I sat there with Princess Luna for a little while longer. We said nothing, keeping to our own thoughts. Eventually, however, I decided we needed to move on. Besides, I'm not a hugger, and while I did hug the princess for a while I only did that because I felt it helped her. I was starting to feel extremely awkward, besides...though I've had more hugs in an hour or so than I usually get in a month. I'm hoping it's not some pony instinct.
Anyways, I stopped hugging Luna and looked around. "Princess Luna?" I asked, looking at her. "Where are the pencils and paper? I was thinking of writing down some of the things you mentioned in your story to ask about, but I don't know what I'm supposed to write with."
The princess levitated a box onto the table. Her magic opened the box and revealed a roll of paper, like a scroll. It was like printer paper, but it seemed a little yellow and the texture of the paper could be seen a bit. Next to the paper on one side of the box was a long quill made of a long, midnight blue feather, as well as an simple inkwell. On the other side I saw a roll of what looked like fabric for ribbons, as well as a partially melted hunk of wax and a metal stamper. Luna levitated the paper, quill, and inkwell over in front of me as I pushed my ball to the side a bit. Unfurling the parchment and popping the cap off the inkwell, the princess smiled at me. "This is were I put everything I need to send my more personal letters, but I think we can use it for your notes at the moment. Do you know how to write, Dawn?" I nodded an affirmative and took the quill in my magic slowly.
As I attempted to dip the quill in the ink-pot I remembered something. I didn't have much dexterity at all. Sure, the odd magical surge copied what I assume was Twilight's body's muscle memory, somehow, but the magical dexterity was unaffected. I could do simple things, like levitate objects around or hold them in a spot, but more than that and it gets hard. It's still fine for moving food closer to me, but not for putting it in my mouth without getting messy. Similarly, putting the tip of the elegant quill into the somewhat small hole of the inkwell. Taking it slow, i tried to guide it into the hole. I ended up missing a few times anyways, and it was a few minutes before I got it in at all.
"Hmm...it seems you need to practice your magic before you can take notes...unless you can hoofwrite?" A shake from my head answered the princess's question.
"I know how to put down the words, but I don'd think I have the precision...unless Twilight can hoofwrite?" I shrugged to my own question. "Either way, it's probably best that I practice my magic. Can't exactly move on if I haven't mastered the basics."
"Then perhaps you can use the ball you seem attached to for practice. Levitate it above the table and then move it downwards. Stop the ball before it touched the table surface." Princess Luna demonstrated this by holding my blue ball above the table. She then moved it downwards quickly, but stopped before it impacted. "Start with a slow speed. Once you feel confident in your ability, move it faster. This should help you obtain the control you need."
It sounded easy enough, so I grabbed the ball in my magic and did the same as the princess, but at a much slower pace. I was able to stop it, and I smiled to myself. And I thought this was going to be hard! However I was proved wrong. The problem was that my current skill in magic was like using a numb limb. I know I'm gripping the ball in my magic, but anything too fast and I start losing control. When trying to levitate my ball down and catch it faster than before, it ended up bouncing against the table.
I frowned and tried again, and again it bounced. The glow around the ball and my horn intensified as I held it firmer in my magical grasp. With a look of focus I pushed the ball down with my magic, and this time I was able to catch it. I felt happy with myself, but Princess Luna was displeased. "Dawn, the point of this practice isn't to use force to make the ball obey. It's to teach you control. Right now you are using enough magic to lift one of the royal guards, just to hold the ball in position. Using force to make spells work will only drain you unnecessarily, and with more complicated spells too much power can cause them to backfire in dangerous ways. You need to learn finesse before anything else. Try again, and only use as much magic as you need to hold it."
I grumbled but conceded. I would rather just use magic to solve the problem, but using too much would be like straining a kind of muscle for nothing. So I kept practicing with the ball, continuing to have trouble with it. As I practiced, using different starting heights and speeds to add some variation and interest, Luna watched. Despite how boring my display of magic probably was, she seemed to smile and enjoy it all the same. It was just a small smile, the kind a parental figure gets when watching their kids and simply enjoying being with them. I decided to not look into it too much and kept practicing.
After a little while, Princess Luna stood up from her seat, replacing all the objects in her box and putting it back to where it was before. "Excuse me, Dawn, but I must go for now. I have a nocturnal schedule during the week and I have stayed up much later than I usually do. I'll send Twilight or one of her friends to join you if you'd like."
"Thanks, I would appreciate it." I gave her a smile, which she returned. With that she started trotting out of the room. "Wait! Princess Luna?" I called out to her before she reached the stairs. She looked back towards me, confusion on her face. "I'm really grateful for what you're doing. It really helps bring some order to all the confusion I feel. I can't wait for my next lesson."
Luna's smile came back, a bit wider than before. "Neither can I, even something as simple as levitation has proven to be great fun. I doubt other lessons will be quite as therapeutic however." With a slight chuckle at that, she left the room, leaving me to continue practicing my magic. After a little while longer of using my magic I decided to put my ball down and relax. I started to let my mind wander about the different kinds of spells I might learn eventually when Twilight's pegusus friend came in.
The prismatic pegasus gave me a wave with her hoof. "Hey, Dawn."
"Hey...Rainbow Dash, right?" She nodded.
"Yup, that's me! Fastest flier in all of Equestria!" Normally I'd think she was just blowing hot air, but I was reminded that I was a purple clone unicorn girl in magic pony land. Thus, I didn't comment.
"Yeah...I think I remember you saying that." I tried to recall what else was said. "Maybe you should tell me more. I heard plenty about Twilight and Rarity, but you didn't say too much about yourself. What do you do around town again?"
"I'm the captain of the Ponyville weather team!" She said pridefully. "I make sure that the weather is in check and on schedule. I also make sure the farms are getting the right amount of water and prevent storms from getting too large. It's a tough job sometimes, but it helps me prepare to join the Wonderbolts!" Deciding to ask Princess Luna about how their weather works later, I instead asked about who the Wonderbolts were. Her fangirl reaction was a bit surprising.
"WHAT?! How can you not know who the Wonderbolts are?! They are the best flying team in all of Equestria! You'd have to live on a rock farm to not know about them!" What the...how do you farm rocks? Despite my inner confusion, I gave her a deadpan stare. After a few moments her eyes widened in realization. "Riiiiiiiight...You were pretty much born yesterday..." She blushed and gave me an embarrassed smile. "Ehehehe...sorry.
"Well, since you seem to like them so much why don't you tell me all about them?" I soon regretted my request. Turns out she wasn't any old fangirl. She was a fangirl on the border of being a stalker, that's how much she knew about them. From what I was told at first, they seemed pretty cool. In fact, from the color scheme and their jobs, they sounded an awful lot like the old Blue Angels. They flew around for fun, did tricks, and were generally known to be the best of the best when it comes to flying. They were also called in as an elite unit for matters of military intervention and such. The leader of them was called Spitfire, her second in command was named Soarin. After this it went into "creepy" territory, with Rainbow Dash able to recall their favorite foods, colors, stores, and even personal quirks from memory alone. Eventually I couldn't listen to any more of their personal lives and shoved a hoof into her mouth, thankfully doing no damage.
"Thats...nice that you like them so much, Rainbow, but can you please tell me why you know so much about them? No offence, but you know way too much and its slightly terrifying and extremely stalkerish." I removed my hoof from her muzzle and wiped her drool on the floor, wishing I had used my magic instead.
"Bleh..." Rainbow wiped her mouth where my hoof was. "Well, I really want to be one of them one day, it's been my dream ever since I was a little filly! They are the best fliers, and I want to be one of the best. So I train every day and practice my stunts so that I can join them!" She looked at my back and sighs. "Too bad you didn't get wings like Twilight, then I might be able to show you a bit how I feel."
I ignored the fact that her explanation did nothing to say why she knew so many details about their personal lives. "Me too, but I was told that the wings have to 'be earned' first, since no-one is born an alicorn. Still, at least I have magic."
Rainbow seemed to think for a moment, an idea appearing in her head. "Hey, why don't I fly you around?" Before I could voice my confusion, she explained. "You don't have wings, but I do. I can carry you as I fly around and give you a taste of being a pegasus!"
"Rainbow, that's a terrible idea."
"Oh you'll be fiiiiine." Rainbow waved a hoof dismissively. "I've carried 4 ponies at once before no problem!"
I still hesitated, since she didn't look like she could carry me. Then again, she didn't look like she would be able to fly herself either. Eventually giving in, I agreed to let her fly me around. Her response caused me to painfully facepalm with my hoof. "Don't worry, with me flying nothing could possibly go wrong!"
~A few minutes later, elsewhere in Canterlot Castle~
Celestia sat on a balcony right outside her personal study, drinking tea with her student. They had spent the time from lunch talking about the upcoming coronation. Twilight had been understandably nervous about the whole situation, but as Celestia explained things out, the purple alicorn began to calm down. Details and plans had always been something that calmed Twilight, and Celestia was happy to help her feel more comfortable. After a while their conversation drifted to more casual topics, such as everyday life in Ponyville, interesting goings on in the Day Court, and Prince Blueblood's recent complaints.
Eventually the conversation drifted to Dawn. "I just don't know what to make of her princess." Twilight said to her mentor. "She seems friendly enough, but she is just so...unpredictable it seems. When I asked her name she gave an answer that was deep and thoughtful, then she smiles and tells me she made it up on the spot! Then when talking she went from happy and cheerful to quiet and sad. She just...bounces around it seems, and I don't know how to help her."
The sun princess gave a nod in understanding. She too had noticed Dawn's...unpredictability. Still, she knew it was as normal as one could be in such a situation. "Well Twilight, she is likely confused. From what I can tell, the only thing she has from you alone is her looks. The rest of her, such as her soul, magic, and personality comes from you and your closest friends. I doubt that she knows what to feel because everything about her is still settling, and it will likely be a little while before she feels she understands herself. We can help her by showing that she has a place in this world and helping her find where she fits in."
Twilight smiled a little. "Hopefully she won't mind moving to Ponyville with me then. It's a great place to make the friends she'll need."
"I'm sure she would love to go with you, though she may not like all the...exciting events that seem to occur in that town often."
"Don't worry princess! With me and the girls there, nothing will happen to Dawn!"
As Twilight said that however, a screaming purple pony plummeted perilously past the two princess's perch, a rainbow colored blur rushing quickly past.
"..."
"..."
"...Princess?"
"Yes, Twilight?"
"Was that?..."
"Yes, I believe so."
"Should we...er, check on them?"
"Yes, I believe that is a good idea."
And with that, Celestia teleported Twilight and herself to to the floor below.
8011767 this is why
8043868 . . .
oh gosh, i remember reciting most of what was said in this animation on robocraft a couple of years ago. i can only imagine the amount of confusion that was going through the random player's heads.
Nice having you back
No, they'll be fine. Just ignore the crashes, explosions, and bloodcurdling screams.
Also, your other chapters are not numerically numbered, why is this one?
Why are there so many stories where (insert human here) become Twilight Sparkle, or a Twilight Sparkle look alike?
Is it like writing a story where you become Superman or a Superman like character in its universe?
I mean I have nothing against the premise, it can be very entertaining if written well, I just find it odd how often I come across someone wanting to write that exact premise.
~Leonzilla
8043934 aaaah, crap. Forgot to name it
8043924 Thanks! Sorry I took so long.
8044000
That's a nice name. Keep up the good work!
8043868
That makes absolutely no sense. And I love it! Why? Why does that exist?!
You mean don't, also FINALLY!!!!!
8043991
She's the primary main character and too many people don't follow Pixar's rule about throwing out your first few ideas because they're too obvious.
8043868 mhm I understand. Habah dubah dubahbah dupah pahdu dupah dudah dubah'hah dupah.
Lol rainbow crash strikes again.
I guess Flurry Hearth earned them by bringing a loadsa money to Hasbro
8044214 yea, I don't like pixar rules myself they are too restrictive. That's one of the major reasons I prefer to read fanfiction. There tend to be a much greater diversity of stories since fanfiction don't tend to follow well established threads designed to gurantied the story will appeal to some people.
This story might not be original in it's premise, but the execution is still more likely to be unique just on account of being written by an amateur rather than a professional.
~Leonzilla
Aaaaand you jinxed it.
Another great chapter :)
Great! and Awesome!
I just read about her ball again, maybe she should make a play date for the ball with boulder. It would be even funnier if for whatever reason it would look like the two of them would actually do their own thing, appearing in a different place with no one actually knowing who put it there and stuff.
Just making sure you haven't forgotten it, but I know it is still to soon to say something. I just really would like her to get her own friends too, maybe two of them acting like the main 5 for Twilight.
Not sure if I can say it exactly the way you understand it the best, but I really hope even if I like the idea, that it doesn't have to mean that Twilight is going to control everything Dawn wants to do and stuff like that.
In many stories the main char is somehow controlled in his actions by either Twilight or a different princess saying what he can do or the main char not doing what she wants. (because she get's easily talked into something else).
I only remember that we already talked about her being friends with the main six too, but I want to see her having some sort of an own life and not Twilight getting her way if she thinks she can controll what she is doing. Did they meet Twilight's parents already?
I get confused because I remember a similar storie where the second Twilight was made pretty much a slut that I had tried a few days before.
It was a really nice chapter, still one of the stories I like the most at the moment.
8043991 While this is one of the better TWilight clone stories I had to read for a while, now that you say it I would love to see a clone story with maybe Coco, Tree Hugger, Maud or even Mrs Harswinney. (I can't really remember how to write the grumpy ponys name.)
8044730
I mainly just stick with the "You're not as original/clever as you think you are... so plan for that" principle embodied in that one rule.
(Besides, I really enjoy sitting down with a friend who writes and playing "second-guess the meanings" on their ideas. I really helps to come up with novel ways to flesh out their ideas.)
What could possibly go wrong?
Well, Dawn's reaction was probably what we all thought
Murphy's law just got a challenge... and once more, it won.
Oh well, at least Twi and Celestia both managed to do something about it, even if Rainbow is fast enough to catch Dawn.
Poor Dawn will have some trauma from that. Unless she was expecting that, and seeing how fast Rainbow can save her, will ask to do so again. Anything is possible at this time!
8045109 I'd like to see that too.
Earn there wings? Um Flurry and the sisters would like a world with you. because all three are born alicorns.
8045133 second guess the meanings?
How do you go about that? How does it work?
8045109 Maud? How would that story go? I can't even start to imagine it.
~Leonzilla
8046177
It depends on how many layers of meaning you can find to question, but at it's simplest, you take a statement (it can be a plot idea, a scene summary, a piece of dialogue, or whatever. That's the beauty of it) like "Twilight Sparkle is a timberwolf in disguise" and then start picking at the semantic tokens.
Q: Who is "Twilight Sparkle"?
A: <Description of the canon character>
Now you can either keep pressing, which helps the author root out hazy areas in their understanding of the character, or you two can set that answer aside and get experimental. For example, what if it's another character who's also named "Twilight Sparkle" (maybe an ancestor our Twilight discovers writings about and starts researching). What if it's not "The Twilight Sparkle", but "A Twilight Sparkle"? What situations could produce more than one of her and what potential would that open up? What if it is "The Twilight Sparkle", but not in the way we think? Does that mean an AU version of the character we know? Some archetypal figure she's named after? ...or what about the founder of the Sparkle line from "the twilight of Equestrian history"? (ie. The Twilight Sparkle = The Sparkle [from/of the] Twilight)
You can keep trading out broadening and deepening questions until you feel you're drifting too consistently away from the tone/feel/concept/etc. you want to the story to embody, then you move on.
Q: What is a timberwolf?
As before, you can guide the author through fleshing out their conception, or work together to get experimental. Sports team? Mundane/non-Equestrian Timberwolf? In this case, it's probably easier to accept the base premise of Equestrian timberwolves, then start looking for ways to reinterpret what's shown in canon.
I think you get the idea. You then move on to "in disguise" (an especially useful thing to question if you're in the mood for comedy) and finally, you question "is" itself.
Q: What does "is" mean?
This is where you start brainstorming the implications of taking the statement metaphorically, or philosophically, or any other non-literal interpretation of the phrase.
I haven't thought on timberwolves enough to give a really satisfying example, but think about words like "loanshark" and "cardshark" and you'll get the idea of what I mean.
What makes it so powerful is that ability to pause at any moment and then apply it to any layer of the story's structure, or any layer of the language's meaning. The more you practice it, the more you start to get a feel for where to look first in order to find hidden potential.
8046177 Well like every other story would work, with Maud being Maud (the character being the character), and the clone being someone else, like in this story.
8045913
It's probably working from an earlier season's canon. Wanderer D wrote a great blog post called The Decline of the Alicorn on how Twilight's Ascension and Flurry Heart's existence represent a ruination of the vision of Celestia and Luna that Faust had while she was in charge.
8046310 maybe but they make sense and doesn't nullify the idea of born alicorns.
*Dawn is thrown into a window* Medic...
8047115
Nullify in general? No... but in the sense of "this story is based in a version of Equestria from an earlier season where the author's headcanon filled in unshown details differently"? That's a perfectly reasonable justification.
If Luna is her magic teacher won't moving with Twi hurt her magic lessons that if she lived in the castle instead?
8043991
Mostly because she is the MC of the show.
8045109
I am writing one with Luna, not with Nightmare Moon, and those are not that common. Not everyone agrees with NotLuna choices but she is basically lying to save her life and Equestria.
As much as I love self insert, this story and character is perfect! Dawn os oretty great and the ball just makes it comedic for reasons I cannot fathom...
...
Keep going!
8045913 Yes but doesn't Celestia say that she's never heard of an Alicorn being borne like that? Or something similar?
8051180 alicorn born in Equestria. which means she and Luna were born before it. or weren't in it.
8049060 nope! Bonus points if you can guess why! :3
8051525
"Luna while I appreciate the effort of your part I would like to be able to dream normally once in a while instead of having you giving me lessons."
"You can have Sundays off."
"Good enough I guess?"
****
"Twilight, my teacher is Luna not you. You already have tons of other things to worry about, so please stop."
"But..."
"No, you got Celestia as your teacher, I have Luna. If you want to take students in your free time that's up to you."
8052103 That's the General Idea ^^
8053612 He isn't proud of it :p
Probably going to give this a read soon, it looks interesting and the comments are quite positive about your writing.
P.S. Would it be incest or self-cest if you shipped both Twilights together?
8066629
I asked this in a blogIncest, due to different personalities8067221 Lol, I doubt you'd go in such a direction, but it would be amusing and fun to see, I'd think.
But, on to more serious matters, you've got a decent start to things here with your story. It got a few bumps in terms of the writing, a few sections that are a tad awkward. Primarily with how the structure/phrasing is, I think, more than anything else. The decision to hide the fact he's a recently departed soul that was jammed into the body will probably come back to bite her in the rear, I'm certain.
There's also some grammatical errors present, nothing too glaring but they were standing out while reading. Besides that... I think it has a lot of promise. A bit more work into the story and writing and it's clean up very well, too.
So, I encourage you to keep up with it. Definitely. I'll be watching.
P.S. The whole brony vs no prior knowledge argument that cropped up at the start of your writing this story... setting aside the fact that most times the brony in Equestria approach is poorly executed, which drags it down in the first place, the primary difference outside of perception is the interactions, really. A brony has preconceived notions of who these ponies are, how they should be, etc, going into things. As well as a scattered knowledge of basic principles of the world. Obviously, going in without any knowledge wipes all that away, and allows you to use some of those as a focus of both building up characters and having interactions. I dislike the brony myself, but I am biased due to the fact most of them are badly butchered and poorly written.
8067240 I do have a story with a brony as the main character. I personally think it's an epic one and will be super good, as it's an adventure story with everything different enough that the brony is confused and has to build up knowledge. It's just that I don't think I have the skill to do it justice right now. That's why I'm working on this.
This story is my best one, and I'm hoping to find a way to get out chapters faster. My biggest issue is that I don't want to disappoint readers and I'll spend days doing nothing with it because I want to think of a perfect way to continue and can't. Writer's block is hard to get past.
8076108
Err... That's what I said.
Saw this updated. Had to finish a very long story I was in the middle of reading before I got to it. Moved this from tracked to favorites when I realized, of all the tracked stories I had, this was the one I most feared going dark. So I figured it deserved it. Snuck in there stealthily and claimed its own gold star. :)
A gold star? Does that mean it's a general?!
Sure Pinkie. Forward the chapters! Letterpults, loose! First sentence, chaaarge!!
8068516 You need a sounding board. Somepony you can bounce ideas off of. When you find one that sticks, use it to smash right through that nasty block.
8087800 or break a pinkie promise.....*shudders at the thought*
Great story so far, I cannot wait to read more!