Chapter 5
“This—” she looked at me with her ears laid back against her neck “—is the royal palace.”
“Yeah, like I said, this is a big catering gig.” I shrugged as I pushed one of the foodservice carts with my magic. “And there’s no bigger deal than a royal Canterlot party. Also, that’s why I wouldn’t let you wear your cape.”
After a second shower, her fur and mane were nearly back to normal, just a bit subdued. Still, she looked professional in just a white collar and black bowtie. Like a server. Which she was. She’d better not forget that.
My own outfit was better suited for a guest than a server. It was a slinky, midnight-blue dress that fell off my hips like a waterfall, with fluffy silver wool around the bottom edges. It wasn’t expensive. Truth be told, it was a knockoff of one of Rarity’s dresses that I’d found in a resale shop. Lots of “Twilight Sparkle” dresses get sold by uncreative clothiers, and they often end up in resale shops because they don’t match many other ponies’ colors. I suppose that’s one upside to having such a similar body type and coloration as her. I can wear all her imitation dresses, and get them cheap.
All in all, I’d rather just pay full price when I feel the need for fashion.
I stopped at the service entrance and nodded to the guard stallion. He nodded back. “Miss Sprinkle. Who’s your friend?”
“She’s not my friend.” I saw her nod from the corner of my eye, where she stood behind the other cart. “She’s my new server.”
As he turned to retrieve a clipboard, she leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Quick thinking. If you’d said ‘My Liege,’ he may have been suspicious.”
“I swear,” I said through gritted teeth that turned into a smile when the guard turned back around.
He held the clipboard in one wingtip while he spoke around the pencil in his teeth. “And her name is?”
I froze with my mouth open. I blinked a couple of times and licked my lips. “Her name is, uh, Ravenblood, um, Dark… thoughts.” I hoped that hadn’t sounded too much like a question.
She stepped forward and put a hoof on his shoulder. “Twilight thinks she’s funny. My name is—” there was just a hint of hesitation here “—Copper Crown.”
“Alright,” he said after scribbling on his clipboard. “I’ll make sure she gets added to the list for next time. Head on in.”
I levitated one of the tiny pastries from my cart into the air, and tossed it toward him.
He didn’t see it. The little dessert bounced off his gold-colored peytral, and landed in the grass beside the door. I smiled and pushed my cart over the threshold. He smiled back as Copper followed behind me with the other cart.
“Sooooo,” she said with the grin evident in her voice, “we’re going to pretend that didn’t happen?”
I didn’t look back. “You’d darn well better.” It’s a good thing I make it a point not to remember ponies’ names. I wouldn’t even know if I ever see him again.
I could still hear her chuckling as I turned a corner toward the the garden where we were setting up the dessert table. I glanced back at her for just a moment, then returned my attention to the hallway and said, “So, is that your name? Copper Crown?”
She was silent for several steps. “I told you. It’s my destiny to be a princess. That’s my real name.”
I nodded, but didn’t say anything until we got to the garden. I did have to give her this, though: she may be crazy, but she could follow directions like she wasn’t an idiot. We got the dessert table set up in time to sit and chat for a few minutes before the guests arrived.
“Soooooo,” I said as I stealthily levitated a carrot hors d'oeuvre off of a passing cart, “what’s with the name? Why’d you make up a new one?”
“Surely you don’t think that Princess Mi Amore Cadenza was born with that name?”
“I don—”
“Don’t you dare!”
“Well, it’s either that, or ‘don’t call me Shirley.’ And only one of those has to do with donuts.”
She crossed her forehooves in front of her chest. “You need to get some jokes that aren’t—” she looked at me with narrowed eyes “—stale.”
Ouch. That was actually pretty good. Of course, I couldn’t let her know that.
Stale donuts are bad, but stale donut jokes? They were probably worse. I chuckled a bit and looked down at the appetizer I’d swiped. I looked over at Copper, whose name I actually remembered now. I held the morsel out to her, and she took it with a smile. As she chewed, I asked, “What’s your plan? For when you meet Twilight Sparkle, I mean.”
“Well,” she said with a hoof covering her mouth. She swallowed. “Since you told me all about her, and I read up on the more interesting bits in that binder of yours, I think I understand how this all works now. If I can convince her to use the Elements of Harmony on me, it should turn me into the princess I deserve to be.”
I glanced around the courtyard and then turned and squinted at her. “But the Elements of Harmony banished Nightmare Moon, and turned Discord to stone. I’m not sure you want to get zapped.”
She smiled. “Both of them got what they deserved. And what I deserve is to be a princess. They were evil; I am not.”
“Okay, then. So, how are you going to get her to use the Elements of Harmony on you?”
She leaned toward me and grinned. In a kind of scary way, actually. “We know from the Tirek incident that if I hold her friends hostage, she will acquiesce to whatever I demand.” She raised her eyebrows.
My hooves rose to my temples almost involuntarily. “I thought you just said you weren’t evil? And now you’re taking hostages?”
“Not for real, though. I wouldn’t hurt anypony.”
I sighed. “Besides, they all have to be together to use the Elements. And the Elements are stuck in the Tree of Harmony now, anyway.”
“Oh, that’s right.” Copper chewed on the edge of her hoof. “So what was it they used to defeat Tirek?”
“Some kind of magic Rainbow Power. Even more mysterious than the Elements of Harmony.”
She nodded. “So if I can convince them to blast me with—”
“That’s a great way to end up in Tartarus. That’s even if they can activate it at will, which we don’t know. It may be triggered only by apocalyptic evil.”
“What if I pretend… to…”
Her eyes opened wide as her jaw went slack. I followed the line of her vision across the room to where Princess Celestia herself was walking among castle staff. I’d met her on a dozen occasions, and she’d even been in my donut shop more than once. She and Princess Luna both had notoriously ravenous sweet tooths. Sweet teeth? Who the hay knows.
Most ponies are a bit awed the first time they see Celestia in the flesh. But I suppose that when you were planning to ascend to her level, that makes the meeting a bit more… momentous. I elbowed Copper.
She slowly turned her head to face me, but her expression didn’t change. Until I lifted a hoof to her chin and pushed her jaw closed. Her lower lip stuck out just a little as she turned to me and blinked. Her lip might have even trembled, or that could have been my hoof. I put my hooves back on the floor and cleared my throat.
“It’ll be okay, Copper. Just act normal. See everypony else? They’re just doing their jobs. And your job is to sit there and be ready to carry around a tray of these delicious pastries.”
“A-and what if she comes over here? Oh no, she’s coming over here!” she hissed.
“Don’t worry,” I said as I patted her on the back. “Just talk to her like normal. She’s a normal pony, just like you and me. Only bigger. And immortal. And… gorgeous…”
My mouth just kind of stopped working as Celestia stepped in front of the dessert table and lifted up the corner of the white cloth that covered all the treats. She peeked underneath and then winked at me before pulling out a miniature éclair and popping it into her mouth. I smiled back with a little, courteous bow.
She swallowed and licked her lips. “It’s good to see you again, Twilight Sprinkle. I’m happy to see that you’ve taken my advice and made a friend.”
“Oh, uh, she,” I stammered. “She’s not a friend. She’s just helping me with a, um, a thing.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow and looked to Copper Crown.
Copper sat up straighter and lifted her chin. Oh no.
“It is true, Your Highness.” No, Copper, that was the opposite of a bow! “Fate has crossed our paths for this endeavor, and once we have both achieved our respective destinies, we shall part ways. However, I do look forward to working with you in the future.”
“Okay, then,” Celestia said. I felt my face burning hot as the sun as she turned toward me and smiled. “It seems like the two of you are getting along well. Enjoy the party.”
“Dank you,” I muttered through clenched teeth.
Copper shivered as she curled her tail tightly around her flank, before turning toward me with a smile. “She’s nice. I have a feeling we’re going to work well together.” She looked me up and down. “What’s wrong?”
She must have seen the sparks coming out of my teeth. That might have been her clue, because it is not normal. Except probably for ponies who have to deal with Copper Crown. “I said to act normal. Not ‘pretend to be a princess in front of an actual princess.’”
She stuck her tongue out at me. “Well, you started the acting weird. You just kind of, well, started listing her attributes. That’s pretty weird.”
“I could list some of your attributes right about now,” I growled. “Besides, it’s not my fault that she’s so, so… intimidating. Not in a scary way, you know. Just that she’s—”
“Gorgeous?” Copper cut me off, batting her eyelashes.
“Lots of ponies have—Everypony thinks she’s—” I grunted. “You can’t say you weren’t intimidated by her.”
She lifted her chin in the air again. That seemed to be one of her favorite poses. “Of course not. Did you hear how we conversed? As equals. As natural as can be.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed that you start talking like that when you get uncomfortable.” She shot me a glare, but I couldn’t keep a hint of a smile from pulling up the corner of my mouth. It felt good to know something personal about a pony besides their favorite donut, or how they like their coffee. The first guests were starting to shuffle in, so I nodded toward the entrance and said, “It’s time to get to work. Try to at least act like you’re pretending to be a servant.”
And she did. I had to point out a few tidbits of etiquette here and there, but overall she didn’t get weird. Except when she got near Princess Celestia, so I did my best to steer the two of them apart from each other. Then, of course, Celestia accused me of calling her fat, because I was trying to keep her from the desserts. That was embarrassing and a half. It was a joke, of course, and everyone but me found it funny. I’m sure Copper would have loved the excuse to spend more time giving pastries to her, if she hadn’t been asleep on her hooves by that point.
Celestia sidled up next to me. Honest, I didn’t jump at all when she started talking. “It looks like your not-friend isn’t used to such late nights.” I hadn’t realized I’d been staring at Copper. Celestia giggled, like golden wind chimes. “I kind of want to poke her, and see if she falls over.”
“Uh, yeah,” I said without looking up. “She’s had a hard day, what with her failed plan at world domination and all.”
“I see. Another case of mistaken identity?”
I looked up at Celestia with what I hoped was incredulity on my face instead of anger. “What—How did you know about that?”
“Oh, I hear things, is all.”
“B-but… If you knew about it, why didn’t you do anything?”
Celestia smiled again. That far-away smile she gets when she’s thinking about something, or wants you to think about something, or maybe when she’s just trying to look mysterious. It’s a good look for her. “Well, for one, I’m not in control of everypony’s actions, so I’m not sure there’s much I could do. Second, and I mean this in the least-rude way possible, but it’s not my problem. Three and four, respectively, it’s not my business, nor my fault. Also, five, you didn’t ask.”
“Um, can I ask now?”
Another giggle. “I’m not the pony to ask, I don’t think.” Well, Celestia was never known for solving other ponies’ problems for them. She looked down at me from the top of her very long neck. “Why don’t you two call it a night? I think the guests can find the dessert table on their own by now.”
After grumbling my thanks, I had just reached out to collect my carts when I felt Celestia’s surprisingly delicate hoof on my shoulder. I turned first to look at the hoof, then up to her face. She smiled a warm smile and said, “Thank you for taking the time to help a pony who’s so unsure of her place in the world.”
I chuckled, a laugh as cold as her smile was warm. “Oh, she’s not the least bit unsure of her place in the world.”
“Be that as it may, thank you for watching out for one of my little ponies.”
I watched her stalk back into the crowd. Suddenly, the idea that she was interested in me and my life was a lot less appealing.
With a shudder, I stepped up to the sleeping would-be princess. Her eyes were closed, and her breathing was slow and even, so I poked her with a hoof and watched her eyes crack open. She seemed unconcerned that she was sleeping on the job. I couldn’t help but smile. “Come on, sleepyhead, we’re done here. Let’s get you home.”
She nodded, but dropped her gaze to the floor. I hoped she was just tired. I grabbed both carts with my magic and pushed them along in front of me. Her hoofsteps shuffled along in regular rhythm to my own, out into the chill air that must have woken her up enough to actually lift her hooves. As we exited the castle gate, I twisted my neck around to ask her, “Where are we headed?”
She rubbed her muzzle with a fetlock and refused to make eye contact. “I’ll just, um, find my own way home. I’ll come pick up my cape later, I guess.”
“Hey.”
Copper actually looked up.
“You don’t have a place to go, do you?”
She looked somewhere off to her left, but didn’t say a word. I sighed. “It’s too late to talk about this right now. Why don’t you stay with me tonight, and we can talk about it in the morning?”
Her eyes closed as she nodded, and then she stepped up close enough to lean against me for just a moment. It had been a long time since I felt the warmth of another pony against my side. I’d never much cared for hugs. She pulled away and started heading back to the shop, and suddenly it was colder than it had been before. It was cold, that’s all it was. Just the cold.
I shook my head and started following Copper. We had a big day tomorrow. Destiny, and all that. I shivered, just a little.
This story is doing a right proper job of both playing to the pun AND being a great narrative
oooooooh, buuuuuurn...
*Shipping intensifies*
Methinks I sense Celestia's influence here...
Really liked her in this chapter, by the way!
And I'm calling Sprinkle and Crown the second-best not-friends I've seen.
TRollistia strikes again
8102663 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-YES-MAYBE-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
And so, we learn more of the main characters than we have in the last two chapters.......
"Solve my problems for me."
"No."
"WHAT A TROLL!"
A point for the theory Celly actually actively using Sprinke as a bulwark against 'villains'.
Well either that... or she just wants an immortal baker in the Alicorn pantheon later on...
Okay so the unknowing, born by chance, secret agent of the crown theory is a bust...
That does still leaves us with the, aiming for an Alicorn of baking theory!
This is missing an important piece of information.
What is Princess Celestia's favorite donut?
Personally, I will go for a Dunkin Donuts French Cruller if it's in stock.
8102858 I'd say no, but then again Celly is enough of a troll to make her ascend just so she can have royal pastries for all eternity
Checks tags
Nope, still missing the romance one. You should fix that. Sprinkle even learned Crown's name. HER NAME! Next thing you know bugbutt is crashing their marriage in the name is misguided vengeance
Well shoot, man. I wasn't expecting to feel. Nice.
Ha! Sunbutt is totally teaching her friendship lessons. That hack.
This story started as a bit of interesting fluff to me. But now I've got a bit of vested interest.
It is certainly growing the beard...
static2.fjcdn.com/comments/I+would+watch+it+just+as+i+do+now+as+_31d22c2225b31b72f19a22121ddcde83.png
8102642 Good god, it has stealth feels!
HOW DID I NOT SMELL THE ONIONS!?
This story just keeps getting more intriguing!! <3
The more i read this, the more this makes me think Twilight Sparkle is into kinky roleplay that requires memory altering spells and disguises.
:)
Yeah this is heading straight into romance territory and I LOVE IT
Why do people think two people meeting by chance and getting to know each other always lead to romance? Can,'t they just be friends?
Why do I want Flash Sentry and Derpy to go out for donuts?
8107320
People, especially those in the fanfiction community are typically VERY insecure about their sexuality. Therefore, they expect harems in every story they read.
8107320 Likely because general fiction, both fan and official, has kinda conditioned people to seeing romance as the highest form of affection. Most books and shows and games I've had give barely more than footnotes to friendships, with especially close ones getting somewhat more, but romance is often seen as the cream of the crop, in a way. I think it's the same as how many people watch a show and point at the two leads (typically of opposite sexes) and say, "You're gonna be love interests", because that's how it tends to happen.
Or people just really love shipping. You never know~
Their character interactions remind me of Trixie and Glimglam. Where'd you draw your inspiration for this fic?
8365729
Frankly, the idea was just the stupid name pun. I was just tossing out story ideas on a Discord chat, and the masked ferret was all, "Do this one! Do it now!"
So I did. I had noooooo idea where it was going when I started. I was just writing Sprinkle interacting with her customers, and trying to figure out what kind of antagonist should arrive at the door, when I thought... "Hey, wouldn't it be hilarious if the most cliched character possible showed up?" So she did show up. And I still had no idea who she was. So I showed it to ferret, and she wanted a chapter two. So the next day, I wrote the next chapter, and I learned a little more about Copper as Sprinkle did. Ferret wanted more. Lather, rinse, repeat. There was essentially no editing.
Does that answer your question?
8366225
Isn't it nice when characters start pressing their own personalities into what you're doing?
8410381
It is, but in a longer story that can get you in trouble, too. Like when in chapter four you've got the characters pretty solidly figured out... but then you have to go back to the first three chapters to re-write them to match who they turned out to be.
Celestia heard this too many times
How professional. The self-awareness on this one doesn’t stick around for very long, does it?
I honestly can’t tell whether Sprinkle is painfully shy or not. It’s like her confident nonchalance likes to spontaneously combust every other moment.
To say nothing of the fact that they also know each other.