What happens when Equestrian girls (And an unknown Doctor or two) appear in a 13-year old's bedroom? Hilarity, of course!
My first fan fic, so don't be too hard on me.If you want to hate, do it some where else.
Chapters (4)
SirRobinProductions
Joined 2nd Jul, 2012 ·
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Not hating, per se, but a bit of advice: you may want to familiarize yourself with the rules of English grammar before writing anything else. You seem to have an issue with randomly capitalizing words that don't need to be capitalized. In addition, the formatting and pacing make this borderline unreadable.
In terms of storyline, it seems extremely rushed, everything is just piled together. I would recommend re-writing this with better pacing. With regards to character development, I can see that you attempted to get the characters to have the characteristics they would normally have but I'm pretty sure that almost everyone in that situation would be freaking out a load more than what you wrote. And then there is the spelling and punctuation, I didn't notice many spelling mistakes, a couple of incorrectly used word though, but your grammar leaves a lot to be desired. It has been mentioned before but you seem to have a knack for capitalizing random words in the middle of sentences, also when writing things like fanfiction I would recommend you add a line gap between each paragraph, it spaces it out more and makes it a lot easier to read as well as bettering the flow of the piece. I'll stay off voting on this story for now, I'll give you a chance to make some changes before I make any sort of decision.
913570 XD I lost it reading your take on his English. I'm sorry, it's not right to laugh, especially since it's his first (Although my first fic is my most popular) but it was way too funny.
I just spent the last fifty minutes writing a helluva long thingy to tell you the flaws in your fic, how to improve them, etc... But then my iPad spazzed and deleted it all.
So, yeah. I'll write it later when I'm on my fiancé's laptop... Which should be soon.
So, um... Time to rewrite ALL OF WHAT I WROTE EARLIER.
Well... Eh, I'll do it later. This is my leisure time, bro.
not bad. but it could use more work. hope everything works out eventually
LUCKY.
I am sorry everyone. When working on chapter 1, I had the Mane Six instead of just Twilight.(Dizty and Vinyl were still in it.) I decided it would be too hard for me to manage more then eight characters, so I cut it out. I still kept all of the extras. I rushed chapter one, and I should not have. I am debating in my mind whether or not to re-write chapter one....... But, anyways, I will try to fix my force of habit in capitalizing EVERY word that sounds remotely important in a sentence, and chapter two will be neater.
P.S. @arandompenguin, If you have ever watched Doctor Who, when he first meets his companions, they don't freak out when they learn he is an alien. In my story, we are his companions. Why would we freak out? Also, Twilights seen some messed up S**t in her life. I think multi-dimensional travel is a walk in the park for her.
"he started pressing seemingly random buttons and flipping seemingly random levers."
That is almost to the letter what I wrote in my yet-to-be-published fanfiction!
936163 ha! That is awesome!
936329
mine is: "Without saying a word The Docter, seemingly at random, pushed buttons and pulled levers until the TARDIS took off."
this is better paced then the last chapter
Hey, I have done something with this! I want to start writing again, so you should hopefully receive updates on this twice a week, if not more often. But, I have had a lack of motivation these last few months, so I have just played a lot of World of Warcraft, and Bioshock, and... Forget it, just know that you should receive updates at least twice a week.
wait... correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't all but one dalek destroyed?
Because eating meat is sooooo evil