The rambunctious but genuinely well-meaning prankster Anonymous would give the world to woo the Night Princess. Sadly, all he has to offer is his sanity. Not used to the attention, she can't say she minds. But while she investigates the differences between human and pony dreaming, she learns of the immense power his kind have in the realm of imagination, and puts him on the path to dream magic. And as their relationship deepens, something else looms over them, ready to threaten not only their happiness but the future of all Equestria.

Warning: the cheesiness is not handled caerphilly.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 1 )

I think that this is the first time I've ever bothered to read something without any rating or comments. I'm still not sure where I stand on this story, though.

It's always hard to pick out the intangible components of a story that are enjoyable, and even harder to properly articulate it. I apologize in advance for the unbalance in my comments. It feels like a cop out to start with the technical aspects, but it is worth mentioning that the grammar was close to flawless (excluding a few errors and a couple incomprehensible sentences), the imagery was well crafted, and the diction broad enough to avoid any jarring repetitions. I tend to struggle with these, so I make sure to mention it when I can.

Flipping the point of view between three characters, all presented in second person, was certainly not a usual technique. The camera, so to speak, shifted with such frequency that the narrative flow felt disjointed and shaky. With so little time spent on each character they all seemed shallow and underdeveloped. Using Moondancer to provide an external point of view helped expand the audience's field of view, though it split the screen time of both Anon and Luna from one half to a third.

The plot progressed at a decent pace, however the instances of conflict all seemed to appear abruptly and disappear just as fast. Introducing some foreshadowing, especially of the Tantabus, would have helped. This is certainly not helped by the story's brevity. The story felt much too fast, with Anon overcoming all conflicts as soon as they are presented. For example, Anon is presented as having great power over dreams. In the next chapter he has his first lesson, goes into his first nightmare, and defeats it easily. After that he saves Luna from her nightmare and together they defeat the Tantabus. Jumping from perfection to perfection makes it hard for the audience to feel any of the conflict and harder still to develop an emotional bond with Anon. Showing the audience how a protagonist deals with their own failures and shortcomings is a fantastic avenue for development. Watch for it in the next book you read or movie you watch.

With how fast everything in the story developed, it felt like the romance was just there to grab views. Anon is attracted to Luna, Luna invites Anon into her court, Luna sees Anon's attraction in his dreams, Anon becomes a dream master in three chapters, then Luna and Anon are deeply in love and get married. Having Luna turn him down to begin would would have been a great way to introduce failure, character development, and slow the plot, but like everything else in the story, Anon finds instant success.

I think that more than anything else I like what htis story COULD have been. As mentioned previously, the quality of writing was great and drew me in. If you had focused on either the adventure or the romance, or expanded the story significantly, then I think it would have worked far better. It feels more like a polished summary than an actual story, but I'd be happy to read it again if it was expanded.

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