• Published 2nd Jul 2012
  • 5,346 Views, 224 Comments

From Order to Chaos - Neoandermcd



My life was simple, but everything changed after the chess game attacked...wait wrong story. This is the story of a man who tries to hold onto his sanity while participating in a game created by the gods.

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The not so great escape

Ok, so maybe jumping out the window wasn’t the soundest plan ever, but then again I wasn’t really thinking clearly. First off: I’m actually in Equestria so most of my brain power is trying to still comprehend that. Second: I just talked to an animal…well granted it was a Phoenix, but nonetheless an animal that was shown in the show to be mischief with some level of intelligence. Thirdly: I’m a Draconequus, who is currently being chased by the entire royal guard. Now I know what some of you are thinking, ‘oh he has wings why doesn’t he just fly what a moron etc.’ Well trying to use my wings is like trying to tell a blind person what the color red is or telling a deaf person what a horn sounds like.

Basically it’s fucking impossible. Well maybe not impossible-for the wings anyways-,but we're talking about muscles I’ve never used before. So yeah, that’s why I’m going to die. Because I was too stupid to remember that tidbit of information and…wow this is one tall building.

It’s been about three minutes since I jumped out of the window. Instead of looking at where I was going to fall to my death, I decided to fall with style. So there I was falling to my death as I had my hands behind my head in a laying down posture. It’s also funny what kind of thoughts you have before you die. I always assumed my life would flash before my eyes or all of my regrets would surface up and I’d have the sudden urge to live, yet it never came. Instead I was just looking up at the sky with a peaceful expression. One that said: ‘Meh, it could have been worse.’

‘Just a minute or two left before it’s over.’ I thought to myself as I took a glance down towards the ground, which was about less than a minute away. With a heavy sigh I took a glance towards-where I guessed-was Ponyville. “Well at least I got to see Ponyville and Luna’s beautiful night sky.” I said out loud, the castle wall now covering my view of the surrounding area.

“And so ends the tale of Ronald B. Anderson the second, it was a good run, but every story must come to an end.” I spoke, mimicking the end theme from Fallout NV and closed my eyes. That’s when I felt the cold slightly moist earth against my back. The pain was that of a thousand…pillow feathers?

‘Ta fuck going on.’ I thought as I opened my eyes and found myself stuck between some sort of white walls. Using my new appendages I could feel the softest material I’ve ever felt in my entire life. It was like those really soft beds back at home, but multiplied by like hundred times and I never wanted to get up ever again. Alas the universe wasn’t done with me yet as the soft material made a snapping noise followed by me falling on the ground with a soft thud. Looking at the object that saved my life I noticed it was that same cloud that blocked the moon earlier.

‘Wow no wonder Dash is seen sleeping on clouds all the time they’re fucking comfortable.’ I thought as the cloud--which was stretched out like a rubber band--started to dissipate.

Realization struck me like a slap to the face. “I’m alive.” I said, stupefied by the random chance of surviving a death experience. Which was then followed by me cheering like an idiot. Hey don’t get me wrong even though I was calm during the whole affair I was still scared shitless. Only fools don’t fear death and only the paranoid fear death.

Calming myself down, I looked towards the sky, gave the one finger salute, and shouted as loud as I could, “Fuck you, universe!” Only for that to be the second stupidest thing I did today as I was now covered in spotlights.

“THERE HE IS! GET HIM!” A group of night guards yelled, their voices echoed/blended with one another.

“Oh, come on!” I yelled shaking my fist to the universe, only to jump out of the way as the night guards dived bombed me.
The sound of a door banging open distracted me as I took a glance towards the sound. “He’s over there get him!” Yelled one of the day guards, which was followed by a swarm of earth ponies charging right towards me.

Without a second thought I turned and ran as fast as my new legs could take me. Which was surprising very far and fast as I was able to outrun the earth ponies by a few miles. It would have actually been more if it wasn’t the fact that Pegasi are surprisingly fast little buggers and were able to keep up with my pace quite easily. “Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!” I yelled as I continuously ducked, dodged and rolled out of the way.

Two things I would like to point out: one Canterlot Castle is fucking huge. It feels like I’ve been running around in circles. I mean I wouldn’t be surprised if there were maps all around the castle that said ‘You’re here’. Second….wait, screw that. I just found me a way out! Noticing a lone window--set window being randomly open--I ran towards it with all my might and jumped through it. I was going to continue to run, but a strange feeling took me over. I still felt in control, yet my body was responding on its own.

The best way to describe it would be instinct I guess. Anyways instead of ruining, I turned around and grasped the window in my hand. The night guards were a few seconds away from tackling me and knocking the living daylights out of me. At the last second I slammed the window against their face.

Now you would think that the glass window would break when struck against something, but they were in fact quite sturdy as a loud thud rang out followed by a bunch of flop sounds. Reopening the window I took a glance down and saw a group of night guards all knocked out moaning in pain. ‘Well cartoon world: one, real world: zero.’ I thought to myself and then remembered the group of earth ponies coming after me. Re-closing the window I ran down the hall just as the guards burst through a different one and gave chase.

Again this castle is FUCKING HUGE. And to make matters worse all the hallways look exactly the same. White stone walls with some windows--sometime a table holding a vase with flowers--and a light red carpet that went down the middle laced with gold designs criss crossing every which way. On the walls were some candles that gave off enough light just to see with an occasional portrait every now and again. I took the third right hoping to lose my pursuers within this maze of a castle, but they were quite persistent...and were now firing balls of arcane magic at me.

Right, left, left, straight, right, left. This went on for a while as I kept on ruining, occasionally having to jump cartoonishly out of the way. How I did that, I’ll never know. When suddenly that strange instinctual feeling came back. Instead of taking a left, I took a right followed by another right which lead to another right, which…you know what I was basically running around in a big circle, or square technically. After about three minutes of that at the last second before making a right turn, I instead made a left and pressed myself against the wall peeking out from the corner. ‘This won’t work they’re trained professionals that have battle creatures I’ve never seen or heard of and-’

“He went this way boys come on we almost have him!”A guard shouted out and made the right turn, the rest of his squad right behind him.

‘…*face palm and mental face palm* Cartoon world: Two, real world: Zero.’

“I don’t even…” I began until I remembered why I was running to begin with. Turning towards the hall, I made my way down it at a brisk pace.

~A few minutes later~

“Annnnnnd I’m lost.” I said out loud, the occasionally yell of the guards asking, ‘Where Discord is?’ roaring throughout the castle. I don’t know if I’ve said this before, but this castle Fuck…you got to be shiting me. I looked dumbfounded at the item on the wall. It was just sitting there taunting me the whole damn time and I missed it completely…it was a map.

“You gotta be kidding.” I said out loud once more drawing closer to the map. The map showed the whole layout of the castle, except for where the royal/guest chambers, the treasury--if they have one--,and the armory was. Even though it made no sense whatsoever it was still pretty damn impressive and well detailed. Ironically it did have the little star thing that showed where you were at, but more importantly it showed me how to get out of here.

Plotting out my path to get the buck out of here, I was about to implement my plan when out of nowhere, “So Sarge do you really think Discord escaped or is it just a look alike because from what I’ve heard-” Rambled on a young female guard that was heading towards my direction.

“As far as I know somepony just snuck into the castle and is just playing a prank on us.” Announced a gruff voice. There talking getting louder by the second. “Besides Discord was just sealed up not a few days ago, no way in Tartarus did he escape so quickly.”

‘So that means I’m at the beginning of season two give or take. Depends on what going down in Ponyville right now and…oh god they’re coming this way!’ I thought and dashed around the corner.

“Did you see that?” The older pony asked.

“See what Sarge?” The younger one asked, confused.

“Could've sworn I saw something…let’s go.” He said the sound of his hooves getting louder by the second.

‘Oh god, got to hide, got to hide!’ I thought as I looked around for someplace to hide. Only problem was that this was a dead end and there was nothing to hide behind. The only thing here were three unmarked doors. I tried the first two, but they were both locked though the last one was unlocked. Quickly I jumped inside and closed the door as quickly/quietly as possible. Calming myself down I pressed my new ear against the door and listened.

“See anything in the other rooms.”

“No Sarge.”

“Well let’s just check this room and-”

‘Oh, god no!’ I back away from the door only to hear a muffled no, followed by a thud against the door. Taking a chance I went back to my previous spot and listened once more.

“Trust me, Sarge, we would’ve know if he was in this room you must be hearing things.” The younger one said.

“Yeah, I guess.” He said a bit sadly, which was followed by the sound of hoof steps walking away.

Releasing a breath I didn’t know I was holding, I turned around and pinched the bridge of my nose while leaning against the door. ‘Man this place has been one constant headache or adrenaline rush right after the other. What else could go wrong?’ I thought. Opening my eyes to get a better look at the room I was in my gaze meet with a group of mares in an open sauna like bathroom. We looked at one another for a few minutes: the mares looking at me with shock which quickly turned to a death glare and me looking at them with a stupefy and fearful look. Because let me tell you: women be crazy when they're pissed.

“This isn’t what it look like.” I said with a sheepish grin.

All the mares took in a deep breath and shouted, “Pervert!” As they began to throw anything and everything they could get their hooves on.

As I shot up to my feet while dodging the onslaught of random things being thrown at me, I couldn’t help but notice that I was quite flexible. Being able to bend in random/impossible angles was a rather odd feeling to experience. I think I finally understand what it is like to be a rubber band. I also couldn’t help noticing how attractive mares were with their mane all we-...OH GOD I’VE BECOME A CLOPPER. At that sudden realization I bolted out the door and ran with the angry mob of mares right behind me. Running--you know I’ve been doing that a lot today, yay exercising--through the castle once more, I immediately got lost and just so happen to run into the squad of guards who were still ‘chasing’ after me.

“There he is! I told you maggots that we would catch up to him.” The leader yelled out and started to chase me once again.

So now I’m being chased by a ‘genius’ squad leader and his squad plus a group of angry mares. ‘Can this get any wors-’ The sound of a window breaking got my attention followed by the sound of wings being flapped.

“There that bucking lizard, get him!” Roared one of the night guards that I knocked out earlier who was now adorning a large bump on his head.

‘Can this get any-’

‘Shut the fuck up and stop saying that!’ A voice in my head yelled out.

‘Ta fuck was that?’ I thought but quickly dismissed it and continued my run from the mob of angry ponies. Turning the corner sharply--almost slipping--,I found my ticket back to the outdoors. How did I know this? Because I’m pretty sure this is the same window that I smashed the night guards with. I went full throttle towards my escape--planning to just jump through it--, but once more my instinct took over and instead of jumping through it, I went Fluttershy style out the window and ran towards the garden maze.

Weirdly enough the ponies were momentarily stunned, but soon continued their chase after me. Thanks to that, I was able to turn a corner giving me a couple of minutes to find a place to hide. The maze was just as big as the castle and quite frankly just as confusing looking as the castle. So staying in here for too long would be a no go and besides the Pegasi would be able to fly above the maze and spot me. The only other thing in sight was a white pedestal that had a broken statue next to it. The sound of hoof steps growing louder with each second wasted.

Even with my new body, I could feel my energy reserve going towards the red. Plus the soreness from earlier wasn’t helping as with each step my body protest in agony. My instinct took over once more as I shuffled my way over towards the pedestal and climbed on top. Just as the first of the guards turned the corners, I posed my face scrunching up into a look of fear while my hands were posed as if I was rejecting something. The ponies all stopped and began muttering to themselves trying to find me while I stayed perfectly still. Couple of heart pounding seconds later they all dispersed in different directions. As the last pony disappeared from sight, I immediately released my breath and fell comically to the ground in utter exhaustion.

“That’s….forget it.” I said as I took in deep and steady breath to calm my heart. ‘CW: three or uh four I think, RW: zero.’ With my heart now calm, I stood up on shaky legs-or goat and lizard leg- and made my way towards the castle wall. Using the wall as a crutch, I slowly--and hopefully--made my way out of here.

‘If I remember correctly there was some sort of river that flowed out of the castle over this way. This also begs the question of why would they put that on a map or in general have a map to begin with? Do they really believe that no one would dare or try to sneak into the castle to steal something or-’ My train of thought stopped as I turned the corner and ran into someone. Falling back to the ground and moaning in pain, I took a look at who I ran into and was meet with Princess Luna herself, accompanied by two of her night guards.

“YOU!” She said pointing a hoof at me.

“Oh shi-” I tried to say but I was yanked up in the air, courtesy of a purplish blue aura surrounding me.

“But you can’t be?” She said to herself, confused and proceeded to walk back the way she came while I just kind of floated by her unable to move. Reaching out with her magic she pushed the hedges out of her way and kept on walking completely forgetting about me as I was forced through the hedges. After spitting out a couple of leafs that managed to get into my mouth, I then knew exactly where we were going. “It’s just as I thought.” Luna said to herself as she closely looked at the statue of Discord himself and then back to me. “Who are you?” She asked bringing me face to face with her.

‘Crap! What do I do? What do I do?’ I thought beads of sweat sliding down the side of my head as I looked at her nervously, while she stared me down waiting for a response. ‘Ok just think this through, so far I’ve done four cartoonish like things and got away scott free so with that logic in mind what would a cartoon do in this situation.’ That's when I suddenly remembered one of the most classical cartoon things to do in this sort of situation.

“Mpphhffrmmpmh.” I tried to say but my mouth was shut tight.

“Opps.” Luna said with a sheepish smile and released some pressure from my head allowing me to move and talk. The second she did that my head reached out towards her and I planted a kiss right on her lips. After I separated our lips, I immediately tried to make a run for it, but my body was still held up in place.

‘What the hell? Isn’t she…she is, but why am I still being held up in place? This always worked for Bugs.’ I thought as I watched the stun Princess flop down on her haunches and stare at me dumbfounded, the guards that were still there gave me the same expression.

“You…you…” she said as if the weight of the world came crashing down on her which turned into a full blown look of righteous fury. “YOU DARE KISS-” She shouted in Royal Canterlot voice, effectively sending me flying towards the castle where I went face first and then everything went black.