Titty Vixen in "Spread Em!"

twidom352 stories ·166 members

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 9 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 9
- Newest First
- Oldest First

evangelian007

evangelian007 #1 · Aug 9th, 2017 · 3 · ·

I remember your Titty Vixen fan art on tumblr. I always wondered why havent anyone made a fan fiction out of it? I mean for clop it had a pretty fun concept and.....I'm a sucker for anything Fluttershy.
I guess my wish finally came true. *cue Fluttershy style yay* And for your 1st fan fic it was pretty good Lil Miss Jay. It's well structured and the action scenes are kinda creative in a clop way. I kinda like how you wrote Evie/Titty Vixen/Fluttershy as a flirty, seductive, pervy and confident heroine.
I honestly woudn't mind if you continued it because it's a really fun set up and despite being clop it strangely feels kind of cute(Mostly due to Fluttershy being a seductive super hero). Hope you improve the sensuality while adding a bit of drama and some adorkableness.

It really feels strange for me to give analitical constructive critisism to what's basically a clop fic. I almost sounded like DWK.

kalash93

kalash93 #2 · Aug 9th, 2017 · · ·

The title and description!

SonicBlitz18

SonicBlitz18 #3 · Aug 9th, 2017 · · ·

Please make this a series

Nightingalehound

Nightingalehound #4 · Aug 10th, 2017 · · ·

They also have a secondary universe for the Titty universe where the entire thing is a show/movie series that the main six, there friends, and family, all are actors in.. it is funny and amazing as much as is it is very... arousing.

Seraphimus

Seraphimus #5 · Aug 10th, 2017 · 2 · ·

Alright, You asked for an honest review, Here it is.

This is a complete and utter ridiculous mess.

And it's brilliant. It reads like a comic, which I get the feeling was intentional. I feel like Commenting on things like grammar or spelling would be pointless considering it's mostly silly anyways (Besides they were fine aside from some run-on sentences). You do a good enough job of explaining the world without monologue-ing about it too much. It made me giggle. I'm not sure how well it does in the Sexy category but it struck me as far more silly than hot (Though I am also gay so my opinion may be moot here).

My biggest problem is that a lot of the action scenes kinda come across like you are describing how you want an actor to play out the scene, or writing a script for a movie as opposed to just describing the scene itself. I do think that lent to the Comic book feel of the story but I'm not sure it's sustainable if you wrote a bunch of these stories(in this format. As comics it wouldn't matter much) Mainly because it can get a little tiresome trying to read scenes like that too long. As well, I feel like the story as a whole would have benefited from taking itself just a Skosh more seriously, A lot of the Potential Sexiness or Epic action is lost to the overall silliness of the tale. I know you never intended it to be a "serious" story but Even an over the top tale can benefit from more down to earth moments.

Overall I give it an 8.5/10
it was a great laugh, an interesting introduction to your world, almost surprisingly Well written considering what it is, And utterly over the top in the right ways. It achieves what it set out to do and does it well, but I think it could do with a touch more Seriousness to both the Sensuality and the Drama.

The Great Derpsby