Twilight's Ascension and Accidental Clone
Twilight Sparkle had a hectic day. After casting an unfinished spell given to her by her idol and mentor, Princess Celestia, and designed by her favorite historical figure, Starswirl the Bearded, things had quite predictably gone terribly wrong. The spell fiddled with the Elements of Harmony and, exploiting the connentions they had to the bearers, mixed around the cutie marks of Twilight's friends. Being the only one of the group who seemed to remember that things were not the way they should be, the librarian set out to right the wrongs and helped her friends remember who they were. At the end of it Twilight vanished while trying to complete the spell and found herself in an odd realm with her teacher. After learning that the spell needed a TRUE understanding of friendship to work, Twilight Sparkle was granted the form of an Alicorn, and became a Princess of Equestria.
Twilight appeared before her friends in a burst of light, causing them the shield their eyes. "Twilight..."Her friend Applejack asked cautiously, "is that really you?" the purple mare looked from her shocked friends to the new, purple wings on her back on full display.
"Yeah...it's me." She said, awe apparent in her voice. Before anything else could be said, however, the same light that accompanied the arrival of the newest alicorn shined above them. Twilight backed up, and they all looked at the new light in confusion. It wasn't bright enough to blind them, like the original flash was, but rather shown with an intensity slightly higher than the full moon above them. Out of the corner of her eye, Twilight saw Princess Celestia walk towards them from behind. "Princess!" She called out, causing her friends to look back, surprise still etched into their features. "Do you have any idea what's going on?"
The Princess wore a look of concern as she gazed upwards. "I'm afraid not, my faithful student. This is completely unexpected." Fluttershy let out a squeak of worry and was surprisingly the first to recover from shock, not counting their friend's arrival.
"Um...P-Princess, is it dangerous?" She asked.
"I don't believe so, but I recommend staying back." The Princess looked at the large sphere and prepared to shield her subjects as it began to lower. Everypony tensed up as it got closer to the ground. When it was fully lowered to the floor, the light began to dissipate rapidly. What was revealed was so mind blowing that even the immortal sun goddess, who had over a thousand years to perfect her Royal Poker Face and had seen nearly everything, had a look of utter shock on her face. In the space where the light vanished lay a pony. A unicorn with a purple coat and darker purple mane, a pink highlight going through her matching mane and tail, and a cutie mark with multiple stars surrounding a single large star in the middle.
Before them all lay none other than Twilight Sparkle herself.
~A few moments ago, Canterlot Castle~
Princess Luna had been looking over the the realm of Equestria, watching those who slept and observing those who admired her night sky when she sensed a magical disturbance of epic proportions eminating from Ponyville. She had smiled to herself. That was no doubt Twilight Sparkle undergoing her Ascension, and she was happy that her good friend had earned such a title. When a second disturbance occurred, showing just as much, if not more power than the first, Luna grew worried. When a letter appeared in front of her from Celestia asking for her presence in Ponyville, the Princess of the Night jumped from her balcony and flew to the small village immediately. While she would have normally taken a carriage flown by her Night Guard, this was an emergency and she could fly faster on her own.
She arrived in front of the Golden Oaks Library and first spotted Twilight and her friends talking in a circle, looking worn and tired but otherwise okay. When they saw her, they all bowed. She allowed herself a small smile when she saw the new alicorn's wings, and told them to rise. "Hello Luna," said Celestia's voice from behind her.
"Hello sister, may I ask what the problem is? I was looking over our land when I felt a truly large surge in magic coming from here. I had expected that to be due to Twilight's Ascention, and I see I was not wrong in my assumption, but then I felt it again and became worried. When you sent the letter I hurried here as fast as I could, but nothing seems to be out of place. What happened?" Celestia almost answered, then shook her head. "It's better if you see for yourself."
Curious but wary, the Moon Princess followed her elder sister into the library. She stopped when she saw the being on the couch. She blinked once. She looked outside at Twilight Sparkle. The purple pony noticed this and sheepishly waved. Luna looked back at the couch and blinked a few more times, to be sure of her vision. "Sister...why are there two of Twilight Sparkle?"
Celestia sighed. "I'm not sure, but I doubt the second is a threat. I feel that we should bring her to the castle, our medical staff can care for her if she wakes up." Luna nodded slowly. After returning to the Element Bearers, with the second Twilight on Celestia's back, the Solar Princess told the group to return to their homes and sleep. "I ask that you all return here tomorrow at noon, we have much to discuss. Twilight, my faithful student, I request that you stay in the library until my return. I know that this is a lot to take in, but I believe it to be best if we keep your new form a secret for a short while. If you have need of me do not be afraid to send me a letter."
After a few hugs were exchanged from the group, the ruling sisters flew back to Canterlot Castle. When they arrived they immediately summoned their medical staff and left the purple unicorn they had in their charge after making sure that the nurses and doctors knew that the patient was to be kept secret. The few guards that had seen were sworn to secrecy as well. Now Princess Luna and Princess Celestia were by the clone's bedside. "Tia?" Luna asked gently. "What will you do if she has Sparkle's memories and believes herself the original?"
Her sister sighed softly, worry evident in her voice as she spoke. "I'm not sure. If she has any memories of living in Ponyville it could be heartbreaking. She may feel left out, and just being who she is may make her feel unimportant. As much as I would love her to already know what our Twilight knows, I am hoping that she is more of a blank slate. At least that way she can learn things on her own and become her own mare."
Luna nodded to herself. "So if she does become this blank slate, with no personal memories and only general knowledge, what would you do with her?"
Tia thought for a moment. "Well, I'd make sure that she saw her family first. She may be a copy of the original, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be part of Twilight's family. I'll ask Twilight and her parents about it soon, after the coronation. Then I'd take her on as my student like her twin, seeing as her cutiemark is still magic." Tia smiled, making Luna smile as well. Her elder sister was always happy to talk about the potential of her young students, and thinking of a positive future for the clone was doing wonders for her, though now Tia had a look of consideration. "Unless...Luna would you like to be the mentor of this Twilight? This is the perfect opportunity."
Luna took a step back in surprise. "Are you sure sister? All my ways are...out of date still. There are few things I could teach better than you can." Her sister just smiled however.
"Then perhaps it would be a learning opportunity for you as well, dear sister. It may even get you to stop using your excessive spare time to attempt pranking me." Tia replied with a grin.
Luna huffed at this, but smiled. They could have taken the situation badly, but instead they were keeping a good mood. Luna looked towards the sleeping mare on the bed. Imagine...a student of my own... While the unicorn had no dreams, Luna could still glance at her mind. It was empty, almost lifeless. A mere shell with no mind of its own. Yet as Luna felt it, she could also feel changes taking place. A mind was taking shape there, and when it was done they would see who she would turn out to be. "I would love to take her as my student, sister." Luna said, looking back towards Tia. Her sister kept her smile and let out a soft yawn.
"Well I believe that I must sleep now. Watch over my dreams Lulu." Luna hugged her sister. "Of course sister, sleep well." Tia smiled and walked off to sleep. Luna summoned a cushion however, and sat by the bedside of her student to be, watching the mind slowly form as the night went on.
~Somewhere, on another world~
I groaned and sat up. The clock told me it was around 11 o'clock. Normally I'm an early morning person, but it was summertime. Without school I slowly slid towards a nocturnal lifestyle. I blame this on the lack of things to do in the summer. Now, before you say anything about that, know this. I live in the big valley Arizona has, in the city of Scottsdale. It gets REALLY hot down here, and I'd be dead if we didn't have AC. Any unshaded grass tends to die, and anything metal left in the sun becomes extremely hot. So, I stay inside and play video games. Lately I've been at Fallout 4, but recently I've been distracted from that.
I'm a heavy gamer, and I play a lot of different games. Usually I play stuff like Elder Scrolls and the Fallout series, though I also play First-Person Shooters and strategy games. Lately however, I've been bored. I've played all my games to the point where the process is now just a chore, so I've tried to move on to my second favorite hobby. Reading and writing stories. Especially reading. Have you ever seen the movie The Never Ending Story? Well a guy in the movie says that the book he has is dangerous because it puts you in the story, and it makes you feel the emotions in it. Well when I read the good books I can feel the emotions of the characters a bit. I lose myself in the story, and when I get to the end of the last chapter, it's like a jarring transition. I go from being on an amazing adventure in a spectacular world with the odds stacked against me to a boring world where I don't even know what month it is. Because I can't seem to find my local library I ran out of books a while ago, my modest personal library containing books I've re read a few times too many. So, in an attempt to keep my imagination going, I started writing my own stories. It was hard work however. While some could be passed as decent, some were so terribly written it made me gag. I kept all my works in a folder so that I could rewrite or continue any I felt in the mood for.
Now I got out of bed and ate some late cereal. It was just me and my sister, both my parents gone at work. As my little sister played on the computer I went outside to jump on our trampoline for a bit. It was really hot but I figured a few jumps were okay, and it helped me focus sometimes. In hindsight this was a terrible idea because springs had started popping off recently, but I felt that it was still stable enough. So imagine my surprise when heard springs popping after my last jump. I looked down and regretted trying a frontflip for fun, seeing that the side I was jumping on had lost all its springs, leaving nothing to stop my fall. As I fell towards the ground, I only had time to think one thought. I have made a terrible mistake. Then I hit the ground.
~Meanwhile, in Equestria~
The Twilight Sparkle clone lay on her bed. Her mind was formed, but it was empty. It needed something to give it life, memories, and personality. This Twilight Sparkle needed a soul. The magic that had created her body was at work, looking for a candidate to fill the body. It wasn't long before it found something, and latched onto it. If it was sentient it would have noticed how this soul seemed to be farther away from the rest of the potential candidates, but it wasn't. All the magic wanted was a soul that would fit perfectly in this body, and it found it. If any of the medical staff had looked upon the second Twilight at this moment, they would have noticed a faint glow coming from her. The magic filled the body with a soul, and after making sure the memories and personality had followed, dissipated with a job well done. After a while the clone frowned in her sleep, and started moving, waking up. She sat up in bed and groaned, holding her head. "Well at least I didn't die of head trauma." She said quietly to herself.
Stats
Page generated in 0.025 seconds
Total duration
1,079 users online
1,636,861 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I like it
7400534 thanks, I was worried about it not being good. Mainly because I was half asleep when I wrote half of it. I also wrote it really quickly, so it's a tad rushed.
Remove the Brony bullshit so the main character doesn't know everything and can actually discover and react accordingly to this new world and body and it may be worth reading.
Else it's just going to be the usual BiE BS with the main character in tourist mode, and that's awfull.
7400580 ugh...but that's a lot of work...not really actually. I suppose I could do that, then work on the last chapter
interesting story i hope to read more of it.
Do like!
7400585 I'd leave it as it is. Just because he has his full memories of his previous life doesn't mean that he will be a "tourist" as the magic saved his essence. I see this as a revival story of sorts
7400881 kinda too late for that, I already took out the brony part. However, this IS, at its core, a revival story. as such, the main aspects I origianally planned are still there. The only difference is the interactions with others and how easy it is to keep his secrets.
It seems like this will be a good story, and I can't wait to read more of it.
Interesting start though a few things I noticed.
One the pacing seemed a bit rushed, actually a lot of rushed in a few places as characters just came to conclusions with little thought about the implications.
Also when a new character speaks you need to start a new paragraph for that, I kept thinking the dialogue belonged to other people till it said it was some one else and that was very confusing and jarring.
Also the characters seem a bit OOC and in the case of the princesses a bit too trusting and calm.about a clone. I think either Celestia or Luna would have placed a couple of guards near the clone just to keep an eye on her and make sure there truely was no threat.
Also why are they making plans for the clone when they know nothing about her? For all they know she could be a homicidal maniac when she wakes up so I think they would proceed with caution and not jump to making her part of Twilights family and Luna's student till they had more information.
Those are pretty much my thoughts and suggestions on the chapter your call on if you take them, it is your call on what you do with them as you are the author and thus it is your choice on everything and will not take away from my enjoyment of the story.
. The story looks interesting and I look.forward to reading more.
awww shit,
sometimes it feels just like (...and finally we are ready to...repeat the prologue again instead of continue with the story), I just can't wait right now.
Very good, I nearly expected you to go "let`s kill the clone" with them at first.
yes
I don't expect her to beat Twilight up the first time they train together or Celestia wants to see how good she is trained, but maybe she could make a realy smart and unexpected move to look special.
I hope that doesn't means that she is always going to look into her mind without telling her or something, like spying on her, having the total control or stupid stuff like that. (I just have seen stuff like that in a really bad version)
Just a spontaneous thought, but later I could like her having a more or less starting romance with Fluttershy/Trixie or someone else with which Twilight hasn't much done yet.
The second thing is, I kind of hope she/he has a different kind of relationship with her parents, maybe not having a that strong relationship with Shining as Twilight.
If you know what I mean ", I don't just want her to act or think completely the same of everyone as Twilight does it.
edit: I forgot to say it, a good story idea, and I hope it is getting more or less regular updates, and isnt's slowly dying as many other fanfictions lately.
7401001 One thing if it hasn't already happened. I would like it if he knows nothing about Equestria, and can't really spoil them about anything and stuff like that. It would be a nice change, I mostly hate it if he is telling them "hey your kind of not real, and tomorrow Chrysalis is attacking".
It is not always made in a bad way, but it is getting kind of boring.
7402291 She isn't the Commander, Scorch.
As this is not a second person fic, could we get a name for the guy?
Ineresting premisse, I woudl lie to see where this goes.
If head trauma wont kill you.you will surely die of shock
*inhales* Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuun
7403788
Which Commander? Mass Effect? Ghost Recon? Modern Warfare?
Mass Effect Twilight would be really badass.
He died of head trauma
Just a thought but... have you considered writing a story, as opposed to a report? You know, paint a picture with words to show us what is happening... instead of telling us a brief summery of what happened? I mean, dear god!
Really?! Well that is one way to avoid complaints of OOC, just replace most of the actual characterization with vague summaries and let us fill in half your 'story' with suitable bits from the show or our various head-canons. Heads up though, my head-canon has Celestia as a violent warlord so I just filled that in as; Celestia turned to the cowering mortals with a scowl before proclaiming her will to all, "Wretched fools! Return to your homes at once!! Lest you find your entrails spilt upon the road!!"
And what the fuck is this?!!
You just finished showing us that and now you're going to tell at us?! Replacing showing with telling wasn't bad enough so now you're immediately summarizing the show with wretched tell?
TL:DR- Show, don't tell.
On a different note, only one speaker per paragraph. That is one of the absolute fundamentals of dialogue... right up there with 'use quotation marks'. When a second person starts speaking in the paragraph the reader has to stop reading to analyze the text to figure out who is saying what, which of course the very definition of losing immersion.
You know what, never mind. I ran out of damn. I should have known better than trying to comment with only a quarter of a tank.
I'mma have a nightcap and take a nap... getting too old for this shit anyway, caring is a young man's game.
EDIT: Dammit, I was running lower than I thought. Not one but two damn homophones slipped by me. Corrected in green.
Ok, I've returned and finished the chapter... which I left open. So I'll be checking for any replies to the first post after finishing this one.
I suppose I should try to say something nice now... I find the MC to be rather relatable. Not really sure that qualifies as a good thing, as I am extremely rather odd so relatable to me tends to be unrelatable to most others. Specifically the MC appears to have the proper reverence for stories. Stories are good, stories are great, stories are GOD!! What are writers? Random schmucks just like hundreds of thousands of others, and similar to literally tens of millions of others. Why should we care about them? We shouldn't! I certainly don't care about the paltry mortal wretches that exist for the sole purpose of serving as conduits for our glories and eternal stories! They're just people after all, why waste time caring about people? Hell, as a person myself I don't even care about me!
Redbow Rose? Some random schmuck with a keyboard, don't care. An Unexpected Twilight? A blessed story striving to share itself with the world through an inadequate vessel, do care. Used to be 'care deeply' but like I said, getting too old. Tolkien? Schmuck... rather less inadequate than most vessels, but not still not adequate. Never heard of an 'author' who was adequate, including the ones who wrote my favorite stories.
TL:DR- Literally the only thing I care about is stories, and every negative comment I make is for the sake of stories. People really aren't worth the time to type out a comment, hell people are barely worth the effort to think the negative things.
I was feeling down after reading "Per Ardua, Ad Astra" and skimming my read it later for something to cheer me up.
This leapt at me, and I said to myself, "that one's the one."
A few paragraphs in and I'm already grinning like a fool. Good job!
It was the bit about 'Tia's expression that did it, fyi.
Why is it always a human soul? Animals have souls too... I think?
I have fallen off a trampoline while jumping on it and landed on my head. Glad I didn't die just got a sore back. Hurt when I climbed back on the trampoline and started jumping again.
Nice start!
If you hadn't done this, I might have written it myself.
Oh, and even if you add things like sexual innuendos, I don't think you need the sex tag. That is covered under the Teen rating. The sex tag is for the implied action happening in the story, or for an actual M-rated story. Most people will assume this when looking at the tags, and it is one of the main reasons I hesitate on reading certain stories.
New speaker = new paragraph.
This may be fixed in later chapters, but I won't find out because I stopped before I got half way through the first.
8340233
Does get fixed, and unfortunately I keep forgetting to fix that in this. This story did get featured for a reason
8340272
In addition to that (which I was going to point out as well), most of your quotes with attribution are done wrong. I hope it improves later in the story, though it hasn't bothered me badly enough to stop reading.
If a quote is immediately followed by attribution, that attribution (unless it's a proper name) should be lowercase, and if the quote would end in a period, that period becomes a comma. (Other end punctuation doesn't change.)
Examples:
Wrong: "Words." She said.
Right: "Words," she said.
Also right: "Words!" she exclaimed.
Also right: "Words," Twilight said.
Edit: Also, an ellipsis (...) should be followed by a space, unless it's at the beginning of a sentence.
This is basically my life in a nutshell
I don't know why, but this is hilarious
Yeah
that would be rather heartbreaking 
Yeah, about that
Salutations from Chandler!
It is indeed hot, and fabric fatigue in trampoline equipment is a problem we ourself have.
That was quite the epic gamer moment.
ok no just you cant just remove the brony part of the character like that if you want me to read
it then fix it
I was gonna call BS on this killing him, but then I looked up the statistics. Good on you for adding that "trying a frontflip" part; that actually correlates well.
Just imagine how horrible that would be