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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice chapter, although as the plot gets more and more complex, the less and less this story works as porn (don't deny it!)
Not that this is a bad thing, I always like a good story that has depth, but it makes the saucy aspects feel a little awkward.
Christ, I forgot about this... probably for the best, but now you mentioned it again.
Please tell me this isn't named after that stupid meme that should be erased from existence.
7559224 Nope, Doge as in Dodge City. Sort of a western theme felt appropriate for the area and Dog City was a little...blunt.
You just love your puns, don't you?
I love the story,
especially with the major focus on plot instead of explicit sex scenes.
I really hope to Growf dont get into to many problems for letting Valiente loose.
I would still call it porn, especially with the previous chapter.
It might even give you more readers if you gave the story the sex tag.
Adding a picture and a explanation for which explicit things can be expected, will also help.
So, "Wing Attack Plan - R" will be a go? :D
Nice story, some interesting twists I didn't see coming. I see why the two mares gave you such a talking to, they were (and possibly still are) headed down a path neither really wishes.
That story, however, I would have thought it would shake Rarity a little more than it did. The way Long describes it, the pony looked and acted normal right up until the day the bridle broke him. She now knows it may in fact be a ticking bomb on her head.
great chapter once again.
Hmm. I have my doubts regarding Long Strider. I have a gut feeling that his intentions are far from pure.
Great chapter, though!
7559292
yes, yes he does love his puns. He's gotten the kids into doing them too. So I suffer from puns from 4 different directions, daily, hourly and sometimes to the point of putting my noise cancelling headphones on and disappearing into (game of choice) until they stop.
The problem is that they don't stop.
The Chewish-Yippish pun was bouncing around the house for DAYS. I still groan.
As for what he's up to, there's onions coming. As in stinky, disgusting, yucky onions.
7559378 To be honest, I've debated the Sex tag since day 1 with this story. As I said in one of my blog posts this originally was going to be straight up clop in the beginning. Bad guys grab Rarity, bit of bridle based bondage, some sex and either she escapes or is rescued. Bing, bang, boom, first story done.
And then I started actually writing and I just couldn't do it. I had to explain how, and how lead into why which lead into who and then what. So, I wound up with an actual story, with an actual plot. Add in a few key comments from a couple of early readers and my imagination spun out of control. I've actually got background notes written on various chapters within Luna's dog worshipers. I've got notes on what Doge City looks like. And if I wrote it all the story would be a travelog and not a story.
So, without any actual intercourse or penetration (as yet, it could still happen) I decided not to go with the Sex tag so I didn't draw in folks looking for clop and then walking away disappointed or pissed.
The old foes are diamond dogs, right?
7559771 Yes they are. That intro was the very first one I'd written and it isn't a strong one. 2 months of writing every day since then has taught me that much at least. Welcome to the story. My first ever. As such any constructive criticisms are appreciated.
7559720
I can understand why you are afraid of disappointing readers looking for a straight clop fic.
But I think you lose a lot of possible reader by not using a tag they are looking for.
I would go with having the sex tag and write in the description that ther are no "actual intercourse or penetration".
That the main fokus is on the plot and it just contain a lot of fetish fuel.
Sorry if I am a little bossy I just think the story deserves a lot mot up votes then it have gotten. :)
If you need a good pic for the story description do say and I will help you find one.
7559865 Okay, seeing as you aren't the first or even the second or third to suggest the Sex tag I've decided to put it up. And Starlight Nova's comment made me realize I should edit the intro into something that better reflects 2 months as opposed to 2 hours of writing experience.
I gotta say, this really hurts the kinky appeal of the premise. It's effectively torture for every pony so inflicted, instead of a kink they grow to enjoy being submissive. It's a terrible ending for all of them, and to imagine that the Dogs are freely doing that pretty much ruins any sympathy I have for them.
Was it your intention to switch the appeal of this story with this chapter, to try and kill the appeal of seeing Rarity giving in? Or does the idea of being trapped inside your own head, unable to affect anything no matter what you do appeal to you as the author?
Because it would be like reading torture scenes...
Note: One thing I do find odd, is this "locking away" of the real Rarity. This... is not something I saw coming, and at least for me strays into "pure horror" territory. Training, breaking, all that is par for the course in most mind-control/brainwashing fics. Locking someone away in their own head, with no release, no control? That is a bit much.
Still interested in seeing where it goes, but more for the story now than the kinky side of things.
(Note+ This is not criticism of your story, more a statement of my personal feelings on it)
7560312 I was trying to show that there is a side of Rarity that likes BDSM. That would actually enjoy being bound, bridled and made to obey someone else. It is a part of her that she would be willing to explore in a safe situation with someone she trusts. The problem is that the dogs are trying to force this part of her to be dominant.
And yes, the dogs ARE walking down a dark path which is going to damn them unless something happens to shake them from it.
What is here in this Chapter is how Rarity's conscious and subconscious are interpreting the situation she is in. It is about as subjective as it can get. Side Slip likely saw it differently, as did the other 3 ponies the dogs have snagged.
7560325
Hence, the Dark tag.
To my mind, to change someone so fundamentally as the dogs are doing can have no other result than to break the mind of who they are doing it to. Perhaps, if they spent months training and taming Rarity or they were able to have her willingly embrace submission and slavery they could change her without breaking her mind but they way they are doing it?
No. The mind breaks. Either it breaks entirely, as we saw with Side Slip. Or, it fractures, which seems to be the way Rarity is headed.
7560566 It just seems, with how you have described the personalities in her head, that the bridle is going to effectively shutting down Rarity and leaving a vague copy of her behind. She isn't being broken, her thinking self is being excised and locked away.
Maybe it is just how I interpret it, at any rate.
This was a great chapter, I really liked the way you described the mind altering by locking away the "real" Rarity in a cage, it's a great idea I've never seen before that combines bondage and Mind Control. I don't think it's that "dark" either, like some people have pointed out. I mean, it's not like the real Rarity is killed inside her mind, just locked away, so there is still the possibility there to get her out and undo the damage her mind took. But maybe she gets more and more bound/restricted inside that cage the longer she's influenced by the bridle? That would explain how it becomes increasingly difficult to bring her back the longer she is under the influence of the bridle. Just a thought.
The only thing I didn't like that much is the way you described Side Slips change into Aerius, which seemed to have happened instantaneously. Shouldn't the changes have happened more subtle, with him slowly losing himself?
But as I said, overall it was great! Definitively looking forward to the next one
LOVE THE DISCUSSION WITH RARITY AND LONG STRIDER, IT WAS VERY WELL DONE!!
Wow. Such Meme. Much allusion. very 9gag.
Yippish?
Ugh.
-10 to Ravenclaw.
7560828
My guess is, the change is when he stopped fighting it, when it got so much it just .. snapped.
7598869
I wonder if they use dogecoins.
10236848
Lol