proved himself in battle, earning a spot in Rainbow. However, as the government began to track down the shield thief, he eventually had to arrange to have the original, TRUE shield returned. He tried to have his contacts help him manufacture a new shield, to replicate the prototype, but they were incapable of doing so, instead producing a miserable, almost useless 60 HP version. Nevertheless, he was a part of Rainbow, he couldn’t afford to be on “Leave” much longer, so he had to take the cheap knockoff and roll with it to keep up appearances.
Naturally, his performance has dropped now that he basically doesn’t have a shield, suffering many more injuries, failing missions sometimes, and frequently dying in the training simulations. As a result, Six is currently reviewing his profile to see whether he is enough of an asset to remain in Rainbow. Upon learning of this, Craig is now desperately trying to beg his contacts to help him improve the shield, but fear of severe backlash from the Brokered Union of Transcontinental Technological Happenings Under Research for Testing committee has stopped them from doing so. The committee fears that the shield is “game-breaking”, arguing that, should two first-world countries ever fight, the side with the shield technology and prototypes would surely win, throwing the balance of power into disarray. Some officers and soldiers heavily dislike the committee for limiting their weapon and technology capabilities, especially with project S.H.I.E.L.D, arguing that the technology is perfectly reasonable since it could easily be countered with explosives, shotguns, or even a bit of flanking strategy, but the committee has refused to hear them. As a result, the original shield prototype is locked away, and Craig’s career is in jeopardy, as well as his life, should he be placed in a difficult combat scenario alone, as his current knockoff would be virtually useless in protecting him or his allies.
Hmm that is a myth... usually the mines go BOOM directly after pressing the trigger [with a timed delay maybe]
Keeping it pressed would do nothing, it would go off.
his
8480786
you don't really know land mines, do you?
8480923
Landmines don't wait for the person to LIFT the foot from the mine to explode.
That's a trope used to raise tension and put the character on the spot...
It makes little sense to have it work that way, You get a squad blocked for the time it takes to save the poor sod, while if the mine went off you would have the poor sod maimed, maybe some of his fellows hurt as well, the squad blocked for the same time while treating the wounded AND you get a big boom to warn you that somebody in on the track... Additionally the fuze that acts on pressure release is more complicated than one that acts on pressure.
Link to Quora.
Wow, this story blew up in popularity quite quickly
Well done, will be looking forward to the next update
You monster, you didn't tell us this story would torture! My ribs are in so much pain, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This. more of this. Yes please.
i.ytimg.com/vi/aVTOk5p5iqo/hqdefault.jpg
No massage scene with Mac?
Oh 'Giggity'
A Family guy Reference.
8481277
RL version....
i.imgur.com/CDxf3Zw.jpg
The short of the following is thus: you need a proofreader/editor. I've said this to many an author on this site over the last few years. This story has potential, and it is already funny, but it needs some sanding and polish.
No 'technically' about it.
Soooo....Our protagonist is a cross-dresser? That's what your wording implies. If he just wanted clothing that wasn't a dress, wouldn't the wording be "Because you CAN make clothing from the ground-up" (by the way, you have two spaces between 'because' and 'you').
Why would that choice of wording be shocking? He has a limited amount of funds, so he can only buy so much. And why apologize for it??
'grab', 'get' or 'retrieve' sounds better...unless he treats it like vitamins and he's getting in his dose for the day.
Extra words? Also, 'discomfort' or 'after some hesitation, gently ran' might be a better word choice.
I don't see how he couldn't already be chagrined given how literally EVERY pony has reacted this way so far.
*thrashing
I could be wrong, but I think it's 'their' that's supposed to be in italics, not 'toy' unless they're deliberately objectifying him.
*remind
I've never played Rainbow Six, so I know nothing about any of the characters that isn't spoken about here, nor backstory. Was Blackbeard a doctor/veterinarian before he became a soldier? Because unless he's had legit training not to mention has been educated on pony recovery times this isn't a judgement he can really make.
Again with all the "Hue Hue Hue"s! Why is everypony Brazilian?!
why is there a Spell/Monster speaking in Big Mac's Thoughts?
An ordinary day in the life of Keemstar
The Catholic Church? That sounds like the reasons behind the Crusades to m- DEUS VULT!
GOD DAMMIT. I AM SICK OF THESE GOD DAMN PONIES AND THEIR GOD DAMN BRAZILIAN LAUGHS
Even in her raccoon wounds?
8482837
Especially in her raccoon wounds!
8482350
The whole "Technically human" thing is a manner of speech so it's fine as is.
it's not his wording that has her shocked, it's his mannerisms and how blunt he is.
with "Their toy" both should be in italics as they're displaying possessiveness over him.
Other than the name and appearance, that's where the drawing from Rainbow 6 stops.
Anyone spot that Heman reference though?
8479761
I think you meant either "Remind me of" or "Make me remember" here. And living in the South.
I’m willing to ignore the plethora of spelling errors as long as you keep giving me lines like that.
Sigh, you atheism isn't all righteous as people say it is either you know,atheism Started wars too and did horrible stuff too, Im kind of tired of everyone saying religion is the cause of everyone's problems or more than everyone's beliefs.