- Member Since 21st Nov, 2015
- offline last seen May 1st, 2019
Pablo Arthur Fawkes
I like writing, I like fanfics, I like MLP. This was inevitable...
Pablo Arthur Fawkes
Joined 21st Nov, 2015 ·
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Good compilation thing. Loved the ominous vibe of it.
The Rainbow Dash cuddling one I feel should be way, way more detailed. Almost all of the description is describing what is physically going on, when it should be explaining how it felt for both characters as well. Some of the physical details should be combined with the details of how the characters feel as well. Instead of "You hug her tighter" it should be "You hug her tighter, Rainbow Dash letting out a cute groan in response." The fanfiction is good regardless and I am going to give it a like.
8233679
Thanks for your opinion. I left out the details because it was a parody of the first chapter of another fanfic. The rest of that fic is much better, as the first chapter was a test. It lacked a range of creative verbs, so I increased that.