...Can Break You
-Golden Oak-
“T-Twilight?” Fluttershy called out as she cautiously opened the library’s front door and peeked in. “Twilight? It’s me, Fluttershy.” she called again, louder.
No one answered, but in the eerie, downright unnatural silence of the library, yellow-furred pony’s ears picked something up. She crept forward slowly, wincing at every low *tap* of her hooves against the floor. She didn’t quite know why she was sneaking, especially after she had already announced her presence, but she couldn’t help it. Something had changed after Spike’s departure. Well, just about everything had changed in the four weeks since the baby dragon had vanished and, according to Princess Celestia, refused to return. But something was different about the library itself.
Despite Twilight’s valiant efforts to carry on in her best friend’s absence, the library had become a darker, colder place. Even Pinkie was hard-pressed to maintain her smile when she walked in; especially when every day saw a further decline in Twilight’s condition. The poor mare lasted ten days running the library all by herself, though ponies mostly stopped coming around before then. After that the library was closed, citing a “family crisis”.
Fluttershy had to stop to stifle a sneeze and took a moment to really look at the library’s interior. Nothing had changed since the last time she’d visited. The place looked abandoned, with dust and cobwebs on every surface and stray books strewn about everywhere.
‘Spike would never have let it get like this.’ Fluttershy thought as she rubbed her itching eyes.
The yellow mare continued her stealthy trek, straining her ears to follow the sound that was becoming more and more familiar.
‘It’s coming from upstairs…’ the Element of Kindness drew in a breath and, doing her best to ignore the tickle in her nose, proceeded upward. ‘Did the stairs always creak this much?’
She soldiered on, despite feeling like she was a character in the one horror novel she’d ever mustered the courage to read. Specifically one she remembered making her utter “Don’t do that” more than once. Upon reaching the top of the stairs she could finally hear the sound clear enough to tell what it was, and all she could do was sigh.
“…one might work…”
Fluttershy moved closer to the bedroom Twilight shared with…used to share with Spike, eyes focused on the dim light coming from under the door.
“…have enough energy…”
Under normal circumstances Fluttershy would’ve been ashamed to be afraid of one of her dearest friends. But as Twilight’s mental state deteriorated it got harder and harder for any of her friends to force themselves to be alone with her knowing they couldn’t do anything to help. They had already experienced firsthoof what happened when an alicorn went mad.
“Maybe Rarity can help?”
Twilight’s mumblings came through clearly as Fluttershy paused just outside her room.
“Twilight?” she said as loud as she dared.
“No, I’d have to spend too much time teaching her what to do.”
“Twilight?”
“Lyra’s good at magic, but we aren’t really friends and I don’t think she ever met Spike…”
“Twilight, please…”
“I could order her to help me…I’m a Princess; I can do that, right?”
“I’m coming in.”
“I wouldn’t have to do any of this if I could just get close to Celestia…”
Fluttershy opened the door, and though she tried to steel herself for what she knew she was going to see, she still wasn’t prepared.
Purple fur, once soft and healthy, now dirty and matted. Mane unkempt and greasy. Wings drooping to touch the floor and feathers literally glued to one another with grime. Tail so knotted and caked with…gunk that a good two-thirds of it would probably need to be trimmed off. And if the mare’s clearly defined ribs were any indication, she had lost even more weight in the three days since Fluttershy had last seen her.
Twilight had never been the most robust pony around to begin with, which made the situation all the more dire. Were she an animal, the pink-maned mare would wonder how she still had the strength to move around. And speaking of animals, the smell…
“What are you doing, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked gently, trying to keep the disgust out of her voice.
“…The same thing I was doing last time, Fluttershy.” Twilight muttered before turning her attention to one of at least fifty books cluttered around her.
“You know you’re not supposed to be doing that…” Fluttershy said, already starting to lose her nerve.
Last time she had caught Twilight trying to create a tracking spell that would work without an actual tracker. Most of the technical jargon Twilight used went right over the pegasus’ head, but the alicorn’s logic was that all the magical experiments she had used Spike for must have at least left some kind of magical residue on him. She hoped to make a spell powerful enough to sense that minute residue, but had apparently made little progress.
“Then Celestia will just have to come on over and stop me, won’t she?” Twilight drawled, carelessly dropping one book and picking up another. She inwardly hoped for exactly that, for in her quest to make the ultimate locator spell she had stumbled upon one that, in theory, would allow her to siphon off a small bit of somepony’s magic and use it as if it was her own. If she could just get her hooves on some of Celestia’s magic, she was sure she’d be able to figure out how to use the Princess’ special connection to him to send Spike a letter with a magic tracker attached to it.
Fluttershy walked around beside her friend, subconsciously keeping her distance, and gasped in horror when she finally got a look at Twilight’s face. The dark circles around her eyes and her sunken cheeks were bad enough, but it was the look in those bloodshot orbs that truly terrified the shy mare.
The library wasn’t the only thing Spike maintained. They joked about it all the time, how Twilight would be lost without her Number One Assistant. How he pulled her out of her “episodes” and kept her from going too far into the deep end. How she’d forget to eat or sleep if he wasn’t around to remind/”persuade” her to do it. Always said in jest, always accompanied by a chuckle or a good-natured eye-roll.
No one realized just how true it was until Spike was gone and Twilight was suddenly alone. Without her scaly, purple anchor she was a ship adrift in the rough seas of her own mind.
Something had to be done, but what? What could anypony do that hadn’t already been done, short of carting the fourth alicorn off to the psych ward?
Well, there was one thing, but…
“Twilight…What if it works?”
“Hm?” Twilight hummed, finally looking at her friend, who struggled not to flinch when their eyes met.
“W-What if your spell works? Then what?” Fluttershy swallowed the lump in her throat before continuing. “You heard the Princess; Spike doesn’t want to come back. Not yet, anyway.”
“Says her!” Twilight snapped. “That’s all we have to go on; HER word! Why won’t she let us see what Spike wrote? Why won’t she give us a straight answer, huh? All we wanted was to know why he didn’t want to come back, and what did we get? ‘Don’t ask me; ask yourselves’. What does that even mean?!”
“Maybe…Maybe something we did made him want to leave?” Fluttershy answered quietly, her eyes going lower and lower with every word.
“All the more reason to let us see what he wrote!” Twilight shouted, throwing her hooves into the air and wobbling when her weakened body was thrown off balance. “How are we supposed to make up for what we did, when we don’t know what we did?!”
“Maybe that’s the problem; that we don’t know…”
Twilight narrowed her eyes at the Element of Kindness. “You’re as bad as her.” she grumbled in disgust before going back to her book.
Fluttershy ducked her head, but behind her flowing mane she delivered her own glare.
‘I can name three mares off the top of my head who would have a clue if they ever took their heads out of their own…’ she shook her head, trying to clear it of the distinctly unkind thoughts running through it. “Twilight, if Spike doesn’t want to come back, trying to force him to will only make this worse.” she pleaded.
“Trying to make somepony see reason has worked for us many times before; I don’t see why it wouldn’t work now.” Twilight said flatly.
“And what if your ‘reason’ and his don’t line up?”
“Then I’ll MAKE them line up!” Twilight hissed, jaw clenched and shoulders hunched.
“So you’d just tell him he’s wrong for feeling the way he does?” Fluttershy practically demanded, aghast at the very idea. “Like his feelings don’t count and he should only listen to you?”
“I…” Twilight made to retort, but even in her demented state she seemed to realize how awful her previous words sounded. “Well, since you think my plan is so totalitarian, I assume you have a suggestion?”
“…Let him go.” Fluttershy whispered, more to herself than anything.
“What?” Twilight was briefly reminded of their first meeting on the day she came to Ponyville with Spike.
“Let him go.” the pegasus repeated. “Give him the space he wants, and hope that he loves us enough to come back. It’s like when one of my animal fri-“
“Spike is NOT one of your animals!” Twilight screamed, rounding on her fellow winged pony with a furious snarl. “After all this time I thought you would’ve realized that, but I guess nothing’s changed from that first day, huh? When you asked ‘what else can he do?’ like he was part of a circus act or something.” the alicorn stood up on thin legs steadied by nothing but rage and stomped towards her target. “Even after all he’s done for you, all he’s been through alongside us, you still see him like…like some exotic pet, don’t you?! DON’T YOU?!?!” she roared in Fluttershy’s face as she backed the other mare up against the wall.
“I…I…I…” Fluttershy couldn’t speak. She was too overwhelmed, too confused; too afraid.
The red haze lifted as Twilight saw her friend trembling before her and briefly wondered if there was some nightmarish creature lurking behind her. But in a moment of crystal clarity she realized the truth. She did this; SHE was the creature. She had taken the nicest pony she and anypony else had the privilege of knowing and reduced her to a quivering wreck. Why?
‘Why?’ that was a question she’d been asking for a while, and just like every time before, there was no answer.
“I-I’m s-sorry…” Fluttershy stuttered, then ran for the door like the Cerberus itself was hot on her tail.
Twilight wanted to go after her. Wanted to explain herself and beg forgiveness. But she couldn’t explain herself. Why couldn’t she explain herself? Why did just standing up take everything she had? Why was she so angry? Why was her memory so fuzzy? Why…
Why did Spike leave?
Something jumped out at her from within the muddied waters of her mind, as clear as if it had happened seconds ago. Celestia, giving her and the other Elements a profoundly disappointed look, then speaking the words that had mocked her for weeks now.
“Don’t ask me; ask yourselves.”
“…Why?”
-Carousel Boutique-
‘This is the last one.’ Rarity thought to herself as she carefully fed the shimmering, cerulean blue fabric through her sewing machine. ‘Just one more and I’ll be done for the day.’
She would be done sewing, anyway. She had quite a few orders to fill and to keep herself on schedule she would need to complete at least three dresses tomorrow. That meant her entire day was spoken for, which in turn meant the gem run she had been putting off for days now would have to be done today. And soon, too; these days she didn’t dare do evening digs.
Not without her little purple bodyguard…
“Oh, horseapples!” the unicorn hissed as the sewing needle went through her hoof. She quickly shut off the machine and glared at the impaled appendage. She couldn’t actually feel it, but this was the fifth time it had happened just today! ‘Thank Cele…Thank Luna Sweetie Belle is out and about.’
Rarity knew her little sister was only looking out for her, and she knew Sweetie was right about her overworking herself. But Sweetie didn’t know what it meant to run a business all by herself, especially one that was starting to grow by leaps and bounds. The little filly didn’t truly understand that success almost always came at a price.
Though, to be fair, Rarity herself only recently came to comprehend just how high that price could be when there was no one around to split the bill.
“Funny how having just one extra pair of hooves, er, hands made all the difference…” Rarity murmured.
Actually, it was downright astounding just how much easier her job, and indeed her life in general were with her little helper around. In the time Spike had been gone, the fashionista had been forced to admit that she might have taken him for granted. Just a bit.
When Spike began helping her four years ago, she was just starting to get noticed. Business wasn’t exactly booming and her workload was relatively light, so accepting the drake’s assistance was more her humoring him than anything. Plus, how many ponies could say they were friends with an honest to goodness dragon? That mentality persisted right up until the day Twilight burst into her boutique raving about blood, broken doors and Spike missing.
Sure, Spike made finishing multiple orders a much quicker and less taxing process, since she didn’t have to conserve and ration out her magic so much. And yes, having a fire-breathing dragon at her side made her much more comfortable going out for gem runs at any time of the day. And of course his digging capabilities unearthed more gems in an hour than she could in a whole trip with just her trusty shovel, resulting such a great surplus of materials that she could give them to Spike by the pound without a care.
But because she hadn’t NEEDED any of that, she hadn’t fully appreciated it. And even when her commissions doubled, tripled, then quadrupled, etc. and she was still easily able to keep up, Spike wasn’t a big part of the equation in her mind.
As the saying goes, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
Plucking the needle out of her hoof with her magic, Rarity felt her eyes begin to tear up. “Even THIS reminds me of him.”
If she had to pick the single worst thing about Spike being gone, it would have to be the reminders, because they were everywhere. Somehow, right under her nose, Spike had woven himself so deeply into the fabric of her life that his sudden absence left a gaping hole the likes of which Rarity had never known before. A hole she tried to fill at first with her friends, but that was short-lived. They were all confused and hurting just as much as her, far worse in one case, and were in no condition to comfort each other.
So then she turned to what she knew: her work. Work that constantly reminded her of what, and more importantly who, she no longer had. Everything came back to him. Every time she went on a gem run, she had to remember it would be a solo endeavor. Every time she sat alone with the drone of a sewing machine assaulting her ears, she had to remember that there was no one to talk to. Every time she went to bed utterly exhausted, if she went to bed at all, she had to remember that there was no one she could call on to lighten the load.
And those were just the major things! There were plenty of little things that never let her forget, even for a moment. Just the other day digging up an amethyst made her burst into tears just because it was purple, and even now being stuck with a sewing needle reminded her of when Spike bafflingly volunteered to be her literal pincushion.
“I can’t get away from you…” Rarity croaked, feeling her throat start to constrict and her eyes start to sting. “You can get away from me just fine, but I can’t escape you.”
A traitorous part of her mind told her that she had just spoken a line from a non-contemporary romance novel, at least by her standards. She normally fancied the more fantastical books, where perfect mares were swept off their hooves by perfect stallions, or even other perfect mares on occasion, and galloped off into the sunset to live happily ever after. But that line had come from one of the more grounded and realistic books in her collection, where nopony was perfect and lasting relationships took time and effort on both sides form and maintain. In it, a selfish, shallow, entitled mare comes to realize how empty her life is when her longtime coltfriend finally gets fed up with her attitude and leaves her…
“Oh no, I am NOT opening THAT bag of snakes!” Rarity said, shaking her head wildly and nearly flinging her red-framed glasses off. “Focus on the dress, Rarity. Just finish the dress.”
Armed with a new mantra, the unicorn did just that; for the most part, anyway. She just needed four more emeralds to complete the order. Unfortunately, she didn’t have even one more emerald in her inventory.
Rarity looked at the clock to see it was 5:35PM; she didn’t have much time, so she’d have to be picky about what she bothered to dig up.
“Emeralds for sure, but what else?” she mumbled as she looked for the order sheets, doing her best to suppress the memories of a certain drake who would normally do it for her while she went to get ready. “Ah-hah!” she floated three papers at eye-level and quickly scanned over them.
She stopped on the second form, her chest tightening painfully as her eyes scanned over the customer’s order again and again, even after her tears made it impossible to read.
The customer wanted a dress that was distinctly “her”. Something that told the world who she was. Something that did justice to her name: Amethyst Silk.
-????-
“Sweet Luna is it boring around here.” Rainbow Dash whined, laying on her stomach with her forehooves hanging over the edge of a cloud on the western outskirts of Ponyville.
She’d found herself saying that a lot lately; far more than usual. Being able to do her job as Ponyville’s official weather pony in just minutes, or even seconds if she really wanted to, left the cyan-furred pegasus with a LOT of free time on her hooves. In the last few years she had been spoiled not only by having the other Elements to kill time with, but all the crazy things that they seemed to be a magnet for. Rarely was there truly nothing to do. Until very recently, that is.
“Stupid lizard.” Dash scowled, rolling over onto her back. “Everything was going great, and then you just had to go and screw it up, as usual!”
Spike was a nice kid, and Dash liked him well enough, but if a day went by without him doing something wrong, causing a small-scale disaster or just generally making a nuisance of himself, she considered it a minor miracle. True, it ensured that she never ran out of joke material, but sometimes his penchant for being lame was far more trouble than it was worth.
“Even when you’re not around, you ruin everything!” okay, maybe it was because he wasn’t around, but still.
Spike’s abrupt absence had far more profound effects than anypony could ever have imagined. After all, how could one tiny drake, with a reputation for throwing a wrench into the gears, have such a big impact on so many lives? But the proof was there, down in the noticeably quieter and gloomier Ponyville.
The Sugarcube Corner had lost a bit of its sweetness, so to speak, with the Cakes obviously more stressed than normal. It becameespecially apparent when somepony asked about the “adorable”, funny and friendly baby dragon that sometimes ran the register and promoted new items.
Sweet Apple Acres was still in a state of sadness and confusion. Apparently Spike had made his presence felt in his time on the farm, and virtually every pony in the Apple family wondered where he was and when he was coming back. Dash herself had learned to avoid them in town. She liked to tell herself it was because she was annoyed at being asked the same question several times a day. But if she was honest, she avoided them because she hated seeing their downtrodden looks when she told them she didn’t know what was going on with Spike.
The situation at the Golden Oak Library spoke for itself. By the time the place officially closed, nopony outside of the Elements dared step hoof in the place. Some ponies would even literally go out of their way so as not to walk too close to it on the street.
And those were just the most obvious things. All over Ponyville were various ponies who had revealed connections to Spike that not even Twilight had known about. Most of those connections were minor, but still enough for dozens of ponies to notice that he was gone and care enough to be genuinely concerned.
Even Zecora and, of all ponies, Mayor Mare had asked about him!
“All these friends, all these ponies who miss you, and you DON’T want to come back?!” Rainbow Dash threw her hooves up in outrage. “Who do you think you are?! What, you have somepony out there who cares about you more than we do? Hah, fat chance!” she snorted. “Or maybe it’s not enough for you, eh? Still a greedy little dragon.”
When he first vanished, Dash had been right there with everypony else. She was just as horrified by the pool of coagulated blood in the basement as her friends. Just as desperate to find him. Just as angry at Celestia for her, as Twilight said, complicity in his disappearance. But after a while she had come to accept it. In her mind, if Spike didn’t want to come back, that was his problem.
She figured the others would eventually accept it as well, even if they wouldn’t quite see it the way she did. But they didn’t. They dwelled on it. Some of them obsessed over it. And all of them were changed by it.
That was when the resentment reared its ugly head, not for her friends, but for the one who had all but taken them from her.
Twilight was an absolute basket case and was way too unstable to hang around with these days.
Rarity had gone full workaholic, to the point where going to the Carousel Boutique was pointless if you weren’t there to put in an order or pick one up. You’d be lucky to get a single full sentence out of the unicorn if you just wanted to talk, and that was if she acknowledged you at all. It wouldn’t have been so bad if she left the place for anything other than gem or grocery runs, but the mare was living up to her name and catching a glimpse of her outside was like spotting an endangered species in the wild.
Applejack had developed a very short fuse and wouldn’t hesitate to lay a verbal smackdown on anypony who lit it. Naturally it was Rainbow Dash herself who typically bore the brunt of it, but it was nothing like the normal barbs they traded on an almost daily basis. The country pony’s words came out laced with venom and went right for the jugular, several times leaving the blue pegasus speechless and on the verge of tears. Applejack also had little patience for those asking about Spike and had taken to glaring daggers at them as opposed to answering.
Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter herself, was really starting to freak many a pony out with her forced smiles and increasingly fake cheer. Even her pranks and parties had come to an end presumably because her heart wasn’t in it anymore.
Fluttershy at first seemed to be the least affected, at least by Spike’s disappearance. But as her friends changed and retreated into themselves more and more, Dash’s fellow pegasus, who wasn’t at all equipped to deal with such a situation, did the same. Now she was practically back to her pre-Element self, spending most of her time up in her cottage with her animals and only coming into town to get supplies and check up on her friends.
Even the Cutie Mark Crusaders were acting weird! Scootaloo was far from subtle in fishing for information when hanging out with her idol, and Dash had every reason to suspect Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom pestered their respective sisters even more. And more than once Dash had heard whisperings of search parties and “Dragon-Finding” Cutie Marks.
And as for Rainbow Dash herself…
“Yeah, I bet that’s it. You didn’t hoard gems or hats or whatever; you hoarded friends!” she seethed, glaring up at a lone cloud above her as if she was trying to will it to become Spike so she could give him a piece of her mind. “Just like a dragon; you take and take and take, and don’t leave anything for anypony else!”
Somewhere in the back of her mind Dash knew it wasn’t fair to call Spike greedy just because making friends came so much easier to him than to her. But the chain of events set off by him leaving had completely circumvented her defenses and hit her in places she didn’t like to admit to having. Places that, in her younger days, had been hidden behind much thicker and tougher walls of bravado and self-assurance.
Before that fateful day Rainbow Dash had been perfectly fine on her own. She was living the life, being paid quite nicely to do a job that only took minutes out of her day, and spending the rest of her time napping and honing the skills that would make her a Wonderbolt. And then one day a purple unicorn, with a matching baby dragon, showed up and changed everything.
Suddenly all her goals and ambitions seemed so small in the face of an honest to goodness destiny. Suddenly she was a hero, tasked with protecting Equestria, and even the entire world from threats that rivaled the Princesses themselves. Suddenly she had friends. Not just ponies who were cool enough to bother hanging out with every now and then, or ponies who could put up with her “awesomeness”, but real, ‘til-the-end friends.
And now that those friends were steadily drifting away from her, as well as each other, Dash spent more and more time alone with her thoughts, just like the old days. But in the old days she was a selfish, immature loner who was able to easily beat any and all insecurities into submission with the knowledge that she was oh, so very cool and that was all that mattered. Now she was a much more experienced and worldly pony who knew the true value of friendship, and couldn’t hide from the fact that it was worth far more than coolness any day of the week.
She didn’t want to go back to the way things were. She didn’t want to go back to days spent lazing about on clouds with nopony to talk to but herself. But what she wanted didn’t matter; it was happening right before her eyes and she was powerless to stop it.
All because of a little dragon who couldn’t appreciate what he had at home and probably went out looking for more.
“Do you have any idea what you’ve done, Spike?” Dash asked, still focused on the cloud above. “Would you even care if you did?”
Even in her distressed and bitter state the pegasus’ mind rebuked her for such thoughts. Of course he would care! If he knew what was happening in Ponyville right now, he’d be going door to door, begging for forgiveness. In fact Dash herself often got on his case about caring too much, especially when it came to how other ponies saw and felt about him.
So how could he possibly up and leave like he did? How could he say he didn’t want to come back to the ponies he cared so much about, and who cared so much about him?
A love of reading wasn’t the only thing Dash had picked up from Twilight over the years and now that she was allowing herself to really think about it, her mind quickly put things together. If Spike thought even for a second that his friends would fall apart if he left, he never would’ve left. But he did, so the only logical conclusion was that he didn’t think it would be a big deal. It wasn’t that HE didn’t care; he thought THEY wouldn’t care. It was the only thing that made sense, but it didn’t make sense at all.
How could he not realize how important he was to them? How could he not feel the love?
Twilight lived with him day in and day out, putting up with his crap just as much as he put up with hers.
He’d probably never get a date out of Rarity, but he had to understand the significance of her letting him be behind the curtain. The only other pony she trusted that much was her own sister.
And speaking of trust, Applejack letting him work on the farm knowing full well that he could cause a disaster at any moment showed a staggering amount of it. All it would take was for one accidental fire to get out of control in the orchard and a huge chunk of the Apple family business would literally go up in smoke.
Same with Pinkie Pie and the Cakes, letting such an accident-prone drake work in their kitchen. And in their case Spike didn’t just represent a potential danger; in the last year alone he had started no less than twenty kitchen fires. But even so the Cakes never turned him away, and Pinkie kept him well-fed on the best pastries the Corner had to offer.
Even Fluttershy put the utmost faith in him when she allowed him to help with her animals. And though she sometimes treated him like one of said animals, he certainly never complained when she doted and fussed over him like a mother hen anytime he took a tumble or stubbed a toe.
“And I…Uh, I…” Rainbow Dash faltered, “Well I tried to toughen you up, but clearly that didn’t work!” she cringed as soon as the words left her mouth. Honesty may not have been her element, but such a bold-faced lie was too much even for her.
He may have been able to swim in lava, but Spike probably had the thinnest skin of anyone she’d ever met. Over the years even Fluttershy had learned to let most of Dash’s antics roll off her like water off a duck’s back, and it was a skill that had served her well in other situations. But Spike was still an easy target and as the others built up resistances and developed their own ways of dealing with her, he became her go-to when she wanted a reaction.
Sure, sometimes she wished Spike would fire back at her like she knew he could; the little guy had a sharp tongue when he was mad enough. But more often than not the pegasus just wanted something to laugh at and saw Spike as a goldmine of comedy.
But in the wake of his departure she found herself remembering the things she had said and done to him for her own amusement. Most of it wasn’t so bad, really no different than what she did to everypony else, but some of it caused her to physically wince. And when she finally started to wonder whether she had crossed a line or two, it soon became a question of how many lines she hadn’t crossed.
Making fun of his shortcomings? She honestly couldn’t remember a day where she HADN’T needled him about his size, his lack of wings and/or his generally unimpressive presence. She’d even gone as far as to question whether he was actually a dragon on multiple occasions.
Mocking him for his failures? Probably the subject of half the conversations she’d ever had with him.
Bringing up his parentage, or lack thereof? In one of the many “Nature vs Nurture” arguments the Elements had amongst themselves in regards to the baddies they’d faced, with Spike sitting just across the table from her, Rainbow Dash outright said, “Spike doesn’t have parents, either, and he turned out just fine”. That was one of the few occasions she’d apologized to anyone of her own volition, but the fact that she would say such a thing so casually to begin with left a mark that she was now certain never really went away.
“Okay, so maybe I’ve been a little careless with the things I say, but…” there was no “but”; everypony knew Rainbow Dash had no filter and no chill. She even had her own not-so-little fanclub that idolized her not just for her many feats and capabilities, but for her willingness to break the societal boundaries of things like tact and politeness, and speak her mind freely.
But could she really even claim that when it came to Spike? Yes, he got a lot of the same flippant remarks she’d give to anypony else, but over the last year or so there had been an increasing number of precision strikes aimed specifically at the drake’s faults and insecurities.
Her words weren’t careless; they were meant to provoke. To hurt. Why? Because she thought his reactions were funny?
“I guess I have been kinda mean…” Dash mumbled, unable to look at the cloud anymore.
Another lie; in recent times she was “mean” on a GOOD day. And on bad days, the things that spewed out of her mouth and into Spike’s ears would’ve had Equestria’s various villains taking notes.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, Dash found herself to be a raging hypocrite as well. She still vividly remembered the day Gilda the griffon came to Ponyville and left a trail of fear and hurt feelings in her wake. On that day Dash had lived up to her title as the Element of Loyalty, standing up for her friends by calling the feathered bully out and telling her off for good.
Dash remembered thinking “No one talks to my friends like that!” before the big confrontation. But perhaps what she really thought was more along the lines of “Only I talk to by friends like that”?
“N-No, that’s different! Totally different!”
Yes, it was differen;, in the worst ways. For all of Gilda’s venom and vitriol, at the end of the day she was a stranger to everypony but Dash herself. She didn’t know Ponyville’s residents from Luna and thus nothing she said could really have any lasting impact.
But Dash DID know the residents of Ponyville, or at least a select few of them, and her words could cut so much deeper because of it. She had special ammunition; personal information about some ponies, and a certain drake, that could be wielded as a devastating weapon at anytime. In general, she stayed away from those kinds of things, if only because those ponies knew her just as well and she did them and had their own anti-Dash ammo. Applejack in particular was always ready to return fire.
But then there was Spike. Maybe it was because she knew he didn’t have the guts to use what he had, but she never hesitated to go after his insecurities, fears and things that he thought were secrets. She never fully exposed him, but what she did do was arguably crueler. She would make implications that put him on the spot and left him to fumble, fib and finesse his way back under the veil. She took special pleasure in hinting at his crush on Rarity. It was just about the worst kept secret around, but Spike didn’t know that and watching him squirm and stammer could always brighten her day.
Of course when it was said like that it made her look like a stone cold, grade A, bona fide cunt. But was there really another way to say it? Dash herself couldn’t even remember how she had rationalized it, or if she ever even cared enough to do so.
“I…I’m not a bad pony.” the Element of Loyalty, the loud, proud, in-your-face Rainbow Dash whimpered. “I swear I’m not! I couldn’t be an Element of Harmony of I was!”
True, one of the prerequisites for being an Element Bearer was having a good soul, so she could at least claim that. But everypony had a dark side, and it just so happened that Spike was the one who so often found himself the target of hers. Now out of excuses and distractions, Dash saw her “relationship” with Spike through the unbridled clarity of hindsight, and she was horrified at the malicious and downright predatory behavior he brought out in her just by being around.
Why? Clearly there was something about the little dragon that made her despise him on a subconscious level, but what could it possibly be? He’d been nothing but nice to her from the day they met, and continued to treat her as a dear friend even though she treated him like dirt.
And it wasn’t just the insults, biting criticisms and public humiliation. When she wasn’t doing that, she generally ignored him, which might have been one of her worst offenses on an ever-growing list.
Her mind went back to the last time she had seen Spike, just two days before it all started to unravel. She’d gone to the library to see about the latest Daring Do book and maybe see what magical shenanigans Twilight was up to, only to find Spike holding down the fort on his own. The drake, clearly bored and lonely with Twilight out running an errand, tried to strike up a conversation, but Dash couldn’t have cared less. She asked about the book, interrupting whatever he’d been talking about, and snatched it out of his hands when he presented it to her. He’d even reserved the copy just for her, knowing it was going to be a hot item, and she didn’t so much as throw out a “thank you”. In fact, the only thing she said to him before flying out the window was to tell Twilight she was in for tomorrow’s picnic.
The picnic Spike had no idea was in the works, if his bemused look was anything to go by. The picnic he would later be asked to make snacks for, but wouldn’t be invited to; a revelation that would garner frowns from Pinkie, Fluttershy and Applejack, but not much else.
“You didn’t have to leave…” Rainbow Dash choked, wiping her eyes in a futile attempt to stop her tears. “Even if I was horrible to you, everypony else loved you! Stop punishing them for what I did!”
But if not for Spike’s disappearance and the rapidly worsening fallout from it, how long would she have gone on as she had? How long would she have continued to torment the poor dragon for no other reason than because she thought it was hilarious? How long before she would have been forced to look into a mirror and see the ugly thing staring back for what it really was?
“I see it now, Spike. I see it and I’m sorry…So, so sorry…” the perennial tomcolt cried as she curled in on herself. “I-I can change. I WILL change! Just come b-back and you’ll s-see…I’ll earn your friendship; I’ll be the b-best friend anypony’s ever had! Just come back…I understand now, just please…please come back…” her body trembled and rocked with the force of her sobs as emotions she didn’t know how to deal with crashed over her. “Please...”
-Sugarcube Corner-
“And here you go, a dozen strawberry sugar cookies fresh from the oven!” Mrs. Cake said with a somewhat strained smile as she packed said baked goods into a pink box for her friend, Cheerilee.
The purple-furred schoolteacher eyed the treats. “My, those sure do look…interesting.” she said with a weak smile of her own.
Mrs. Cake could only shrug helplessly as she packed the last of the malformed confections. Just a few days ago she and her husband had been able to play off the oddities coming out of their kitchen as Pinkie experimenting. The fib virtually told itself because it was the best kind of lie; the kind that made all the sense in the world. Of course the party pony would get bored of being limited to standard shapes like stars, hearts and vaguely-defined animals!
The Cakes had been lucky in that Pinkie’s “designs” had, at first, always resembled SOMETHING. Be it a bug or a steam engine, they always had something to work with. And everypony bought it, literally and figuratively, because it was Pinkie Pie, and because the treats were still damn good. Even if they looked like spiders.
But as her façade began to crack and she started scaring off customers with her dull eyes and too-wide smiles, the Cakes had been forced to take her off the register entirely and relegate her to the kitchen full-time. Once that happened, it wasn’t long before the Element of Laughter began to churn out amorphous lumps that even the most pretentious of abstract “artists” couldn’t give meaning to. They were still delicious, but the cakes had seen more potential customers than they were comfortable with turn their noses up at such ugly things.
Fortunately Cheerilee wasn’t one of them.
“How’s she holding up?” the teacher asked gently.
Chiffon Cake glanced towards the kitchen before speaking lowly, “She’s not. We thought being off the register would take some of the stress off if she didn’t feel like she had to pretend everything was alright. But it seems like the more time she spends alone, the worse she gets.”
“What about your other bakers?”
“Hans and George alternate shifts with Pinkie; when she works afternoons, they work mornings and vice versa.” Mrs. Cake said. “We could change the schedules, but quite frankly even both of them together can’t keep up with her. And then there’s the fact that they don’t get along very well with her…”
Cheerilee blinked in confusion. “Don’t get along with her? How does anypony not get along with Pinkie Pie?”
Before Mrs. Cake could answer, her husband walked up to the counter.
“There’s not much Pinkie takes more seriously than cooking.” Carrot Cake explained. “And she can be a bit…overbearing if she doesn’t trust you completely in the kitchen.”
“Hans and George all but begged for the afternoon shift after she got done training them; they couldn’t get away from her fast enough. So far the only ones she doesn’t micromanage back there are myself, Carry,” Mrs. Cake nodded towards her husband,“and, well, you know…” about a week after his disappearance, the Cakes had learned to avoid saying Spike’s name within earshot of the pink earth pony.
“I see…And you say she’s getting worse?” Cheerilee asked.
“You see what she’s making back there.” Mrs. Cake gestured to the light purple box containing Cheerilee’s cookies.
“I think she’s going off of pure muscle memory at this point.” Mr. Cake said with a frown. “She doesn’t even look at what she’s doing anymore; she just does it. I mean, her eyes are open and she’s looking AT it, but it’s like she’s not really seeing it, if that makes any sense.”
“I could talk to her if you like.” Cheerilee offered. “I am a certified counselor, even if I mostly work with children.”
“We might take you up on that later, but first I think we need to take a crack at it ourselves.” Mr. Cake replied.
“You haven’t talked to her yet?”
“We have, it’s just…We keep losing our nerve.” the stallion sighed.
“You wouldn’t think talking to Pinkie would be difficult, but that’s just it; it’s hard to remember you’re talking to Pinkie.” Mrs. Cake took another glance back towards the kitchen.
“It’s so…unsettling, you know? It’ll be alright at first, but then she’ll do or say something and suddenly it’s like you’re not talking to Pinkie Pie anymore. You’re talking to something that’s pretending to be Pinkie Pie and failing.” Mr. Cake shuddered. “We know what she’s doing; trying to act like she’s fine by showing us what she thinks we want to see. But it’s just so…”
“Fake.” Mrs. Cake supplied. “But that’s no excuse. She’s part of this family just as much as our own foals; we can’t let her go through this alone just because we’re uncomfortable!” and with that the blue-furred earth pony marched into the kitchen.
That bravado lasted all of five seconds as she crossed the threshold only to see no trace of Pinkie.
“Pinkie?”
“I’m sorry…”
Chiffon nearly jumped out of her skin, not because of the sudden reply, but from how close it was. Whipping her head to left, she saw the pink mare standing barely three feet away.
“I’m sorry.” Pinkie repeated, lowering her head slightly.
“It’s…It’s alright, Pinkie dear,” Mrs. Cake assured, “You’d think I would be used to that kind of thing after all these years, but I guess not.” she chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“No, not about that.” Pinkie shook her head, and Chiffon couldn’t help but notice how her mane didn’t move an inch. While it looked as fluffy and bouncy as usual, in reality it felt and behaved almost like plastic due to whatever product Pinkie was using to maintain appearances. “Well, I AM sorry about scaring you, but I…I’m just…” the Element of Laughter began to choke up. “I’m sorry for what I’m…doing to you all.” she squeezed her eyes shut to try and block the tears the felt were coming, but to no avail.
Mrs. Cake’s heart broke for her; she had been listening and clearly took it the wrong way.
“Oh no, dearie, no!” the older mare rushed to comfort her fellow pinkette. “It’s not you; it’s us. You’ve been here suffering alone and we’ve just been sitting around, watching and twiddling our hooves...We abandoned you when you needed us the most, and I can’t tell you how sorry we are for that.” the older mare’s eyes began to tear up and her voice cracked.
“...But what if it IS me?” Pinkie’s words came out as a nearly inaudible whisper, so low Mrs. Cake wasn’t sure she actually said anything.
“What?”
“What if it’s me? What if I’M the reason he won’t come back?” Pinkie started to tremble as the dam finally broke. “I know I can be a bit much sometimes, and I know I get on some ponies’ nerves, but I never thought I was THAT bad...But what if I am, and everypony is just too polite to say anything about it? What if Spike just got fed up with me? What if he’s not the only one? What if they ALL leave me?!” she probably would’ve continued if she hadn’t started hyperventilating.
Mrs. Cake could only stare as Pinkie’s wide, panicked eyes searched her own for...something. Perhaps confirmation that she was wrong? But as much as the baker wanted to give it, the words wouldn’t come out. She screamed at herself internally, desperately trying to will herself to say something, but to no avail. She couldn’t even call for help, seeing as how she clearly wasn’t equipped to deal with this by herself.
Then, as if called forth by a higher power, her savior arrived.
“It’s not your fault, Pinkie.” Mr. Cake said firmly as he entered the kitchen.
“How do you know?” Pinkie asked, barely getting the words out around the lump in her throat.
“Because you’ve lived with us ever since you came to Ponyville. We know better than anypony how…much you can be.” the orange stallion answered. “But it’s never made us love or trust you any less. Your heart is always in the right place, and everypony knows that. Even on those occasions when you break something or hurt somepony’s feelings with your pranks, you own it and do everything you can to make it right.”
“But I don’t learn my lesson! As soon as it all blows over I’m right back at it like nothing bad ever happened!” Pinkie argued. “And I don’t always make it right…You don’t know how awful I was to Spike.” her sobs began anew.
“Pinkie, dearie, I don’t think you’re capable of being ‘awful’ to anyone, let alone such a close friend.” Mrs. Cake said, finding courage by her husband’s side.
“I shot him with the Party Cannon.” the Element of Laughter mumbled. “I watched him bounce off the walls like a pinball, but did I check on him to make sure he was alright? Did I worry about him at all? No; I laughed at him. I could’ve KILLED him and I LAUGHED about it!”
“Did you make it up to him?” Mr. Cake asked, though his tone suggested he already knew the answer.
“I tried to. Made him a whole cake with gem dust infused in the frosting. But I lied to him about it and I don’t even know why. I told him it was an experiment to see if I could make something for a dragon if Ember ever came to visit. I don’t think he bought it, but I was still too…selfish to admit the truth. Like if neither of us acknowledged I did something bad, then it wasn’t bad.” Pinkie grimaced, disgusted by her own logic.
“But you still knew it was wrong and tried to make up for it; you learned your lesson.” Carrot pointed out. “Did you ever do it again?”
“No, never!” the mare denied immediately, sickened by the very thought.
“Well there you go.”
“But that’s just the tip of the iceberg.” Pinkie said, wiping tears from her eyes with a forehoof. “I was always pranking him, even when he obviously wasn’t in the mood. I laughed when Rainbow Dash joked about him, even when I could see she had struck a nerve. I didn’t say anything when we left him behind to go have fun. Just a couple days before he…left, Twilight set up a picnic for us all and I found out she never invited Spike, even though she had him make all the food! I should’ve said something, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to bring down the mood…”
“...Okay, THAT’S a little messed up.” Mr. Cake remarked.
“Carry!” Mrs. Cake hissed, nudging him hard enough to make him stumble.
“I meant for Twilight!” the stallion explained. “She invites all her friends to a picnic, except the one she had before anypony else. There’s no sugarcoating that.”
“…” his wife couldn’t argue with that.
“But it’s not just her…” Pinkie shuddered as she felt her eyes start to sting again. “When my sister, Maud, came to town I wanted her to meet all my friends…That’s what I said to her, ALL my friends. We hung out the whole day and had a great time, and not once did I ever notice that someone was missing. None of us did; we never even mentioned him. Maud didn’t meet him until the next time she came over, months later. She actually got upset with me for not telling her that there was a real, live dragon living in Ponyville and that I was friends with him.”
“Did you make it up to him?” Mr. Cake asked, not so self-assured this time.
“He was supposed to help out here that day, but I covered for him so he could keep my sister company. By her account she had a great time with him, and I’ll never forget that he actually managed to make her laugh.” even in her current mood, Pinkie couldn’t help but smile at the memory. “It was at the end of the day when he brought her back here and I invited them both upstairs for a little game night. We were just about to head up when Maud noticed him making a face and not following us. She asked him if he didn’t like stairs and he said, ‘No; they’re always up to something’. It was one of the corniest things I had ever heard, and with Spike that’s saying something. But sure enough it got my sister laughing so hard, she couldn’t stand up.”
“’They’re always UP to something’,” Mr. Cake snickered, “that’s a good one!”
“Of course you’d find that funny.” Mrs. Cake rolled her eyes, but couldn’t quite hide the slight upturn of her lips.
“Over twenty years trying to get her to crack and I could never figure Maud out. But Spike had her pegged within a day; she loves puns and Dad Jokes! He gave me something priceless that day. I had never heard my sister laugh like that, and it was…magical. I wanted to cry, I was so happy…” Pinkie trailed off, her smile vanishing. “And how have I repaid him for that? I’ve taken him for granted. Neglected him; used him. Even let him take the blame for things that were my fault…” she looked down, unable to meet either of the Cakes’ eyes.
“You mean the kitchen fires?” Mr. Cake said casually. “We were wondering when you’d finally admit to that.”
“You…You knew?” Pinkie asked breathlessly, seeming to shrink in on herself for a moment.
“Wasn’t hard to figure out once Spike had been around long enough for us to tell when he was genuinely sorry for something he did.” Mrs. Cake said.
“Mm-hm, he wasn’t a very good actor.” her husband nodded. “Little drake would almost be in tears after burning a batch of cookies, but he was cool as a cucumber when he was taking the fall for you.”
“But…why?”
“I can’t say we weren’t a little disappointed in you letting him take the blame, but it was never a big deal and we figured you two had something worked out, so we let it go. You did have something worked out, right?” Mrs. Cake asked, giving Pinkie “The Look”.
“Of course, I always made it up to him!” the pinkette answered hastily.
“Well there you go.”
“But that’s the problem, don’t you get it?!” Pinkie barked suddenly, catching the other two ponies off-guard. “I’m ALWAYS doing something that I need to apologize or make up for!I wouldn’t have to keep trying to make things right if I could stop making them wrong in the first place! But I can’t! I just DO things without thinking, and by the time it occurs to me that maybe this pony doesn’t have the same definition of ‘fun’ as me, it’s too late and someone’s already covered in glitter and crying about how long it’s gonna take to wash it all out. And sweet Luna, some of the things I did to Spike…They weren’t ‘pranks’; it was public humiliation! How can you say it’s not my fault?!”
“Because even with all you say you did to him, he still came back. Not out of any sense of duty or obligation; he came to you as a friend.” Mr. Cake said calmly. “You know how much everypony liked him around town, so you know he had choices when it came to who to hang out with and talk about comics, music and whatever else. And so many times, he chose YOU.”
“That’s right.” Mrs. Cake nodded. “Even when he helps out here, he does it because he likes being with you. He certainly wasn’t here for money, and for how hard he worked and how much he did, giving him a few expensive pastries every now and then probably wasn’t exactly fair. And I don’t know anypony who would stick their neck out like he did for someone they didn’t like.”
Pinkie opened her mouth to retort, but Mr. Cake already had her number.
“Maybe you don’t see it that way. Maybe you think you were a bad friend, but I think it’s pretty clear that Spike didn’t feel that way.” the stallion ignored the voice in the back of his head that reminded him of how passive-aggressive and prone to bottling things up the baby dragon could be.
“…Then why won’t he come back?”
“I can’t even begin to know his reasons, Pinkie,” Mr. Cake replied, “and neither can you. You can’t just assume you know how he felt or what he thought. The only one who knows Spike’s reasons is Spike.”
“And Celestia.” Pinkie grumbled bitterly, not aware she’d said it out loud.
Carrot Cake decided he wasn’t touching that one. “...The only feelings and thoughts you know for sure are your own. And if you feel you have a problem…Well, admitting it is the first step to fixing it, right?”
Pinkie mulled it over or a bit before finally lifting her head and staring into Mr. Cake’s eyes. “Will you help me? Please, I…I don’t think I can do this on my own…”
Husband and wife shared a look and nodded to each other.
“Of course we will, dearie. And I think we can even bring in some professional backup, right Cheery?” Cup Cake called with a knowing smirk.
A few seconds passed in silence before Cheerilee poked her head around the corner, cheeks alight with embarrassment at being caught eavesdropping.
“Of course, Chiffon, my offer still stands.” she chuckled sheepishly.
-Sweet Apple Acres-
“Ugh...” Applejack groaned as she set down the third and final basket around a tree packed with nice, ripe fruit.
It had been a long day. Longer than it had any right to be, if she was honest. But such was the norm these days, or at least that’s the way things seemed to be going from her point of view. Ever since Ponyville had once again become a dragonless town every day had become a slog. Just getting out of bed took a worrying amount of effort and mental pep talks, and getting through the day took even more.
The work wasn’t the issue; it never had been, though she readily admitted having Spike around, with his work ethic and surprising strength, really did speed things up. The issue was everything else. The cloud of melancholy hanging over her head, the breakdown of her most precious friendships, the constant pestering from friends and family…Sometimes it was just too much. Nopony would give her any space, but she often found herself debating whether or not she actually wanted it. Having somepony to talk to wouldn’t be so bad, if they all didn’t insist on asking about a certain scaly deserter…
When had she started thinking about him like that, as a deserter? She couldn’t rightly say. Maybe around the time Twilight started losing her mind? Or perhaps when Pinkie stopped laughing? Or was social butterfly and eternal attention-seeker Rarity becoming a hermit the straw that broke the pony’s back? Again, Applejack couldn’t say. But then hadn’t they all happened around the same time? So was there even a point to making a distinction? It wasn’t like putting a time frame to it would make her feel any better.
Because time sure as Tartarus wasn’t healing this wound. No, it was being kept open, throbbing and bleeding, with all the poking and prodding and rubbing and scratching and…
“Ah’m the darned Element of HONESTY, fer Luna’s sake!” AJ groused as she kicked at the tree behind her. “So why does everypony act like ah’m lyin’ when ah say ‘ah don’t know’?!”
Above all else, that was what got to her the most: the questions. Questions that did nothing but remind her that she had no answers, and likely wouldn’t get any for a while yet, if ever.
The farm pony scowled as her mind conjured up the litany of inquiries she received on a daily basis now.
“What happened to Spike?”
“Is Spike alright?”
“Did Spike leave?”
“AJ.”
“When’s Spike coming back?”
“AJ?”
“Do you know where Spike is?”
“Hey, AJ!”
“Have you seen Spike lately?”
“APPLEJACK!!!” the sudden shout came just as she lifted her hind legs for a kick, causing her to lose her balance and fall flat on her face.
“Big Mac? What in tarnation is yer problem?!” AJ all but snarled as she got back up.
The earth pony powerhouse only nodded up towards the tree his sister had been kicking, prompting her to do the same.
“Oh…” was all AJ could say when she saw the tree partially uprooted, with its trunk covered in her own hoofprints. How long had she been abusing this one poor tree?
“’Bout three minutes, I reckon.” Big Mac said, once again displaying his uncanny ability to answer questions no one had actually asked. “You alright?”
“…” AJ responded with a glare.
“Right, dumb question. Tell yah what, there ain’t much left to do ‘round here today, so how’s about you take a rest? Me an’ the boys’ll finish up.” the huge stallion said with a look in his eyes that told AJ it was more than a suggestion.
“Ah…Alright, fine.” Applejack conceded with a sigh. “At least let me take this batch in?” she asked, waving a hoof towards the full baskets at the base of the tree.
“Go ahead, but don’t let me catch you sortin’ in there; leave it to Fritter an’ Red.” her brother warned.
“I got it, McIntosh.” Applejack snapped as she stomped over to the baskets.
Big Mac said nothing as he watched her haul two of the baskets off. Only when he was sure she wasn’t going to look back did his stoic expression give way to real concern. Regardless of the tough front his sister put up, and now matter how much she insisted she was fine and it was everypony else who was stressing her out, he saw right through it. Maybe she better equipped to handle the loss of a loved one than her friends, but Applejack was breaking down all the same.
“Spike, I dunno what yer deal is, but if this keeps up I’ll come find you an’ drag yer scaly tail back m’self!” he growled to himself and took the last basket in his teeth before trotting off to the sorting shack.
True to her word, all Applejack did was drop her cargo off and give a nod to Apple Fritter and Red Delicious before walking back out. She bit back the snarky remark on the tip of her tongue when she passed her brother and quickly made her way towards the house. If there was one thing that could at least temporarily raise her spirits, it was some ice cold lemonade after a hard day’s work.
‘Though some hard cider sounds pretty dang good right about now…’ she thought, but quickly dismissed the notion. Alcohol could only make things worse.
The orange-furred mare soon made it to the farm house and found it oddly, mercifully empty. There were plenty of ponies on the farm who typically finished their work well before her and the house was usually hopping by this time of day. A month ago this probably would’ve unsettled Applejack, but today it was a welcome development.
The downside was that, in the almost unnatural silence, every hoofstep and creaking floorboard seemed to be amplified tenfold.
“Applejack, is that you?” an elderly female voice called out. Maybe her eyes weren’t so great anymore, but Granny Smith’s ears were as sharp as ever. Perhaps even sharper these days, seeing as how she was able to pick out specific ponies in the house just by hearing them walk around.
“Yeah, Granny, it’s me.” Applejack sighed. Of course her quest for a simple glass of lemonade couldn’t be a simple one.
“All finished for the day?”
“Yes, Granny, Ah was just gonna-“
“Oh good, then you can come help me with these pies, if it’s not too much trouble?”
“Ah…Yes, Granny.” seeing no honest way out of it without being rude, Applejack resigned herself to her fate and made her way to the kitchen with all the enthusiasm of a prisoner heading to the dungeon.
Fortunately, it was an easy task and the last of the dozen cherry pies went into the big oven no more than twenty minutes later. Unfortunately, Granny Smith seemed keen to play games today. She didn’t speak a word beyond innocuous small talk and hummed happy little tunes Applejack couldn’t place. Even with their task complete the elderly mare didn’t acknowledge the elephant in the room, and it was far more unnerving than it had any right to be.
But AJ was onto her; this was clearly a ploy. Since Spike’s departure, Granny had seen fit to drop little nuggets of wisdom just about every other day. Though admittedly not nearly as agitating as the questions, it was still unsolicited advice about a topic she was desperately trying not to think about, and she’d told her grandmother as much just three days ago. But Granny was a crafty old lady with a huge bag of tricks gathered over the years, and this was one of them.
Granny had passed it down to her own daughter and it worked wonders on AJ as a child whenever she tried to hide or lie about something. Casual conversation peppered with specific words and phrases that AJ’s mind would latch onto, wondering if there was some hidden meaning directed at her. Like the time she’d been roughhousing with some of her cousins and ended up knocking over an entire bookcase, which had nearly crushed them. The colts, all older than her by a couple years, immediately hightailed it out of the house to busy themselves, but Applejack, being too young to do any real work around the farm at the time, and lacking any valid reason to go into town, was stuck in the house.
She’d spent most of the day dreading her punishment and nearly jumped out of her skin when her mother called her into the kitchen to “help out”. She stuttered and stammered her way through the most awkward conversation of her life, even worse than “The Talk”, and swore to this day that her heart stopped for a good three seconds when her mother started talking about how the colts in the family were so rough with each other and chastising her for joining them. “You’re gonna break something if you’re not careful, Jackie” were her exact words and Applejack just knew the jig was up right then and there. However, before she could confess her misdeed, her mother continued by bringing up how McIntosh had broken his forehoof the previous summer.
But the damage was done and the seed planted. AJ proceeded to overanalyze every little thing her mother said, and within ten minutes her conscience couldn’t take anymore and she spilled everything. It didn’t register with her at the time, but looking back on it Applejack remembered a self-satisfied smirk on her mother’s face that spoke of a plan coming together perfectly.
The tactic and her experiences with it were a big part of why she believed wholeheartedly that honesty was the best policy. But now she almost resented it being used against her when she’d done nothing wrong. Well, the young farm pony wasn’t falling for it, no siree!
“Ah’m not fallin’ for it.” Applejack said firmly.
“Hm?” Granny turned to her with a mildly convincing look of innocent curiosity.
“Ah know what yer doin’, Granny, and it’s not gonna work.”
“Applejack, I may be old, but I can still wash dishes just fine.” Granny replied.
“Not that.”
“Then what?”
“Pretendin’ nothin’s wrong an’ makin’ me feel all awkward and self-conscious so Ah’ll talk! You and Ma did it all the time when Ah was a filly, but it ain’t gonna work now!” Applejack said firmly.
“But isn’t that what you wanted?” Granny asked. “You said you were tired of everypony talkin’ yer ear off about yer dragon friend, so I’m not talkin’ about him.”
“Doesn’t make much difference when Ah know you really want to.” Applejack grumbled.
“Well of course I want to, and so should you; bottlin’ things up will only make it worse.”
Applejack scoffed and rolled her eyes. She never rolled her eyes at Granny. “’Bottlin’? Ah ain’t ‘bottlin’ anything; there ain’t nothing TO bottle! THIS is why Ah don’t wanna talk about it, because y’all are so busy talkin’ that none a’ ya’ are listenin’! Ah’ve already said all Ah can say and done all Ah can do about it. That’s it! Until somethin’ else comes up, Ah’m just as stuck an’ in-the-dark as everypony else! Why can’t y’all understand that?”
“…Did-“
“Yes! Yes, Ah thought about what you said, an’ you had a point. Some of us were a lot worse than others, but none of us can say we always treated him right. Maybe he left because he finally got fed up with Rainbow Dash bein’ a bi…bein’ so mean to him an’ no one stickin’ up fer him. Maybe he left because he was tired a’ Twilight an’ Rarity takin’ him fer granted. Maybe he left because he was sick a’ bein’ left behind an’ forgotten so much. But what does that leave me with, huh? A whole mess a’ maybes, which ain’t exactly a step forward in my book.”
“…” there wasn’t much Granny could say to that.
“Spike ain’t here to tell us how he feels one way or another. But Ah’m here to tell you how Ah feel. Ah’m fed up with everypony actin’ like I’m hidin’ somethin’. Ah’m tired a’ bein’ tired because Ah can’t get any peace at home or in town. An’ Ah’m sick of repeatin’ myself day in an’ day out ‘cause no one seems to be able to accept that Ah DON’T have the answers! Yah hear that, Apple Bloom?” AJ suddenly turned to the kitchen’s main entrance, causing the filly in question to freeze on the spot. “Ah don’t have answers! An’ the only one who does, besides Spike himself, is the only pony who AIN’T talkin’!”
“Ah don’t…” Apple Bloom trailed off and seemed to shrink in on herself as her big sister stomped up to loom over her with a hard glare.
“That’s right; Ah don’t. Ah don’t know why Spike left. Ah don’t know when he’ll be back, or even IF he’ll be back. Ah don’t even know if this isn’t all some kinda plot by some baddie lookin’ to bring down the Elements a’ Harmony. Ah. Don’t. Know. Ah don’t have any answers for myself, let alone for you or anypony else, so if ya’d kindly stop it with yer god damn questions, Ah’d be much obliged.” Applejack stormed off without waiting for a reply, though neither her shell-shocked grandma nor her cowering sister had any forthcoming.
All she wanted as a glass of lemonade. That’s it. But even that was apparently too much to ask these days.
‘Wherever you are and whatever yer doin’, Ah hope yer happy, Spike. Honest.’ the blonde-maned earth pony thought, seeing a cousin open his mouth and throwing him a look that promised terrible things if he didn’t close it. ‘’Cause Ah’d be mighty pissed of you left all this behind just to be as miserable as the rest of us anyway.’
-Ponyville-
In other places around the world, saying that you had “seen everything” was considered either bragging or sarcasm. But in Ponyville, it was considered tempting fate, right up there with things like “It can’t get any worse”. Anyone who’d lived there for more than a month knew better and would readily admonish anypony who said it even as a joke. But the words slipped from many a mouth when Fluttershy, of all ponies, was witnessed dashing through the streets with a look of steely determination.
The yellow-furred pegasus stopped for no one and nothing, weaving around ponies with expert precision and clearing obstacles with powerful leaps that made some wonder why she even needed wings. She was a pony on a mission and she would not be denied!
What was this mission? Simple: the most important one she had ever undertaken. Even those that ended with her helping save all of Equestria didn’t compare, not in her mind. Failure wasn’t an option, for she had no backup and there was no Plan B.
Not for the first time Fluttershy cursed herself and her oh, so appropriate name. If only she’d had the courage to do this weeks ago, when it first occurred to her, then maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so bad. Maybe she could’ve rallied the others together then, but not now. Her “visit” with Twilight had shown her the ugly truth; time was up and she was now the only one left who was…whole enough to do what needed to be done.
Though perhaps the real credit went to her Angel Bunny, indeed her guardian angel, who’d made it his mission to get her to take action. To do something about the situation other than cry and whine and mope over what-ifs and how-comes. He definitely earned something special as a reward, but that was for later. After she played the only hand she had and hopefully at least started the process of setting things right.
‘Almost there…Almost there!’ Fluttershy thought as her destination finally came into view. She had to remind herself to regulate her breathing, calling upon the things she’d learned from Rainbow Dash and Applejack when it came to really pushing her body. Her first thought had been to fly to where she really needed to go, but that was foolish. She didn’t have the stamina for it, nor the speed to make it practical even if she did.
But she had more than enough of both for this.
And for once she didn’t have to contend with the mocking voice in the back of her head. Usually doing its best to plant the seeds of self-doubt, now it was silent.
‘I’m going to do this…I HAVE to do this!’ if she didn’t, who knew how long it would be before it happened on its own? Who knew what would happen in the meantime? ‘Twilight’s already a day or two away from needing a hospital stay from malnutrition alone. Or an infection…’
It had to be now and it had to be her. And if she had timed it just right…
“YES!!!” she let out a very un-Fluttershy-like scream, scaring the hell out of the ticket clerk at the train station as she skidded to a stop in front of him. She even made him flinch once again when she slammed her bits down on the counter and spoke in as firm a voice as she could muster, “One ticket to Canterlot…Please.”
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It’s alive!! IT’S ALIVE!!! Ah to see this one finally update.
Everyone is a victim, you’re a victim, you’re a victim, you are a victim, everybody is a victim!! GOD!! This is the problem with something becoming normal. You cannot/ do not want to imagine life without it. I hope it’s not too late for things to be fixed. The whole town seems to be like Disney’s never land when Peter Pan is gone.
I thought that it was going to be one chapter per pony before we get into Spike’s part of the story. Is there more to come for the main six? Is this mostly going to be how they, fail to, cope with Spike’s absence?
P.S. Applejack is not fine, but she does need her space.
8974785
I originally wanted to do a chapter for each pony, but once I actually wrote everything out only Rainbow Dash's part was large enough to deserve its own chapter. I personally chapters under 2000 words kind of irritating, especially if it's an update I've waited months for, so there's no way I'm going to post even one of them myself, let alone several. So just crammed them together and made this, which I think worked pretty well considering that wasn't the plan.
The next chapter will be shared between the Main Six and Spike, with a bit of Celestia, Al and maybe even some Luna thrown in. I'll most likely up doing something similar to this again with one huge chapter.
When's the next chapter!?