Memories
“Thorax,” Spike began when they were back in their room, preparing for bed after listening to one Thorax’s radio drama records in general silence. “Before you were banished…why didn’t you just use your telepathy to show and prove to Twilight and the others that you were telling the truth?”
Thorax looked up from his sleeping nest of blankets he was making himself comfortable on. “There wasn’t much point, Spike,” he stated. “They were too convinced they were right, and I was wrong.”
“But you could’ve shown them your own memories of everything that had brought you here, shown that you weren’t making it up!” Spike argued as he clambered onto the window seat that served as his bed.
Thorax just shook his head. “There was no guarantee that they wouldn’t just dismiss the memories as false,” he patiently explained, “then use it as an excuse to accuse me of attempting to mess with their brains.”
“But you can’t do that,” Spike pointed out, draping a blanket over himself as he kept himself turned over so to keep looking at Thorax. “You literally don’t have that capability. You told me that.”
“And it’s true. But I know of no way, then or now, to prove it to them except by word of mouth.” Thorax winced. “And it was already obvious by then that they wouldn’t trust that. They were too convinced already that I was untrustworthy. If anything, Spike, attempting such a mental link probably would’ve only made things worse.”
Spike sighed, letting his chin fall onto his pillow. “I suppose it doesn’t matter now anyway,” he admitted. “What’s done is done. They’re just too biased against changelings to believe any one of them could be different, and it’s their loss.” His brow narrowed slightly. “Sometimes I think I’m better off away from them now anyway.”
“Don’t say that, Spike,” Thorax said. “You know you miss them dearly.”
Spike sat up again. “And how would you know that?”
Thorax blushed faintly, cowering a little. “I saw into your mind today too, you know,” he reminded sheepishly, but gently.
Spike sighed but grinned a little. “Right,” he said, still getting used to the idea. He turned over and laid himself back down so that his face pointed upwards at the slanted ceiling of their room, quiet for a moment. The reminder brought back what he had seen of Thorax’s own memories during the link. He had grown used to the foreign feel of the memories, but it was still jarring they were there in his own head now. “Speaking of which,” he spoke to his friend. “Those memories of yours that I saw…I can still remember them in my head…will they ever fade away again?”
“Not likely, at least no more than any of your own memories would,” Thorax responded. “What you’re recalling is not really my memories but your own memories of seeing my memories.” Spike rolled over to give the changeling a puzzled look, so Thorax tried a different approach. “It’s sort of like watching a play be performed in a theatre. You’re not part of the events taking place on stage, but you still remember them because you were there watching them unfold. The memories you’re recalling are the same thing. They were never truly my memories; they’re just your memories of you watching them be replayed before you during the link, like they were the story of a play being performed. Basically, they’re your memories now, to use and recall as you desire.”
Spike hummed to himself and laid down again. “They sure don’t feel like it,” he mumbled, reflecting on the memories, which still felt jarringly out of place in his mind.
“That’s because you recognize that you were not the one who originally witnessed the events in the memories. That causes a disconnection in perceptions that your mind doesn’t quite know how to handle.” Thorax shrugged. “It’s something you just have get used to with experience.” Another moment of silence fell before Thorax spoke again. “Out of curiosity, what were the memories that you saw?”
“Oh…you know, the obvious, mostly,” Spike replied dismissively, waving his claws in the air casually as he did so. Sensing Thorax wasn’t content with such a vague answer, Spike relented and started listing them off in more detail. “Just things like memories from our banishment, our travels, your travels before we met, the invasion at Canterlot…what I assume were other changelings hatching, and uh…” He paused as one memory in particular surfaced. He rolled over to look at Thorax again. “What was the deal with the cow, anyway?”
Thorax, who had curled up in his nest and resting his head between his forehooves, raised it again to look at the purple dragon, unsure he understood. “Cow?” he repeated, uncertain.
“Yeah. There was one memory where there was this depressed looking cow staring at its reflection in a pool of water…I think it was in some kind of cave?…it was someplace underground.”
Thorax looked blank for a second longer, but then his eyebrows went up as he realized what Spike was referring to. “Ah,” the changeling stated curtly. “That was actually a bull, not a cow.”
“A bull?”
“Yes, because a bull is male, and a cow is female.”
“…so?”
“…I was the bull you saw.”
Spike blinked, taken aback first then quickly turning baffled. “Wait…what?”
Thorax chuckled a little at Spike’s reaction, but there was a note of bitterness hidden beneath it. “After the invasion of Canterlot failed and everything that happened from it,” Thorax explained, “I didn’t decide to leave the hive to try and befriend ponies on my own right away, but instead tried to convince the other changelings in the hive what I had seen, and how and why I thought we needed to do what the ponies did and try and befriend each other. I spent some moons trying…but you can probably already guess how my fellow changelings reacted to my ideas.”
Spike folded his arms on his pillow and rested his head atop of it so he could watch Thorax relate the tale. “Not well, huh?”
Thorax nodded. “Most of them viewed the whole matter as potentially traitorous, and it kept getting me in trouble with my superiors. Eventually, the queen herself had enough of my, we’ll say, antics, and I was already in an unfavorable light in her eyes before then. She thought I was too docile a changeling, so my ideas of befriending ponies certainly didn’t help. She had me brought before her to receive a punishment she hoped would deter me in pursuing the matter, the ‘pony myth’ as she put it, further, and forced me to take on the disguise of a bull…and left me locked in that disguise, unable to remove it on my own, for the next moon.”
Spike winced. “Ooh.”
“It gets worse. While I was disguised as a bull, I had to take on the same abilities as a bull, meaning I didn’t have much access to my usual abilities as a changeling during that time. And no offense to bulls or cows…but they just aren’t really built for the day to day navigation in a changeling hive. It was stressful and tiring to get really anywhere in the hive, so I spent most of that moon not straying far from my sleeping room, sulking. That is, whenever Queen Chrysalis didn’t find some excuse to drag me out into public for whatever reason, where she’d encourage the other changelings to tease me for my predicament.” Thorax bowed his head, his face displaying a confusion of emotions that were hard to read. “It was humiliating. Because of all that I realized I wasn’t going to get the rest of the hive to see it my way on my own any time soon…so that’s when I thought I’d just leave and try my luck with the ponies instead, thinking that if I could make any sort of progress there, it’d help sway at least some of the hive later.”
Spike frowned. “I’m sorry that hasn’t worked out much better either,” he apologized.
Thorax shrugged. “Relatively speaking, I’ve still had better success with ponies than I have with other changelings,” he said, giving Spike a friendly grin. He then sighed. “I’m really just more worried for my race, Spike,” he admitted. “The more time I spend in Equestria and see how ponies interact and befriend each other and can compare it to the starkly contrasting life in the Changeling Kingdom, the more I’m convinced we changelings are missing something important…and it’s keeping us from becoming truly better. That we’re…lost…without it.”
Spike was quiet for a long moment. “Maybe other changelings will realize that too,” he suggested, trying to be optimistic.
Thorax chuckled sadly at the thought though, making it clear that he didn’t think it likely. “It’s a nice thought,” he admitted. “But most changelings are just too dismissive about the idea to even give it much consideration, and even then they do it only to look down upon it.”
“You realized it.”
“I’m different from them. I always was. I never really believed in the rough and tumble way of life for changelings, and I was always seen as the…oddball…because of it. My…optimistic views of what else we could be as a race, what differences we could bring about, were often viewed as something to be squelched in the hive…to the point that some days I wondered if they’re right…and I just was never compatible.”
“…I think your views are a sign of intelligence and insight on changeling life that they lack, Thorax.”
“Oh, I know that. Queen Chrysalis told me once, years ago, that I was one of the most intelligent changelings in her hive…she claimed I easily had the potential to achieve a much better standing and rank in the hive than I did. She even thought I could be a good prefect…one of the changelings that handle day-to-day administrative affairs in the hive, serving directly under the queen herself. One of my clutchmates even told me once I had the eye for detail needed to be one of the queen’s centurions, the queen’s private army of bodyguards, and that’s not something you just tell any changeling, not for a prestigious rank like that. But both of them said it’d only happen if I stopped wasting those traits on what they saw as my…‘frivolous’…ideas. When I refused…they simply regulated me to the unimportant ranks of low standing like that of an invader…like it was punishment for my way of thinking.”
Spike regarded the changeling for a moment, realizing just how much Thorax had sacrificed for his ideas. “That sounds rough,” he admitted.
“Aw well,” Thorax said, waving the matter aside. “I don’t have regrets over what could’ve been, really. I suppose I see standing up for my ideas as more important, even if it means standing apart from other changelings.”
“That doesn’t make it right, though,” Spike pointed out. “Just because you think different from them doesn’t give them the right to…to…abuse you like that. I mean…Queen Chrysalis turned you into a cow—”
“Bull.”
“—into a bull for a full moon just because of this. That’s gotta be rough!” The more Spike thought about how rough it had to have been for Thorax from what he knew about changelings, the more he realized just how rough it must have been. “How did that even work anyway?” he asked. “I mean…sorry for my lack of tact, but…I know you can’t do important things while disguised like…you know…use the bathroom, and…”
“And that’s why it was a bull precisely,” Thorax explained, catching on. “That way the queen could make the needed adjustments to the disguise so to still be able to accommodate those…anatomical needs while still keeping the disguise locked.” Thorax frown deepened. “Otherwise, I’m quite certain she would’ve locked me into a disguise as a cow, as that would’ve been even more humiliating.”
Spike blurted out the question before his brain could think about what it was he was asking. “Why, can’t changelings take on disguises for genders other than their own?”
Thorax rolled his eyes. “Yes, but doing so means taking on certain traits that make it…” he shifted uncomfortably. “…awkward…enough that most changelings try to avoid it when they can.”
Spike blushed as he thought a little too hard about it. “I won’t ask,” he decided, cutting that line of thought short.
“Please don’t.”
An uncomfortable silence fell between the two for a moment. Spike then cleared his throat and settled back down on the window seat for the night. “Anyway,” he said as he laid his head back down, staring up at the ceiling again, “sorry for dredging up bad memories for you.”
Thorax laughed at this, settling back down for the night himself. “Actually, I was in the habit of not talking about it for so long now that it was kind of nice to get all of that off my chest for a change,” he admitted. “I’m just sorry that now you’re stuck with the memory now too.”
“Aw, it’s just a little piece, and that’s not so bad,” Spike assured to soothe Thorax’s worries. “Actually, I’m more just glad I have a bit of context behind it now…otherwise I’d be forever wondering just what the hay the deal was behind that.”
The two shared a good long laugh over the matter for a few moments.
“I guess this whole mental link business worked out for the better then,” Spike then reasoned, turning a little more serious. He turned his head so he could see Thorax. “At the very least, I feel like it’s allowed me to understand you a bit better…and why you are the way you are.”
Thorax grinned as he rested his head between his forehooves. “And I got to help a friend out of it myself.”
“All in all, a good day’s work then?”
“I should say so.”
“All right then.” Spike yawned and settled in for a good night’s sleep. “Here’s to doing the same tomorrow then.”
“Hear, hear.”
“Good night Thorax.”
“Good night Spike.”
Tying up a few final loose ends that I wasn't able to fit into the two previous chapters about the mental link. We'll be moving on to different subjects next chapter. 
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Awww...this really does a good job showing these two are good friends. Too bad everyone else is basically against them. (Except Fly Leaf of course.) This was nice, nice to see a bit more about Thorax.
Huzzah! Good chapter.
I honestly believe that Fly Leaf figured out who Spike and Thorax are weeks ago, and is covering for them. Especially with the two of them occasionally slipping up and calling each other by their real names. It would be awesome to see that not everypony is a complete racist.
mooooo
good chapter 10/10
So... ... ...how much longer until we get back to the Crystal Empire, where we see certain ponies getting chewed out for certain stupid actions?
7995452 I totally agree. Specifically these words: "You're a failure at being the Princess of Friendship, and Celestia is even more of a failure for believing that a changeling can't make friends. I'm done with you."
7995329 Smart, capable, single work owner, ethical one too. Well read, and one that deals with matters on a personal matter.
I can agree with this, but seeing the pair, odds are she has been digging more into things, and likely to actually shield them if worse comes to light. Say, by her 'rival' for example.
Can I say something?
7995329
I actually think they are being observed and reports are being delivered about them, with a "wait and see" attitude. That's the only explanation I can come up with.
7995669
Yes, speak my child.
7996070 When they finally reach Dragon Lord Ember, I hope those ponies will finally get their's & should be booted, kicked, & Cast out of Equestria like yesterday's garbage.
7995452 7995474
Towards the end of the story. By the sounds of it, you should be satisfied enough with it when we get to it.
7995566
No, no Sunset Shimmer and EqG in this. I don't think it's really relevant to the tale anyway, and I have to admit, I shudder at the prospect of having to work out all the logistics to make it even feasible given the set-up.
7995669
Technically, you just did, but you're welcome to say something more if you'd like.
7995682
Now there's a theory I haven't seen floated in the comments before now...guess we'll have to see, eh?
7996229
Well, considering she's been trying the pony example a bit, I would more think she'd try to use her words. Just...aggressively.
7995682 That's an even worse scenario than the legit "banished because changeling" one.
7997607 is it? It depends who is behind it. I'm not suggesting Twilight or Shining Armor are. They might be told that Spike is currently safely under observation and nothing more.
7997613 Given Spike's connections, it would almost certainly have to be someone he otherwise would trust and think of as a friend (eg. the Princesses).
7995682
Yep, I've felt that way almost from the get go with the belief Luna is fully aware due to the whole awareness of dreams and watching over nightmares bit of her powers/duties. The only questions in my mind is who did she inform if any and whether or not things get to a point where she and/or whoever she informs decides to interfere.
7996439 Hmm, thanks & good point. I can't wait to here Ember's reaction when she finds out. How about you?
Good chapter, can't wait to see what the rest of Twilight friends think about Spikes banishment
Night Spike.
G'night Thorax.
7998669 For all anyone knows, she hates the Changelings too.
8002974 Hmm, true. Certain Spike can get her to see Thorax in a different light but when finding out what happen with their banishment, she might not think the PONY way much afterwards.
One could say Chrysalis bullied him
I'm sorry.
Night guys
.