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Spike retired to the sleeping car with the genuine intent to try and nap a little, but finding sleep fleeting, he ended up stretching himself out on a bed, staring at the ceiling, and quietly sulking. He remained there undisturbed for what had to have been a couple of hours, but mentally-speaking, he felt he put them to use. He was very consciously aware of Thorax’s absence in his life now, missing him terribly and feeling lonely as a result, so he worked to try and get himself to mentally adjust to the idea that, as horrible as it was to face, Thorax could no longer be there anymore. Slowly, he felt he’d made some progress towards this goal, but knew he still had a great deal more to go. Nonetheless, he didn’t want to let himself sit and weep as not only had he felt he had done plenty already, he didn’t see what good it would do. He still missed Thorax and he was still devastated over his friend’s death—this wasn’t changing anytime soon—but no amount of tears would change that now, and he knew it would only distract him from moving on in life…something he was starting to recognize was really the only but best thing he could do now. So he was working to do so.
He also figured he’d do it largely alone, but at the end of his stretch of time in the sleeper car, Princess Luna appeared and politely asked to enter, which Spike granted.
“Something wrong?” Spike asked the entering princess as he sat up to greet her.
“No, we’re still on route and should still arrive in Ponyville as scheduled soon,” Luna gently explained as she approached. “We simply haven’t seen you for some time now and I wished to ensure you were still doing well.” She tilted her head at him, studying him. “Are you?”
Spike pondered the question for a second. “Well…I’m still here,” he relented finally. “In all honesty though, I can’t really say I’m doing fine right now, can I?”
Luna lowered her gaze for a second. “I suppose not,” she conceded. “But I hope you are still improving, yes?”
Spike again thought about it. “I hope so,” he replied. He turned to gaze out the compartment window. “I still feel like there’s this big hole in my life now, without Thorax…I guess I’m still looking for ways to…address that.”
Luna followed his gaze, looking thoughtful. “Do you think you will find what you need to resolve that in Vanhoover?” she asked.
“Honestly, Luna?” Spike answered, glancing back at her, “No. This is a hole I don’t think will ever be filled in. But…I am hoping that…back in Vanhoover…I’ll find a way to make that hole…seem less obvious…” He winced to himself at how vague this sounded, “…if that makes any sense.”
“I believe I do understand,” Luna assured. She moved closer while nodding her head back in the direction of the passenger car. “It is more the others that I am uncertain understand. They have been left…rather moody…ever since you told them where you intended to go.”
“I’m sorry,” Spike admitted. “I didn’t mean to, honest. It’s just…”
Luna placed a hoof on his shoulder, interrupting. “I know,” she assured. “It needed to be said, and I agree with your choice, Spike. Though I know it does not satisfy everyone, I recognize that it will probably be the healthiest thing you could do for yourself presently. And I hope for your sake, we’re both right on that, and that the others will eventually come to understand too. I just ask that you keep looking after yourself and not let yourself fall into neglect.” She shook her head. “But no, I was more trying to get at the fact that…they weren’t expecting this train ride to end with a farewell like this. Do keep in mind that this will quite likely be the last time you all get to interact with each other for the foreseeable future. So after everything that has happened…perhaps they could use a send-off that will…reassure them that it isn’t done out of malice.”
Spike hummed to himself, staring out the window for a second longer as he watched the terrain outside speed past. He then turned himself around to face the princess again. “I don’t know if that can be done, Luna…”
“It is a suggestion, not a request,” Luna began by assuring. “But…wouldn’t it be nice to at least end it with one last huzzah as old friends though?”
Spike averted his gaze, clearly undecided.
“At any rate, the offer stands,” she repeated, and then she turned and exited the compartment again, leaving Spike alone once more.
Spike remained where he was sitting for a few more minutes, mulling upon that offer. In his mind, he wasn’t so sure trying would help, not when relations between him and the others were still so…strained. Further, he feared attempting would only give them the chance to try and talk him out of this, which scared him a bit—he wasn’t sure if they would succeed or not if they tried. But ultimately he knew the mares in the other car still meant something to him, and even though he knew he couldn’t stand with them anymore, he didn’t take joy in giving them yet another reason to mourn over recent events.
Luna had a point. He may be parting their company today, intending to pursue his own life, but that didn’t mean this parting needed to happen on such a low note.
So after another moment of debate, he rose to his feet and slowly stepped out of the sleeper car and quietly slipped back into the adjoining passenger car. He wasn’t immediately noticed as he entered and he took the chance to look things over. Twilight hadn’t moved from her seat since the last time he had seen her and was currently gazing vacantly out her seat’s window. Starlight Glimmer was seated nearby and would occasionally glance in Twilight’s direction, but she was turned to face the aisle running between the rows of seats. The rest, including Luna, were seated in a rough semi-circle, some in seats or some on the aisle floor, while Rainbow Dash was in the middle of somewhat haphazardly shuffling a deck of cards.
“I don’t know if we’ll really have time for another card game, Rainbow,” Fluttershy was remarking to the pegasus as she shuffled. “Aren’t we nearly there?”
Rainbow just shrugged. “Still need something to do between now and then, so might as well, right?” She kept shuffling the cards. “Any requests on what we play next?”
“Whatever it is, it should be a party game all of us can join in on,” Pinkie cheerily suggested. Then, without even turning, she spoke again. “Hi, Spike!”
Everyone looked up and turned to look at Spike standing at the door, surprised. Even Twilight turned her head to look. Feeling put on the spot suddenly, Spike sheepishly shuffled his feet. “Uh, hey,” he greeted back nervously. “Um…”
“Is everything all right, Spike?” Starlight asked, sitting up in her seat.
“Do you want to talk?” Fluttershy offered quietly.
“No,” Spike quickly said, then catching himself, shuffled about before moving closer to the encirclement. “Well, maybe…” he shrugged helplessly. “Actually…I’m not sure what I want, I just…” he sighed, trailing off before starting over. “Look…about me going to Vanhoover…”
Rainbow immediately perked up. “Did you change your mind about that?” she asked hopefully.
“No,” Spike admitted, shaking his head sadly. “But…”
Rainbow frowned. “Then what more is there to say, really?” she asked grumpily.
“Rainbow!” Rarity reprimanded, slapped the mare’s shoulder with her hoof. “Be a little understanding here! This is hard for all of us.”
“And I don’t want to make it harder for anyone,” Spike added, jumping on that point. “In fact…that’s sort of why I want to do this…it might not seem like it, but…I think it’d be easier on all of us if I didn’t go to Ponyville with the rest of you.”
“But I don’t get it,” Pinkie admitted aloud as she regarded Spike thoughtfully. “How would it be easier for us if we aren’t all together?”
“Pinkie,” Twilight suddenly spoke up without turning in her seat, “Don’t forget what our roles were in all of this, and what was done to get us to this point.”
An uneasy silence fell over them for a moment at this. Then before anything more could be said on the matter, the door leading to the next car ahead of them opened and one of the train’s staff poked his head in. “Excuse me, princess,” he said, directing his attention primarily towards Luna as she happened to be the first ranking pony in the room to meet his gaze, “but I thought you’d like to know that we will be arriving in Ponyville in about five to ten minutes.”
Indeed, as several in the group turned their heads to look out the nearest window, they saw that the terrain had transformed in the gracefully rolling hills familiar of the land outskirting the village and that the train had already begun slowing in preparation of pulling into its station.
“Thank you for the update,” Luna said to the staff pony. “We’ll make preparations accordingly.”
The pony then nodded his head and ducked back out of the doorway again, leaving the others to quietly turn and look at one another. A somber mood started to settle upon the group again as they all realized what this meant. A number of their gazes slowly started to shift towards Spike, who in turn avoided eye contact.
Rainbow played with the stack of cards in her hooves for a second before, heaving a sigh, she started to tidy up the stack so to slip them back into the box she had gotten them from. “Well, I guess that means we really won’t have enough time to play another game,” she mumbled aloud.
“I kind of wish we did,” Spike admitted suddenly while the others started to stand up, breaking the encirclement they had formed. “Maybe then I could’ve played too…you know, as one last fun time together before we…part ways.”
The others looked at him sadly.
“Y’know yer still welcome ta join us in Ponyville, right Spike?” Applejack reminded gently, deciding she might as well try one last time.
“I know,” Spike responded back, and heaved a sigh similar to Rainbow’s just a moment ago. “Thanks for offering.”
Rainbow frowned as she stuffed the cards back into their box before chucking it onto the floor grumpily. “We’re not going to talk you out of this, are we?” she concluded aloud, looking at Spike.
Spike hesitated only a second, but he still shook his head no. “It’s nothing personal, Rainbow…or at least I’m not trying to make it personal…it’s just…” he bit his lip, trying to figure out how to explain it in terms the others could understand, “…I need to find a way to…heal…after what’s happened…and I just don’t think I’m going to find it in Ponyville.”
Applejack doffed her stetson for a moment and played with it in her hooves for a second. “Well…Ah guess Ah can understand that,” she admitted slowly. “We’ve all got our own ways we gotta heal, an’ sometimes it’s somethin’ a pony—or a dragon Ah guess—has ta do on their own.” She bowed her head sadly. “Just hate havin’ ta see ya go like this, Spike…’specially after really seein’ ya fer the first time in so long.”
“Yeah,” Spike sigh in agreement, hefting himself up onto a nearby vacant seat, feeling awkward as the others watched him, loathe to part ways like this.
“We’re still friends though, right?” Rarity asked suddenly and a little anxiously.
Spike managed a small grin. “For the most part,” he confirmed. He shrugged half-heartedly. “And it’s not like you’re probably never going to hear from me again or anything like that. I can still write and all that.”
“Will you?” Rainbow asked seriously, sounding like she had her doubts about Spike’s genuineness on this claim.
“Of course I will, Rainbow,” Spike promised softly. “Hay, maybe I can still come and visit sometime in the future…it’s just…for right now…my place is somewhere else than Ponyville…and you know…maybe it coming to this was inevitable, and I was always going to leave someday anyway…Thorax or no.”
The conversation lapsed into another heavy silence for a moment as the group mulled upon this thought. Luna chivalrously returned herself to her original seat, withdrawing from the conversation with respect to the privacy of the others. Spike also noticed Twilight had turned herself away from the group so to silently stare out the window again, but even though he could only see the back of her head, he could tell she was deeply saddened by this too. But then moment was broken when Pinkie Pie abruptly bounded forward and grabbed Spike into a bear hug.
“We’re going to miss you so much, Spike,” she murmured to the dragon as she squeezed him tightly, eyes wet.
“We all are,” Fluttershy added, and she moved to, more gently, join the hug as well. “You need to know that we will.”
“Are you really sure you’re going to be all right traveling all the way to Vanhoover on your own?” Rarity asked as she leaned in to stroke Spike’s green spines. “It’s quite a distance to travel by yourself.”
“I’ve done it before,” Spike reminded, closing his eyes and savoring the feel of Rarity’s hoof running through his spines. “I’ll manage.”
“Besides, he will not be on his own the entire way,” Luna reminded, turning in her seat to speak despite her attempts to stay out of the conversation. “I will still be traveling with him as far as Canterlot, and of course the train staff will still be aboard the train seeing to his needs where necessary. I have already made arrangements with them for that. They will see he arrives there safely.”
“But what about afterwards?” Trixie spoke up and moved to approach Spike. Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy all moved away from Spike so to allow her space to do so. “Being a traveler myself, I know what it’s like to be alone in a big city. It’s an intimidating thing to face…Spike, I don’t want to tell you what to do, but…are you sure you’re ready for that?”
Spike shrugged. “I’ve done it before,” he said again.
But Trixie shook her head knowingly. “You and I both know you haven’t, not really, not like this.”
Spike felt the pit of his stomach sink at that, knowing she was right about it being a half-truth—he had Thorax by his side last time. But he forced that thought from his mind and instead looked up at Trixie, trying to look confident. “I’ll manage, Trixie. Besides…what are you going to do when you get back to Ponyville? Climb right into your wagon and trot off into the sunset? You’ve done it before.”
Trixie guiltily averted her gaze. “Maybe not this time,” she murmured. “I might have done it before…but I’m not so sure I want to this time.”
Starlight moved to the side of her friend, wrapping one hoof around her. “You’re welcome to stay in Ponyville as long as you like, Trixie,” she said, then turned to Spike. “I know you’ve already decided what you’re doing, Spike…but know you’re still welcome to as well.”
“I know, Starlight,” Spike said, and he surveyed the whole group with a small grin. “And…I do appreciate it. Really. But…” he nodded his head to himself. “Rainbow’s right…I’ve already made up my mind.”
There was a sudden jolt running through the train cars and Starlight looked up and out the closest window in time to see Ponyville’s train station start to slide into view just outside. “Well,” she announced as she turned to the others, “we’re here.”
Nobody moved. The train jolted again as it came to a full stop.
Then Twilight suddenly rose to her hooves. “Right then,” she said simply as she started for the car hatchway so to disembark.
“Twilight, you’re really just going to let him go like this?” Rainbow objected, staring at the mare as she moved to exit the train. “Are you not even going to try to object?”
Twilight stopped at the still-closed hatchway and heaved a mighty sigh. “I can’t tell him what to do, Rainbow,” she stated firmly. “He knows what he needs better than I do, and after all, I clearly don’t always know what’s right.” Her eyes locked with Spike, sitting farther up the row of seats from where she stood. “Besides…I think he’s making the right choice.”
She moved again to disembark, pulling open the door leading off the train with her magic, but before she could step off, Spike spoke up. “Twilight,” he called, catching her attention. He suddenly felt anxious that he had to say something to her before they parted ways like this, but the words caught in his throat under her awaiting gaze. He fumbled about for a moment, unsure what to say. “Goodbye,” he finally said, simply and softly.
Twilight nodded. “Goodbye,” she echoed back sadly. She then stepped off the car.
Spike then turned his gaze to the others, waiting for them to move to exit the train too, but they were all slow to start. Finally Rarity moved back to Spike’s side to give him a quick but loving squeeze. “Do look out for yourself out there, Spike,” she murmured as, to somewhat to Spike’s shock, the fashionista brushed her snout against his cheek in a caring nuzzle. “And please…do come back and visit soon.” She then tapped a quick peck on the dragon’s cheek and somberly turned to go. Spike rubbed his cheek numbly, feeling his heart flutter slightly, but not anywhere near the normal amount it’d normally would when he received such affection from Rarity—it was all too bittersweet for that this time.
Pinkie then grabbed him for another bear hug. “What Rarity said,” she murmured, sniffling loudly. Then, though she clearly didn’t want to, she released him and went to exit the train too.
Fluttershy chose not to hug Spike, but she did briefly put her hoof on his shoulder in a caring manner. “I’m sorry you feel like you have to do this, Spike,” she said. “But I hope you…get to feeling better soon.”
Spike had to grin a little how she made it seem like he was just down with the flu, but he understood her intent. “Me too, Fluttershy.” As Fluttershy turned away to exit the train, Spike’s eyes fell upon Trixie, who was gazing at him long and vacantly, as if deep in thought. “I’m going to be okay, Trixie,” he promised, reading her thoughts.
“You sure?” Trixie asked. “Because…I think whatever you’re feeling about all of this…is probably not too different to what I’m…going through.”
Spike blanked out for a second as he considered that, knowing there was some truth to it. But not completely. “Trixie, to be perfectly honest…I really don’t think I do understand entirely what you’re going through. Thorax was my best friend…but you were on a whole different level than that with him.”
Trixie choked back something that sounded strongly like a suppressed sob. “Maybe we were,” she admitted, perhaps more to herself than to Spike. “See you later, Spike,” she then concluded, and with more reluctance than anyone else, slowly headed for the exit, dragging her hooves along the way.
Starlight gazed worryingly after her. “I wish I could do more for the both of you,” she murmured, turning her gaze back to Spike.
“Just don’t forget yourself in the process,” Spike advised, seeing sadness in the unicorn’s eyes too. “You’re going to need to heal a bit too, aren’t you?”
Starlight averted her gaze for a second, but then returned it, nodding. “Yeah,” she admitted. “It’s just…I don’t want to shirk the needs of others in the process…and I’m not sure how I ought to, anyway.” She chuckled weakly, shaking her head. “Part of me kind of wants to do what you’re basically doing…just run away from it all, and…start over.”
Spike was quiet for a second. “That’s not what I’m doing at all, Starlight,” he assured her. “I’m just…trying to pick up from where I’d left off…the best thing either of us can do right now is…just move on.”
“I know,” Starlight murmured. She rubbed her fetlocks with one hoof. “I did mean it when I said was willing to ride with you to Vanhoover.”
“You weren’t about going back to your old village though,” Spike replied pointedly. “Trixie was right. You’d have to change trains here in Ponyville to get there…and that wouldn’t take you anywhere near Vanhoover.”
Starlight shrugged, not denying it. “It made for a good excuse, though,” she said with a sad grin.
Spike nodded to himself. “And maybe it’ll still be a good thing for you to do, if you’re up for it,” he reasoned, thinking out loud. Leaving that thought hanging in the open, he then turned to the window, nodding his head at Twilight standing outside on the platform. “Help her get through this too, please.”
“I’ll certainly try, Spike,” Starlight promised, following his gaze. But she looked uneasy. “But honestly I’m not sure she’s going to let me. She just might have to get through this on her own too.”
Spike kept gazing at Twilight, noting how very lost she looked right now. “Still try and help her where you can,” he urged.
“I will.” Starlight then pulled him in for a gentle hug too. “You take care, Spike.”
“You too, Starlight,” he said, then, almost at the last second, added, “thank you everything you’ve done during all of this.”
Starlight smiled sadly as she pulled away. “It wasn’t enough…but you’re welcome.”
As she then turned and walked off, Applejack moved in to take her place, still holding her hat to her chest with one hoof. “Ya really sure ya want ta do this, sugarcube?” she asked Spike.
“I don’t know if it’s that I want to do this, Applejack, but rather I feel I need to,” Spike responded. “But…I guess the answer’s still yes, all the same.”
Applejack nodded to herself for a second. “Ah just wantcha ta know, that…no matter wut’s happened…there’s always gunna be a place fer ya in Ponyville…if ya ever need it.”
Spike nodded, understanding. “Thank you, Applejack,” he said. “I’ll try to remember that.”
“See that ya do,” Applejack said with a snort, but then she grinned sadly as she returned her hat onto her blond mane. She playfully tapped him on the shoulder with her hoof. “Ya stay out of trouble, ya hear?”
“No arguments from me on that,” Spike assured with a grin, nodding his head in farewell at her, a motion she returned as she turned to exit the car too. This just left Rainbow Dash, who stood in the aisle fidgeting, torn between remaining where she was and joining the others outside the train. Seeing how conflicted she was, Spike nodded his head at the hatchway. “They’re waiting for you, Rainbow.”
Rainbow frowned, and her gaze wandered wildly about the train car as she sought an appropriate response. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?” she asked, though it was clear she already knew the answer.
Spike gave it again anyway. “Yeah.” He gazed at the troubled pegasus for a long moment, understanding her hesitation. “I’m going to be fine, Rainbow…you don’t need to worry about me.”
“Well, I’m gonna anyway,” Rainbow retorted with a light snort. She shook her head. “Look…I do get it, at least kind of…it’s just…I don’t like leaving you behind like this. We weren’t there for you before, and that was a blunder and a half of absolutely epic proportions…I sure as hay don’t want to do it again.” She swallowed heavily. “…I don’t think I could handle that.”
“I know,” Spike replied. He tried to give her an encouraging grin. “But it’s okay, Rainbow. No one is being abandoned this time. We all just…moving on. And that doesn’t have to be a bad thing…does it?”
Rainbow’s frown deepened. “Feels like it should,” she mumbled. Her gaze wandered about awkwardly for a moment, looking turbulent. But then she jabbed her hoof determinedly at the dragon. “If you ever need anything, just shout, and I’ll come racing, got it?”
“Got it,” Spike replied with a nod.
Rainbow nodded back. She bit her lip and then her eyes were suddenly quite sad. “Sweet Celestia, Spike, it’s not going to be the same not having you around.” She sniffed and turned her gaze heavenward for a second, before returning it to Spike. She didn’t look any more composed than before, though. “But…if that’s that, then…see ya…I guess.”
“See ya, Rainbow,” Spike replied back.
Then Rainbow stepped off the train as well. Luna, still sitting in the front some rows ahead of him, turned her head to look back at him. “You’re welcome to come sit up here, if you want,” she offered.
“Thanks Luna, but I think I’ll stay here, if you don’t mind,” Spike replied back, not leaving his seat.
He wasn’t sure if she actually didn’t, but as she had thus far before, she respected his choice and did not protest. While she went to alert the train staff that they were ready to leave, Spike turned to gaze out the window at the mares gathered outside, slowly working at regrouping and not entirely right where Spike could see them all. Their attention wasn’t fully on the train anymore until Spike heard without looking the hatchway door slide shut again and felt the train jolt briefly as it slowly started forward, and suddenly everypony’s eyes were back on the train, many of them picking out Spike peering out at them from his window. Almost on automatic, Spike raised one set of claws in farewell. Most of the ponies on the platform returned the wave, but the pony Spike was directing it the most at, Twilight, did not, though she did jerk one leg faintly as if she was about to. Instead, she just stared at Spike as the train proceeded to roll away faster and faster, as if she couldn’t take in what was happening.
And then the train station was gone from Spike’s view, and as the train accelerated, soon so was Ponyville, and the terrain was back to open rolling hills once more. His heart feeling heavy in his chest, Spike closed his eyes and let his head rest against the glass of the window with a soft thump. He remained like that for a moment, sullen and feeling isolated, when he felt someone sit down on the seat beside him. Thinking it was Luna, he turned and was instead shocked to see that it was Trixie, unobtrusively gazing down at the floor. Stunned into silence, he sat there gaping at her for a long moment, trying to process this turn of events.
What was going through his head must have been clear on his face though, because Trixie glanced in his direction and forced a small smile. “I decided climbing in my wagon and trotting off into the sunset could wait,” she murmured. “Besides, you can’t fool the Great and Powerful Trixie.” Her smile faded as her gaze turned sad. “You do need the company.”
Spike just sat there at a loss of words for a long moment, mouth moving up and down uselessly as it tried to form unspoken words. He felt his eyes tear up a little and he wiped at them with his claws. “Thank you,” he finally whispered.
Trixie nodded. “You’re welcome.”
They said little more during this next stretch of their journey and spent of most it gazing in opposite directions from each other, as if uncomfortable or unsure. But it seemed they didn’t need more than that—just knowing they had the presence of the other seemed to be comfort enough. At the very least, Princess Luna didn’t seem to have issue with it. She would routinely turn her head to look back at them, making sure they were still doing okay, before turning back without comment. Whenever she did this, Spike would often study her face, try to determine what she was thinking, but he found Luna to be quite unreadable and it left him wondering just what might be going through her mind. Of course, Spike wasn’t entirely sure what he thought either, as part of him said to himself that he could’ve managed without Trixie…yet another part of him was eternally grateful to be having the magician there to support him nonetheless, leaving him feeling a bit more at ease over what still lay ahead.
He found it odd, really. Less than a week ago, he could barely tolerate Trixie at all. But now he realized he understood her on a level he hadn’t before, and saw that, in some ways, he and she weren’t so far apart. In a way, he could see why Thorax had been so quick to support her. Spike was at least glad he could consider her something akin to a colleague now.
They arrived in Canterlot without event and with startlingly little said between them that whole time. As Luna disembarked from the train, leaving only Spike and Trixie still aboard, all she said was to again apologize deeply for the two of them having to be put through “such horrible circumstances,” to wish them both the best of luck, a hope if not a promise that they could all meet again soon, and to bid a fond farewell for now. To Spike, Luna promised that she intended to take whatever action would be necessary to prevent events such as this from having to be repeated, and Spike found he could take some small comfort in that—he couldn’t doubt for a second that Luna meant it.
But then they were traveling onwards again, leaving Canterlot behind too. As they drew nearer to Vanhoover, evening began to settle upon the land and the sun started to sink into the horizon. Around then was when a unicorn mare entered the passenger car, said a small dinner could be prepared, and asked Trixie and Spike if there was anything in particular they wanted to eat. Upon considering it though, neither of the two remaining passengers could find the want for anything specific, so they agreed to have the mare bring whatever would be routine for the meal. The mare then vanished for a while so to prepare the meals before reappearing again with two trays apiece for them, politely hoofing them over to enjoy. Spike found that the meal was, to his surprise, composed of au gratin potatoes with melted cheese sprinkled atop, a dollop of macaroni and cheese, and a couple of celery sticks as a side dish—the exact same meal Thorax had gotten for Spike when they were fleeing for Vanhoover in the first place. Spike wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry over this particular coincidence, but his hungry stomach soon had him downing the meal regardless, not stopping until his tray was cleared. Trixie ate similarly, confessing aloud that she hadn’t realized she was so hungry. Spike knew the feeling.
As the evening dragged on and the outside of the train grew darker than the inside, the contrast in lighting allowed Spike to more clearly see his reflection in his window. He spent some long moments studying his sad face before realizing with a jolt that he was returning to Vanhoover and wasn’t wearing everything of his trademark disguise. He immediately went to pull out his false eyeglasses to don, only to remember yet again of the lens that had been cracked in them, making them impractical to wear. With a heavy heart, he held the glasses in his claws, staring at the broken lens, until Trixie noticed.
“Here,” she said, taking the glasses from him with her magic. “I think I can fix that for you.” Tapping the cracked lens to the tip of her horn, she cast a passive spell that quickly made the cracks recede in upon themselves, restoring the lens.
Spike accepted them as Trixie hoofed them back over and placed them upon his snout again, a small restless part of him being quieted at the item being restored to its proper place. “Thanks,” he murmured back. He went back to studying his reflection again, noticing for the first time that the glasses really did make him look like a different dragon at first glance.
Trixie quietly watched him for a long moment. “Why do you keep wearing those when you don’t need to now, anyway?” she asked.
Spike didn’t answer, but only because he found he actually couldn’t—he didn’t actually know why he was still wearing the glasses, or anything of his old Spark disguise. So instead, he asked Trixie a question. “Why are you really coming with me to Vanhoover anyway?”
Trixie averted her gaze, turning sullen again. “I guess I wanted to make sure you actually arrived in Vanhoover safely,” she admitted after a momentary pause.
Spike snorted softly, a little amused. “What, did you think if you didn’t that I was going to throw myself off the train the next time it went over a deep ravine?”
Trixie wasn’t amused at all and remained sullen. “The thought did cross my mind.”
Spike’s amusement quickly evaporated as he saw how serious she was being. With a sigh, he turned away from the window and let himself lean back in his seat, sinking heavily into the cushions. He was quiet for a long moment as he mulled upon how he ought to respond. “You need not worry, Trixie,” he mumbled at last. “I couldn’t do that to myself.” He let himself sink a little further into his seat. “I guess I’m too afraid to even consider it.”
At this though, Trixie grinned a little, looking both relieved and amused. “I guess it’s true what they say then,” she said as she turned her gaze away from him. “Fear really will save your life.”
Spike smiled a little too, but it was short-lived. After thinking about it for a second longer, he decided he needed to ask the question too. “What about you, Trixie?”
Trixie, to her credit, seemed taken aback by the question, but only for a second. She stared down at the floor. “Nah,” she replied. “I don’t see what good it’d do anybody anyway…it’d just make even more ponies sad in the end.” She went quiet for a second. “Besides…I can just picture what Thorax would probably think of it if he were here.”
“He’d be giving us a good telling off for even bringing it up is what he’d be doing,” Spike mumbled, but the thought brought a small grin to his face. Odd how this cheered him like that.
“It’s for the better anyway,” Trixie went on. She averted her gaze as if embarrassed, but she managed to make a small smile too. “I have no desire to lose another friend.”
Spike didn’t respond back to that initially, but it did make him think long and hard over how that was basically the first time Trixie had referred to him as a friend. “Thorax was right,” he abruptly blurted out. He glanced at Trixie, studying her. “There really is more to you that what meets the eye, isn’t there?”
Trixie blinked to herself a few times, looking slightly taken aback. “Did he say that?” she asked softly.
Spike nodded. “He did.”
Trixie hummed to herself, and then it was her turn to lapse into deep thought.
It was well into the night before they started to arrive at Vanhoover. The closer they got, the more Spike was struck by the déjà vu of it all, recalling how similar this all felt to the first time he had arrived in Vanhoover four and a half moons ago, back in the beginning. He found that if he closed his eyes, he could just barely imagine the train car still filled with a smattering of late-night travelers, recall the pit of dread he had held in his stomach at the time, and envision Thorax cat-napping in the seat beside him…so much so that at one point he turned to look beside him and was briefly startled to remember that it was Trixie that was sitting beside him. He decided after that incident that he must be getting pretty tired.
Because their train was approaching Vanhoover from the direction opposite Spike and Thorax had first entered the city all those moons ago, the train pulled into Vanhoover’s southern station instead of the north this time. Regardless, he found that the station appeared almost identical to the north, and starting to get glassy-eyed thanks to the late hour, he almost didn’t realize they had arrived, even though he was staring directly at the station’s sign as the train slowed to a stop. Given the late hour, he fully expected to again be left standing at an empty train station, uncertain on where to go, as he and Trixie collected their things and disembarked. But to his surprise, there was someone already there waiting for them, pacing anxiously back and forth on the platform and whom Spike recognized immediately.
“Fly Leaf!” he declared in surprise.
The pumpkin orange mare, looking much as she always had, turned at his shout immediately. “Spike,” she murmured back and quickly galloped up to him, grabbing him in a hug.
Spike didn’t return it though and numbly just stood there, stunned to see his employerand friend here waiting for him. A horrifying thought soon leapt to the forefront of his attention—did she even know? “Fly…Thorax…Thornton…he…he’s…” he felt his throat close up as he struggled to figure out how to even begin to explain what had happened, his eyes start to tear up at the thought of trying.
But Fly Leaf spared him from that. “Shh,” she gently shushed, “I already know.” She squeezed him tighter as her voice turned deeply sad. “I’m so sorry, Spike.”
Spike still failed to return the embrace, slow to understand. “But…how?” he breathed, trying to blink away the tears that had gathered in his eyes.
“The details were explained to me this morning thanks to the princesses,” Fly explained, but then she waved the matter side and pulled out of the embrace, holding Spike by the shoulders. “But more about that later, let’s see to you first. Have you eaten?”
Spike wiped at his eyes. “A little, on the train.”
“Oh, well, those train meals are never filling enough,” Fly concluded in her usual manner that drew a small smile from Spike. She patted him on the back as she stood. “Let’s get you back home and get something proper in you.” Seeing Trixie standing awkwardly to one side and uncertain how to proceed, Fly motioned her to follow with one hoof. “C’mon, you too.”
Approval given, Trixie quickly hurried forward to join the pair as they walked across the platform and out of the station. She still didn’t speak though until they were about halfway down the first city street. “Trixie Lulamoon,” she finally and sheepishly introduced herself to Fly Leaf, offering a hoof to shake.
Fly warmly accepted it with a quick shake, the most she could do without stopping. “Fly Leaf,” she greeted back. “It’s nice to at last be properly introduced to you, Trixie.”
Trixie blinked blankly a few times at that comment, unsure how to interpret it, but ultimately she chose not to question it or comment further and instead lapsed into silence as she followed Spike and Fly Leaf through the dark streets.
Fly’s shop was a good few blocks away from the train station requiring a lengthy walk to get back to, but it seemed as if the trip was quick and short, for before Spike knew it, they were arriving outside its humble front. Though it was difficult to see all the details this late at night, Spike was still relieved that the shop seemed completely unchanged since he had last seen it, except for one detail—where the window in the shop’s front door should’ve been, a brown tarp had been taped over it.
“What happened here?” Spike asked while Fly unlocked the door to let them in.
“Oh, the window got broken by the city guards,” Fly replied distractedly, barely glancing at it as they entered. Seeing Spike’s face though, she went on. “Don’t worry, I’m being compensated fully for it. It’ll be as good as new as soon as I can arrange for a new pane of glass to be fitted for it.” She turned for the batwing doors leading back into the kitchen. “Now, let me see what I can come up for us to eat…”
Spike let her go, instead ambling idly about the darkened front room of the shop, struck by nostalgia. Like he had felt when boarding the Vergilius again, he felt as if he was returning here for the first time in years, and he couldn’t help but stop and take in the familiar sights again, running his claws caringly over the front desk. Trixie, meanwhile, also moved about taking in the wood paneled interior, but she did so as if she was seeing the inside for the first time. The two said nothing while they did this. In fact, Fly Leaf was heard saying more than either of them, as she could be heard occasionally mumble to herself from within the kitchen, her voice carrying clearly in the stillness within the building.Before long though, Fly Leaf was ushering them back into the kitchen and to sit at the round dining table, having already set it with three portions of salad, a bottle of salad dressing, and a bowl of rolls.
“I’m sorry it’s not anything more elaborate,” Fly apologized as they sat down to eat. “But given how late it is already, I didn’t want to keep you two up and waiting to eat too long.” She forced a sympathizing grin. “I’m sure it’s been a long day for you both.”
“Yeah,” Spike murmured distractedly as he picked up his fork and twirled it hesitantly in his claws. He kept gazing in the direction where Thorax normally would’ve sat at the table, not missing that Fly had left this spot vacant.
Trixie, meanwhile, simply murmured her thanks and scooped up the bottle of dressing in her magic. After squirting enough onto her salad to heavily drench it with ranch dressing, she took a fork and quietly started eating. Spike proceeded to follow suit much more slowly, at first spending some moments just picking at his salad before finally lifting up a bite to eat. After he had done a couple of bites like this, he slowed to a stop mid-chew and looked down at the next mouthful he had scooped up with his fork. He noted the off-white cheese that had been shredded atop of it, recognizing the flavor.
“Thornton Cheese?” he asked Fly Leaf curiously.
Fly looked up from her plate at him briefly, then back down at it again. “Oh, yeah, yeah it is,” she remarked as if she was just realizing this. “I’d…just grabbed it and put it on out of habit.”
“Thornton Cheese?” Trixie asked, not following.
“Thorax made it,” Spike explained softly.
Trixie blinked and looked down at her plate with renewed respect. They resumed eating for a few moments.
“How much of that do we have left, anyway?” Spike asked Fly next.
“The cheese?” Fly asked then rolled her eyes upwards as she thought about it. “A fair bit, actually.” She returned her gaze to Spike knowingly. “We’re going to have to eat it all soon, though, or it’s probably going to spoil.”
“I know,” Spike murmured. He managed a sad half-smile. “Fortunately, it goes well on a whole lot of things, it seems.”
“It’s just…” Fly bit her lip briefly, “…once it’s gone…it’s gone.”
Spike thought about that for a second. “Thornton might have left the recipe for it lying around somewhere,” he reasoned aloud.
Fly shook her head. “I don’t know how to make cheese, Spike.”
Spike poked at his salad idly for a second. “We’ll have to cross that bridge further when we come to it, anyway.”
They resumed eating for a few minutes. Then Fly finally asked the question.
“How are you two handling all of this?” she asked gently.
Spike and Trixie looked up at her, then at each other, unsure how to respond for a moment.
“Probably not well,” Trixie admitted, running her fork around the edge of her half-emptied plate.
“Me neither,” Spike admitted as well with a heavy sigh. He felt the tell-tale sting of tears wanting to form in his eyes, but he forced them back. “I knew I was going to miss him…but I never realized just how much I was actually going to.” He perked up faintly. “But…at least I can take comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one.”
Fly made a weak grin that vanished again as quickly as it had appeared. “I know he meant a lot to the both of you,” she said knowingly.
“More than I think you realize, Fly,” Spike said longingly, and again he stared at the vacant spot at the table Thorax should’ve been filling. He shook his head. “Just when I’d think I’d got a handle on it all…something would pull me back to new lows again…attending his burial was just about—” He suddenly stopped, going wide-eyed in shock as he locked eyes with Fly. “The burial! Oh balani devoveo, Fly, you missed it! I’m…I’m sorry…I didn’t…”
“It’s okay, Spike,” Fly interrupted, gently trying to wave the matter aside.
“No, it’s not, you should’ve been there too,” Spike persisted, upset at this oversight.
“Spike, I’m pretty sure I never could’ve been able to have made it,” Fly pressed. “I only got out of jail this afternoon, after all.”
“She’s right then,” Trixie remarked, turning to Spike. “The burial was over well before noon.”
Spike stared sadly at his plate of salad. “I still feel awful over it.”
“Well…I can pay my respects plenty of other ways too, Spike,” Fly reasoned gently.
A somber silence fell for a moment.
“You were in jail?” Trixie asked Fly suddenly, shifting the topic.
Fly nodded. “I, ah, sort of got in trouble for helping Spike and Thorax escape Vanhoover when Princess Twilight found them.”
“I’m sorry,” Trixie apologized, sympathizing.
Fly grinned a little. “Don’t be. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Besides, it wasn’t as bad as you’d think. At least they didn’t put me anywhere near maximum security.”
“How’d you find out what happened anyway, Fly?” Spike asked, realizing Fly still hadn’t explained.
“Same way I found out you were coming back to Vanhoover, Spike, and where there waiting for you at the station,” Fly replied. “I got a letter explaining things from the princesses.” She bowed her head a little, reflecting back upon it. “It was actually rather heartfelt…though I wasn’t really thinking about that at the time…obviously.” She shook her head. “Actually, that was where I got the details, but it was from the prison guard that I first found out the basics.” Her gaze turned distant. “They woke me up this morning telling me they had good news and bad news. The good news was that I had been exonerated of all charges and I was to begin preparations to go free immediately…then he gave me the bad news.” She closed her eyes and bowed her head suddenly, but not before the other two caught sight of the glimmer of tears in her eyes. She took a long moment to try and steady herself. “Spike, tell me honestly…did he die peacefully?”
Spike was quiet for a long moment, knowing quite well he couldn’t possibly answer that he had. “He died doing what was right and making a difference by helping others, Fly,” he replied instead, “and you and I both know he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I think that’s more important to remember.”
Fly managed a sad grin, but she didn’t seem too comforted. “Yeah.” She took a deep breath and resumed eating her salad for a moment. “He was a good friend, wasn’t he?”
“The absolute best,” Spike replied immediately. He closed his eyes for a moment too. “I don’t know how I’m going to go on without him by my side, Fly…I know I have to now…but I still…don’t know how.” He then glanced in Trixie’s direction. “I can’t imagine how it must be for you, Trixie.”
Trixie averted her gaze, playing with her food again, and didn’t reply.
“How close were you and Thornton anyway, Trixie?” Fly asked the mare.
Trixie was slow to reply. “We were…good friends too, Miss Fly.”
A heavy silence fell upon the group. “Ah,” Fly replied curtly, but she didn’t speak further. Spike fell silent entirely.
The rest of the meal was eaten without speaking after that.
Spike was last to clear his plate, and when he did, he let his fork fall onto his plate with a clatter before slumping back. He quietly debated to himself for a second. “Fly, how are things…upstairs?”
Fly glanced at him knowingly. “I’ve already been up to look,” she replied. “Everything’s pretty much still as you had left it…it seems the guards didn’t really mess around much in there.”
Spike nodded to himself then rose to his feet. “Right then…guess I’ll be heading for bed then.”
Fly rose to her hooves as well to gently stop him. “Are you sure?” she asked. “No one’s making you go back up there, Spike. There’s plenty of other places you could spend the night if needed.”
But Spike shook his head, his mind made up. “I’m going to have to do it sometime, Fly,” he reminded her. “And the more I put it off…the harder it’s only going to get, so…might as well get it over with now…like pulling off a band-aid.”
Fly didn’t seem convinced, but she removed her hoof regardless. “If you’re sure, then,” she relented. “Just…don’t hesitate if you need anything at all…even if it’s just…a shoulder to lean on.”
Spike managed a small grin. “Of course, Fly,” he promised. He then turned and slowly walked out of the kitchen, heading for the stairs.
Fly watched him go, sighed, then turned and saw Trixie had finished eating and motioned for her to follow. “Well then, I guess that just leaves getting you settled in, Trixie. Will you be okay sleeping on a couch, or will you want a full bed?”
“Oh, I don’t want to intrude, Miss Fly,” Trixie started to object.
“You are doing nothing of the sort, Trixie,” Fly persisted. “Besides, I couldn’t possibly turn you away this late at night.”
Trixie hesitated then rose to her hooves to follow the earth pony mare. “In that case…a couch would suffice.”
Fly grinned and again motioned for the unicorn to follow her. “This way, then.” She led Trixie further into the back of the building and into the living room, pulling out a blanket and a pillow Trixie could use to sleep on the couch. “You sure you don’t want the bed?” she asked again as Trixie started to get herself settled in for the night. “I mean, my couch is great, but it’s not that great.”
“Nah, Trixie’s slept on worse before, trust me.” Trixie assured her with a grin. Her expression then softened. “I do want to thank you though…you’re being very accommodating.”
Fly grinned, humbly looking down at the floor. “Any friend of Thorax’s is a friend of mine,” she assured. “Now, if you need anything, I’m just upstairs and down the hall.” She bit her lip, then added, “I think it’d be best that, unless he decides he wants anything, we leave Spike be in his room for now.”
Trixie nodded in agreement, lowering her head onto the pillow that she had been given. “Agreed.”
“Good night, then,” Fly said, and turned to go. “And may we all dream of better times with Thorax tonight.” But as she reached the doorway to the room, she stopped and slowly looked back at the showmare. “Except…Trixie…you loved him, didn’t you?”
Trixie raised her head slightly, staring at Fly, but then sadly let it flop back onto the pillow again, losing the resolve to fight it. “Deeply,” she confessed as her eyes began to glisten with tears.
Fly gazed back at her, sympathizing. “You really should just say so, then,” she advised softly.
She then exited the room, leaving Trixie lost in deep thought.
Spike stood outside the door to the room for a long time. He knew he needed to just open it and go inside, but he kept hesitating. It wasn’t because he was afraid of what he’d see inside—weirdly, he felt quite calm about this, but that was what was bothering him so much. He expected to reach this point feeling like he was about to drown in grief, much like how he had felt at Thorax’s burial that morning. To instead feel so…at peace about this…it felt very disconcerting, to the point that Spike felt like he should be worried. He thought maybe it was just a case that the reality of what he was about to do hadn’t set in yet, but whatever it was, he felt at peace about this…like this was a good thing that he was about to do.
Eventually, realizing this wasn’t going to change, and not wanting to still be standing here whenever Fly Leaf came trotting up here and start to ask questions, Spike forced himself forward and, with one final deep breath, pushed the door open, and getting his first look inside he and Thorax’s room since they had left Vanhoover.
Fly Leaf was right. Everything was still as they had left it.
Spike gently closed the door behind him then started to wander aimlessly about the darkened room, stunned at how little was out of place within it. The papers he had left on the desk, the books still in their places on the bookshelves, the wardrobe door they had left open ajar in their haste to leave—it was almost as if it had been frozen in time…like somepony had snapped a photograph of it, trapping it in this state forever. It was jarring…Spike wasn’t quite sure what to think of it was he ran his claws over the writing desk as he passed it. He then spied the lone acorn sitting beside the record player and picked up in his claws, sadly recalling how Thorax had obtained it in hopes of eventually getting enough to perform his own Dissipatio ceremony.
That had been the same day Twilight had found them in Vanhoover.
Heaving a heavy sigh, Spike returned the acorn reverently to its spot and moved on. After a few more moments of aimless wandering, Spike was surprised to note how the room still seemed cozy and welcoming to him. He had feared that without Thorax, he was only going to focus on the changeling’s absence and feel like it was empty and lonely without him, but yet again, this fear hadn’t become a reality. Not sure what to make of that, Spike eventually wandered over to the wardrobe and set down his backpack down before it…but not before he had pulled Thorax’s midnight blue hoodie out and hung it back up in its proper place inside.
Spike then turned and initially started for his customary sleeping spot on the window seat. But then at the last second he turned and headed for Thorax’s vacant sleeping nest sitting in the corner. Spike stood there staring at the mish-mash collection of clothes before gradually climbing into it himself, letting his body sink into the soft fabrics and sadly stare back across the room with sad eyes.
But only for a moment.
Abruptly, Spike sat back up again, staring as he spied what appeared to be a small white paper stuck between two atlases on the topmost bookcase shelf, hanging annoyingly out over the shelf’s edge. Spike gaped at it, confused. He might have never been one to be nearly as neat and tidy as Twilight is, but many of her habits still had managed to rub off on him. One of which was that anything set on a bookcase absolutely had to be sitting entirely on its shelf—anything sticking out over the edge simply was not allowed. It was actually something of a pet peeve of Spike’s and he couldn’t help but automatically fix anything that jutted out further than it should. Which was why this slip of paper had caught his eye so quickly—just how long had that been there? Surely it hadn’t already been like that before he and Thorax left, had it? Why hadn’t he already fixed it if it was? Had Twilight or the city guards left that there during their search of the room?
Spike trotted over to the bookcase and reached up to pull the rectangular paper off the shelf and down where he could see it. It was then that he realized it was an envelope, and holding it in front of him, saw that all that there was only one thing written upon it: For Spike.
It was written in Thorax’s hoof writing.
Spike involuntarily gasped, feeling a chill run down his spine as he stared at the envelope in his claws. His heart pounding, he took it back to the sleeping nest to sit down before slowly turning it over and slipping his claws gingerly under the flap. The envelope wasn’t sealed, but Spike felt the tell-tale tingle of magic on his scales as he opened it, and strongly suspected that the reaction would’ve been very different had anyone but him tried to open this letter. Pulling out the letter within and setting the envelope aside, Spike then stared at the parchment, folded in threes, left in his claws. It only had writing on one side, and of course it had been folded in such a way that the side with writing was out of immediate view. Despite the dim lighting though, Spike could just make out the faint print of words through the paper and saw that whatever Thorax had written, he had used up most of that side doing so. Spike forced himself to take a deep breath to try and steady himself, trying to calm his racing heart. Then, finally and reverently, he unfolded the letter and peered at the wording written within. It read:
Dear Spike,
If you are reading this, it means that the spell I cast on this message has dropped in order for it to be made visible to you, and if that has happened, for some reason we have become permanently separated from each other’s company. I assume that either means we were caught by the Equestrian government and forced apart as part of the resulting punishment, leading me to choose to end the spell myself however possible, or worse still, I have somehow perished, as the spell, if I never have the chance to send the counterspell that deactivates it, will only continue to operate indefinitely IF the one who cast it still lives.
Whichever it may be, allow me to first offer my greatest condolences for this loss. I can only imagine how devastated you must feel, but as I know I would feel precisely the same as you in such circumstances, I think I have a good idea, and I deeply apologize that it had to come to this. I have no desire to be separated from you Spike for any reason, not after you have done so much and given up so much to stay by my side so loyally, through such trying circumstances. But as I know I cannot make any guarantees against these events unfolding and unsure if we would be given the chance to give proper farewells, I have written this letter in hopes it can still be found by you and hopefully give you at least some closure in such an event.
I hope we were able to have plenty more adventures together since the time I have written this letter, but even if we have not, I want you to know Spike that I have enjoyed every moment of your company, and would not change one second of it…except of course to maybe change things so neither of us had to become outcasts like this in the first place. When I fled my hive, I did so acting alone, and I admit there was a great fear that it would all be for naught, that I was simply condemning myself to a lonely self-banishment and quite likely a short life. Instead, I found you. Or rather, you found me. And that has made all the difference for me.
I had already determined that friendship was a great and wonderful thing by then, but I had no idea just how great and wonderful it actually can be until I met you Spike. And in all this time you have never truly doubted me or questioned me. You accepted me for who I am, changeling and all, and was the first, and thus far the only one, to do so. You were willing to be my friend when absolutely no one else would. I cannot convey just how much that has meant to me. To know that I didn’t have to go through this alone has made all this tribulation we’ve faced bearable, and I can only pray to the acorns and the great Informis Una herself that I have been able to provide the same back to you just as well.
To even think that we might go our separate ways again forever breaks my heart, and I hope we never have to reach that point and that you never have to read this letter. I will miss you greatly Spike, and I hate to have to bid you farewell for any reason. But it was wonderful while it lasted, and even while apart, I will always consider you the greatest of friends I have ever had, and will cherish the sadly brief time we had to associate with each other always. Thank you for that. That said, I know you are a dragon that can hold a grudge, Spike, but I urge you not to in this instance, for my sake. Mourn, of course, for our parting, but do not ever let it stand in the way of you being the good fellow I know you to be, or from ensuring your own continued well-being and happiness. I hope you can find the strength within you to rise up and move on, and continue to be that good friend to others as you have done for me. Live a good, long, happy, and worthwhile life Spike, and may you be completely prosperous in everything you put your mind in doing.
Your dearest friend,
Thorax
Spike stared at the letter for a long, long, moment. Finally, pressing the letter to his chest, he let himself tip over and fall onto his side, numbly flopping onto the sleeping nest. Tears flowed freely from his eyes, but nonetheless, a smile was gracing his lips.
A smile that remained on his face for a long time afterwards until, cherishing this moment of closure he had managed to receive, he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
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As Thorax himself said: the letter survives.
Damn, how long have you been planning this?! And now the rest...
Damn... Rest In Peace Thorax. You will be remembered.
Here’s hoping Spikes book can bring him and Trixie some closure.
That letter.
Also, I'm surprised, evil man. Given your status, I woulda expected a cliffhanger right when Spike meets Fly Leaf.
8680550
Thanks for spoiling the whole story for me dude. Delete your comment to prevent anyone else from having it spoiling for them
Aaaaaaand I cried. What else is new!?
It's great to see fly leaf again, i really wonder what happened when she found what happened to thorax. Kinda want to know how she feels about the princesses failing them and what she thinks of twilight.
Then that letter....dammit, that letter. I didn't realize it but this is exactly what I wanted, for them to say goodbye...dammit I'm crying again.
I understand a bit what spikes going thru, losing someone you love, your heart is just broken. You wish you could have done things differently, but the one thing most of all we have in common, is wanting to see that person just one more time and...being able to say goodbye.
Well, I guess I should say it for spike, from the both of us...goodbye thorax...
Ok man, a great chapter. A GREAT chapter. Made me get all emo. Lol
I know we're getting close to the end here but, I honestly really don't want to say goodbye, I've been with this story since the near beginning, all the way to now. I looked forward every week for a new chapter, gave me something to look forward to. Xd
But once this is done, Fridays won't mean the same much anymore, most stories i read are sporadic at best, and while AWESOME it's always a bummer having to wait so long for them, and you never know when at all they are about to update, one of the main reasons I loved this story, it always came out at a known time.
Well bro I better stop rambling now xd. Seeya next week bro!
Oh, one more thing actually,I've been kinda wanting to know, what do you plan on doing once the stories finished dude? Do you have another story you plan to write? Ideas? When it will be out?
I'm very interested to know what you will do next bro.
8680581
Well to be fair, description says SPOILERS IN COMMENTS!
This is may sound ironic but I feel MUCH better now that you put a SAD tag in the story. A little too late for that but thanks
Overall this was an emotional chapter. It looks like it is time for the epilogue. Great job by the way. That letter was a killer.
8680673
aw man, 94 chapters.
So close to 100
Well. Show's over boys. Wrap it up. Curtains.
Can't wait for Spike to publish his fucking diary and for it to become the Changeling bible. The letter's the forward.
8680453
So THAT’s what that was. Wow, that long. You planned this since at least that far back. Jesus. This Story is heart-wrenching. Love it to pieces, but heart-wrenching.
8680731
Yeah, I think th only thing left for this story to do is have Spike’s book published.
Here's hoping that inevitable confrontation between Spike, and the Crystal Empire's royal couple happens soon. That's not something that should be ignored, after all. Not when it represents the final piece of closure for Spike.
On the one, at least Spike has some closure now.
On the other, I am unable to feel anything about this given how, and I will keep repeating this because it flat-out killed the story, Thorax did not need to fucking die.
Omg the tears at that letter
Thorax: "Live Long and Prosper, Spike."
Spike: "...I Grieve for Thee, Thorax."
8680453
Quoting the changeling...Ember, Discord, Luna.
Now, I'm curious how much of it had meaning...but can only truly interpret one bit. At least, I'm fairly certain of that one bit.
So... many... tears.
I hope that Spike shows that letter to Trixie and Fly Leaf. Maybe it'll help them feel some closure too.
8680883
Of course he didn't need to die. It's a story, nobody needs to die, but that doesn't mean it isn't going to happen. How exactly did him dying kill the story? It seems to be going on just fine right now and it's been a few chapters since he died.
Somehow it's funny... when I first found this fanfic there were several people who weren't happy with the ending of "The Times They Are a Changeling". Some of them thought that giving Thorax a chance came a little bit too fast (or out of nowhere – something that I can somewhat understand**). But then there were other who even went so far that they thought that the ponies shouldn't have given him a chance at all (or at least not until several episodes later). At that time a few fanfics showed up with the premise to give us a "better ending" of the episode. At first I thought this was one of these kind of fanfics. But – wow! – was I wrong. This is more like a story I can show to people, who are saying that the resolution of "The Times They Are a Changeling" is dumb, and tell them: "Here, read it. And don't question (canon) Twilight's (and the royal couples) descision to befriend a changeling ever again."
(** What I can understand is that some people are not happy with Shining Armor taking a 180° turn without showing any signs of reconsideration in between.)
The feels!
Great job! Love that, Trixie stayed.
And welcome back Flyleaf. Boy, when the princesses get things done, they really get it done!
Well, guess it's time to wrap this up?! Let watch!
God, this entire story has just been a rollercoaster of emotions, from when I started reading (near the start! I think I found it just before the duo found Fly Leaf's shop!) and I've enjoyed it so much. The emotions in this chapter - I nearly cried reading the letter, although I may just be too emotional today. And the foreshadowing... Wow. I'm definitely going to re-read this once it's over, just to see what I missed!
8681789
Hmm, im curious. What foreshadowing exaclty do you mean?
8680453
I admit, I too shed a couple of tears for that letter, and I'm certain Thorax would be singing this song while SPIKE was reading it:
i really am at a loss for words. the letter is really a kick right to the feels.
healing
Spike and Trixie to my thinking will be helping each other heal.
and some how i can see a new beginning for the two.
This story has done the most damage to my feels out of anything I have ever read, watched, or otherwise taken in.... Thank you.
8680508
Awhile. I've actually had that letter all written out pretty much as you see it now for ages, before I even put the "letter survives" reference down in writing, if I recall correctly...(it has been some months now).
8680581 8680636
Indeed, it does say "spoilers in comments" in big bold letters for precisely this reason.
You could also do what I do, and that's not read the comments at all for stories I intend to read, or at least, for long-form fics such as this one, just read the first page of comments only, where there would be the least spoilers.
8680626
I've actually been deliberately keeping quiet about what will be "coming next" for me after "Grief," because it's not what you want to hear: Beyond a oneshot I've more or less been commissioned to write...this'll probably be it for me writing fanfics for the foreseeable future--I can't justify the time for it anymore, and while I pushed through with "Grief," obviously, there's been a niggling doubt in my mind, growing the more time goes by, that it was ill-advised of me to do so.
8680656
You can thank GSandDS for that, he was the one that finally managed to talk me into it.
8680673
Not quite, actually...but yes, getting very, very close.
8680741
I hid a lot of little things like that throughout the story, actually.
8680780
If everything goes according to my current plans, that should happen next chapter.
8680887
I somehow doubt not commenting would've really changed that, either.
As for why I replied back at all...eh, for the record's sake, really, and because I felt it needed establishing.
8680918
Excluding the obvious Gravity Falls references of course, a couple technically still haven't quite come to pass, and there's one defunct one in there now, because I ended up cutting the scene it referred to (I might go back and remove it at a later date).
It is my intention, after it's all said and done, to put together a blog post that will run through and discuss the little hints and secrets such as these, so there's that to look forward to.
8681102
Ironically, then, that was actually part of what inspired me to begin writing "Grief" in the first place--to try and show the scenario play out not quite as smoothly as it did in the show, in testament that it probably wouldn't be that easy in real life, that it would be a victory that would have to be earned...and at a price. Above all, though, I thought people weren't appreciating the risk Spike took siding with Thorax when no one else would like he did, and I thought the best way to show it was to present what would happen in the worse-case scenario.
I was also not happy about how the episode showed Shining being bias against changelings, and then basically did nothing with it. Were I writing the episode, I would've at least had made him hesitant, the last to show support in Thorax and only doing so after everyone else does so.
8681553
They kinda owed it to Fly Leaf though, considering.
8682237
Where should I start?
8682445
Glad you've enjoyed it. 
You're...welcome, I guess? I mean, when you put it like that, it does seem like a weird thing to wish on someone, considering.
8682529
Oh, excellent! I've been looking forward to THIS confrontation for quite some time.:)
8682529
about doubting writing this story I mean. Some people might complain on here, but most of us including me, are glad, GRATEFUL that you wrote this story bro. It's the only of its kind and we appreciate the time and effort you put into this. Don't ever regret it bro, BE proud.
No don't say that bro.
While I'm sad to see you go man, I understand. Thank you for writing this one.
8682529
It was literally the first comment, whether I wanted to read it or not, it was there. I was hoping to get a peek of the chapter (I'm also a dozen chapters behind) so Iwas expecting "Ember had a good point with X". (Again, far behind everything.) Plus most people know to use the spoiler add on for big things
8682621
It sounds like you have your comments set to load in order from newest to oldest, then. Word of advice--reverse that, so it lists from oldest to newest. This can be changed in the comment settings (little gear button next to the "viewing x of x" counter).
I stand by my previous advice as well.
I do apologize that you had the story spoiled for you, but unfortunately, there's not a whole lot more I can do about that than what I already have--advise caution for all who even so much as peek at the comments.
8682677
Didn't know that, thanks. I'll probably forget it in a week.
8682607
No, no, I wouldn't say I regret writing "Grief" at all. Despite the criticisms and the ups and downs, I've been pretty satisfied with how it's turned out and still see it as a success. What I meant was that, seeing that several other projects that I could've worked on during this stretch of time that could've been beneficial or more important for me to work on got set aside in favor of "Grief," and so it's left me wondering more if the time wasn't quite right for "Grief," and I would've been better off holding off on writing it until a better time when it was.
But it's still done and said for now, so it's a moot point either way.
8683177
Ah, that would make sense. Xd
Well I hope that other stuff workjs out for you man. And again thanks for the great adventure. Xp
8682237
Well, as Scyphi said...
And hints in previous chapters about Thorax's ultimate fate, that sort of thing.
8680883
You're right, he didn't. But the fact that he DID adds to this story's theme that actions have consequences. Despite the odds, Thorax chose to put himself in that position, same as how Twilight's actions in the Crystal Empire caused her and Spike's relationship to be hurt so badly that it might never be the same again.
Yes, Thorax didn't have to die, but the story is called "Grief if the Price We Pay." Kinda makes sense that he would.
Finally got a chance to read the chapter!
While we are clearly reaching the end of Spike's side of the story, the Royal Family's side is only just beginning. The political ramifications of this are going to be brutal. Not just for Twilight, but for all five Royals plus the remaining Element Bearers. Imagine after the story gets out, that two Elements get sent on a friendship problem. I significantly doubt very may people would be willing to hear what they have to say after their part in this.
For the royal sisters, WE know that it was harmony that gave Twilight her wings. The general public does not. As far as they are concerned, Celestia made Twilight a Princess and put her neice as commander-in-chief of the Crystal Empire. They almost immediately broke several international relations, nearly started a war, and completely shattered world perception of Equestria for decades to come.
Then you have the Crystal couple, who probably won't be trusted by any other nation after this. Not to mention that their subjects are likely more than furious at them for letting this happen to their national hero. Plus, I'm curious of what Flurry Heart is going to learn from this when she is older.
Finally, you have Dragon Lord Ember, who really is only considering keeping contact with Equestria for Spike's sake. However, it would be a nice slap to the face for Equestria if the Changelings choose to work with the dragons rather than the ponies. It was, after all, the dragons, rather than the ponies, that came to their rescue. Imagine the PR crisis if DRAGONS are considered the friendlier option than the ponies.
Let's also not forget Twilight's relations with Starlight, since she basically said she is only her friend to keep an eye on her. Also, I'm pretty sure Twilight's relationship with her brother and Cadence is awkward at best and destroyed at worst. We shall see about that one.
While Spike is likely to start a quiet life in Vanhoover as a writer, the rest are going to be dealing with the aftermath for a long, long time. You could practically make a stand alone sequel of the aftermath.
8683553
The rest of the Mane 6 didn't have much of an active role in Twilight's pursuit, expressed doubt through and through and only went along with it because they didn't know the full story. When things reached their breaking point they immediately stopped. That's why Spike let them off easy.
8685029
We know that, but The Equestrian general public does not know the characters like we do. Even if it's just, for example, Rarity and Fluttershy on a mission, there is a good chance that they will just see them as friends of the fallen princess.
8683177
OK, I know this seems out of nowhere but with the end being near I'm compelled (been meaning to since Right Thing to Do) to ask how different would Grief had been had you decided to have Spike and Thorax leave of their own volition? Would the conclusion have been reached earlier or would there have been alterations to these concluding chapters since Twilight's guilt and Spike's doubt and resentment wouldn't have been presented in that version?
8685855
By which I assume you mean they leave of their own volition from the Crystal Empire instead of being forced out. It would mostly depend on whether or not Twilight and the others are willing to let them go and don't do anything to try and pursue them regardless. But admittedly, as Spike and Thorax would presumably still leave because they no longer feel welcome there either way, probably not all that much, as it would mean there would still be unresolved bitter feelings between them and the others, and that was what a large driving force propelling events in this story was.
I expect the events that transpired at the hive probably wouldn't have changed much (not without some additional factors to influence it) from what presently stands.
8686156
So basically accepting Spike's choice and choosing not to pursue them or still choosing to pursue them but going about it in a way any sane person would will still result in all this bitterness and grief... there really was no way for this to end on happy positive note.
8686267
Not from the viewpoint that this was always the direction I wanted to take the story, at least--I always wanted the story to go in a bittersweet kind of direction from the moment I conceived it, but to be fair, the premise was that way by nature even then.
Assuming we remove that, then yes, the story could've been written differently, but then we'd be getting very meta with it.
I wouldn't look at it as an entirely bad thing, though. Good things still came about from it all, it just wasn't free and came with a price, and that was always sort of the point of it all.
out of all the stories I've read over the past year and a half, this one has hit me the hardest in the feels
Beautiful! The best chapter written yet!
8688411
Said every single person who's ever read this story.
8692752
Okay sure whatever floats your boat.
It's just a story.
*no offense evil man (the author)*