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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This last chapter was a little quick but very nice. Can't wait for the next chapter.
So they will be together for at the very least 15 years is Twilight made a report daily which I don't think it was so it could be much longer. I think that the romance is starting promisingly, and I can't see how thing will turn out.
There doesn't have to be clop in every chapter. Action, adventure, and romance are allowed in like... I dunno, one in five, at least!
I'm guessing there's slightly-awkward explanations up next...
*steeples fingers* Ah, affectionate silliness. Excellent. Also, yes, good, let the Thinking Bits come in, Twilight.
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But... the steepled fingers are MY thing...
7459152 I'm having trouble parsing that section vs the prologue. I thought she didn't realize they were dating?
7460496 Sorry that wasn't very clear. Twilight's very much in love. That was just the Maitre'D making a jab at how their herd's 'date' was less a romantic date and more Twilight's adorkable one-sided conversation.
7460388 *pushes granny sunglasses up over actual glasses with finger* Deal with it.
Yes. I've doomed us all.
I've crossed the memes.
(Sigh, I feel olds; I remember when the first Evangelion eps came out over here in the US with fandubs...)
7460496 I did take into account the number of when the became a couple in the quick calculation.
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With regards to that, Twilight has been (obsessively) cataloguing each individual joke Doctor Horse has ever made (as well as every hug, every word, everything). At 6 months into their relationship, Doctor Horse has managed to make a total of 4999 bad jokes.
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DON'T CROSS THE MEMES!!!!
I actually find myself more interested in the nonclop than the clop because the nonclop is more interestingIn general, numbers should be written out, rather than left as numbers. The main exception to this, iirc, when you start to get into numbers above one hundred. In this case, and I think you could probably write out all the numbers in general, although the 4999 number might be a bit awkward to read.
Story thoughts:
I'm confused that Twilight could only keep Starlight's levitation spell up for a moment; there's no doubt that she has significant magical power, but I don't think the difference between Twilight and Starlight is that different.
Twice, here, you mention Twilight being unable to teleport either because she don't know the area to get a fix or because she's moving too fast. I'm not really sure this is the case, from what we've seen on the show, though. Many of the times Twilight's pulled off teleports have been in situations very much what you're describing, such as being in an unknown place (the Castle of the Two Sisters) or moving fast (IIRC she teleported several times during her fight with Tirek at high speed. I'm also a bit confused why she didn't dodge the pegasi with a teleportation spell. (Or used her magic to rip off her saddle bags.
Those are more nitpick stuff than real complaints.
One thing that worries me, though, is that I'm not sure how you're going to resolve the stated goal of empathizing the risks that Twilight is exposing herself to, and the risks that her special someponies have exposed her to, by not really informing her or talking to her before hand. While I'm sure that, uh, literally jumping off a cliff might be a danger in certain situations, it's very artificial, whereas Twilight ending up traumatized or deeply uncomfortable (for example, someone taking her as a slave and having her way with her without Twilight knowing what the safewords are) seems like a very real and probable outcome of the situation constructed in the story.
I mean, I sort of doubt that Twilight's going to freak out or feel violated at this point, or even that she might break it off with her special someponies, despite the breach of trust that seems to be going on here, but... idk.
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Well, it's not always determined by a specific communication but it's always determinable. In that case, either both sides did communicate and everyone should know it's rape, or one or more parties did not communicate effectively.
That applies in the real world. However, also in the real world we have professionals who determine the limit of capacity for the mentally deficient and do at least the real world best to respect their agency. The same is not true for other categories.
Well, it's not like you have to have every princess working every day to sort out age of consent. Once you get Luna or whoever to spit out that 1/3 of foals at X age or whatever are sexually active and this is how you can tell, then you can delegate.
Sure, but different doesn't necessarily mean absent. If the cup is half the size, then it is twice as miserly to refuse to let it be filled to the brim. And if it's a different, alien shape completely then let it be filled with whatever peg matches it. Ultimately, it comes down to both whatever generates the greatest weal for the least woe and, especially, the fact that this is fiction.
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Yeah, I'm with you on being weirded out by the part where Twilight couldn't save herself from a simple fall. It's not the least bit convincing considering what we have seen in the show and makes her look so dumb I seriously had to stop reading and roll my eyes - and over a chain of events that honestly shouldn't even be important in a story of this type no less! It would have been so much better had she simply turned a sharp corner and ran smack dab into Rarity or something, instead of this ill fated cliff fall that sort of breaks my immersion simply because of how implausible the whole ordeal is and how silly it makes her look compared to the show
And aye - I'm veery much looking towards the conversation that's about to come, more so than any clop. Relationships have ended for less than the amount of going-behind-her-back Rarity and Doc have been doing, so I very much want to see how this breach of trust is handled once Twilight fully clues in what is going on.
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I think there's a certain about of irony in you spitting out the very argument that stated at the start, about how pedophiles often believe that the children they're molesting are consenting and desiring of those acts.
This can include, for example, interpreting certain behaviors as "wanting it", which is why you can't possibly "tell".
Haven't the faintest what you're trying to say here.
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I think there's layers to this breach of trust, and while the story is going to end with all of them fucking and being happy, It feels like something of a hard nut to crack without making it feel completely weird.
I mean, even if we set aside the whole 'let you wander around like an idiot in this tower' thing, there's also a sort of 'living a double life' thing, and the whole 'Cadance assigned us to you', thing, especially where Twilight feels she organically fell in love with Doctor Horse. The fact that her relationship with him, on some level, appears to be constructed so they'd--or more accurately, Twilight, since I doubt everypony 'assigned' by Cadance ends up in an actual relationship with whomever they're assigned to--so that Twilight would fall for him and Rarity, just seems overtly manipulative. Twilight probably is going to find herself, and maybe should find herself--doubting every interaction she's ever had during her relationship with the herd; what parts of this were genuine which parts were just calculated manipulations to lead me in a certain direction, etc etc.
We'll see, though
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Well, what other consensual pro-foalcon argument is possible? Ultimately, you have to accept that either it's knowable or not. If it's not, then it's a religious debate and that's the end of it. If it is knowable, then we don't know. As far as I'm aware, we haven't studied age of consent in over 800 years. All we can say is that it has been reported to be observed. You either believe the reports or you don't. Keep in mind we're only talking about simple consent here. Any seeking activity counts. Playing doctor? counts. I'll show you mine if you show me yours? counts. The teen pregnancy rate? basically counts. Juveniles on the sex offender registry? Definitely counts. Consensual foals don't suspend disbelief equally to everyone. Not knowing means that your fiction can chose any option at all.
I'm saying 1) remember that these are fictional brightly colored talking equines. and
2) if you want your fictional brightly colored talking equine foals to have a radically different sexuality than adults, then that's fine. There's a lot of things kids do differently than adults. But they can have a different sexuality or a smaller sex drive without having to necessarily be asexual.
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Yeah, I definitely find the setup of the whole story to be somewhat creepy - granted I try not to think about it too much, but it's going to take a lot of tricky maneuvering, very clever writing and plenty of solid reasoning to tie it together in an emotionally satisfying way.
From the whole creepy (and I'd argue emotionally manipulative, considering whom its from) bit of Cadence 'assigning' Twilight partners, to her partners apparently going behind her back to engage in who knows what (and whit whom) sexual acts in a public location, to all of her friends and acquaintances and pretty much the whole of Equestria it seems being 'in' on the Clock Tower things while Twilight has been deliberately kept in the dark by the lot of them, to even the other Princesses not cluing her in (do they even have the right not to?) despite the place featuring so prominently in Equestrian society (and being a government funded/supported faculty she damn near owns the place) ...
Like you say there is lots of breach of trust going on here on many levels, and it's very, very hard to imagine Twilight not feeling very much betrayed and isolated over this, of being condescended to. I sincerely hope the story will acknowledge these issues and won't shy away from tackling them or pretending as if they aren't there. I mean yeah - there is no doubt that in the end they will all fuck and live happily ever after, but it's going to be quite tricky getting there while addressing all these problems in an emotionally satisfying way without making Twilight in to a doormat in the process. Certainly possible, but a fairly daunting task from where I see things!
I'm already thrilled to see the next chapter
Where is the next chapter!? I'm losing my mind waiting for this fantastic story to continue.
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Sorry, as much as I respect your right to enjoy having your balls stomped on I'm just not that into you.
Is the writer even still around?! I fell like I'm going to blow up the white house if the next chapter doesn't come out soon!
7480896 pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw9301_large.jpg
When did she get all that on? The only thing I can recall ever seeing her put on was the collar.
As to the rest, it felt really artificial. Twilight freaking Sparkle can't save herself from a little fall? She even notes Starlight's self levitation trick, and we have SEEN Twilight self levitate before. Not with the skill Starlight showed, but enough to save herself from falling down several stories worth of stairs. She has no spell to just rip the saddle bags off? Her TK.. which she is by far the most powerful TK user we have seen short of the two beings that move celestial bodies around, can't just rip a simple piece of fabric?
Then we bring in the whole relationship angle and... it also feels forced. Doubly so with the "They were assigned to her by Cadance" bit. And having her be so head over hooves in love? Without seeing any reason, to a (to us) total stranger? It just...
Again, the Society stuff is SO DAMN GOOD, the story being used to show it off.... good ideas but relying way to much on Writer Fiat and forced "it's what the story needs" events rather then feeling the least bit natural.
Overdramatic Twilight is Overdramatic... She got PUMMELED through a mountain, Think she will be safe from a small drop...^^;;;
Hm as an alicorn she is quite more impervious to physical damage... It is quite strange that she gets a sprained ankle just like that...
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Normal kid stuff
...
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To be fair...where do most people pick those things up? Disney helped a lot of us along...