Grayson Hunt or Gray, Trishka, and Ishi end up in Equestria after an explosion at a dam on Stygia and search for a way back.
MLP/Bulletstorm crossover
Chapters (1)
xenobrony
Joined 7th Jul, 2012 ·
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Seems interesting, although it seems a bit rushed and out of character.
I agree with 918173, It is a very interesting concept and in my eyes can only fit a comedy (what with all the swearing they do) but you rushed into things WAY to quickly. Try pacing yourself and stretch the story out a little more.
Rushed, but good concept. Go back, add a little more detail, and please, please explain who's talking. It's a little bit confusing.
Liking it for the concept, but could use a little polish. Keep at er', brah
the only tips i could give is be more descriptive and don't hurry along so much don't type anything short if you could make it more descriptive unless its not supposed to be short. i would probably love this story if it dident feel so rushed.
918396 Bulletstorm a giant swear fest literaly feels like i dident go a sentence without a character swearing...
918396 Thanks for the advice and I may change the way I'll write in the second chapter
I had great expectations for this story
sigh.
Good concept, Needs work, The usual. Fix'em.
But I favorite anyway, Because I'm a whore like that
GOOD GOD DAMN FUCKIN HORSEDICKS I BETTER GET THIS REVIEW AS QUICKLY OVER AS THIS STORY GOD DAMN I AM ON A LOT OF COCAINE RIGHT NOW AND THERE IS NO STOPPING ME NOW THEN YOU RUSHED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS BUT SINCE I AM ON SO MUCH OF THE OLDIE GOODIE WHITE STUFF I CAN TOLERATE THAT TO SOME EXTENT EXCEPT THAT YOU BUTCHERED THE FUCKIN' SHIT OUT OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE BUT THEN AGAIN I AM GAY FOR THAT GUY FUCKING ENGLISH HE MAKES ME SO HARD BUT IS HE EVEN MALE OH FUCK IT HE'S A LANGUAGE
LIKE I SAID NO STOPPING HERE BABY WE DOING THIS BORN TO BE WILD STYLE I LOVE HATS AND UNICORNS BUT LET'S DIG RIGHT IN SHALL WE FIRST OF ALL *sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiif* THERE DOESN'T APPEAR TO BE MUCH OF A PLOT AND CHARACTER AT ALL BUT FUCK ME YOU SUCK AT DESCRIBING SHIT ALSO MY NOSE IS BLEEDING SHITTING DICK NIPPLES THAT HURTS AS THE SAINT SINNER'S MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE BUT FUCK THAT MAN I CAN NEVER TAKE TOO MUCH COCAINE BECAUSE ANGEL DUST IS SHIT IT'S SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIIIIIIIII*snnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffffff*IIIIIIIIIIT LET'S KEEP GOING WOW THE WALLS ARE MADE OF PINK FLOYD ANYCOCKS AS I WAS SAYING YOUR WAY OF DESCRIBING EVERYTHING IS FUCKING MINIMALISTIC OH LETS JUST PILE FUCKTONS OF PONIES UPON THE AWESOMENESS OF BULLETSTORM MAN I LOVED THAT GAME SO MUCH I WROTE A FUCKING FURRY CLOPFIC ABOUT GRAYSON HUNT ENOUGH OF MY BEESCOCKS THIS IS SO SHORT THAT YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD DUDE DON'T YOU KNOW TO NEVER EVER RELEASE YOUR FIRST FAN FICTION YOU NEVER DO THAT INSTEAD BUTTFUCK THAT HOBO ENGLISH TEACHER ON THE CORNER BRACKET ME BRACKET FOR A LECTURE AND SOME METH
GRAMMAR FUCKIN ACE CREDIBLE MAN SO MANY TYPOS HORRIBLE EXECUTION I HATE YOU BLAH BLAH BLAH I AM LONELY AND WARHAMMER REFERENCE ALSO I HATE PEOPLE WHO DON'T SPELL CORRECTLY BECAUSE I AM AN ENGLISH TEACHER I BRING MY CREDENTIALS UP WHENEVER I AM INSECURE OH NEVER MIND ME I AM JUST BEING A COULD A HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING CLOUD
CONCLUSION CONCLUSION CONCLUSION INSULTS INSULTS MENTIONING YOUR MOTHER UNDER MY BALLS ET FUCKING CETECOCK GOD DAMN I NEED MORE COCAINE FUCKIN HELL THIS SHIT IS PURER THEN MY BALLS OH GOD I REALLY NEED TO SHAVE MY PUBIC HAIR ON SECOND THOUGHT ALSO I HATE YOU SOME MORE BLAH BLAH BLAH INSULTS BLAH BLAH BLAH THREATS AND MORE CREDENTIALS THREATS TO CALL UPON YOU THE WRATH OF THE FICTIONAL AND NECKBEARDED IMPERIUM FUCK THIS I NEED MORE COKE *sssssssssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifffffffffffffffffffffff* I DON'T FEEL LIKE TYPING ANYMORE
GG FUCK YOU
918844 1. This is my fist fic 2. if you are going to criticize at least be more mature about it unless you weren't serious
918852
Do you THINK I was serious?
918859 no but a first impression is you completely overeacting
918867
It was a parody of you rushing this. I am not being serious. Obviously. Here's some real advice
1. I love bulletstorm and the Characters were perfect. Keep writing
2. Stop rushing
3. Use a spellchecker and call me if you want me to proof-read (36-year-old English teacher, yeah I am fairly sure I'm qualified)
918878 well thanks for the tips
If this story puts Grayson and the others into Equestria without being transformed I'd love to see the face on Dash when she gets leashed
960781 They are ponies and that already happened
I'm pretty sure they've got no idea that Grayson, Ishi, and Trishka came from a hellhole that would even rival Discord's chaos and Herobrine's destructive power.
960947 I realize that, but it would certainly shock them to see him use that energy leash he got off of a dead soldier.
Pretty nice, just pretty rushed. Otherwise it seems nice
A/N taking story out of hiatus but I am working on it rather slowly
918878how does prereading work