Once upon a time…before Equestria was the land known today, there was a King and a queen who died and were re-born. For they represented life and death, and gave their last breath to help the last draconequus family. The family all had the head of a pony, and a body made up of all sorts of things.
But soon...everything changed.
"Discord is the mischievous spirit of disharmony. Before my sister and I stood up to him, he ruled Equestria with unrest and unhappiness. Luna and I saw how miserable life was for earth ponies, pegasai and unicorns alike. So after discovering the elements of harmony we combined our powers and rose up against him, turning him to stone"
"But…Celestia, why did he do that to Equestria?" Asked Fluttershy, a timid yellow pegasus to the princess.
"Because, me and my sister made a mistake." Sighed Celestia. "Before that, Equestria was a land of harmony. It harbored two queens and two kings. The queen of life, Leuce Lumine. The king of death, Hades Dark. The queen of the crystal changelings, Chrysalis. The king of shadows, Sombra." Explained Celestia "They had made peace, along with the prime minister of chaos, Discord, who was responsible to keep the lands happy…"
"But…what happened?" wondered Twilight.
"Me and my sister were deceived by a manticore. Told that Hades and Leuce were misusing their power and taking magic from all the land." Sighed the alicorn looking at a stain glassed window "We turned them both into crystals and ignored the pleas of Chrysalis that they were innocent…She, Sombra and Discord swore revenge against Equestria. Discord taking over the lands, Chrysalis and her husband, Sombra, trying to take over the crystal empire."
That song at the end was based off of "Once Upon a December", wasn't it?
Ehh not enough description of things feels like just a exposition dump. What do the characters and places look like? Also "Hades Dark" sounds like a really try hard goth name, so on the nose it's silly.
Hmm... the idea is interesting and original, I have to say. However, the execution is a little weaker. As long as there was the narration at the beginning, I knew what was going on. (Though I think in the moment of attack on the Dracoequus family, you should have switched from telling to showing - letting the characters experience the events 'on screen' rather than saying that the events just happened. Of course, that'd also mean you'd need to continue from then on in the more detailed, far longer 'showing' form.) However, once they got to Canterlot, started singing, helping, ruling and fighting, it was pure confusion. I seriously have no idea what happened there. I assume Luna and Celestia then appeared for some strange reason, along with some ghost...
I'm sorry to come off in such negative way, but I believe this will help you more than any sugarcoating.
8415810
Actually it was! Its a parody I wrote.
8416614
Hey! It's ok! I understand...I'll try harder on the next chapters I publish! Thanks for the constructive critisism!
8416163
Hmmm thanks! About the name, it was something that came from the top of my head. Since Hades is the god of death in greek mythology, I just did not think very well the last name. But I'll try better next time.
8416936
Well, you're welcome. However, keep in mind one thing. The first chapter has to be perfect to attract readers. If it fails to do so, nobody will read the next chapters.