Dead Echo in Equestria

by xenobrony

Why the Hell are we Ponies

Grayson was having a bad day. So far he had crashed on Stygia which just so happened to be in a worldwide gang, lost most of the original Dead Echo squad, Ishi being turned into a cyborg with his mind competing with an AI, managed to piss off a hekaton and having to rescue his own worst enemy to survive. The only good thing to happen was that He gained a new teammate.
Now Grayson ended up falling off a dam with his friend Ishii and the new Dead Echo Trishka then everything went black. When he woke up he noticed everything was way out of whack. What he saw was that Ishii, Trishka, and himself were all turned into ponies of all things. Grayson had a dark brown coat a gray tinted mane and tail, and still had some of his outfit. Ishi had a lighter coat with no mane and had a black tail in addition to his cybernetic implants. Trishka on the other hand was smaller than Grayson and Ishii and had a sandy coat dark brown mane and tail, and two holes in her outfit for wings.
Gray finally broke the ice by saying, “Why the hell are we ponies?”
"It would appear that the explosion YOU caused may have created a portal that somehow transformed us into ponies. But considering how we are able to talk that you have a horn and Trishka has wings these equines may not be the farm variant-"
"So what you're saying is that we're basically magical ponies," Trishka added sarcastically, "but can we figure a way out of here you two superdicks."
"It would be logical to find what would pass for civilization in this world."
And with that Dead Echo traveled until they found there way to a small town. The second They entered a pink pony came up and started saying, "Are you new here? I haven't seen any of you before? Why is he metal?" and she continued until Ishi interrupted her and asked "Were are we and Who are you?"
"Why my name is Pinkie Pie, and welcome to Ponyville! What are your names."
"I'm Grayson Hunt, she's Trishka and the robopony is my pal Ishi ."
Then Pinkie started giggling and said, "Those are funny names"
"Hey I wouldn't make fun of our names. After what we just got out of I don't think you would want to annoy us," Gray replied.
"That and he smells like sunbaked asshole," Trishka added, "and to answer where we're from we're from Stygia."
"Can you show us around Pinkie?" Gray asked.
And she said, "Okie dokie lokie."
When they reached Sugarcube corner Pinkie Introduced them to the Cakes. Then Pinkie took them to the Carousel Boutique.
Grayson spoke up and said, "I hope your friend Rarity isn't that big of a diva."
The only response was that Trishka slapped him which apparently didn't catch Pinkie Pie's attention. Until they finally reached Rarity's Shop.hen They entered Rarity came to welcome them. "Why hello there Pinkie who might your new friends be?" "Pinkie let us introduce ourselves. My name is Gray the mecha pony next to me is Ishi and the young mare is our good friend Trishka."
"It is very good to meet you three may I ask why you are wearing such horrid outfits."
"What, it's not that bad you overgown marshmallow."
"GASP!! Well I'll have you know-"
Trishka interjected saying, "Whoa whoa how about we calm down and be civilized people."
"Don't you mean ponies Trishie?" Pinkie said.
"I know what I said."
"Anyway how about you get out of those gaudy outfits. Why do you where those things." Rarity asked again.
Gray had responded by saying, "Welk excuse me for having the idea to dress practically."
"Practicall its so awful looking."
"Fine what should I wear."
" Well I could make something for you."
"let me think.. The answer is no and you really do look like a marshmallow. How about we go see your other friend Twilight?"
"Okie dokie lokie off we go."
After awhile of walking the Dead Echoes and Pinkie made there way to Books & Branches Library where they met Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. "Hey Twilight, Rainbow Dash you have to meet these new ponies I met. One of them is metal, and one of them say there from a place called Stygia." Pinkie started. "Pinkie why don't you let them introduce themselves," RD said. "My name is Trishka, and those two are Gray and Ishi the robot." "I would prefer it if you don't refer to me as a robot." Ishi retorted. "Oh lighten up Ishi," Grayson said. "What can you tell us about yourselves mademoiselles.?" Then the cyan pony introduced herself, "I'm Rainbow Dash, and she's Twilight." "Right, anything you want to tell us?" The reply Gray got from Rainbow was, "Yeah. I'm gonna join the Wonder Bolts." "Not what I was thinking. Who are the wonderbolts anyway?" Then Rainbow Dash gasped and basically screamed out saying, "They are only the best flyers in Equestria!" Trishka said, "Yeah, I don't care. First of all I would keep my expectations more realistic. Second, I probably did things that would make you pale from the sheer gravity of the situations you rainbow colored clown." "Who are you calling a clown you-," Was as far as she got before Gray finally figured out how to leash her with his horn and bucked her sending her flying in slow motion until she resumed her normal speed and crashed into a wall. "Anything else Rainbow Crash," Gray taunted.The next thing Gray knew he was surrounded by a purple glow and was floating. "Hey Ishi can you help me out here?" Gray asked. The answer He got was Twilight saying, "WHY DID YOU KICK RAINBOW DASH?!" He answered by saying, "Well sorry about that but the last place we were in was 1: full of homicidal mutants 2: had a monster where I could only describe it as a giant cloud of impending doom and 3: the worst family fun vacation ever.
Twilight whent out and brought Rainbow Dash in. "Well you knocked her out." Twilight said. "How about you tell me what happened to you and how you found your way here."

This is my first fanfiction and comments would be appreciated.

Comments

[BrotherConsus]

Seems interesting, although it seems a bit rushed and out of character.

[Crimson Valor]

I agree with 918173, It is a very interesting concept and in my eyes can only fit a comedy (what with all the swearing they do) but you rushed into things WAY to quickly. Try pacing yourself and stretch the story out a little more.

[CPA870]

Rushed, but good concept. Go back, add a little more detail, and please, please explain who's talking. It's a little bit confusing.

[Speedway King]

Liking it for the concept, but could use a little polish. Keep at er', brah

[Niklashg]

the only tips i could give is be more descriptive and don't hurry along so much don't type anything short if you could make it more descriptive unless its not supposed to be short. i would probably love this story if it dident feel so rushed.

918396 Bulletstorm a giant swear fest literaly feels like i dident go a sentence without a character swearing...

[xenobrony]

918396 Thanks for the advice and I may change the way I'll write in the second chapter

[Late Night Delight]

I had great expectations for this story

sigh.

Good concept, Needs work, The usual. Fix'em.

But I favorite anyway, Because I'm a whore like that

[PeaceColt112]

GOOD GOD DAMN FUCKIN HORSEDICKS I BETTER GET THIS REVIEW AS QUICKLY OVER AS THIS STORY GOD DAMN I AM ON A LOT OF COCAINE RIGHT NOW AND THERE IS NO STOPPING ME NOW THEN YOU RUSHED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS BUT SINCE I AM ON SO MUCH OF THE OLDIE GOODIE WHITE STUFF I CAN TOLERATE THAT TO SOME EXTENT EXCEPT THAT YOU BUTCHERED THE FUCKIN' SHIT OUT OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE BUT THEN AGAIN I AM GAY FOR THAT GUY FUCKING ENGLISH HE MAKES ME SO HARD BUT IS HE EVEN MALE OH FUCK IT HE'S A LANGUAGE

LIKE I SAID NO STOPPING HERE BABY WE DOING THIS BORN TO BE WILD STYLE I LOVE HATS AND UNICORNS BUT LET'S DIG RIGHT IN SHALL WE FIRST OF ALL *sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiif* THERE DOESN'T APPEAR TO BE MUCH OF A PLOT AND CHARACTER AT ALL BUT FUCK ME YOU SUCK AT DESCRIBING SHIT ALSO MY NOSE IS BLEEDING SHITTING DICK NIPPLES THAT HURTS AS THE SAINT SINNER'S MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE BUT FUCK THAT MAN I CAN NEVER TAKE TOO MUCH COCAINE BECAUSE ANGEL DUST IS SHIT IT'S SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIIIIIIIII*snnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffffff*IIIIIIIIIIT LET'S KEEP GOING WOW THE WALLS ARE MADE OF PINK FLOYD ANYCOCKS AS I WAS SAYING YOUR WAY OF DESCRIBING EVERYTHING IS FUCKING MINIMALISTIC OH LETS JUST PILE FUCKTONS OF PONIES UPON THE AWESOMENESS OF BULLETSTORM MAN I LOVED THAT GAME SO MUCH I WROTE A FUCKING FURRY CLOPFIC ABOUT GRAYSON HUNT ENOUGH OF MY BEESCOCKS THIS IS SO SHORT THAT YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD DUDE DON'T YOU KNOW TO NEVER EVER RELEASE YOUR FIRST FAN FICTION YOU NEVER DO THAT INSTEAD BUTTFUCK THAT HOBO ENGLISH TEACHER ON THE CORNER BRACKET ME BRACKET FOR A LECTURE AND SOME METH

GRAMMAR FUCKIN ACE CREDIBLE MAN SO MANY TYPOS HORRIBLE EXECUTION I HATE YOU BLAH BLAH BLAH I AM LONELY AND WARHAMMER REFERENCE ALSO I HATE PEOPLE WHO DON'T SPELL CORRECTLY BECAUSE I AM AN ENGLISH TEACHER I BRING MY CREDENTIALS UP WHENEVER I AM INSECURE OH NEVER MIND ME I AM JUST BEING A COULD A HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING CLOUD

CONCLUSION CONCLUSION CONCLUSION INSULTS INSULTS MENTIONING YOUR MOTHER UNDER MY BALLS ET FUCKING CETECOCK GOD DAMN I NEED MORE COCAINE FUCKIN HELL THIS SHIT IS PURER THEN MY BALLS OH GOD I REALLY NEED TO SHAVE MY PUBIC HAIR ON SECOND THOUGHT ALSO I HATE YOU SOME MORE BLAH BLAH BLAH INSULTS BLAH BLAH BLAH THREATS AND MORE CREDENTIALS THREATS TO CALL UPON YOU THE WRATH OF THE FICTIONAL AND NECKBEARDED IMPERIUM FUCK THIS I NEED MORE COKE *sssssssssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifffffffffffffffffffffff* I DON'T FEEL LIKE TYPING ANYMORE

GG FUCK YOU

[xenobrony]

918844 1. This is my fist fic 2. if you are going to criticize at least be more mature about it unless you weren't serious

[PeaceColt112]

918852

Do you THINK I was serious?

[xenobrony]

918859 no but a first impression is you completely overeacting

[PeaceColt112]

918867

It was a parody of you rushing this. I am not being serious. Obviously. Here's some real advice

1. I love bulletstorm and the Characters were perfect. Keep writing
2. Stop rushing
3. Use a spellchecker and call me if you want me to proof-read (36-year-old English teacher, yeah I am fairly sure I'm qualified)

[xenobrony]

918878 well thanks for the tips

[Hegamonia]

If this story puts Grayson and the others into Equestria without being transformed I'd love to see the face on Dash when she gets leashed

[xenobrony]

960781 They are ponies and that already happened

[Hegamonia]

I'm pretty sure they've got no idea that Grayson, Ishi, and Trishka came from a hellhole that would even rival Discord's chaos and Herobrine's destructive power.

[Hegamonia]

960947 I realize that, but it would certainly shock them to see him use that energy leash he got off of a dead soldier.

[Oxy]

Pretty nice, just pretty rushed. Otherwise it seems nice

[xenobrony]

A/N taking story out of hiatus but I am working on it rather slowly

[xenobrony]

918878how does prereading work