At War with the Army

by Clear_Skies

Chapter 8 Just be Stable

Lazy Company File - #040

When a commander enters into the office (the suite in this case) of a new location, they must take both the expected and unexpected with stride. For Captain Down Range, he took such occasions with the energy of a foal awaiting the opening of their newest holiday present.

To wake up in your office (the suite in this case again) with a guest from the Equestrian Agency grinning at you, surprise is perhaps the second thing to register, the first being the question of whether or not one is still asleep.

---

"Good morning Captain."

Downy blinked wearily at the beige earth pony. A jug of coffee sitting upon a table next to a box of treats.

"I apologize for my morning appearance but, it is required that I keep my occupation incognito to the rest of the citizens of this great town." she said, gesturing to the seat before her. "Have a seat, I just finished making the sweets, and they'll help give you a bit of a needed jolt for the morning, goes good with the coffee too."

Downy nodded, wondering how he could have even missed the mare's presence in the suite, especially since he was just recently occupying the couch. The sound of the door opening announced the rise of Iron Lotus, she herself pausing in surprise at the intrusion of the room’s new occupant.

"The name is Sweetie Drops, but call me Bon Bon, it's what the town knows me by. “She offered a smile. "I am on loan to the military's Stable of Intelligence, and assumed now would be a good time to introduce myself."

"The SOI? Why would they station you here? Asked Downy drowsily.

"Just have a candy and a drink."

He nodded lazily, throwing a glance at Lotus who merely shrugged, circling around the furniture to join him upon the couch.

"Ahh, First Lieutenant Iron Lotus, a pleasure to see you here as well!" Bon Bon extended a hoof which Lotus gently shook.

Downy took a long pull of coffee from his acquired mug and let forth a pleasant sigh. "Oh that's some good stuff."

"Heheh, Saddle Arabian beans, fresh from the train too."

"Right, so back to...my...ahhh I see, Ponyville, the elements, and Tartarus just next door, as I've now learned."

"Yup, originally I was part of an older agency tasked with....relocating creatures to Tartarus, but after the bugbear incident, it was quickly disbanded for our safety." Bon Bon gave a small shrug. "So now I'm here working with the SOI in co-operation with the EIB."

"Of course the Equestrian Investigative Bureau would have interest. So how big of a light have a put on myself."

"Sir, if one were to guess, pardon my saying Ms. Bon Bon?" at her nod Lotus continued. "I would say it is quite a laser focus, who wouldn't notice the large expenditure of money towards a small little village such as this?"

"Got it in one L.T." Bon Bon clapped her hooves. "Now, I'm here, mostly as insurance that operations will go smoothly, but from what I hear coming out of the grapevine, is that some officers seem to have a vendetta against you, something bout the Gryphon Equestrian conflict that ended just a little while ago."

"...my joy knows no bounds." Downy groused. "Wasn't the court proceedings enough?"

"Certainly, a promotion to a new position, command of a unit, even one with as bad of a reputation as your troops." Bon Bon smiled. "Why that certainly sounds like just punishment for having bombarded the peace signings as well as the princesses."

As Down Range protested, Lotus extended a wing past him, muffling the sounds of his complaints.

"Begging your pardon then, would it be safe to assume that you are not part of the problem?" asked the nocturne.

"Certainly, you've made some real improvement in the troops in a matter of weeks, which means less paperwork for me!" the mare giggled. "Believe me, the previous commanders believed this place to be a career ender. Stupid really, when you think about it, it is the central hub of the new princess, her friends the elements, and of course all manner of crazy things."

"Well I don't need enemies from the inside!" muttered Downy as he pushed Lotus's wing out of his face. "Rolling the troops together is taking work, and I'm damn happy ta see them getting their craic's on, as posed ta acting the maggot."

"Captain, you’re using your slang again."

Downy took in a deep breath, followed by a sip of his coffee. The red of frustration slowly leaking away from his face as he released a long held breath of stressed air.

"Alright, Bon Bon, what can I do to keep these officers off my case?"

"To be honest, you can't really do anything. Even now your actions are being scrutinized, no surprise there, a small time officer comes in with money to help bolster his troops support." Bonny clapped her hooves together. "Boom, its hit by media attention, good, or bad. They'll tap every little bit you spend, checking the dots of your I's, or the crosses on your T's."

"Just my luck, so then what is your purpose here?"

"Easy, Colonel Wolfs Bane has asked that I assist you with any necessary information to keep you from drowning under the tide that is the coming military bureaucracy." she replied.

"Hmm, having the assistance of an EIB member would prove quite fortuitous." said Lotus. "Is it safe to assume, that you would ask of our assistance as well in matters that pertain to the crown itself?"

"If necessary, hopefully not, but Ponyville is weird like that, we'll be having a lunch date than bam, your staring at the sad tears of your best friend as her favorite slice is gobbled up before her eyes by a parasprite."

"How...how is this town even standing?"

"Oh it's been brought to the ground a few times now, parasprites, the cutie mark crusaders, discord, the cutie mark crusaders, Tirek, the cutie mark crusaders..." Bon Bon tapped her chin. "Oh! The Cutie Mark Crusaders! Yeah that bout covers some of the troubles."

"You...mentioned them about three times there..."

"Good, you were listening! Course the original trio have gone and found their calling, but the success of their little club has made quite a movement throughout the rest of the country." Bon Bon smiled. "Bless their little hearts, even if that apple kid gets a bit pushy with apple sales..."

"Er...I see, Big Macintosh gave me a short rundown about the CMC, when I say short."

"Yeah, it’s kinda standard that they have to take the time to explain the challenges those kids present." she shrugged. "Heck, it’s in our town's pamphlet now. Welcome to Ponyville, avoid giving ideas to CMC caped clad children."

"I can't help but wonder though, why only a single agent is here." Lotus chimed in. "Would it not be better to have an official presence of the crown here, even the Royal Guards? I notice there are no guards to be found, even though there is the castle of Princess Twilight."

"Oh that, Twilight, and she prefers being called just Twilight, likes to try and have her castle feel more homey, as opposed to exceeding amounts of opulent extravagance."

"I would think that the castle itself has rather out done itself in that regard."

"Ugh, no kidding, you can't imagine what it’s like waking up to that thing when the rising sun hits it juuuuussstttt right!" Bon Bon waved a hoof over her eyes. "Lake unneeded optic surgery, sun rays finding their way right into your eyes, ugly looking thing to, whatever this Tree of Harmony is, an architectural expert it ain't!"

"Yes...I would have to agree, it is rather...unappealing for a castle, but it still doesn't answer the other part of my question, and that is why only the single presence of an agent?"

"Well, it isn't like we need an entire cell dedicated to the town." she answered. "I've my own tablet, assigned to me by Princess Luna in order to send off any emergency messages, course it’s a bit difficult to figure out what is an emergency and what is just another Tuesday here in Ponyville."

"Ahh, so a direct link to her majesty of the Moon."

"Would make for the quick arrival of a rapid response team, after recent dealings with Tirek, the war, and everything else, the princesses have been more pressed to increase the arms budget."

"The same one held by the House of Lords?"

"Yeah..." Bon Bon let out a groan. "The same, a military so overfunded, you would have expected gilded war chariots and ships, as opposed to the rust buckets we make due with."

Downy placed his mug down and offered Bonny a smile. "That's why I chose to commit my resources to my troops. If the regulations is going to make it impossible for them to incur goods otherwise, it'll have to be up to me to utilize our open market to benefit them."

"You know the saying though right?"

"If it's what you’re thinking, I sure do." Downy replied. "If a lord comes to your house with good intent, run!"

"Yup, and that pretty much explains why every new branch of the lords, are already rotted at the core on growth." Bon Bon circled her hoof in the air. "That actually is another part of my presence, is to keep the lords in check, for Twilights sake."

"Are we to understand that Princess Twilight's position is under threat from manipulation?" asked Lotus.

"Of course it is!" Bon Bon answered. "So is any other position that can benefit a pony who only has the good intent of what they believe is best for others. Celestia willing, Twilight won't ever run into that...but, well, wishful thinking and such ya know?"

"Can't hide behind the sun forever I take it?"

"Yup, that's the way it goes D-Range!"

Downy winced at the name, ignoring the smug smile and chuckle coming from Lotus. "Er...yes, so how are we to assist you, the SOI, and the EIB?"

"Cooperation, you ring me when you need help, I'll ring you when I got issues that I can't take care of by myself." she tapped that table. "As you well know, I can't tackle any problem, unless I'm informed about what is happening, especially in regards to your military brass, and it goes the same in reverse, you can't keep up on all Ponyville's troubles, unless you have Intel that can help!"

"Sounds fair, where can we find you?"

"Bon Bon's Bon Bon's." she answered happily.

"..."

"Candy shop, can't miss it, a few houses away from Sugar Cube Corner. I'm the supplier of much of the candies the cakes use on their cakes!"

"I sometimes wonder about names in Equestria...I really do." Downy muttered.

"Eh say what you will, it makes for a nice jingle on the radio!" Bon Bon giggled. "Now, if I'm not mistaken, its moving day, and I'm keeping you all from your debut...by the way, I should hope I can run about the facilities, can't let these muscles start sagging like melted caramel now can I?"

"I uh...well in the spirit of cooperation, I don't have any reason to say no." Downy replied.

"Good! Captain, Lieutenant, stop by for a treat, and don't forget to keep a positive presence here in town! It'll do more good than bad after all!" she giggled.

---

Lazy Company File - #041

In comparison to myself, my sister is a dyed-in-the-wool civilian, thus, she is rather unfamiliar with the stuffy quaintness of military jargon, as well as overabundant utilization of acronyms the supposed hope of assisting others with documentation (it most certainly doesn't). Military language comprehension is rather colorful, a design used to hide its activities and attitude under the disguise of officious blandness. (My favorite is the phrase "Inoperative combat units," as opposed to simply, casualty.) Such is the case with the military obstacle course, or rather, the so-called confidence course.

To you or me, in a common perspective, we see a path strewn with various obstacles placed at regular intervals which challenge the soldiers who must traverse from the courses beginning, to its end. These confidence courses, so named as to appear more acceptable to the ponies it was inflicted upon in the hopes "to increase the soldier's self0confidence by demonstrating to them that they can function successfully under duress."

Sadly to say, I have seen many of my fellow officers leave said confidence courses in a rather dejected manner when certain challenges prove far beyond the might of their own self confidence.

As an officer, I must express my honest assessment of the current company, that the inclusion of tying their own laces would certainly prove, without a doubt, enough of a confidence breaker. These courses further include dampeners, and other means to equally spread the misery amongst all races within the military be they unicorns, earth ponies, flyers, or others. It would certainly be a challenge for myself to impress a new set of guidelines in order to help them succeed, if my Captain's dreams of excelling the troops were to ever be met.

To say that the playing field was a bit discordant is an understatement.

It would explain the major donation that has recently been made to assist in animal shelters throughout Equestria though.

---

The silence was discomforting amongst the small group of observers watching the troops run the confidence course...or to be more precise, attempting to. Of the four officers, Lotus was studying the scene with a neutral intensity, the reason being that, as well as Down Range may work in managing troops, Lotus was considered more adept at the physical aspects of fitness and body control.

The nocturne could be seen gliding along the various trails, keeping an eye upon the troops as they huffed and puffed their way through each challenge. Ace stood at parade rest, a cold expression framing her face as she also observed the various antics taking place upon the field, the two lieutenants were alternating between averting their eyes in embarrassment, or exchanging uneasy glances, united by their mutual discomfort...temporarily at least.

Captain D-Range grumbled lightly, every time Lieutenant Lotus threw him a look, he knew that she meant it as another step upon the ladder for the troops to climb. As much as Downy understood the troops, it was Lotus who would be the ever present force of nature, ready to whip the troops into shape. Troops who were currently performing at a level far below even the loose standards of the military. Lotus gave no indication of high expectations. She had even issued new orders modifying the conditions under which the course would be run.

Unicorns struggled to catch ropes over the mud pits, no magic would be found to pull it that extra inch closer to their hooves. Earth Ponies, and even Yasir would find themselves without their natural affinity of earthly strength to get them across the various endurance courses, and of course the flyers, both pegasi and nocturne, found their own ability to fly denied to them. The only soldiers to be taking to the course with any ease, were the two Canidians from the northern territories. Their naturally non-magical capabilities were showing their true benefits, save for one thing.

"Is it me?" said Downy, drawing the eyes of his two 2nd Lieutenants. "Or do those two pups seem to be more at war with each other, than they are with the obstacles?"

"Boadicea and Tacitus?" Metric boomed. "Nah, you can tell it by their names. Boadicea is from a rather well known family of military war dogs, Tacitus is from business stock. What I hear, is that Canidia has quite a bit of class warfare between military, business, middle, and even low class citizens."

"Really now? I knew about the competition, but I didn't think they were uh so...dogmatic in their views..." Downy frowned, cringing at his use of words.

Metric chuckled a little as Gentle chimed in. "It’s not to say they are any trouble outside these courses, save for the occasional glare, or mutterings, they're pretty amicable when it comes to having to work with each other."

"Huh? Well that's something." said Downy. He observed the rest of the troops, then glanced down at his watch, blanching slightly. "Twenty-four minutes and most of them haven't even made it to the halfway point."

Downy found nothing but silence coming from his officers.

---Last Night---

"Right, get an early rest you two, I've had the construction crew expedite the creation of the confidence course, and I figured it'll be good to see the troops in action!"

"...Confidence course?" Gentle gulped.

"You...you want the troops to run it?" finished Metric.

"Of course! We got them looking like troops. Time we started working them toward acting and feeling like troops, right?"

The two lieutenants merely stared at him, as though he were a changeling invited to a pony wedding.

---Present---

"Oh...that uh...explains why the both of you looked at me the way you did."

Metric merely focused his gaze upon Dust Might, the diminutive pegasus, approached the three-meter board wall. A challenge that daunted all but the most athletic. A small trail circled it for those downhearted to bypass this test after a few tries before they became terminally depressed. Sad to say, the bulk of the company chose this route after a halfhearted run at the board, and many didn't even bother pretending to try. Not so with Dust Might.

Putting on a quick burst of speed, her wings unfurling majestically to give the pegasus a burst of speed, she threw herself at the wall forgetting for just a moment that, due to special magic's placed upon the course, she was denied her ability of gaining height. The resounding crack of pony vs. wall echoed throughout the field, drawing winces from any observing her. It was a sincere, if futile, effort. One which easily should have earned her the walk-around. Yet she was determined, damned determined to get over that wall.

Picking herself up from the dust, Dust Might paused only long enough to resettle her gear, then hurled herself at the obstacle again, hooves scratching at the wall as she slowly progressed up in in a vertical manner, before meeting the same unfortunate results. It didn't stop her though, and many feared that one or the other was bound to break.

Lotus appeared in a gust of whispers, just as Dust Might propelled herself again. In one smooth stride, the nocturne approached Dust Might, timing her movements to match, and with an impersonal hoof upon the Pegasus's rump, launched her over the wall. Though doubtlessly surprised by the assist, the littlest soldier did not so much as throw a backward glance, choosing to scurry off towards the next obstacle.

"Well damn!" Downy uttered with a grin. "If that's a loser, then I'm a bad credit risk!"

"Right, Ace!" he called over to their resident sergeant. "Call 'em in. I want to have Lotus give us a report, something tells me that bat has an idea."

Ace needed no more encouragement than that. With no need of her communicator, she bellowed loudly. "Troops! Return and form up! Return and form up!"

Weak cheers could be heard from deflated bodies strewn about the field, taking their chances at stealing what oxygen they could. The company slowly making an effort to trudge toward the officers with downcast eyes. They had looked bad, and they all knew it. Surely righteous indignation should have propelled them further, but reality is as reality does.

1st Lieutenant Iron Lotus landed with a resounding boom upon the ground in front of Downy. Leveling a cool look at the gathering of soldiers then to her superior officer. A quick curt nod from Downy gave Lotus the permission for what was to follow next.

Ace herself sat with a grim expression of annoyance as the company gasped for air, though inwardly she was a little elated with a self-thought "I told you so" in her mind. If anything, she was looking forward to hearing the Lieutenant enumerate the shortcomings of the rabble that the Captain so staunchly defended.

"I have seen my little sister put forth more effort in the playground, than all of you hear before me, save for the very few who were absolutely determined to get beyond each challenge." the nocturne boomed loudly, almost putting Metric Ton to shame. "So do tell us, what went wrong?"

"We're bout as slick as snot on a door hinge."

"Who said that?" Lotus demanded, stamping towards the now frightened crowd of soldiers, fangs bared.

The wave of troops parted to present on lone, green haired lanky unicorn.

"I uh...I did...sir...ma'am...er sir," he shivered uncomfortably.

"Trick Step, I remember you now. I admire your tenacity to speak your thoughts, but you're wrong. All of you are wrong for believing in him as well!"

She glared at the rest of the bewildered troops. As if to dare them into denying her accusations.

"I want everyone at the pits, now!" she gestured a hoof towards a sad looking pit of muck and grime. "Officers included."

She continued to shout as they marched their way. "Not even half of you made it halfway, and that is your problem! You thought of yourselves, as individuals. We are a unit, a team, and we will work as such."

Gesturing to the mud pit then to the troops, she said. "Note the pit, it doesn't care who you are, what you are, and where you’re from. It cares not for size, or strength. We see it as a hell hole, filled with all matter of muck. A rope that many of you dared not use to get across it. Three ropes to be exact, for a troop of near two hundred."

"Many of you bottleneck here, and after a moment, you decide to just go around it." She turned then barked out. "You might not have that option, and the time to primp yourselves in a combat situation, be it another nation, or the creatures of the forest!"

She turned to observe the mire for a moment, before giving the troops her attention. "Now, you all are proud of your new uniforms, I understand that, but a creature, or an enemy is not going to take a moment to worry over mussing your dress in fear of violating your own military conduct. Now how deep is this trench?"

The troops looked at each other, but showed that they hadn't a clue.

"We begin with the most important commodity of the field, information. Intel. Wouldn't you agree Captain Down Range?"

"I would."

"Good." Then with an unceremonious hoof to the plot. Lotus booted the Captain straight into the muck.

The company blinked in both astonishment and surprise at the lieutenant’s audacity, but the Captain, after a moment of swilling in the mud, slowly stood up and turned to face Lotus. His crisp uniform, spit-shined hoofs, all a casualty of nature as the muck nearly covered his barrel. Slowly he turned and waded through to the opposing side of the trench, not unlike a weight watchers club racing towards an ice-cream sale.

Metric and Gentle couldn't help but grin at the sight of the captain. Lotus couldn't help but notice them grin.

"Lieutenants?"

"Ma'am?"

The ice cold glare of their 1st Lieutenant sent shivers into both their spines, her wing extending to gesture towards the pit. In mere moments, two more immaculate uniforms were sacrificed to the gods of the mire.

"As you can see," she shouted. "It is quicker to wade through the Bog O'Stench than it is to wait in a line and think about it. If team members are too small to cross it successfully, you help them. If you think being pony handled is embarrassing, just imagine that the next target of the enemies’ desire, might be yourself and give in to this small minor indignity to your own persona, rather than suffer a more horrible fate!"

With that, Lotus dived into the mire and turned, gesturing towards Dust Might to climb upon her back. The two of them reaching the other side to accept the assistance of the other officers with climbing out. Behind her, Lotus was glad to see the rest of the troops rushing the trench like lemmings, eager to see what else the nocturne had in mind.

"You kicked me you bat brained piece of brass!" Downy muttered.

"Certainly, you wished for the full experience, so to set an example, I merely complied." Lotus replied with a devious grin.

Lotus assisted the others with gathering the troops from the muck, offering an appreciative smile to the efforts the troops were putting in to getting through this particular course.

"Now, the military likes to test you on an individual basis, I on the other hoof, like to test the company as a whole, and the time score will reflect that, because we need to move as a company in order to obtain an objective."

"If it's in the way, assist each other in moving it out of the way, if you don't have rope, look for it." She gestured to the rest of the obstacles. "Everything you need is there, only if you take the time to quickly observe your surroundings. Logs to form bridges, ropes to help tie them down, or to scale vertical obstacles...now let’s put this course to the test, do tell, how you all would confront one of these many obstacles?"

---

"Hello Bon Bon!"

The earth pony mare gaped at the mud pony before her (no not in a racial way, but literally caked from hoof to head in mud).

"The obstacle course was a resounding success, and I thought it nice to award the troops." said a somewhat identifiable captain.

"D...Captain Down Range?" Bon Bon nearly went bug eyed as she then regarded the swamp monsters forming outside her confectionary. "When I offered the invite, I didn't mean for you to bring the rest of nature with you!"

""Ahh, just a little confidence building, more than anything, I owe it to Lieutenant Lotus here for having done a great job in boosting their morale!" he gestured to the neighboring sludge monster who regarded Bon Bon with a fanged smile.

"I see you have the gummies with the jelly feelings," the muck monster said. "I would like to obtain a quarter pound for myself."

"Uh...right, please don't get anything on the confections!" replied Bon Bon as she began scooping said candies.

"Wouldn't dream of it, say Ms. Bon Bon! You should join us some time, a bit of that working together and all in the military!"

"Shhh, she'll hear!"

"Hear what?" A mint green unicorn entered in from behind the counter and nearly shrieked. "Grimers! Quick Bonny, I'll fend them off, you get the hose again!"

"Ly-"

"Now, before they envelope us whole and add us to their legion of mire. Their empire mire!"

"Captain...my roomy, Lyra. Lyra, Captain Down Range and the rest of his cohorts back from training...it would seem." Bon Bon grumbled as she watched a glob of mud slowly slop to the ground.

"Surprises aren't always fun, wouldn't you agree?" Downy said with a grin. "Still, I've got a clean list of sweats to have made for the troops post exchange store, and Lotus's order as well."

He extended a sheaf of paper delicately out towards Bon Bon who accepted it. "Don't mind us, we'll be getting cleaned up and back to the base now!"

"Oh joy." Bon Bon watched as Downy left a bag of bits upon her counter, before turning about face and leaving, Lotus closely behind him, enjoying her bag of delights.

"Bonny...what was that all about?" asked Lyra.

Bon Bon groaned.

---

Lazy Company File - #042

After a good days workout, one that I am proud to say was both physically satisfying, as well as mentally. While Captain Down Range is one for action and clerical duties, the ability to ready a soldier for the field is most certainly my expertise, as drilled into my memories by my mother and father, for once I am proud to usher forth my given title of "Iron".

Treats of course were the captains doing, and I will not complain, especially when confronted by the delicious suckable jelly field gummies, if I have a weakness from childhood, it would be those. Not often do I get to entrench my fangs into such a delicious morsel.

Sweets beside the point, the field exercises most certainly brought to mind a change of opinion. Though the troops are still rough, and in need of much pruning. I dare say, they have proven themselves to be quick witted when challenged, and easily instructed into new avenues of problem solving.

All things must come to an end though, and in this case, it was a matter of the CO having to make a call to the construction crew to rebuild the course, as the troops did rather well with dismantling it in order to access the more difficult sections of the course. This left us with our short stop by agent Sweetie Drops store of confections, followed by our first entrance into the newly rebuilt Fort Everfree.

Captain Down Range certainly had no problem with have a fort that was made for the army soldier. It was well fortified, well stocked, and also offered comforts of home in order to ease the weary mind of the troops.

The "Watering Hole" as it became known, sat comfortably beside the now newly (again0 rebuilt confidence course, as well as the firing range, it also had its own gymnasium, and enough rooms to accommodate a small convention, any other comforts such as spa treatments were relegated to the twins in Ponyville.

Encircling the fort was a reinforced concrete wall, towers offering lookouts a clear view over the Everfree Forest itself. To say it was satisfactory was rather underwhelming, the Fort was quite immaculate, so much so that even the troops hesitated before stepping within the compound, scared that any scuffs of their shoes would cause harm to the pure sanctity of the place.

It was a fort worthy of being called home by the troops.

Author's Note:

Take the "Skip It" toy and just imagine Bon Bon's Bon Bon's to that sickeningly repetitive tune!

Yes Lyra know's about H.A.N.D. unit's, no she hasn't seen one up close.

Comments

[Claw in Cursive]

7755444 Someone else who reads RL Asprin? Excellent! His Myth series was a staple of mine in my youth. He introduced me to the word "dubious."

[Clear_Skies]

7775252 Oh indeed, actually my Grandfather worked at the publishing company that Aspirin submitted his book too. Was the approver, so I was bombarded by a whole slew of his works!

I'm sad he passed away, that and the crap he suffered via the IRS :(