Lyra and Bonbon decide to get a child, with the help of magic. Little Sweet song grows up to learn about the hard tings life can bring, when you're not born in a normal way.
Chapters (4)
Baka-Neku
Joined 13th May, 2012 ·
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That is probably the cutest picture I have ever seen in my live!
now letss see about this story
This is much weirder when you're listening to men at work's land down under.
This story is super adorable. My main complaint is that the pacing is rather frantic, but besides that, I am enjoying it! Maybe just slow it down a little? More story to daww at, you know?
this is a amazing story with a brillent plot. this will go far and i will be here saying i liked it befor it was cool
just slow down whats holding it back is you try to cover to much stuff in to little words so just slow down a bit
another thing is you dont tell use about the senary, we have to gess whats the place looks like.
if you sort these things out i see ths becoming the first lra and bon bon 6 star ship on equestria daily
so good luck you get a like of me and ill be comeing back every day for a wile to see the next post
but no pressure just take your time and think things frough for longer and better chapters
Decent and entertaining. 2 quick points for you though: 1) there are no such thing as male fillies, foals is the description you were looking for. 2) take all the apostrophes off of mother's in this chapter.
Derp. This story has so much potential.
I hope you catch on to that and go far in this business.
Arrivederci
i thank you for all the feed back, i will consider it for furhter chapters, i will say this is my very first fanfic so bear over with my small mistakes thats happens i will consider all you say in further stuff i do. please bear over with it D:
885072 thats why you dont start your first fanfic with one of the best ideas for a fanfic ever that if you do it badly bronys will come into your house and beat you up... so good luck with the nect chapter
Please do more!
889690 i take the chances =P i have enough ponies to survive long if they come XD
Mmm... Its not all that bad actually, a bigger sucsess than my first fic
atlest you have it formatted correctly
its a vey nice concept but it sereously moves TOOOOOO fast. Put some more detail into it, or else its just: get out of bed; two seconds later ; recess whit instant insuls. How do they even know about that?
But like i said... a lil detail goes a long way.. keep up the good work
so hay me again i was just thinking i had some advice for making this story better
) and with bon bon i common thing people do is just make her lyras mare friend in a way that she has no life outside lyra. don't do that simple anougth dont do that, give her bits were she gos out to see her friends, shes good friends with the apple family, carrot top, berry punch and even colgate (not if you want to do colgate read http://www.fimfiction.net/story/25963/Colgate-and-Berry-Punch%2C-Adventures-in-Ponyville he did the most convinsing colgate ever) also make her tease lyra abit i read an amazing fic that did an amazing bon bon that teased. you can make her a consernd perant that is very nersing and "mouthering" but thats just me who thinks thats a good idea. and finaly sweet song she is a inersant little girl and has no idea why having 2 mouthers is "a bad thing" and dosn't quite understand 
) but remeber no rush take your time and makethe best you can do with this amazing idea for a fic 
i meen this in a nice way and i don't want to make this feel like critersisem and alot of people who do lyra and bon bon ships make the same mistake, so what i want to say is your lyra and bon bon are very good relatable 2 Dimensional characters and you haven't got that third Dimension. dont take it the rong way it's hard to do and with this being your first fic you mite not be able to fully do it but i can give you some ideas on getting that 3rd dimension. first you need to get into the characters flors because no pony is perfect and the talking between lyra and bon bon makes things sound almost perfect (and with no little teas of fun at each other) i mean its hard to explane you do it very well just put a bit more time into what they, say if say the roung thing by accerdent and in the way say them, just be suttle and make it realistic. with lyra it seems all she likes is humans and to make her 3 Dimensional you have to consider the fact that she has a life outside humans i mean i like mlp but i dont talk about it every seciond (rely trying my best to not sound like your doing bad just trying to help
anyway these are just ideas you can make the characters 3 dimenonal in other ways but i think these are the best ways because they fit other lyra and bon bon ships and won't anouy hardcore lyra and bon bon fans (like me
HUMAN! I lol'ed
awesome stuff, keep the good storys rollin
so is Lyniv fluttershy's daughter friend or what??
I really like the premise of this story and where it's going, Although I must say that you should do a spelling/grammar check, since I noticed a few errors here and there.
Will still read regardless though, your fic is good!
920890 actully i have 2 people too look over it for that. it's possible to overlook such thing :3 but do tell me witch and i will correct it as soon as possible
very good keep up the good work!
omg my comment didn't get added
but then again it's amazing already 
well i all i rely said was that you did alot better all in all
the pacing better but still can be inproved and you need the start describing what places and ponys look like and then it should be perfect
so keep up the good work and i rey dont know why my comment didn't get added
lookin forword for more
Whats wrong with Lyra?
1050032
well you has to wait for chapter 4 to find out :3 it will all be explained there, it's the end of part 1 :3
1050469 will th chapters stay this long or will they get longer or shorter
1050469 oh you tease
1051885
don't know actully, i just make em, some might be short some maybe even longer that depends on the chapter :3
1052603 i try my best
1053400 by the way will the CMC dimond taira or the other fillys and colts in the show make an apperance
1053589 no i don't think they will, maybe but i don't think i'll use them ^^
1055487 thats cool how about other background foals like ruby pinch
1055642 won't really fit in the story i have in mind, so again i must say maybe, i don't know if it would fit just randomly putting them in
1055717 cool
ok amazing chapture
let me say everything i need to say in as little words as possible
ok first of i just got back from holiday read this and was plesently surprised by how good it was, i mean your pacings alot better and even though your still not describing the soroundings (what can i say thats the thing that makes better fics stand out) but what you have rittern is a masterpise, you cort me of gard with bon bon's backstory, you made me feel sad for lily and you made the structure of the story good aswell.
infact my only negertive point is the fact you don't press enter between diffrent people talking
so keep up the good chaptures
p.s why dosn't sundic (sunburn) get told of for punching them i'm pretty shure it's against the law
p.s.p.s dam just putting a simple sentence makes me want more chaptures
p.s.p.s.p.s if lyra dies i will feel no shame in crying man tears
1062039
AWWW i really thank you reading this made my sad day become alot brighter!
This is my first Fic so im still learning how to write so bear over me if i don't get all details. Chapter 4 is already being made, i just made a stop due i needed a Cutie mark for Sweet Song and i actully made one and im pretty ok with it (a little spoiler but here it is http://baka-neku.deviantart.com/#/d5apioj )
English is not my firt langue so my spelling and how to make Fic are really bad, but i have 1 Editor that actully makes spaces for me and correct my fic as good as he can, and i have a good friend to look over it after for errors and i read it myself before i publish a new chapter, so if there are any errors i will say sorry for that but me and my team are doing the best we can to make it readable!
Well about Lyra i can spoil so much that you will find out in the next chapter :3
Hope this explains some :3 don't hesitate to ask if there is anything
What is this 'everyone' with which you speak of? (Paragraph 9)
Lots of mistakes, but I don't really care. Story wise this is amazing! I almost cried three times... Almost... Ok fine I cried like a baby
but it's so amazingly cute! Waiting for next chapter anxiously 
1072211 well too the spelling errors, i do have 2 persons to look it over and i look it over my self, so i really do my best to get you a fine piece of work =P bear over with it :3
I'm glad that this fic have this kind of reaction on people, i really am :3 did't know i actully could come up with a good story, since this is my first time making one :3
1064330
wow i had no idea english wasn't your first languedge and saying that makes it more inpressive. thanks for the spoiler but i don't need anymore. i look forword to reading more of the story
1072768 1074751
Well French is my first language so it's really cool to see someone else with English as a second language
1075449 =D thank you, yes english is my 2nd langue and my grammar is really bad and my spelling OMG XD but luckily i have good friend that help me :3
1075767 I have one great friend who helps me most of the time, but he's not always dependable. His name is autocorrect
1077716 can't always use him, ince i make most of it on my Ipad abd sadly no such feature =O
hay me again, i was just checking if you've updated (because i don't know how to follow.) and i was wondering. i just made a fic for fun, its not the best but the main complante is my grammar. i'm terrable at grammar and have no one to look over it and was just wondering if you know anyone that would be willing to look over it, if you can tell me someone who would be willing to do it i would be very graitfull but if not don't worrie about it
ps looking forword to your next update
1105229 my surgestion is to find some of your friends on the internet to do it or ask in a forum for fanfictions :3 i was lucky to have a friend on IRC that helps me.
The update is coming in 1-2 weeks depends on how much i get to write next couple of days. but i already doe around 2500 words :3 so it's coming along just fine :3
1117479 thanks for the reply and can't wait for next update.
ok step one... get friends
Human....
ohh that is hillarious. I couldn't stop laughing.
0_0 amazing. That is just hart warmingly amazing. 4 hoofs up my friend.
Human..........
I....I want to know whats wrong with Lyra and what is in the note. NOW.
I do not think its been pointed out yet, but it seems odd that the other pupils know her and her family situation already on her FIRST day?
Dinky would surely be older then Sweet song?
(a lot of time has passed i see but still i feel i should point it out.)
this aside I have nothing really to add on top of epicadamtv there is nothing seriously wrong so for a first attempt this is not bad BUT I sense you are going to do a stereo type late story.
that is a lot to take in a short time.
the scene where we discover lily secret is a very awkward affair I feel as she was introduced as a antagonist about 600 words ago then suddenly we feel sorry yet again and the MC decides to help her just like that. not going to tell how to do it but from where I am reading that was very fast I feel that simply that scene where she shouts and runs away would sirfice and then revisit her later remember you are introducing many new and important plot points in this chapture the reader can only focus so far.
I recommend you slow down, as this would also encourage more general development which is no bad thing.
Lyniv has a bad link who is she?
reminder after 68 weeks the grammar mistakes are still there.
yet I love how fun some of the interactions are (derpy and dinky) this is a strength I feel that can and should be harnessed more.
PS you said "person" not pony once.
hm, much better quality, however I think there where a few "quriks" here and there, but a few examples include
stating lily would be faster then her ("almost as fast as..." would arguably be more fitting) 
its established twi is basically a volunteer there for it is her right to intervene (just levitate them apart).
still a bit fast.
take your time this has potential (tho its been 60w since "in two weeks").