Culture Shock
“Hey, Spike, where are the reference books?”
“Hmm?” Spike groggily replied while turning his head towards you. He stood rubbing the sleep from his eyes near the entryway to the kitchen. “Over there, next to the window.” He said, pointing across the room.
The red and black encyclopedias sat on a high shelf, but you were just tall enough to grab the hefty ‘W’ book from its lodging. Dust wafted through the morning sunlight as you brought it to a nearby chair and sifted through the pages. The rhythmic tapping of Spike’s feet grew louder as he walked towards you. He scrambled onto the armrest to get a better look at what you were reading.
“Nopony’s used those books in a while. What do you need them for?” Spike asked.
A few seconds of page turning later, you finally found what you were searching for. You shifted the book towards Spike to get a better view and tapped on the topic you were skimming over.
Washboards.
More specifically, you were reading about how to properly use one. You hadn’t even been in Equestria for more than a week, but your only set of clothes all had an uncomfortable layer of grunge built up on them. Thankfully, you were staying in a library where you could look up this sort of thing.
“A washboard? For what?” Spike questioned with a raised eyebrow.
“I need to wash my clothes, they’re getting dirty. I saw there was one with some buckets downstairs.”
“You wear clothes all the time but you don’t know how to wash them?” Spike asked. “Were you rich or something?”
“I wish.” You responded. “Don’t suppose you know what a washing machine is, do you?”
“No, but it sure sounds useful.”
“Believe me, it was.”
“Why do you even wear them all the time? Twilight and I don’t wear any. Even Rarity doesn’t wear them much, and it’s her job to make them.”
The both of you hopped off the couch and began heading to the kitchen: Spike for breakfast and you towards the basement door for laundry. It took a few steps to think of a more tactful way to say that your genitals would be hanging right around eye level for ponies.
“Everyone wore clothes where I’m from; you’d never see someone naked.” You stated. “They’re for warmth too.”
You paused as your attention waned from the book and you watched Spike as he began preparing breakfast. From a low cupboard he grabbed a bowl, filled it with oats, and set it at Twilight’s place at the table. From another cabinet he took an armful of gemstones of all colors, shapes, and sizes.
“Want anything, Anon?” Spike asked over the clatter of jewels being dumped on the table.
“Would fried eggs be too much trouble?” You requested.
“No trouble at all!” He enthusiastically responded with a mouthful of crushed gemstone. “Want any gems with ‘em?” Spike munched on a long purple crystal as he started shoving a stepstool in front of the stove.
Already you grew tired of them, but so far eggs were your only source of protein available. Using your finger as a bookmark you closed the encyclopedia and pulled the basement door open with your free hand.
“I’ll pass.” You answered while shutting the door behind you.
While walking down the curved steps toward your makeshift bedroom you couldn’t help but wonder just what nutrients Spike actually gained from eating those rocks. For that matter, what kind of jaw strength would one need to actually bite through one? You added those questions to the hundreds of others that have been swirling through your head as of late.
You maneuvered around your unkempt bedding and past the various trinkets and belongings that happened to get transported with you to this new world. At the other end of the room was a door which you put your shoulder against and gently shoved. With a loud squeak the door opened and you entered. While much smaller than your bedroom it was still quite spacious between the laundry hampers, bright white wash-bins, water pump, and a lone rope for drying suspended near the wall. Plenty of room for a quadruped like a pony, you noted, to comfortably move around without bumping into things. This laundry room, same as your bedroom, had a wall lined with small, enchanted, luminescent stones which emitted a pleasant light when someone was near.
You placed your opened book on an upside-down hamper and began following the instructions it listed. You grasped the water pump and twisted it towards a red marker, which you hoped meant that warm water would come out. You held a hand below the faucet and felt increasingly warm water flow with each pump. You held a bar of soap beneath the stream to build up suds in the soapy water and had to pull your hand away from the increasingly hot flow after a minute.
The clothes would need a fifteen minute soak, according to the book, so you stripped away each article of clothing and dropped them into the soapy water one at a time. You sloshed the clothes around for a moment to work the water in before drying your hands and heading back into your bedroom. You hopped on the mattress and searched the side of the bed for the book Twilight had lent you. She had told you that the princess of the land wished for you to know more of Equestria’s history and customs before heading out into the world. Not the most thrilling read, but definitely more entertaining than a textbook back home. Unsurprisingly, history became much more enthralling when magic and fantastical creatures were involved. After a quick breakfast of eggs you smoothed out the bedsheets to lay back and read for a short bit.
***
Ten minutes later the sounds of the basement door opening and hoofsteps took your attention from your text. A brief surge of dread welled up and you briefly scrambled to cover yourself with a bedsheet before your hostess arrived, pulling it off the bed in the process.
“Anon! I couldn’t help but notice one of the library’s encyclopedia books was gone.” Twilight Sparkle cheerfully exclaimed as you finished covering your lower half. You weren’t surprised that the librarian recognized a book was gone, even one so unused. Despite being here for only a few days you saw just how much the purple bookworm treasured each tome.
“Yup. Got it over here.” You replied while pointing towards the nightstand you left the book on.
Twilight trotted across the room towards the opened book near you, eager to see what you needed it for.
“Anything I can help you out with?” Twilight giddily asked.
“Just washing clothes, nothing too stressful.” You replied.
You shifted your feet over the side of the bed and watched as Twilight’s eyes glossed over the open pages.
“Really? Darn, I was hoping to have something for my next friendship report.”
“Friendship reports?” You questioned.
“Yup!” Twilight brightly retorted, shifting her attention from the book to you. “Princess Celestia has me write reports to her each week about all the problems me and my friends deal with. I’ve only got five days until the next one’s due, so I’ve gotta start on it.”
Assuming that history book she gave you was even remotely true, ponies’ emphasis on unity and friendship wasn’t so peculiar. Apocalyptic events like wendigoes being unleashed in an eternal winter would force any species to adapt.
“I’ll let you know if anything comes up. Did you need anything else?” You asked.
“Well, after I saw the book missing I wondered if the reference books weren’t getting checked out because they were in a place where ponies couldn’t reach. So I’m rearranging the books! I’ll keep a tally on whoever comes in for the next few weeks to see if they get noticed.” Twilight answered.
“I’m guessing you need the book back?” You said, handing the book over to her. “I’ve already read what I needed to multiple times.”
“Thanks.” Twilight responded.
A purple glow encompassed the book as the unicorn levitated it from your hands. Twilight turned around and walked towards the stairs and you stood up to check on your laundry. Your hands fiddled with the cloth to form a makeshift knot to keep the bedsheet from slipping down.
“Oh!” Twilight practically shouted just as she reached the first step. “I completely forgot.”
The pony trotted back towards you, book in tow, and set the book down on the nightstand where it was before.
“Hmm?” You grunted, completely focused on working with the linen around your waist.
Your concentration was interrupted as the top of Twilight’s head came into view. Her striped mane and horn shifted back until her large round eyes were looking directly up into yours. A small smile adorned her muzzle.
“Good morning, Anon!” Twilight exclaimed as she closed her eyes and pressed the left side of her head against your naked abdomen.
The fuzzy coat suddenly forced against you almost made you laugh, which you stifled thanks to the awkwardness of the situation. Twilight and you had never even touched one another before, and the sudden closeness proved quite shocking. She held her head still for a brief moment before speaking.
“I know Equestria isn’t much like your home…” Twilight murmured.
She began to slowly rub her head up and down your torso. Her exceptionally smooth coat felt heavenly against your bare skin. You rested one hand against your side while the other held onto your bedsheet pants, which you hoped wouldn’t fall down because of Twilight’s rhythmic movements. Your brain was simply too raddled from the situation to know how precisely to respond. That history book had nothing like this in it.
Was it some kind of animal thing? Was she marking you as her territory?
Twilight continued talking in a hushed tone; she crooked her angled head along your right side and pressed her neck firmly against you.
“But if there’s anything I can do to help make you more comfortable, don’t hesitate to ask.” She finished while rubbing her head up and down your side.
Was she coming on to you? Maybe it was it her pony time of month or something?
Despite being barely audible, you then heard Twilight take a deep sniff.
You hadn’t expected things to get more awkward, but Twilight had just upped the ante to being a little creepy. Your face contorted to a cringe as the purple unicorn continued rubbing your side for a moment longer before pulling away. With a small smile she looked up at you. Your eyes darted away to avoid eye contact, but instinctively came back to meet Twilight’s as you saw a frown form in the corner of your vision.
“Uh…” You grumbled, desperate for anything to alleviate the uncomfortable silence which followed Twilight’s head rubbing.
Your brain roused your body from its sudden stupor and you finally began moving again. For better or worse, you had no time to think about what to do as your eyes focused on Twilight’s increasingly worried expression. You unconsciously reached a hand out and lightly patted the top of Twilight’s head twice, careful to avoid making contact with her horn.
As soon as you pulled your hand away Twilight almost instantly broke down into a panic. Her ears quickly splayed back against her head and her mouth was agape. She did not make eye contact with you and frantically began looking to either side, as if there was someone or something that could mitigate her anxiety. She began slowly backing away from you and heading towards the staircase, mumbling apologies that you couldn’t make out.
“S-Sorry! I’m so sorry, uh, Anon, I…”
Unsure of what exactly to do you walked forward towards the frightened pony and tried to hold your hands up in a non-threatening manner. Words eluded you as you began to bend down to get to her eye level and sort out what exactly had happened. Unfortunately, Twilight suddenly remembered she could perform magic. In a bright flash of purple she disappeared and just a second later you heard a loud crash in the kitchen at the top of the steps. You had seen Twilight use her magic to pull scrolls and quills from the ether before, but teleporting was not something you knew she could do.
“Twilight!” Spike screamed over the noise of precious gemstones tingling against the floor. “Are you okay!?”
You hurried as fast as you could up the stairs, which really wasn’t very quick as you were wary of tripping over your bedsheet robe. You reached for the door handle once you came to the top, but stopped just as you were about to open the door because you heard Twilight speak.
“Spike! Anon doesn’t know what a hug is!”
What.
“What? Don’t be weird, Twilight.” Spike returned.
“It’s true! I went down to give him a good-morning hug, but he just stood there and he got really confused!” Twilight explained.
You could hear Twilight’s hooves hit the floor as she hopped off of the table.
“You should probably go down and square things away; maybe where he’s from they just don’t touch each other.” Spike suggested.
“Oh no.” You heard Twilight react with unease. “What if it’s something mean in his culture? I can’t believe I didn’t ask him first. He might think I’m an awful pony right now! Then he’d probably want to leave and who knows what would happen to him if he went around Ponyville and then I’d have to tell Celestia I failed her and I might have to go back to-“
“Twilight!” Spike again screamed at the incredibly panicked mare. “Just clean yourself up and go downstairs, he’s a nice enough guy. It’s probably nothing.”
Twilight let out a massive sigh of relief which even you could hear through the wooden door.
“Thanks, Spike, I’ll go down ri-uh, wait, what do you mean get clean?” The unicorn questioned.
“You’ve got oats in your mane.” Spike answered in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Oh…” Twilight sheepishly uttered as she trotted out of the room, leaving a small trail of fallen oats behind her.
Your bare feet made barely a noise as you walked back down the steps to your soaking laundry. You should have known that Twilight was just being friendly to you. Twilight not only gave you food and shelter, but even access to her books and tools of her own. It’s not like you have any friends you can depend on here, so she’s probably just trying to fill that void. You almost slapped yourself once you realized that you were literally just reading about how much ponies valued friendship in that book Twilight gave you. You dipped your hands into the soapy water and pulled a sock against the metallic part of the washboard. Maybe you could turn this whole situation around for the better. Talking with Twilight about pony history and culture sounds far more fun than reading about it. If she wanted to be your friend there’s no real reason to turn her offer down.
Regardless, you thought to yourself while rubbing the sock against the board, there’s no reason you can’t have a bit of fun with this.
***
Jeez, where the hell is Twilight?
You’d expected Twilight to come down within a couple minutes of the conversation, but she still hadn’t almost an hour later. After a thorough washing, rinsing, and then re-rinsing soap from your clothes you were finally finishing putting them through the wringer. They still needed to dry though, and you hoped that it wouldn’t take too long on the nearby clothesline; constantly adjusting the sheet around your waist became annoying real fast. Just as you started pinning the clothes to the line you finally heard the basement door creak open. A rhythmic, slow beat of hoofsteps could be heard coming down the stairs. They were so slow that you leaned back to peek out of the laundry room doorway to see what was keeping her.
Twilight had practically stopped partway down the stairs because her attention was fully committed to an unfurled scroll in front of her. Halfway down she tripped, let out a yelp, and flailed her hooves around to reorient her balance after falling a few steps lower, all the while the scroll in her magical grasp was flung across the room and came to a rest a few feet in front of you. With your boxers clasped to the clothesline you came out and scooped up the parchment. It was almost three feet long and was completely covered in writing, words and phrases were crossed out in almost a dozen places and had corrections squeezed next to them. Your eyes drifted to the top of the paper to see what was so important that Twilight had almost tripped reading it.
Anon, I’m terribly sorry about what happened earlier. Please allow me a moment of your time to explain.
Aw, she had written you an apology speech. No wonder she took so long coming down here.
“Uh… No! Don’t read that!” Twilight blurted out once she noticed where her speech had ended up. She quickly hopped down the remaining steps and jogged over to you. “Anon! I just wanted to say, I’m so, SO sorry about-“
“Apology accepted, Twilight.” You interrupted while rolling up the scroll and handing it back to her. A wave of relief instantly washed over her and she visibly relaxed when she saw your smile. “Did you really spend all that time writing a speech for me?”
“Yeah…” Twilight embarrassingly responded, idly kicking her left front hoof against the ground while blushing. “I got really worried that you were upset.”
“It’s all good, Twilight, no harm done.” You assured her. “But what exactly were you doing rubbing your head on me?”
“Do you not know what a hug is?” Twilight questioned.
“Not a clue.” You lied, shaking your head from side to side. It took all of your willpower to keep a straight face, but you somehow managed.
Twilight put a forehoof up to her mouth and cleared her throat before speaking, evidentially prepping herself for a lecture.
“Hugs have been in pony communities since the earliest recorded civilizations. Somepony hugs another to show how much of a good friend they are.” Twilight stated.
“Alright. How do I hug?” You say, lightly chortling to yourself.
“Easy! You just rub your head against another pony’s body.” Twilight specified. “Typically against their head, but I couldn’t exactly reach yours earlier.”
“Okay then.”
“Now, why don’t you try it one me, hmm? It’d be good to get some practice in.” Twilight recommended. She closed her eyes and angled her head slightly to the side to encourage you. A small but noticeable smile was on her face.
And with that you immediately burst out laughing. Twilight looked back up at you with a stunned expression.
“What’s so funny? Anon, when Princess Celestia comes she’ll probably greet you with a hug, we need to make sure you don’t embarrass yourself. She’s tall enough to reach your head too!” Twilight pointed out over your snickering.
“Sorry, Twilight, but I already know what a hug is.” You said once you calmed down.
“What? Why’d you act so weird about it earlier? I know I’m shorter than you, but… What was the point of pretending you didn’t know, for that matter?” Twilight probed, becoming increasingly distraught with each sentence. “D-do you think I’m a bad friend?”
Her eyes began wetting up when she finished talking and she looked directly up at you for an answer.
“No! No!” You quickly assured her. “You’ve been an incredibly good friend, letting me stay here and all that. Humans just hug differently.”
“Really? How?” Twilight asked.
In one swift motion you hurriedly knelt on your knees and wrapped your arms around the mare’s neck, pulling her head close to yours and pressing your bodies together. Twilight let out a squeak of surprise at the contact. You began rubbing a hand against Twilight’s crest, feeling the silky texture of her dark blue mane against your fingertips. Your other hand rubbed against Twilight’s scalp and gently pressed her head aside yours. Twilight’s surprise turned into contentment and she shifted her head against yours, lightly bobbing it up and down. After a few peaceful seconds the two of you pulled away.
“That’s not too different, you know.” Twilight commented while resting on her haunches.
“Humans don’t really do the head rubbing thing. We’re not very soft.” You replied.
A flash appeared from Twilight’s horn and a quill and scroll unfurled on the floor in front of her. She began documenting a few details of your hug ‘demonstration’. It wasn’t the first time she had taken notes about you, and it surely wouldn’t be the last.
“Plus, you know, hands.” You added while standing up.
Twilight stopped writing and looked to her side in thought.
“Are most humans about your height?” Twilight asked.
“For males, yeah. Females tend to be a bit smaller.” You answered.
“Mmmkay.” Twilight muttered. “Can we do it one more time? It’s for research.”
“I don’t see why not.” You cheerfully replied.
“Good. Just get ready.” Twilight said, rearing on her hind legs.
“Ready for wha-OMF!”
The little unicorn stumbled forward into your arms; whether it was because she lost balance or purposely closed the distance you couldn’t tell. Twilight tried her best to wrap her forelegs around your back, but simply couldn’t because of her anatomy. She settled for lightly curling them at your sides. The tip of Twilight’s muzzle rested a few inches below your chin against your chest. You wrapped your arms around Twilight’s barrel and lightly gripped her shoulders to support her standing. Twilight pressed herself closer to your chest and rested the full length of her neck against you. You could both feel and hear the pleasurable hum emanating from Twilight’s throat.
“This is nice.” The lavender pony remarked. She closed her eyes and rubbed the left side of her head against your breast.
You didn’t say anything in response, but expressed your feelings by moving a hand up through her mane and scratching behind her ear. If she was anything like a horse from earth, she’d probably appreciate it. The unicorn’s reaction was immediate and she tried her best to move her head more firmly against your fingertips, pressing her forelegs against you for leverage. Both her reaction and a low moan confirmed your suspicion. After a half-minute of ministration the two of you silently acknowledged one another to break the embrace.
“Thanks, Anon.” Twilight said in a pleased voice, still on emotional high from the pleasant massage.
“That enough data for your book or whatever?” You replied with a laugh.
“Yeah, we’ll have to compare and contrast our cultures, more often.” A rosy-cheeked Twilight said. “And, um… Is it okay if we do that again sometime?”
“You enjoyed it that much?”
“It’s different from a pony hug, but yeah.” Twilight confirmed.
“Sure, Twilight.” You said, bringing a hand to her mane and ruffling it. “It’ll be our special little greeting.”
A very pleased Twilight playfully swatted at your hand with a forehoof. She began walking towards the steps to head upstairs and you to the bed to continue reading. Just as you were about to pick up the book, you suddenly remembered you had a question to ask.
“Hey, was you smelling me earlier something else that ponies do?”
Twilight froze in place and her face became as red as a tomato.
Guess that wasn’t really a cultural thing.
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Uh oh TwiTwi is busted!
BUSTED!!!!
7720497
Thank you, I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it.
woot!
Holy crap, probably one of the best and cutest Twilight stories I've ever read.
With the exception of Fate, this is exactly the kind of story I love.
I look forward to anything you write in the future!
8637590
Thank you for the compliment, I really appreciate that.