Princess Luna has tasked herself with protecting the fillies and colts of Equestria. She loves them too deeply to leave them alone after Discord's rule. But she has to get her sister's approval.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 12th Dec, 2014
- offline last seen March 29th
ForgottenBliss
My writing may be sub-par, but hey, it's better than like, nothing. Profile picture here: http://underpable.deviantart.com/art/Selene-489020842
ForgottenBliss
Joined 12th Dec, 2014 ·
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Even in AU Celestia is
7574118
Celestia is... what?
Man Celestia is a real garbage sck in this fic. Good read!
7574205
Thanks, I'm really glad you appreciated it!
Nice little story. Would be a thing to see; Luna stepping down in order to fully care for her children.
7574131 A mean to Luna in the past.
There is a certain fairy tale quality to this fic. I feel as though it could have been expanded upon. From the way it reads Luna went to a proto-Ponyville, stole all the children away to the Everfree, and raised them in the wild to build their own town. No one came to find them or wondered where they went? Goodness. I can see this being a storybook, though, it was short and interesting.
I'm really confused by Celestia's actions in this story. She wants to return their country to what it was before Discord got a hold of it, but she doesn't care about the ponies in it? What does that mean? Does she mean physically rebuilding it? Setting up proper infrastructure? And why does she get angry at Luna for "interacting with the citizens"? How do you do anything as a ruler and not interact with the people of your country? I don't really feel like Celestia's actions make much sense here. It feels like you focused too much on making her the bad guy, and kind of made her less believable because of it. Sorry, but it really takes away from the story for me.
7574333
Indeed it would, partially why I wrote it.
7574346
Thank you but as I have stated in my AN, it was loosely based on Duo Cartoonist's animation of "Children of the Night". This same song, if you don't know, was used in the Halloween movie, Hocus Pocus where a witch stole children into the woods to feed on their souls. I figured I'd give it a happier tone. With all that said I'm glad you enjoyed it as I have more Luna fictions that are based on songs and episodes coming along any month now.
7574588
Partially why I decided to add the "Alternate Universe" tag here, although that was mainly because of Luna having the air of a foalnapper. I made her the bad guy in a sense to direct why Luna felt that she had to take the children away from what she thought was a terrible life. There's a little bit of underlying story here that I can try to explain sometime down the road. Sorry if it was confusing.
You have a good concept but you need an editor.
7575082
How so, what seems to be the issue?
7575134
Formatting, characterization. At work; will say more later.
7576103
Okay, I see. I write better from story to story.