Hm. It was rather short, that's one complaint. Though I like the idea behind it, and the grammar is not too shabby if I do say so myself, I feel like it would benefit from a longer chapter. And the Intro chapter seems a tad unnecessary to me, perhaps merely adding it into this one with a break in between it would suffice, or taking it out entirely. But that's not to say I don't see potential for you. If you could try and write longer chapters, you'd probably write something pretty good in my book, but this is just a little too short to be amazing to me.

But none-the-less, good job.

7457204
It was just something I whipped up because I felt like it. If enough people like it by the end of the week I'll probably rewrite it, making it longer and adding a bunch of detail and maybe a few more chapters.

Thanks though.

7457206 Okkie dokie. ^w^

7457214
I've written quite a few other stories, though a lot of them are short and I just whipped them up for no reason like this one. But you can check them out if you want. I'd like to hear your opinion on them if you're interested.

7457216 Sure! I'll check them out in a bit, I'm nervously watching my own recently posted fic at the moment. XD Lemme grab an iced coffee and I'll check it out.

7457220
XD Thanks, I'll check out yours while I'm waiting for more views on mine.

7457223 Thanks! ^w^ Leave a comment if you can, I really like comments. XD

You ought to do more of the story; this is good.

7457616
Thanks. When I get the time and energy I'll work on it. Thank you. Oh crap I said thank you twice

7458301

You're welcome²!

I love this!

(I swear, these stories are making you my favorite author)

7710659 you and me both gal (well next to calm that is sorry)

7916236

Totally agree!

7920532 calm is #1 soardash author

7920947

That is totally true :)

7921167 IKR?!

7921174

Yep :)

BTW I think my mail is still wrecked...I'll see what I can do...

7921353

7921442

Me derp

7923308 you derp