Pinkie's Kooky Quest

by TheThirdBomb

「House of the Rising Sun」(Act 1)

To say that everypony was shaken was an understatement of the highest calibre. Nopony moved, even the vampire that had committed the act, which seemed odd. Surely he would be using this time to gloat, or to bring a swift end to the few that remained alive?

No. Something much different was happening to the creature in question. His lips were twitching, but it wasn't to a smile. He seemed to be alternating between a pained grimace and a neutral expression, trying to maintain his composure. A pressure was growing in his mind, forcing him to focus in an attempt to quell the rampaging fire of grief that overwhelmed his senses. 'Damn that stupid pink pony', he thought, 'how is she still able to fight back against my control? Tch. Even Rarity's Stand is worthless if it can't keep one pathetic pony contained'. Externally, however, he forced a dull laugh from her throat. "H-how amusing. She came to her d-d-death," he seemed to choke on the word, "and all for n-nothing- ngh!" a hoof came up to his forehead as he kneeled down, doubled over in visible pain as his head throbbed.

「Dancing Queen」 was the first to break free of her reverie, drawn away by the sudden presence of her mistress' mind. She was still alive in there, fighting back! The sight of one of her friends' demise must have drawn her out, kicking and screaming as the Stand felt an emotion run through her mistress' mind that she had never felt before. Something dark and cold. She wished to hurt the vampire. Shocked by her carefree mistress' thoughts, the doll responded to them regardless, dashing forward with both arms outstretched towards the shuddering vampire, too preoccupied to respond.

The vampire caught movement out of the corner of his eye, and made to leap aside, knowing that he could not freeze a Stand as he had the rainbow mare, before a dagger of pain buried itself in his mind. In his mental eye, he saw the bound pink one, breaking free of one shackle at a time as she stared at him with a face full of fury, blue eyes set with literal fire in their pupils. He saw the corner of her lip twitch upwards at the same time as a fist met his neck, making him wince and bringing him back to the real world, just in time to feel 「Dancing Queen」 rain blow after blow upon his body, each one knocking him backwards and preventing him from acting. To his confusion, they weren't powerful hits. Each one could maybe damage a foal, but not an adult, and certainly not him. 'Her attack was much stronger before, I don't get it!' he thought, his rising hoof slapped away by another punch.

The other ponies looked up from the glittering chunks of ice that had once been their friend, broken from their stupor by the sound of multiple blows landing against skin and bone, seeing the towering doll whaling upon the vampire in Pinkie's body. He didn't seem too hurt by any of the attacks, but was annoyed enough that he seemed unable to break free.

「Dancing Queen」 would have been smiling grimly if she had the capabilities to do so. Yes, her mistress' thoughts were finally reaching her once more, and they weren't pretty. Incoherent screaming was most of what she heard, punctuated by griefed wails, and each one drove the Stand to hit slightly less hard, and more slowly. Not because of fatigue; no, Stands could last forever so long as their masters were still able to fight. This was something much different. For in Pinkie's anger, she had unconciously thought up several ways of punishing the vampire. Some of which wouldn't have worked, but there was one that 「Dancing Queen」had latched on to. Something that would be sure to make the vampire regret ever coming back into existence.

The rhythm eventually grew slow enough for the creature in question to lash out, striking first at the doll's arms before going for a right hook to the face. The first blow pushed the Stand a fair distance back, and the second surprise impact to the face sent her reeling, a chip cracking off of her cheek as she went spiralling through the air until she crashed into the wall next to where Rarity was still shellshocked, frozen in place staring at the shards of ice on the ground. Across the room, the leg of the overturned mannequin jutted out from a pile of fabric. Turning her head just slightly, she reached an arm around the white mare's hoof, the pony's head whipping sideways, eyes widened. "Rarity, I need you to do just one thing for me to save Pinkie Pie..." and then she started whispering her plan. Rarity slowly nodded, shivering as she turned to face Twilight, breaking her from her stunned state as she relayed the plan. The monster paid them no heed, completely confident in his victory even as he stumbled over a step, somewhat shaken from the previous assault.

Snarling, the vampire clasped his hoof over one eye, glaring at the Stand he had just downed. "Vile, filth-sucking wretched fool! All you've done is hurt yourself and your mistress! I get it, though. I can feel her screaming in anger at me; she must be going insane. Soon she'll be gone, and then, then, THEN! Then I may take my time feeding on the rest of your pathetic friends. If I destroy you, then I will finally be rid of your whimpering master for good." he panted, placing one hoof in front of the other, making his way over to the doll with a step at the end of each sentence. As he moved for another, he was halted, unable to move his hoof as it tugged against something, as though he'd stepped in gum. Looking down, he saw a chrome liquid pooled around his hooves, seeming to harden and constrict around his legs as he tried to move them. Through Pinkie's memories, he could tell that this was the work of Twilight's stand. His gaze shot to the right, where the trembling Alicorn stood. "And you think to intervene? I expected an Alicorn to have a much more powerful Stand than this. But I suppose you are a mere sapling among red oaks." he shrugged, flexing his leg, pulling and stretching the hardened metal with one hoof until it broke free, only for the falling liquid to shoot forward, tugging the leg back down again. His eyes seemed to glint. "I'll say it again. Cease your intervening at once. Do you truly wish to end up like, ah, what was her name again...? Oh yes, Rainbow Dash. Surely you don't desire to share her fate?" and even as he spoke, he regretted those words.

Instead of breaking the mare further as his careful barbs had previously accomplished, her mane seemed to simmer and wave in a breeze that wasn't there. Her eyes hardened as the Stand surrounding his hooves did the same. All of a sudden, a gout of flame consumed the mare, the liquid portion of 「Weird Science」bubbling and growing ever hotter against his fur. "YOU!" she screamed in what everypony recognised as the Royal Canterlot Voice, "ARE NOT!" she willed her Stand to expand, growing to encase more of the vampire's body, "ALLOWED TO SAY!" the liquid metal ran up to the monster's neck, "HER NAME!" she finished, as the Stand hardened, constricting his body painfully tightly as a wave of magic coursed through the object; not able to damage the monster himself but making his controlled body loosen and become unresponsive to his controls. Pinkie had not broken free, so how was she able to disable him?

Twilight continued seething. Her Stand almost completely covered the creature, giving her the complete layout of Pinkie's physical anatomy, as well as information which her studious mind filed away unconciously for later. With this knowledge, she'd sent a miniscule electrical pulse down a specific part of the brain, disabling all motor functions except for the eyes. She tore her eyes away from the one who'd killed her friend and looked away. "Rarity." she said simply, nodding and getting a return nod from the fashionista.

The mannequin that had previously been knocked over was placed directly in front of him, posed in mid-canter. At this, the vampire could only laugh. "A mannequin?! This was your great 'last resort!?' Ha! Hahahah- what. What are you doing? What's happening!?" his tone grew more panicked as something seemed to tug against the metal constricting him. He growled. If he still had control, his strength would have been more than enough to shatter these bonds, and now something else was happening to him; this unknown pressure. As if in response to his mental query, the Stand of his possessed body hovered behind the wooden figurine.

"I had thought you to be somewhat intelligent, Dio Brando." the doll tutted, causing the encased vampire to freeze, blinking several times before hardening his gaze with a fierce growl.

"How do you know that name, you worthless creature!" he screamed, wanting to writhe and push away from his prison and throttle the being that dared stand before him for information. To his surprise, a humourless chuckle escaped her.

"You are not one to talk, vampire. Your sheer narcissism was audible to my mistress' thoughts from the second you took control. But now it's over."

A harsh bark of laughter, the violent crimson eyes partially lidding. "'Over'? Even though you currently have me disabled, it cannot be this way forever. You have no means of defeating I, Dio! Your physical strength is nothing compared to me! Your speed is barely evident, your durability lacking, and your ability...!" He seemed to choke, recalling as if by muscle memory the exact areas that the Stand had decided to strike him. Silence reigned for several moments as 「Dancing Queen」 seemed to smirk victoriously. The expression angered him beyond belief. "YOU BITCH!" he yelled, gaining back control by sheer willpower and pushing hard against his captor, the metal shattering, falling to the floor. It would reform in a few moments, but it wouldn't be quick enough. He leapt at blinding speed towards the tall lady, hooves outstretched. With a choking cry, he was pulled back, held hovering in the air like a puppet. The creature now identified as Dio Brando screeched in denial, thrashing even as his own garments restricted him from movement.

"You finally figured it out, it seems. I think it's high time my mistress had her body back. Your time on this planet is done, creature. You underestimated us. Underestimated me. Now, you suffer the price." 「Dancing Queen」 spoke, shockingly calm in the face of all that had transpired. As if by a unicorn's telekinesis, the old-fashioned clothes that had caused this horror started to move all at once, shifting against the mare's form as the Stand's power forced the fabric away from its master. The scarf came first, then the waistcoat, both hovering just above the ground as the boots on her hind legs dropped third. Dio Brando's voice had silenced, power cut away as Rarity's rogue Stand was separated from him. The white and red undershirts were the last to go, loosening themselves and joining the rest of the hovering bundle of clothes in midair as Pinkie's body fell in a heap; breathing, but only just.

Forcing themselves away from the shards of still-frozen ice, Rarity and Twilight dashed over to their fallen friend, sighing in relief as the fangs retreated, shrinking smaller and smaller until vanishing completely. One of her eyes opened slowly, blinking continuously as a thankfully bright blue iris revealed itself. Then the other. "Pinkie Pie! Are you ok!? Say something!" Twilight cried, a comforting hoof on her friend's side.

The pink mare blinked again with bleary eyes, as if not quite awake. "T-Twilight? Where's R...Rainbow Dash?" she said, voice no more than a whisper as the two other mares inhaled sharply, nervous eyes flickering over to the pieces of ice that seemed to taunt them. Pinkie looked over as well, head lifting from the ground to confirm her fears. Instead of an outcry of grief as they expected, Pinkie Pie seemed to deflate. "Oh..." was all she could say. None of the others exactly knew how to respond either, tears somehow not coming; it felt as though Rainbow would not have wanted them to cry. More likely she'd have desired them to feel happy about their victory. Speaking of which, Pinkie looked out of the window at the sun kissing the tops of the treeline in the horizon. She'd have to act quickly, then.

「Dancing Queen」 took that moment to come forward, shakily helping her mistress to her hooves and leading her towards the floating outfit. "Um, Pinkie, dear? What are you doing with those...Those clothes?" Rarity mumbled, unsure of her friend's state of mind at this point in time.

Her breath coming out much more regularly and with more strength now, Pinkie decided not to respond. 「Dancing Queen」 tapped the standing mannequin on the way past, and several things slid into place for the two mares standing a small distance away as the clothes started to shuffle in the air, the boots fitting themselves to the hind legs of the wooden figure.

As the final piece of the outfit slid over the mannequin's neck, everypony present flinched back in shock as Dio Brando's raging voice echoed through the room, even though he had no mouth from which to do so. "I SHALL TEAR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU LIMB FROM LIMB BEFORE I- What?! What is this...? Oh. Oh! I see!" he broke free of his rant, chuckling in a humoured manner. "Yes, just like you ponies do with all enemies you face. You cannot beat me, so you imprison me, believing me to be defeated forever. Tell me, just how has that been working for your dear Princesses? I suppose you could ask the one just there, but she doesn't even know how to keep her friends alive, let alone how to deal with threats." everyone present was silent to this as Twilight bowed her head to the side unwilling to meet the mannequin's nonexistent gaze. Nopony responded to such an accusation. Except, that is, for one Pinkamena Diane Pie.

"No, Dio. I'm not keeping you shut up in a prison." She muttered, a humourless chuckle wrenching itself from her throat as she had the mannequin move between her two friends, in front of the window. "I've seen what you can do. Would do. Have done. You're not like Discord. Or Nightmare Moon, or Chrysalis, or even King Sombra. You're a true monster, through and through. So you're not getting the same punishment. You're not getting imprisoned, or even banished. This might not hurt you, but it'll make me feel a lot better when you're not able to hurt anyone anymore." Pinkie finished darkly, her friends gasping at the normally cheerful pony's fury, her gaze set in resolute anger, much like the time Applejack had broken her Pinkie Promise, only much, much darker.

Before anypony had time to react, Pinkie Pie let out a grunt of anger as 「Dancing Queen's」 fist crashed against the mannequin's face, chipping off a large chunk from the wooden figure's muzzle. "W-What?! No, you can't do this to me!" the vampire shouted from within. Pinkie seemed to disagree. Her Stand shared her sentiments. Within moments, the towering lady's arms were moving too quickly for anypony present to track with their eyes, punch after furious punch battering and cracking the vampire's prison of wood. As her Stand pulled its slender, branchlike arms backwards into the air, the mannequin spoke for the last time. "I am Dio Brando! I AM DIO! I AM-" Dio screamed, not given time to finish his tirade as 「Dancing Queen」 threw both arms forward at full force with her mistress' shout of sheer, unrestrained anger, completely shattering the wooden mare with enough force to send the pieces flying through Rarity's window. The very instant that the tattered and torn clothes met the dying rays of the sun, Dio Brando, the monster who had killed countless in his time, cried in agony; his outfit sizzling with heat as it started to disintegrate before the eyes of the ponies who had lined up at the window to gaze upon their most terrifying enemy's demise.

"I...Am...Dio. I'm...Diooo_ooo..." the vampire spoke his last, narcissistic to the end; the few remaining shreds of his fancy clothing turning to dust as the sun set behind the Everfree Forest. All that remained scattered on the dirt was the broken shards of Rarity's mannequin, the vile creature well and truly dead.

Author's Note:

Dio Brando's Spirit: RETIRED!

---

I'll come out and say it. The decision to kill Rainbow Dash was one met with the first truly negative reviews on this experimental story of mine. And that's ok. I understand that it was the abrubt end of an underdeveloped character, and that it was not given any buildup.

I'd hastily defended myself using the Jojo part of the crossover as an excuse, but realised quickly that even minor characters were invested in their battles, given a chance to fight back. Except Dire. RIP ultimate mix of offense and defence.

So yes. It was a mistake, and those happen. However, I did always have plans from the start to expand upon the 'why and how' of Dio's appearance in this story from the moment I first introduced him.

All I can hope is that this chapter and the next satisfy some of the doubts as to his appearance.

This one took longer as a result of me being busy, and thinking a lot harder on where I wanted to take the story in the future.

Comments

[Calum Hooke]

Great chapter and a satisfying end for Dio, I forgot about Dire I guess a lot of people have though. :)

[TheThirdBomb]

8388809
Yes, Dire was...An event that happened.

Either way, i'm glad you enjoyed this one. I was debating holding the chapter back even longer because i'd already had the next few scenes in my head, but decided that this was the fitting place to stop. That and it was like five in the morning and I hadn't slept yet.

[Belated1truth]

8388924 Well now those unfortunate events ocurred it will finally click just how dangerous the arrow and Stands in general can be. I mean they REALLY lucky that he did notice it was there, otherwise things would have gotten WORSE.

Though I wonder if it would have even worked if [Daning Queen] is still there. Though then I remember that in Part 3 he is actually shown to have used [Hermit Purple] despite having [The WORLD]. Mostly because of Johnston's body.

Also Rarity's Stand Ability seems incredible useful if applied right. Heck if had the clothing or designs of someone important or famous they could have her use her Stand to replicateit and have it worn on a mannequins or willing person. That way they could out all kinds of useful info regarding past events, secrets or even lost history by just questioning them.

Combined with [Weird Science] could prove useful as well I ultizeing the proper actions or even witnessing events only they saw.

If Rarity were make a Rainbow Dash Costume, and put it on or make a felt magic animated, (Come to Life Spell), doll, Goelm or automaton made by Starlight & Twilght, then could still have Rainbow Dash come back. Sorta kinda. Or with [Weird Science] Twilght could examine her.... remains, sample her blood, DNA. Then just maybe with the help of Starlight could clone her. Plus then insert Rainbow's memories into the new version thanks to [Weird Science] information gathering.

[Ditherer the Fussbudget]

As someone who's writing at least three JoJo-pony stories at one time, I felt like I'd be remiss if I didn't read through this and throw some feedback onto the pyre. I took notes and everything, so I may go on for awhile here.

"Experimental" is a nice word for this story, not just in its plotting but in its composition. There are some genuinely great JoJo narration moments, like "Yes, the winds of change were here, and they came under the guise of one Pinkamena Diane Pie," but there are also more than a couple five-clause monster sentences. The exposition could be cut down substantially by just summarizing what was said or else making it more rapid-fire than building it one big block of text after another, but there's an art to getting readers to digest that sort of information that I think you'll pick up over time. Some of your sentences also seem to start with one goal in mind and then kind of draw an ellipse around it to reach some other conclusion, which is pretty disorienting.

For instance, "Pinkie attempted to struggle to her feet, the Timberwolf holding fast, opening its jaw in preparation for another hard bite until a single spindly arm draped in purple cloth slammed forward, cracking the log that made up the wolf's cheek and forcing it to release the mare's leg with a pained whimper, launched into a tree where it collapsed into a heap of twigs and sticks" is 66 words long and has at least three subjects. Given that your comments and author's notes are perfectly lucid and communicate your feelings well, I think this is a symptom of trying to write very quickly, or else trying too hard to sound prosaic. It's like trying too hard to be funny - the truly comedic moments for me were the ones where Pinkie acted like herself in an otherwise serious situation, like ditching Twilight.

(And you shouldn't put new dialogue in the middle of your paragraphs.)

In general, I like that Pinkie's comedy powers are just an extra talent she has on-hoof, and I hope that she gets to use them in battle like Joseph's penchant for prediction.

For the Stands, I think Dancing Queen is interesting and fits Pinkie as a comparatively talkative, "social" Stand, but I don't grok why Pinkie's mystical psychic reflection is so polite. Twilight and Weird Science are a perfect match with lots of potential stemming from a very simple power, and so far they're my favorite in terms of design.

You've already taken your lumps on Rainbow and DIO, so I won't compound them, but I'll tell you what I've have done with this kind of setup. If I were handed this story from the moment Rarity's Stand was set in stone, I would've had her complete the dresses without Pinkie just happening to put on the worst one, and then later that night have the characters deal with this rampaging monster costume party. Making DIO possess another pony would've made it possible to complicate the fight more, and make the eventual defeat more rewarding.

Also, I was glad to read in one of your notes that you want Stands to win through wit, and Dancing Queen removing the clothes was a good start, but there are a few rules I try to follow that might help you acclimate to Araki-style conflict faster. First, anything that can go wrong does, but sympathetically - the hero doesn't make dumb mistakes unless they have no time to make decisions or they're otherwise blindsided. Usually, the villain has already claimed the upper hand in whatever situation they're in, but whatever happens, the hero's friends never arrive in time to end the fight. And although new Stand powers can be revealed during a fight, the reveal itself is never what wins it - they always have to be applied creatively.

Once the fight's actually started, there's almost an equation for getting it perfect. There just needs to be a way, made clear in some way to the reader, for the hero to lose the fight without dying. The fight should be a negotiation toward that moment of defeat, with the hero trying to avoid it while the villain pushes them toward it, giving them both opportunities to show off their Stands (with the rule that the same tactic can never work twice) until the hero meets their moment of failure. From there, they just have to reverse their defeat in that one moment, like a shining beacon of peripety.

It's kind of Zen, but I think the best way to make that reversal happen is just to use the fight to kill all the possible solutions you can think of. When you've made the space for answers completely blank, the character acts on their own and presents you with the real way out. I think that's the fun of writing JoJo, and I'd encourage you to test it yourself so I can know if I'm the only one it happens to.

Overall, you're being a pretty good sport about your criticism, which I appreciate. I think it should be interesting to see how differently things go when we reach stuff you planned explicitly, although I think you should think ahead more in terms of what kind of challenges and enemies you can throw at the characters - JoJo is, after all, driven mostly by combat.

Also, if you want brackets that don't come with funky Unicode spacing, take ｢these｣.

[TheThirdBomb]

8393120
Ok, finally at my pc, so I can respond now.

First off, thank you. Not to disparage any of my other commenters, but I do appreciate the storytelling and grammatical advice you've provided me. I can't promise the change will be instantaneous, but I will certainly try my best.

I was always aware that 'new speaker = new line', but the advice about not continuing dialogue in a paragraph is genuinely new to me. So that's rather embarrassing, but good to know. I have to say, I sometimes experiment with doing much shorter paragraphs and such, but it never sits well with me. I suppose that's more out of habit than anything.

Dancing Queen, as the first Stand I had to come up with, was interesting to me. I had to sort out in my head just why it's Pinkie's Stand. Honestly, i'd chalk it up to personal variation on the Stand's part. Most Stands do not have the level of sapience that Dancing Queen does, and I suppose I should make it more clear that it is one of her powers.

I would also put forward that not every Stand is a perfect reflection of their user's attitude. Cheap Trick, for instance. We have no idea if the original user was simply suicidal or mean-spirited, but I doubt it'd be to the extent where the truest desire in their mind is to kill themselves. Of course, it could very well be, and that's just baseless conjecture on my part. As Highway to Hell can attest...

Basically i'm covering up having my OC Stand paired with Pinkie.

Weird Science. I like it. I like the song. Everyone else seems to like the Stand too. I'm glad that's the case. Moving on.

As for the DIO concept...Again, the reason for his appearance is explained next chapter, I think. I haven't actually begun writing it yet, if I may confess. However, your idea was fairly similar to my original plan for the arc. It was going to allow the new costumes to properly wreak havoc at the party, except I started reading another fanfiction around the same time where a key stand was called Children of the Night. It pretty much did the exact same thing as I did, except limited to a Skeleton, a Zombie, a Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster, and a Vampire in the JoJo sense. It did the whole 'possess people' shtick too, which was...Kind of irritating. I can't imagine there'll be many viewers who would end up reading both, but I still didn't want to run too similar.

As for your next overarching piece of advice regarding JoJo fights, i'm inclined to agree, and it was part of the reason why I didn't want Rainbow Dash to run in with a new Stand and save the day. Obviously I went about that the complete wrong way, but contingency plans exist for a historically good reason.

Most of the fights in Stardust Crusaders, as you likely know, are quite often either full-group battles, or limited to one or two of the heroes. Polnareff vs Ebony Devil is one battle I particularly like, especially as it fits the ideas you bring up almost perfectly. Almost completely outmatched until the last possible moment.

Overall, the effort you've put into this feedback is highly appreciated, and will be considered for the next fight which is...Ok, admittedly not planned out too much, but hey, that just allows me to incorporate your advice more easily I suppose.

As an aside, I have to ask as I've just come off of abandoning a fanfiction that I really wanted to like. One of the key problems I had with it involved the characters all acting stiff and overly formal, not at all like themselves. So my question is this: how has the characterisation been so far, for Pinkie, Twilight, and DIO in particular? I'm concerned, because obviously our main characters are going to be shaken by the 'Rainbow Dash Incident' and will need to be subtly changed to fit this. I'm just curious as to how I've done so far.

[Ditherer the Fussbudget]

8393866
Man, I need some lessons from you in accepting criticism. It may not sound like much of a superpower, but it gives you a big advantage over a lot of authors.

Continuing dialogue is tricky, but it mostly depends on how much time has passed. If you need to remind a reader that character X was speaking when the paragraph started, and not just write the next set of quotation marks, it's probably too long. You may want to consult a style guide over me, though.

Fair point about Cheap Trick. And funny you should mention it, Lulu's Bizarre Rebellion is partly what inspired me to write JoJo.

The reversal is the pivot on which JoJo turns: Cheap Trick will kill you if someone looks at your back, you come up with clever ways to stop that happening, someone sees your back, you win. Of course, having lots of Stand users in the same room can make it a lot easier to win, which is why 1v1s are so virtuous in JJBA.

Twilight is characterized well, but I think Pinkie and DIO have seen a quantity-over-quality approach to it. In a lot of scenes they seem to be continuously broadcasting to the reader that they're themselves, when a single good joke or ruthless murder can show who they are without the trouble. Characterization's not my strong suit, though, so I don't have much better advice on that front.

[TheThirdBomb]

8394271
Glad i'm doing something right, I guess.

But yeah, Lulu's Bizarre Rebellion. I got up to the part where Lelouch gets turned into a vampire by CotN and got kinda uncomfortable given how close I was getting to doing the precise same thing, but this time with Dio.

In any event, i'm fine with any criticism until it devolves into name calling of any kind. Then I reserve the right to get defensive. Or just ignore it. Which is, statistically, probably more helpful.

[Pseudo Brony]

Things like this is exactly why you should Beware the Nice Ones.

And beware of Pinkie in general. Someone who can regularly bend the laws of physics like taffy is not someone you want to piss off. Especially when that someone also has a Stand.