If you talk to a stranger in a library you’re going to have a bad time
“Of course I would love to go there, but you and I both know, Miss, that Equestria doesn’t exist.” I said to the woman that was sitting across from me.
The woman took a quick sip of her herbal tea and flashed me an understanding smile. Let me tell you her smile could melt the heart of any man or woman, if they swing that way. “Let’s say hypothetically that Equestria did exist would you leave everything behind to start a new life?” She asked calmly, her grayish blue eyes staring right into my brown ones.
“Hmmm, let me think about th….yes. Yes I would.” I answered matter of factly.
“And what would you be?” She asked, taking another sip of her tea.
“A pony.” I answered, getting an ‘are you serious look’ from her. “Uh, a unicorn pony.” I said with a shrug.
She gave me a disappointed look, “Not the most creative one are you?”
Hey in my defense who’s ever heard of a human going to Equestria and changing into a pon--actually, never mind.
“Ok, Miss Creativity, what do you think I should be then?” I asked sarcastically.
“Hmmm, well for a lack of a better word you seem to be…a neutral kind of individual and quite frankly that would be boring.” She mused out loud while tilting her head into a thinking position.
I would have retorted, but she had a point. Truth be told I never really cared to socialize with anyone yet with my line of work I didn’t have a choice. It was also a challenge to make sure my opinion/ thoughts were perceived as neutral rather than my own. Because of this I became a mindless program that simply told people what they were suppose to do rather than think up a solution.
The repetition was one of the things I hated the most about my life. Wake up, go to work, and go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. But sadly it was also the most comforting part of my life. It was just the same thing over and over again. So I never had to worry about anything going wrong or having to go fix/do something about it.
But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself and should probably introduce myself. My name is Ron. I’m twenty five years old with dark brown hair, brown eyes, about five foot twelve, and have a fair amount of muscles. I was an average student in College getting either straight B’s or a few A’s, it depended on the classes. After College I got hired into a consultant company- -thanks to being as other would put it ‘organized’ and saving a life-- that worked with other companies. My job was to go around and make sure everyone was up to date and doing their jobs right.
Thanks to my job I traveled all over the U.S. and I know what you’re thinking, ‘Oh that sounds like fun being able to see our country and yada yada.’
Well stop because it’s not fun, in fact it sucks. For one thing, I’m always running around the huge ass building making sure everything’s up to date, sometimes having to stay there till five in the morning only to come back in a few hours to check on their progress. So I would rarely get any sleep.
Whenever I go to different companies, I don’t obviously know anyone and they automatically don’t like me, but I can understand since I’m one: much younger than the people I tell what to do, and two: have to tell people what to fix or change. This usually ends with either them complaining on how hard it is or how it could be done faster. Which I respond with do it or gtfo, but of course much nicer than that. Although half the time I wish I could just say that, because let me tell you if you don’t know this, people can be really, really stupid.
Anyways today was suppose to be my day, the one day of the week I take off no matter what’s going on. I tell them to deal with it and not to bother me on this glorious day known as Wednesday. Wednesday, the day where I go out and have fun and by that I mean go somewhere where I won’t be bothered and catch up on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic episodes and fan fics.
It was a peaceful day as I walked around a bit in the city of New York--by the way almost getting mugged by some thugs--until I came upon a bookstore with free wifi. Sitting down in a remote location, I powered on my laptop and began to browse through some MLP fanart. Alas my peaceful time was interrupted as a woman passed by and saw my computer screen.
Being a closet brony I almost panicked and quickly left, until she started to talk to me about the show. Let me tell you she knew her ponies pretty well. In fact she was really into the hypothetical stuff, like the founding of Equestria, the origins of the Princesses, and even some of the theories behind the Elements of Harmony.
Now truth be told, I was having a great time. Even though I’m not the smoothest ladies man out there--and also not the most talkative person out there--I was still happy to talk to a fellow fan of the show. Though my mood turned sour at the prospect that was in store for me tomorrow, I still consider this the best day of my life.
She was one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever had the pleasure of even talking to,which is below five. She had long crimson red hair that seemed to flow with the wind--even though there wasn’t a breeze--with grayish blue eyes. She was about my age--maybe older--,stood as tall as five foot five, and was wearing a white summer dress with matching high heels.
One way or another the big question that every brony wants to hear came up and of course I responded with a ‘hell yeah’ answer, as you saw. And that’s the story so far. Though now that I’m not rambling I think she’s trying to tell me something. I should probably stop thinking and actually listen to her.
“Well?” She said as she looked at me.
“Well, what?” I asked back confused.
She rolled her eyes, “If you could actually go to Equestria would you go?”
“Yes.” I said with a determined look.
“And your life? Friends? Family?” She queried.
“Well my life sucks, most of my friends and family are back in California, but I hardly see them anymore so I won’t be missed.” I said with a shrug. “Besides as you said earlier I’m rather ‘boring’ so this would be a nice change of pace if you could actually do it.”
“Alrighty then, off you go.” She said followed by the snap of her fingers.
I then found myself being flung towards a black portal on the ceiling just as I was about to pass through I yelled, “Wait! You didn’t tell me what I was going to be?”
Her response was, “Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise.”
And then everything went black.
~Later~
My body felt sore like I went a couple of rounds with Mike Tyson and lost. Every part of me ached in pain like I was hit by a bus. Wait? Didn’t I already compare my pain to being hit by Tyson or was it by a bus driven by Tyson…Fuck it. I’m in pain, you get the idea. Slowly, but surely I fluttered my eyes open only to be meet with absolute darkness.
‘Oh god I’m dead! Or Blind?’ I thought until my eyes started to give form to a stone ceiling. ‘Oh hey, it’s just a dark room. Probably night time.’ I mused. Turning my head towards the only light source I was meet face to face with the lovely night sky, but it seemed different. Familiar yet different.
I put that into the back of my mind, but first let’s take stock of what’s happening. ‘Mental check list activate: Told work I was taking the day off, check. Walked around a bit and found someplace to relax, check. Meet some random lady who said she could send me to Equestria,…uhh.’ I thought and tried to roll my head the other way to see the rest of my surroundings.
As I did so I could see row upon row of beds with shadowy lumps sleeping on them. Focusing my eyes on one of the closer beds I could make out a figure lying down on the bed. His chest going up and down in a rhythmic pattern signifying he was still asleep….oh and I forgot to mention he was a pony, specifically a white royal guard. Strange how I didn’t mention that before, but first HOLY MOTHER OF SWEET BABY RAPTOR JESUS, I’M IN EQUESTRIA!
Getting over my little fangasm there I decided to get a feel for my new body, in case I was something large or noisy because in all honesty how would it look if some random guy walked in and was sitting next to you while you were asleep. Yeah it be pretty fucking creepy. That and the fact that I’m in a place I’m pretty sure I’m not suppose to be.
I started off with my fingers and was happy to find out that I did in fact have fingers, but there were two things off about them. My right hand felt skinnier than my left and I also felt like I was missing one of my fingers. If I had to harbor a guess it felt like the finger that goes in-between my pinkie and middle finger. Don’t know what it’s called, but it was definitely that one. Truth be told it wasn’t that big of a deal losing that particular finger, because I couldn’t remember a time where I would actually use it except for grabbing stuff, but even then you could still grab stuff just fine with just your thumb, index and middle finger. I then went to lift my arms, the previous pain now a mild soreness though I still felt wrongness of one side being skinnier than the other.
Ok so far I have hands, that’s good because I really didn’t want to know how ponies picked things up with their hooves. Besides who could resist having the almighty power of thumbs. I then proceeded to try and wiggle my toes-wow that sounds so lame-,but could only feel some toes wiggling on my right side…and I also count three toes missing. So my left leg has no toes and my right leg has two…well this will be interesting. I guess it’s time to answer the question of ‘What the hell am I exactly?’
With a heavy sigh I forced my mind ready for the great and direing task I was about to do. Which was getting my ass up to get a better look at myself. With a deep breath I forced myself up, ready and prepared for the worst only for a lone cloud to block my only source of light.
‘Oh, fuck you universe.’ I thought, muttering curses to the one tiny cloud to block the huge radiant moon. Thinking up a new game plan I decided to try and find my way out of the room and towards a bathroom or something, in the hopes of finding a mirror. Getting up I was glad to find the familiar feeling of walking on two legs or in this case whatever I am/have. Using my right hand to guide me I began my epic journey towards what I hope would eventually be a way out. About two minutes into my journey my hand felt an object hanging on the wall. Running my hands over it I could feel that it was a mirror. Ignoring the random question of why would the guards need a mirror in their barracks, I tried to get a look at myself.
I don’t know if the universe wanted to throw me a bone or was just trolling me from the beginning, but as soon as I looked towards the mirror the lone cloud decided to be on its way and brought forth the full light of the moon once more. I almost screamed out in panic, but was able to catch myself before that could happen. Reaching out towards the creature in front of me, I could feel my hand touch the smooth and cold surface of the mirror. My hand slumped back towards my side as I continued to look at my new form with disbelief.
I knew what the creature before me was, but my mind refused to let the words escape my lips. The creature was feared by all other or at least known, but not because it was scary looking or because it was strong. No, it was because the creature was unpredictable and would always cause problems. Although I guess that would be an unfair assumption given the fact that all of brony kind knows only about one of them.
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That’s when it hit me. I remembered the name of the creature that stood before me, “Draconequus…”
I looked pretty similar to Discord, it was…highly disturbing. I mean I could pass off as a distant relative or something. I had the head of a pony like discord with razor sharp teeth. My eyes were a cyan blue and my pupils were a shade of dark purple that went into slits like that of a snake. Instead of his floppy ears mine were pointed straight up like that of a canine or wolf, my mane was a light shade of black and on the top of my head I had two horns. On the left side I had a bone white deer antler and on my right side I had a black horn that had a lot of holes in it. It reminded me of Swiss cheese.
My fur coat from my head to about my neck was a dark grayish brown while my chest down was a dark amber color, and instead of being a fur coat it was instead feathers like that of an eagle or hawk. Speaking of eagle, my right arm was that of an eagle while my left arm was that of a lion. Looking down at my legs I could see my left leg was a light brown goat leg or maybe a Minotaur--wait aren’t those the same thing?--while my right leg was an emerald green lizard leg. My tail was a violet red sea serpent tail with pink rounded spikes going along the base and at the end was a pink flipper to match with it. While I was looking at my tail I took notice of two lumps on my back. Turning so I could get a better look I could see two wings folded up on my back. My left wing was a moderate magenta bat wing while my right wing was a fiery orange Pegasus wing.
“Ok, so I’m a Draconequus…and I’m currently sitting in the heart of Equestria where there are two powerful princess that could send me to the moon/sun or summon the Elements of Harmony and turn me into stone…Well this is a bunch of crap.” I said to myself and continued, “So either I learn how to use my chaos magic fast or high tail it out of here before I’m caught. And why did it suddenly get brighter?” Turning towards the light source I took notice of a particular looking bird staring right at me.
It was a Phoenix that seemed to radiate a burning glow that reminded me of a campfire…I believe that’s Philo-something, Celestia’s pet Phoenix. Now a few things were running thru my mind. One: how were the guards not awake yet? Because the light show the bird was giving off would have woken me up. Two: why is there a random table in the middle of the walkway with an expensive looking vase on it. Finally: why does she have a mischievous smile on and slowly making her way towards the table.
As she plopped onto the table--set table barely big enough to hold her and the vase--she returned her gaze towards me and spoke, “So are you yet another one of those aliens that Celestia has been talking about or are you just Discord and decided to get a makeover? Because let me tell you I’m digging the new look.” She said her voice was around the age of a seventeen year old and more importantly she was checking me out.
“Did...did you just talk?” I asked my mouth hanging out as I gawked at the bird.
“What do you think genius? And answer my question.” She deadpanned.
“I’m not Discord and are you saying there are more humans here?”
“Well I don’t know about them being humans, but then again as much as I love Celestia, I sometimes just can’t stand her talking so much, so I kind of tune her out.” She responded back with a shrug and slowly started to push the vase towards the end of the table.
“Uh, wh-what are you doing?” I asked as I watched the vase near the edge.
“Hm? Oh nothing really.” She said feigning ignorance.
“Please don’t.” I begged.
“I’ll think about if you do something for me.” She said with a sly grin.
“Anything.” I eagerly responded back.
“Say my name.” She said.
“…..I’m sorry what?” I asked not sure if I heard her correctly.
“Did I stutter? I said say my name unless…you don’t know it.” She said the vase one fourth of the way off the table.
“Uh, I mean of course I know your name. The name of the most pretties…No, I mean the most beautiful Phoenix in all of Equestria.” I said lying through my teeth.
“Well?”
“It’s uh Phi(mumbles).”
“Come again?”
‘That’s what she said.’
“Philo(mumbles again).”
“Say it right now or else.” she threatened moving the vase three forth of the way off the table, set vase breaking the laws of physics.
“Philo…Philome….” I said stumbling with her name. Just as she was about to let go I spluttered out, “Philomeena!” Quickly covering my mouth I took a glance around to see if I woke up any of the guards. Only one guard seemed to be irritated, but he simply turned the opposite direction and continued to sleep.
She stared at me with a suspicious look. “You got lucky.” She finally said and placed the vase back on top of the table.
Releasing the breath I didn’t even know I was holding I smiled in triumph at the crisis I averted and *Crash*…I turned my gaze towards the ground were the vase was now broken into a millions of pieces. Shifting my gaze towards the culprit, who had a huge grin on her face. “But you promised!” I shouted to her as she took off towards the window.
“I promised nothing!” She shouted back and quickly made her escape.
“That damn turkey I swear if I get my hands on her I’m gonna!” I shouted until I realized more than half the guards were up by now, some staring at me with hate while others looked at me with fear. I put on my friendliest smile, “So if I were to tell you guys that I didn’t break your vase and that I’m not the person you think I’m would you believe me?” They all in unison shook their heads no as they started to block off my one and only exit. “So I guess that means you're now going to send out the alarm that there’s an intruder in the castle?”
Their response to my question was for all the unicorn guards horns began to glow which was followed by sound equal to that of the Royal Canterlot Voice, “DISCORD HAS ESCAPED”.
As a group of Earth pony guards rushed towards me time slowed to a crawl as my brain went into overtime and I was given three options. Option 1 surrender and hope for the best, Option 2 fight my way thru them and make my way towards the door or Option 3…fuck it I’m going with number 3. Quickly turning back around towards the window I made a mad dash for it and without a second thought jumped out the window.
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I like.
how did you get your story up? mine is pending and they're taking forever
844099 beats me
Let the hilarity commence!! XD
843981 thanks
845549 oh there will be plenty of that
Idiot dislikers.
This story is awsome!
We must have more immediately!
.....please?
846421 everypony has a right to an opinion...unless of course they don't at least explain why they hate it/dislike it
ps more shall come
faving now.
So, I have been considering making a story based in the Chess game of the gods universe about a human being turned into a draconequus and SOMEONE DOES IT BEFORE I DO?!
3.bp.blogspot.com/_hnIoYPdOizg/TOVcIIazI5I/AAAAAAAAADg/v-RAWjYtf20/s1600/fuuuu.jpg
You know what? Fuck everything, I'm going to write it anyways as soon as I finish my current story.
855549 I know that feel bro, but then again i beat you to it
846642 Thanks i really enjoy reading your as well
856436
To make it worse, my first (and only) story has the same issue. Why is there always someone who has already done it / been there / fucked her before?!
856513 what do you mean
856527
"To make it worse, my first (and only) story has the same issue"
My only story here, Planet of the ponies, is the second one based on "Planet of the apes", and the third story with that name
"Why is there always someone who has already done it / been there / fucked her before?!"
Do I really have to explain this?
856545 Well as far as i could see you would be the second person to make a draconequus and maybe a little context with the done it part do you mean in the CGotG universe or in general
856633
I was talking about life in general, but it could be applied to CGotG, too.
856719 Well truth be told no idea is technically original, but thats not here nor there. The thing author have to do is just tell a story from their persepctive, and yes someponies might say how it's not orignial, but everypony is a critic. So i say go for it and see what happens
This is fantastic! Just got finished reading your interview on the tumblr and I have to say it's one of the best ones yet for sheer comedic value
Loved the reference you put to Skeleton Jack in it, that was well-played
Welp, The Janitor has some glass and vase pieces to pick up and repair. Again.
“Wait you didn’t tell me what I was going to be”
That's what you're concerned about? THAT!?
856633 3rd Maybe
(A new discord)
It's Eris!
Uh...Who is Frost?
Well, probably means I can trash my Eris idea. 