Rainbow Dash was just minding her business one sunny summer day as she walked around the grounds of Ponyville. She came home to find a set of 3 emails sent by Scootaloo, all containing nothing but jumbled letters and the words "taking me", "help", "orphanage". Concerned by the emails, Dash runs crazily all around town looking for the filly and and anypony who might have the slightest clue of her whereabouts. She is only met with dazed looks from the patrons of Ponyville, with not even Applebloom and Sweetie Belle knowing anything. She returns homey to find a single message on her phone. The message is a stallion describing in detail the fact that they have little Scootaloo, and will kill the poor filly if their demands are not met. How far will and can Rainbow Dash go to save her beloved Scootaloo? Will her little "sister" be gone forever?
Sorry about the way the paragraphs are organized in the 1st chapter...
I apologize about the weird way the paragraphs are ordered. I pretty much derped them up XD
Hoo boy where to begin. Alright you do have an interesting plot here I'll give you that. However, you need to get yourself an editor for all of the spelling and grammar errors as well with the awkward flow of the story. Also you do need to space out your writing, sometimes I couldn't tell if a character was talking or not. Get this stuff fixed and maybe you'll have a good second chapter!
Cheers,
jangledorf
Seems Rainbow's having a bit of a freudian slip here and there with the "my baby"
But if those ponies hurt Scootaloo...
great... need to see more. and GO GO RAINBOW DASH!
796159
I agree fully...
Also, I think the "baby" thing is a bit over the top. But nonetheless.. I think it's a good story.
Keep it up
I meant for the whole "baby" thing to be WAY over the top...it is like a sudden change that one feels when something that was "cool" or "nice" has been taken away from them...then all of the sudden it becomes "needed"....and, to jangledorf, I have no idea what the fuck went wrong with the paragraphs and the like....it just....I don't know...I'll admit even though I write quite a bit I'm a terrible speller :(. Sorry guys, looks like I fucked this one up.
I'm gonna put this one on hiatus for a looooooonnggg time, gotta let the embarrassment go before I can fix it up :(
794390
I will read it when you fix it...
I literally sat here looking at it for 10 minutes going "I should read this... but the formatting" then my 3 roommates insisted I just walk away.
Good story
I NEEEEEEDD!!!!!!!!! another story to read. plz work on it again sometime (some people just sound piky to me in the comments to me it is pretty fantastic!)
I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!
