Bacon Greased
Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Starlight Glimmer, Trixie, and Spike headed into town as a group as dusk approached. Sunset cast a glance backwards at Twilight's castle, which glowed in all different hues in the fading light of day. "Man, I can't get over that," she said, shaking her head. "And you say it just grew that way?"
"Yep," Twilight said. "Near as I can figure, the chest my friends and I unlocked was actually a seed of the Tree of Harmony. It'd explain the Cutie Map and pretty much everything else about the castle."
They arrived at Sugar Cube Corner exactly at sunset. Sunset peered at the building, tilting her head. "Man, Equestrian architecture," she said with a snort. "I'd sort of forgotten how...unique it could get over here."
Twilight snickered. "Not that you see many places like this in Canterlot," she said, casually bumping her side against Sunset.
"Well, Pinkie certainly went all out with the decorations," Starlight observed. A banner was stretched across the street, lit up with red and yellow lights; it depicted Sunset Shimmer's Cutie Mark, and read "ALICORN SHOWER - ALL NIGHT TONIGHT!"
"Well, Sunset, ready to get crowned?" Twilight asked teasingly. Sunset shook her head and led the group into Sugar Cube Corner.
"Hi Sunset Shimmer, congratulations on becoming an alicorn!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed exuberantly. "Come on in, welcome! Head on over to the refreshment table! All the refreshments fit the theme of the party!"
"They do?" Sunset asked.
"Yep! We've got candy corn, popcorn, cornbread, corn cakes, corn on the cob, popcorn balls, caramel corn, aaaaaaaaand..." She darted her eyes left and right shiftily, then leaned in and whispered, "Corn whiskeeeeeeey. It's in the punch!"
The group blinked at that. "Sounds...corny?" Sunset offered.
"Enjoy!" Pinkie said happily, bouncing away.
Sunset rolled her eyes and chuckled. "That's Pinkie Pie alright."
"You know, this reminds me of the time I woke up in Fillydelphia with an ear of corn impaled on my horn," Trixie said.
Starlight raised an eyebrow. "How'd that happen?"
"You know, to this day I still don't have any idea?"
"You must've been trying to cast the Party Popper spell," Twilight said. "I, uhh...I spent a whole week trying to get that spell to work one time. After the fourth time I blacked out from it, Princess Celestia forbade me from trying again."
"Party Popper spell? I've never heard of it," Starlight said.
Sunset rolled her eyes. "I have," she said. "It's schmuck bait some smartalec came up with a couple generations back. It's a tradition at Celestia's school for the upperclassmen to leave the scroll with the 'spell' on it out where the new students can find it. They think it sounds like fun so they try to cast it." She shook her head. "Thing is, it's not even a real spell. You just end up knocking yourself unconscious from the feedback because you were dumb enough to stick an ear of corn on your horn."
Starlight giggled. "Wow, that is a mean prank."
"And I fell for it," Twilight said with a sigh. "Actually, until just now I thought it was a real spell. I just...never bothered trying to cast it again." Her cheeks burned. "Wow. Learn something new every day."
"So what's this spell supposed to do that makes unicorns so eager to cast it anyway?" Starlight asked.
"Well, it's supposed to be a party trick where you pop an entire ear of corn with your magic," Sunset said. "That's why everypony tries to cast it if they don't already know it's a trap."
Starlight frowned. "I'm no farmer, but wouldn't fresh corn just...burst?"
"I dunno," Sunset said. "Point is, it's a mean prank to pull on overeager foals." She glanced at Trixie. "And showoffs who should know better, apparently."
Before Trixie could retort, a squeal of feedback filled the room. Everypony turned to a makeshift stage, where Pinkie Pie was holding a microphone. "Good evening, Ponyville!" she shouted. "I'd like you all to give a warm welcome to the mare of the hour, Equestria's newest alicorn, Princess Sunset Shimmer! Come on up, Sunset!"
Blushing at the attention and the stomping of hooves, Sunset teleported onto the stage, smiling awkwardly as she looked out at the crowd of ponies. A lot of familiar faces were there, as well as many she didn't recognize. She took the microphone from Pinkie and cleared her throat. "Umm...hi," she said. "Thank you all. I...wow. I wasn't expecting any of this. I feel so honored." She ducked her head. "I don't really deserve this honor, so...don't feel like you have to make this all about me." She smiled brightly. "Everypony, just enjoy yourselves and have a good time. I'm happy to meet you if you wanna come up and, y'know, talk. Heh. So...okay! Back to partying?" Good-natured laughter and stomping of hooves answered her as she ducked into the crowd.
"That was a really moving speech," Maud Pie said dispassionately from beside Twilight.
As the party wore on, Sunset mingled, meeting pony versions of her classmates and a few of her teachers. She was especially thrilled to meet the pony versions of her friends, who assured her they forgave her for that little incident with Twilight's crown. They also expressed an interest in meeting their counterparts; Sunset hedged on that, saying she wasn't sure how great an idea it was and citing Twilight's own awkwardness around her human counterpart as an example. "But we'll see," she promised with a smile. "I mean, there's no reason not to, it's just...we'll see."
Pinkie Pie's corn whiskey punch livened things up; by midnight, the party had reached a level of raucous frivolity that Sunset had never seen before. The high point of the evening was when Discord showed up and, learning that the party was an "alicorn shower", made cotton candy clouds inside Sugar Cube Corner that rained marshmallows in the shapes of all the alicorn princesses. The marshmallows were able to trot, gallop, and fly on their own, of course, which made for an amusing and chaotic scene, especially with half the ponies present drunk. In Twilight's opinion, it was one of Discord's funnier pranks, even if it was disturbing watching Trixie cram hooffuls of Twilight-shaped marshmallows in her mouth.
When dawn arrived, however...
"Uuuuuuuugh," Twilight groaned as she opened her eyes, then immediately shut them tight again. The light of day was stabby and hurty and painful, and her head pounded like a bass drum.
Then she opened her eyes again, just a bit, and saw that there was an actual bass drum being pounded just inches away. A tiny one, strapped to Angel Bunny, who was marching back and forth across the marshmallow-and-confetti-strewn floor, wearing sunglasses and pounding away on the drum. Frowning, Twilight teleported the drum as far away as she could with her head hurting. Angel chittered reproachfully at her. She heaved herself to her hooves and snorted steam.
Then crashed back to the floor, moaning in agony.
All around the room, ponies were piled in unconscious heaps, splayed out on the floor snoring and drooling, or—in the case of Sunset, Trixie, and Starlight—huddled together in a corner, rocking back and forth and singing a melancholy ballad about a potato.
Twilight decided the less she knew about that, the better.
Maud Pie invaded her personal space. "That was some party, wasn't it," she said quietly, her eyes slightly bloodshot. "I got so drunk I made out with Bulk Biceps' nuts."
"GAH!" Twilight cried, shooting to her hooves in alarm. "Gaaaah," she then complained, massaging her head. She turned green. "Way more than I needed to know, Maud!"
Maud shrugged and trotted away, a bag of cinnamon nuts perched on her back. For some reason, the bag had a little tuxedo drawn on it.
Pinkie Pie trotted over, offering Twilight a cup of strong-smelling coffee and a sheepish smile. "Some party, huh?"
Twilight shook her head and groaned. "I don't even remember most of it," she mumbled.
"Yyyyyeah," Pinkie said, wincing. "I...think I learned my lesson about spiking the punch with corn whiskey." She shuddered. "Really did not need to see my sister making out with a nut sack..."
"GAH!" Twilight yelped again. She slammed back the cup of coffee, ignoring the burning in her mouth. She glanced over at the singing trio. "What's their deal?"
"Oh...you know...they bonded over being reformed villains," Pinkie said, waving a hoof. "I have no idea what's up with the potato song, though. That's random even by my standards."
Sunset, Trixie, and Starlight belted out one long, low, sorrowful note, then fell to the floor with a loud thwump, blissfully unconscious, hooves still around each other.
"Where's Spike?" Twilight wondered.
"Oh, he left early," Pinkie said. "Once everypony started getting weird, he decided he was better off back at the castle with Flurry Heart."
"Flurry!" Twilight exclaimed, shooting upright, her wings spread wide. "We just...we just left her there without a babysitter! Oh Celestia, Cadance is gonna kill me..."
"Chill, Twilight," Pinkie said with a smile. "I took care of it! I figured you might get overexcited and forget about that, so..."
* * * * *
"You know, I'm suddenly really glad we're too old to have kids," Cranky Doodle Donkey said. He and Matilda were covered in mashed peas and diapers. Some of them were even clean.
"That thing should be in a cage," Matilda said, eyes wide and shellshocked.
"Pssh. You just gotta know how to handle her," Spike said as he walked past, wearing a hazmat suit and carrying a large butterfly net, inside which was a giggling Flurry Heart.
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Spike for Sanest Being In Ponyville.
She does that, yes.
I love anecdotes like this.
I struggle to tell sarcasm from sincerity on the best of days and it's even harder with you.
You know, somehow that sounds about right.
GLORIOUS!
... Which ones?
Of course. Classic bait and switch.
Spike's fucking great.
Hilarious chapter all around. I think Discord's prank, the 'Bulk's nuts' joke, and the Flurry bit were the best parts.
Really, an Energizer Bunny reference? Huh, that caught me off guard.
Maybe the Flower Trio is on to something, the apocalypse really has begun.
I am filled with a desire to hunt marshmallow ponies, biting their heads off as they squirm to get free.
That ending with Spike was awesome. I guess Flurry enjoys time with her big cousin just as much as with her aunt.
Angel just keeps going and going and going...
How is Starlight Glimmer a "turkey"?
Oh yes, Matilda, please tell the Princess of Love exactly what you think of her foalhood.
Awesome chapter!
Oh, man! This was a hoot!
I do wish we had seen more interaction between Sunset and the pony Mane Six, to see how she'd compare them to her human counterparts. The bit with Flurry was hilarious btw.
It was the screams more than anything.
In any case, Sunset Shimmer! You were just crowned a Princess of Equestria! What are you going to do now?
...
No, seriously, I have no idea where this story is going to go from here. Though I do hope pony and human counterparts get to meet later on. I always love it when that happens.
Was the potato song in bad Pony Latin, by any chance?
8287025
Oh he snapped. He just hides it well. I think his outlet is Power Ponies.
Seriously, this is how Spike should be portrayed int the show, as the only sane one.
8287106
How is she NOT a turkey?
* Don't assume the "Turkey" in the story title refers to anypony.
The aftermath of the party is the best scene so far.
Sweet! A new awesome chapter.
8287234
Well unless it's written by a writer who hates Spike, Spike's usually the one carrying the smart ball. And is usually presented as the Only Sane Man when it comes to Twilight and her circle of friends.
Ah crap, I've already clicked the thumbs up button once before. Now I wish I'd held off on that so I could do it now.
Mentioning this kind of feedback so close to
this kind of feedback made me think somepony got pranked in the present day.
And just what do you plan ter do with them, Maud?
I wonder who would be worse to babysit for, Flurry Heart or Jack-Jack. Either way, Spike's got it. Its reassuring to know that in a town full of crazy ponies, Spike is there as the reliable one.
Silly sounding "spell", good thing Twilight (or worse Starlight) didn't accidentally break reality trying to make it work. Wonder where drunk Discord disappeared to (unless whiskey just makes him more sober).
8287839
I'd say Flurry Heart would be worse, while Jack Jack has a wider assortment of powers they are relatively counterable, Flurry on the other hand has enough magical strength to lift an entire hospital and frankly is in general worse behaved than Jack Jack.
I assume that Butterfly Net is made out of orichalcum or adamantium or something.
8291470
It might just be an ordinary butterfly net, if Equestria operates on the same logic as Fairly Oddparents.
While I'm on that note, how freaky is it that Tara Strong is both Twilight Sparkle and Timmy Turner? ... and Cosmo and Wanda's unusually-powerful magical baby Poof, come to think of it. Huh.
- Headwind
8294901
Oh, yeah. I forgot about that bit. I absolutely LOVED that episode for it.
8294901 Well, Super-Saiyan is repeatable, and Rainbow Power seems like it isn't, it relies on using the energy of a seed from the Tree of Harmony to power it. (If the Mane 6 could do it on their own, they would have again by now).
But yeah, the hair growth and coloration changes really do fit with the Super-Saiyan transformation.
8294909 Don't forget Harley Quin!
I'm suddenly very sad that fic isn't a canon episode. It really should be.
Well I can definitely they even the first time I've read this thing I could see that happening sooner or later take it from experience don't ask