Two Mares and a Carpet Bag

by Icenrose

In Which Starlight Glimmer and Trixie Lulamoon Confront a Pair of Frauds

Day 19: Mechanical Spider, Super Speedy Mountain Scaley 9000

After Harold and Gerald finished their self-indulgent bow, their horns glowed green as they tossed back the folds of the tent, revealing a monstrosity made of black iron and brass pistons. It looked vaguely like an oversized carriage bolted to the back of an angry, demonic spider.

“Behold,” the stallions cheered, “the Super Speedy Mountain Scaley 9000!”

A hot fire stoked itself within Starlight’s chest. “You!”

The stallions froze. “Who, me?” they asked.

Starlight grit her teeth through the pain as she zapped them both with a minor cleansing spell. Black dye sloughed off of their manes, revealing the vibrant red beneath. Starlight’s grimace deepened. “I knew it! You’re Flim and Flam!”

“Aheh.” Flim pulled at the collar of his seersucker shirt. “Have we met?”

“No,” Starlight spat, “but I’ve heard more than enough about you.”

Trixie stepped forward, jaw open. “Are you two really the Flim and Flam?”

Flam sidled up to her. “Ah, do I detect the presence of a fan of our–”

“A fan?!” Trixie telekinetically grabbed Flam’s tie and yanked him down to eye level with her. “Do you have any idea how many towns Trixie has been to where your little schemes have almost destroyed or bankrupted them?” She shook him hard enough to bobble his head back and forth.

Starlight advanced on Flim. “So what’s the scam, Flim? Sell hapless tourists a quick way down the mountain, then toss them over the cliff?”

Flim stood straighter. “How dare you impugn our honor so? I’ll have you know that my brother and I are members of the highest standing of the Artificer Guild!” He pointed a hoof to the shiny lily on his collar.

Starlight looked closely. “That's made out of gold.”

“Of course they are! As I said, the highest–”

“Artificer lilies are made of copper.”

Without missing a beat, Flam said, “Not if you’re Guildmasters, they’re not–”

“Yes, they are,” Trixie said, shaking Flam one more time. “Even Guildmaster lilies are made of copper – it serves as a reminder of humility.” She slid her glare from Flam to Flim. “Something Trixie doubts either of you have ever felt.”

Flim arched an eyebrow. “And how would an outsider know what Artificer lilies should and should not be made of?”

Starlight removed her Artificer Medallion from its case and slid it over her head.

“Ah.” After a pause, Flim donned a nervous grin and said, “Well, fillies, it’s been fun, but if you’ll just release my brother, we’ll be on our way.”

“Oh, Trixie doesn’t think so,” Trixie hissed. In a flash, she hogtied both stallions with their own ties. She turned to Starlight and asked, “What do you think? Drag them through the market square on the way back to the guildhall?”

“Wait!” Flam craned his neck to look at Trixie. “Surely we can still come to some sort of agreement!”

Trixie took a deep breath. “Very well. As part of your atonement for past misdeeds, you will take Starlight and I down the south side of the mountain to Featherfall.” She lowered her head to look Flam in the eye. “For free.”

There was an audible squawk from both Starlight and Flim. “Trixie, you can’t seriously be thinking of letting them go!”

Trixie scoffed. “Of course not – we’ll just turn them in once we get to Featherfall. We are still on a schedule, after all.”

“Wait just one moment, filly.” Flim enveloped his tie in his own green magic, which promptly slithered from around his hooves to its proper place around his neck. He stood, a scowl on his face. “What’s in it for my brother and I? If we’re made either way, I’d just as soon do it here.”

“You’re bluffing,” Trixie said, though her glance to Starlight betrayed her unease.

Flam, too, untied himself and got to his feet. “Indeed, brother. No sense in doing our captors any favors.”

“As a matter of principle,” said Flim.

Trixie faltered, and the brothers adopted predatory grins.

Starlight saw where this was going. “Trixie, it’s fine. We can still take the northern road out of Griffonstone–”

Flam stepped between the mares and rounded on Trixie. “Is it fine? It’s two days at least to take the long way around the mountain to Featherfall. After all, you are still on a schedule.”

Flim moved to tower over Trixie, further blocking Starlight’s line of sight. “So here’s the deal: we, free of charge, transport you to the fair village of Featherfall, and you swear upon your honor that you won’t tell anypony who we really are.”

Starlight shoved Flim aside and looked Trixie square in the eyes. “Trixie, don’t. It’s not worth it.”

“It’s fine, Starlight.” Trixie cleared her throat. “I, Trixie Lulamoon, do solemnly swear–”

“Trixie Lulamoon?” Flim and Flam asked in unison.

Trixie backed a step. “Um, yes?”

Flam tapped a hoof to his chin. “Well, now that’s a pony of a different color.”

Flim began to circle Trixie. “See, we’ve spent a fair amount of time in Featherfall.”

“Taking in the sights,” Flam said.

Flim circled a hoof in the air. “Spending time around certain monuments.”

Starlight watched the color drain from Trixie’s face. “What are you getting at?” Trixie asked.

“Not to say your word isn’t worth anything,” said Flim.

“But family ties can bind so much better than silly things like ‘honor,’” said Flam.

“And in that spirit, instead of your honor—” Flim leaned in close “—swear upon your grandfather’s grave.”

The hair on Trixie’s face was now almost as pale as her mane. In an unsteady voice, she began again. “I, Trixie Lulamoon, do swear upon m-my grandfather’s grave that I will not reveal the identities of Flim and Flam to any force that may seek to do them harm.” Angry tears began to well up in her eyes as the brothers cackled to themselves.

“Climb aboard, fillies,” Flim called as he hopped into the driver’s seat.

“We’re losing daylight,” Flam added as he sat next to his brother.

Trixie levitated the carpet bag into the back seat, then turned to Starlight, and in a hollow voice, said, “Starlight, get in the carriage.”

Starlight had never seen Trixie in such a state before. “Trixie–”

Trixie interrupted her, visibly trembling. “Get. In. The carriage.” A single tear traced its way down her cheek. Trixie didn’t seem to notice.

Starlight stared at Trixie, then boarded the iron spider without another word.

---

The trip down the mountainside was, in a word, intolerable.

With every lurching step the mechanical spider nearly flung at least one of the passengers from the carriage. It was all the four unicorns could do to hang on for dear life as they were jounced around, colliding with every solid surface as often as they banged into each other. At times, it was difficult for Starlight to tell whether or not the Super Speedy Mountain Scaley 9000 was doing anything to slow their descent, or if they were simply crashing down the mountain.

From the looks on Flim and Flam’s faces, they couldn’t tell, either.

After three grueling hours the spider crested a small ridge, and the modest buildings of Featherfall came into view below. Flim turned back to Starlight and Trixie. “Not to worry, fillies, as–”

The mechanical spider planted three of its legs at the top of a scree and promptly went out from under it. All further conversation was replaced by screams as the main body of their conveyance slammed into the ground and slid along. They gathered speed as mechanical limbs pinwheeled away, and the carriage began to spin. At the base of the scree the carriage rolled once and skidded to a stop some dozens of feet away from the foot of the mountain.

Starlight was the first to extricate herself from the wreckage. “Is everypony okay?” she called.

Flim and Flam toppled out from the forward seat, now facing skyward. They panted for breath, having poured most of their magic into the machine to try to hold it together, and made noncommittal noises regarding the state of their health.

Trixie calmly hopped down from the rear seat, unnervingly placid, carpet bag in tow. “Come, Starlight. Featherfall should be less than half a mile from here.”

Starlight felt about as bad as she had when she first woke up that day, but she forced her hooves to follow Trixie, promising herself that a feather bed would be worth a little more effort.

Flim waved a hoof as he called feebly, “Pleasure doing business with you!”

Flam, lying on his back, chest heaving, waved as well. “Don’t tell your friends about us!”

Upon reaching the outskirts of Featherfall proper, Trixie made a beeline for a large tavern. Starlight had to canter to keep up with her, and had to pause to catch her breath once they made it inside.

Trixie looked around the main common room, then marched over to a trio of ponies playing cards with a griffon. She addressed a burly pegasus wearing a handlebar mustache on his muzzle and a silver star on his vest. “Excuse me, sheriff? I hate to interrupt, but I think there’s a pair of stallions in need of your assistance at the foot of the mountain, just to the west of here.”

Everyone looked up from their cards. The sheriff acknowledged her with an “Oh?”

“Yeah, I think they’re high-ranking Artificers or something? The lillies on their collars were made of gold, I know that much.”

The griffon, with a turquoise scarf pinned around her neck with a copper lily, narrowed her eyes. “Gold?”

Trixie nodded. “Definitely gold. I think their spider contraption must have crashed – they look in pretty bad shape.”

“Spider?” The short teal unicorn sitting at the table blinked, then turned to the griffon. “I thought you said tests weren’t supposed to start until next week?”

“They’re not.” The griffon folded her cards and stood. “Sheriff, I think we need to check these two out.”

“I agree,” the sheriff said, and the three ponies stood as well. He tipped his hat to Trixie. “Much obliged, ma’am.” With that, the quartet trotted out the door.

Starlight simply stared at Trixie.

Trixie turned to her. “What? Don’t look at me like that.” She walked towards the bar. “I never said who they actually were.”

Comments

[artofwar77]

Very well-reasoned, Trixie.
Still, your mental gymnastics probably aren't distracting enough for Starlight to forget how you reacted to the mention of your grandfather.
(I'd kinda like to know, too.)