7-1-13
Family’s still doing quite well. Anacrusis has managed to put several words together and is starting to learn sentence structure. Pretty soon, Flutterheart and I are going to teach him how to read. They grow up so fast. I have a feeling he’s going to be a momma’s colt. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine.
Flutterheart and I have also decided that we do, indeed, want another foal. However, we’re going to wait for a little while yet to have one. We need to focus on proper parenting with Anacrusis before we try handling two foals at once. There’s bound to be some disaster.
Another interesting thing I’ve noticed is that Anacrusis hasn’t tried to use his wings at all. Granted, Flutterheart and I haven’t really used ours much since we had to stop playing Frisbee for obvious reasons, but I still find it interesting that he hasn’t tried yet. He’s perfectly content just trotting around one of us. We can hardly leave him alone, honestly. He follows us everywhere. I think it’s charming. He’s so cute, just trotting beside Flutterheart and I, smiling. He’s such a happy foal. I guess we’re doing our job right as parents.
Doing his job right,
Trey
“Are you excited for the first day of Middle School?” asked Fluttershy.
“Yes, Mommy!” said Flutterwing, excited.
“Seems like only yesterday you both were in Elementary School.” said Trey. “Where does the time go?”
“About the same place your mane is going.” said Anacrusis, smirking at his dad.
“Funny. I swear it’s going the same place your allowance is...”
“Uh...Your mane has certainly grown!”
“Nice try. I’m not raising your allowance.”
“Aw...”
“Now you two have fun, and be safe!” said Fluttershy, giving each of them a kiss on the forehead.
“Mom...” said Anacrusis, annoyed.
“Oh, I’m sorry...are you too old for me to love?” she said, putting on a sad face.
“Well...no, but-”
“Good.” she said, giving him another kiss before he could object. Trey ruffled his mane, patting him on the side in his fatherly embrace.
“Hey...have fun. Take care of each other.” he said, patting his daughter on the back.
“Yes, Daddy!”
“I love you!” said Trey and Fluttershy together.
“I love you, too!” said Flutterwing.
“Me too.” said Anacrusis. “Can we go now?”
“Oh, of course! Have fun, you two!” said Fluttershy.
And with that, they trotted off towards Ponyville Middle School. Trey and Fluttershy stood in the doorway, watching them trot away.
“You think they’ll be ok?” she asked him.
“They’ll be fine. They know to talk to us if something goes wrong.” he said, smiling at her, pulling her close to him, nuzzling her neck with his nose. She cringed under the tickle and kissed him.
“Shouldn’t you get ready for work?”
“I guess so.” said Trey, checking his watch. “I have some time.” he said, kissing her.
“Tag. You’re it.” he said, trotting into the house slowly. She giggled and followed suit.
***
“Hey, Chocolate! What’s your class schedule like?” said Anacrusis, trotting up to the dark brown pony he loved.
“Hey, Annie!” she said, smiling, hugging him tight. They compared schedules, excited to see they shared one period together.
“Well, we share first period together! That means I can start my day with you, Annie!” said Chocolate, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, making him blush.
“That’ll be the best part of my day.” he said, kissing her on the lips. She smiled at him and they both started trotting off towards their first class.
***
“Um...excuse me...where is room 137?” asked Flutterwing. Anacrusis had left her in search of Chocolate, leaving her confused in the masses of schoolfoals catching up with each other. She didn’t really have many friends, and certainly hadn’t found them yet.
“That’s on the south side.” said a green colt, obviously annoyed at having to answer such a stupid question.
“Which way’s that?”
“Down the hall.” he said, not pointing in any direction.
“Which way?”
“Oh, sweet Celestia, are you stupid? Just follow the numbers. It’s not that hard.” he said, slamming his locker, trotting off elsewhere.
“Oh...ok...” said Flutterwing, her feelings hurt. She trotted off down the hall, doing her best to locate the dreaded room 137. Time was not in her favor.
“There’s not much to say the first day, really.” said the teacher. “Here’s your syllabus of what to expect. Next class we’ll-”
“Oh, I’m sorry I’m late. I got lost...” said Flutterwing, head hung low.
“It happens. Just take the empty seat over there and grab a syllabus.” he said. Flutterwing trotted over to the empty seat, sitting next to the green colt who had been so rude to her earlier.
“Look who decided to trot in.” he said, in a near whisper.
Flutterwing ignored him, pretending to read the syllabus as the teacher droned on.
“Hopefully you can keep your place in the syllabus better than you keep your place in the school.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Flutterwing, be quiet.” said the teacher. “Or you’ll have to write your name on the board.”
“Yes, sir...” she said, putting her head on the desk, ears low.
“Dunce.” said the green pony, snickering with two other ponies near him.
***
Chocolate, Anacrusis, and Flutterwing sat at the lunch table, munching away on substandard hay, obviously mass produced just to feed the masses of schoolfoals. Anacrusis and Chocolate sat together, leaning against each other as Flutterwing stared at her tray.
“What’s wrong, Flutterwing?” asked Chocolate.
“Hm?” she asked, snapped out of her concentration.
“Are you ok?”
“Oh...I guess so.”
“Well...ok then!” she said, turning to Anacrusis.
“So, Annie, how’s school been for you?”
“After first period it wasn’t as happy...but I’m here now.” he said, smiling at her. She smiled back at him, nuzzling his neck.
“There she is.” a voice sounded behind them. Flutterwing looked behind them in fear. Anacrusis and Chocolate turned around to see a green colt staring at Flutterwing.
“Listen...” he started. “...I just finished eating, but I’m still a bit hungry. I need your lunch money. I suggest giving it to me before something bad happens.”
Flutterwing looked over at her brother.
“Or what?” he said, standing up.
“And who are you?” he asked.
“I’m her brother. Back off.” he said, standing firm, establishing himself. The green colt laughed, turning back to his other friends, a red colt and a black colt.
“This colt...THIS colt...” he said, mimicking him.
“Annie, who are these ponies?” asked Chocolate, worried.
“Annie? ANNIE? Isn’t that a girl’s name?” the colt spoke. “Well with that color coat, I would’ve guess female, too.”
“What’s wrong with my coat?” he asked, unfazed at the stupidity of their arguments.
“Oh, nothing. I think it’s the prettiest color of piss I’ve seen in my entire life. Were you born white or have you always looked like the inside of a toilet?” he said, making the colts behind him laugh.
“Stop your caterwauling, you ignorant buffoon.” said Anacrusis, a small smirk on his lips.
“...what? You’re making up words now? How stupid.”
“Oh, no, my preposterous equine companion, my establishment of the Equestrian language is quite verbose. I’d suggest doing a more thorough search through your local literary book in hopes that your language skills may be as impeccable as mine. Now, leave my sister alone, or I shall taunt you a second time.”
“What?”
“Get on my level. Now get out of here.”
“You got owned, man. Let’s just leave.” said the red pony behind him.
“You think you’re all that, huh?”
“I currently believe that I am in said state. It’s homeostasis for my individual being.”
“Speak Equestrian, you filly. You’re making shit up.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, am I using big words? Do I need to explain what ‘the’ means? You’re just another stupid, overweight punk who feels the need to terrorize fillies in order to make sure that you have some self-esteem. Why don’t you go home and suck on your mother’s teats and cry about it?”
“Can we stop fighting?” asked Chocolate. The green pony looked at her, smiling.
“Oh, is that your special somepony? No wonder you’re together. You’re just piss and shit over here. What’d you do, rub it all over your coat?”
“Back off.” said Anacrusis. “Or else.”
“Or else what? You gonna go cryin in that giant turd’s arms?”
***
“And how was the first day of...oh, my...” said Fluttershy as Anacrusis and Flutterwing trotted in. Anacrusis carried a note, a few drops of blood on it from his nosebleed. Several sheets were shoved in his nose to stop the bleeding, and his left eye was swollen.
“What happened to you?” asked Trey, upset. He took the note from him and started reading.
“It wasn’t his fault...” said Flutterwing.
“Why’d you get in another fight? I thought I told you to stop that years ago!” he said, parental anger inside of him.
“They were saying things...and threatened Flutterwing and Chocolate.”
“Again?”
Flutterwing nodded. Fluttershy quickly hugged her.
“Are you ok?” she asked.
“Yes, Mommy.”
“Anacrusis, go to your room. I’ll be in there to talk about this later.” said Trey.
“Can we make some more ex-lax brownies for them?”
“Go to your room.”
“Yes, Sir...” he said, trotting off towards him room, shutting the door behind him.
***
“How do you feel?” asked Trey, stepping inside Anacrusis’ room.
“My eye still hurts but the bleeding’s stopped.”
“Good. Now why did you think it was alright to get into another fight? It’s only the first day of school. You’re going to leave a bad impression on your teachers. Do you want to be known as a bully?”
“I had to stick up for Flutterwing. They were threatening to hurt her and Cherry.”
“Fair enough, but fighting’s almost never the answer. Why didn’t you get a grown-up?”
“There weren’t any around...”
“Anacrusis, son...listen. I know that feeling of wanting to fight for those you love, I really do. But physical assault just doesn’t do anything. You need to confront the Principal if they threaten any of you again, understand me?”
“Yes, Dad...”
“Good. Now I think it goes without saying that you’re grounded for two weeks. If you help out around the house, I might cut a week off.”
Anacrusis groaned.
“Hey, I know your heart was in the right place, but I still don’t approve of fighting.”
“Yes, Sir...and Dad?”
“Yes, son?”
“Is it bad that I haven’t gotten my manly mark yet?”
“Son, there’s no shame in taking time to find out what you’re good at. I already see what you’re most likely going to get.”
“What?”
“That would spoil the surprise.” he said, trotting off towards the door, winking at him. “Just keep reading the dictionary.”
“How did you know?”
“Son, there’s not a single pony at the school that knows the words you do. Half the kids in high school don’t even know them.”
“Oh.”
“I’ll call you when dinner’s ready. Just don’t expect dessert. And hey...”
“Yeah?”
“I still love you.”
“Thanks. I love you too.” said Anacrusis, smiling, happy that he hadn’t lost his father’s affection.
wow, I hate those bullies but the best way is to outsmart them and make them feel low....Good going Anacrusis! I'm backing you up!
as always
*sigh*
I'll get the shotguns.
Go Annie! Getting in trouble for it or not I entirely support his actions.
Well, now I know how to get the jackasses to back off.
I lost a bet so now I have to promote someone so here you go
GO CHECK OUT THIS GUY !!!
NOW!!!
First time I saw the word "Annie" I thought. "Bully chapter."
I enjoyed this chapter a lot. :)
THat was a wonderful chapter, fetl more like a filler chapter, but the part about him insulting the bullies with words he didnt understand was funny.
oh.. HAHAHAHA! This kid is starting to shape up more like me now Always the way to go my friend, leave them wondering what the fuck you just said so they don't have time to fight. Eh, the good ole days..
~Parajack
So many bad words, and yet, so sweet. I wanna kill those bullies. . . . . . wait, why can't Fluttershy go all Flutterrage on them?
Ouh, Annie is going to be a linguist! Well THAT´S going to be funny! Those bullies won´t understand even one single word! I already had to laugh about Annie´s words above! That was a good niveau-knockout!
And a good job from the author!
Just! As! EVER!
Jolly show chap, i highly enjoy your strategic comebacks when outranking that piece of ****, however, i strongly advise you look in an encyclopedia when trying to interact ilk a 60's stallion. good day to you fine Sir, i find myself entertained by your language.
Glad you liked the chapter!
nothing quite like using a slightly expansive vocabulary to confuse bullies, some times they try to comeback with their own made up facts... once they ended up saying that cotton is made from killing animals, when it comes from cotton plants
Intelligence always tops strength.
"Now leave my sister alone or I will have to taunt you a second time."
Is that a slight Monty Python reference there?
And now i feel nostalgic about MY middle school experience................it wasn't so bad because i was the KING of not giving a fuck, and when i did, i always went to all my black friends. (shit would get UGLY.) Anyways........ВЕЛИКИЙ товарища ГЛАВА! Я надеюсь, что Хулиганы ПОЛУЧИТЬ прикладом трахал в будущем!!
Great chapter, friend! I hope hooligan get Butt kicked in future!
No more ex lax?
380940 Nah. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
357329 I gots the ammo! I gots MANLY ammo! Use this, an' you're bound to get a manly mark, Annie!
See? Your mother approves!
Annie and Cherry,
And li'l Flutterwing,
Went to a new school,
With no song to sing.
While love stands strong,
Smart and real cocky,
Fighting ain't the answer,
Unless you're a Bull jockey.
He fought for his girl,
And his little sis,
But I think he also did it,
'Cause they said he looked like piss.
But really, Annie,
You need your father's help?
Cook the brownies yourself,
And show up that punk-ass whelp!
I feel sorry for Flutterwing,
For she's already been picked,
As the one upon e'erypony,
Is most likely to spit.
Fluttershy frets like any mother,
And Annie stands up; more than a brother.
His love for his sis is beaten only by one,
The girl of chocolate who he dotes upon.
This story, as usual, leaves me D'awww,
And Annie's verbose victory - AWWWW,
Yeah! I said it, as much as I commentated,
For the love in this story is extremely well stated.
I love this fic, with all of my heart,
The love and revenge, this is a work of art,
And beyond even death,
Should these two ne'er part.
For you and your waifu, Trey.
Keep it coming, Don't delay!
And as your waifu has so proven to say:
Give it all your best, and I'll cheer- "yay!"
Trey,
Seriously, you need to stop updating this story right when I have work to do, it's distracting.
Anyways, onto business,
There has been one thing that's been bothering me for a little while in the story, about Anacrusis. There seems to be a gap in between the foal Anacrusis and child/teenager Anacrusis. The diary entries have routinely suggested and stated that Anacrusis as a foal is very dependent on affection from others (I want to say needy, but that might not be the right word) and you even stated in this chapter “going to be a momma's colt” (okay, so that quote is out of context and the idea is only suggested, not defined, but still)
With the older Anacrusis, he comes off as very independent (still loving towards his family of course), strong, and generally not what one would think of as a momma's colt. Perhaps I don't fully understand his character, or there is something coming up in future chapters that will explain this, but there seems to be a gap in who he was and who he is.
Moving on to the current time line, I like the time skip, it works. I think the story really needed that break in it. I also appreciate how Anacrusis is starting to get to the slightly rebellious stage where he realizes that his parents are *ponies* who make mistakes, as well as getting embarrassed by things like Fluttershy kissing him on the head. Nice character development.
You know, Flutterwing just doesn't get a break. Elementary school, bullies. Middle school, bullies. Actually, this does raise a question about her character. I understand Anacrusis gets a lot of attention from you because he's your fantasy of having a son, but Flutterwing almost seems like a not much more than a plot device, in this case a target for bullies that Anacrusis has to defend her from.
I'm actually interested in Chocolate's character, particularly how things are between her and Derpy. As the transition to mom/daughter couldn't have been simple or easy.
Anacrusis....that kid knows words I've never known...and I'm in college. Bloody brilliant. Not going to lie, I was not expecting that to be the path to his cutie mark, or for his cutie mark to be related to language. I honestly was expecting something different, but its your story, so I'm on board with it.
Those bullies were almost unbelievably cruel, but your use of them was very effective. A bit unpleasant to have to read the things they said, but effective none the less. Can't say I blame Anacrusis for beating the snot out of 'em.
Trey and Anacrusis....I know I've said it before, but that last scene was beautiful. That subtle love and respect between a father and son, I do believe you've nailed it. The last two lines, they got me. I don't get choked up over fanfics, but you got me. Those three words are abused, too easily applied to cheap, romantic relationships, but here it was beautiful. I think it says a lot that a father is willing to say that to his son.
A final note on your writing in general, you seem to be very strong with dialogue and conversation, but I feel like this story tends to lack a more descriptive narrative. For example, in the last scene with Trey and Anacrusis, I feel like potentially you could have taken time to describe their body language, facial expressions, and other such things that might have helped to express the feeling behind the scene. Random thought, take it or leave it.
As always, I look forward to your continued writings
~Nocturne
401807 "he realizes that his parents are humans who make mistakes"
HUMANS? WHAT IS THIS?
I always do look forward to your reviews. I take every review to heart, of course.
I will admit, I have been feeling that the story is a bit unbalanced towards Me and Anacrusis. I've been meaning to interject more Flutterwing and Flutterheart in there, so I'll make a better effort to do that in the upcoming chapters.
403091
Humans? What humans? I have no idea what you're talking about...
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/132781385382.png
406637 Got several notifications that you replied to the message. You didn't happen to fail the image more than once, did you?
407328 Maybe.........in my defense I was sleep deprived.....at 3 something in the morning....
408700 ZZZZZZzzzzz
Ahaha! Man, you, my friend, are making me feel young again! Ah, the old days of middle school, where one could simply walk the halls of learning and would earn his/her mettle by being the literary best. Nowadays all you need is a bit of power to back up your fists and you're considered top dog. All in all, well done my friend. Tracked!