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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like how you didn't completely look past the secret keeping that Doc and Rarity have been doing. It is a thing that fractures trust, and Twilight going to Cadance rather than them cements that fracture. They can always work through it, but it will take time and patience.
Finally we get to see what happened to the three of them, I hope to see more of it gain soon.
It was a bit hard not to die laughing at Twilight's straight forwardness to the whole situation. When she finally gets over her nervousness. Honestly, you've written her so very well. But, moving on to the actual chapter.
I found this chapter quite worth the wait. Twilight's development and the choice for her to ask Cadence was a smart thing to have happen and it filled in some of the continuing story as well as followed her usual role as a mentor figure to Twilight. Rarity and Doc Horse's role seems a bit off, but then they'll probably be fleshed out more as the story continues. Not criticism. Just observing.
Good luck with all of your projects. Looking forward to the next chapter.
I don't think I've seen anything in the show to indicate that Twilight's castle library is a public library like her Treebrary was. But that minor detail aside, I love this chapter~ Especially Cadence reassuring Twilight. Kinda reminded me of some times where my own Master reassured me~
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I like to think that somepony would have noticed her collar or the like before anything really happened. Though she does need a better way to handle that kind of situation herself. Probably a modified chastity belt that doesn't make a loud unlocking noise when her shift ends.
I'm hoping we at least get a view of Twilight's reaction to her mother's name being on the Required Reading... especially since she'll probably be excited that there's required reading when she sees it
Oh, and Cadance? You really expected anything else out of Twilight than incredible enthusiasm and a disregard for normal limits? Just wait until she sees the research labs
I'm glad that things are now moving foreward again. Twilight's freak out was only to be expected giving her neurotic tendencies and inexperience with these matters.
7702760 she'll first freak out. Second, be calmed down by her herd. Then read all about it, and the research conducted there and how it changed equestria for the last thousand years... Then proceed to become the most prolific researcher and inventor since The Bearded himself.
Also, considering all the elements are into it? They'll still be used as her guinea pigs... Only this time I can't see they complaining much
Really liked this chapter as well as the added art in some of the previous ones. Nice and hot. Maybe after Twilight's story is done we can find out a bit more about them.
Keep up the good work
Somewhere there really should be a list off all time great MLP fic quotes, and this should be on it.
First, used as 'a' urinal. Second. LOL. Twilight sure isn't shy about jumping into the deep end as you said in another part. Somehow I don't think most people thinking about dipping their toe in the BDSM pool jump to that particular fetish right off the bat.
I think maybe replace 'the' with 'a' surely she can't be the only one.
And I came to the conclusion myself that with her power set she'd be a perfect source for pony's wanting to confirm they a perfect match. I can see her giving advice as to whether the pet they just picked up in Pet Town was a good one that wasn't going to shred the drapes and pee on the bed.
This is a place where the story sort of runs onto Canon rocks. You've mentioned that they have Changeling's in the society. Clearly belonging to a different hive than the one they were in conflict with. So Shining would not have been so resistant to the concept that there could be good changelings in this universe. And in fact I would think that the Society changelings themselves would have been trying their best to draw their fellows back from the dark side.
I am really, really, looking forward to seeing Twilight's fumbling steps into her new lifestyle. And how Doc is going to cope with her trying to turn it into a research project and asking for pauses so she can note down epiphanies she experiences while in the middle of a session.
Very nice chapter and well worth the wait!
Though I don't think declaring "I want to be a sex slave" in a cafe is the best idea Twilight.
I'm glad to see you've continued the story.
The deus ex machina at the beginning is a bit frustrating, but I do think the rest of the story's attempt to deal with the issues that came up is better, at least on the face of it. I'll grant digging oneself out of holes you dug initially without rewriting is hard.
It does kind of bother me that there's not even really an attempt made to talk about the issues that Twilight might have, and suss them out. The narrative approaches it, it's true, but then:
I realize that a significant amount of this story's project is to make Twilight into a good little sex slave for Doc, but are we really to understand that Twilight has no possible reasons that may motivate her to call it 'wrong'? For example, off the top of my head, I could imagine Twilight objecting to the idea in that she feels a relationship has to be between equals and that there's something fundamentally unequal about this. Or that, as a Princess, the idea that some third party might come in and have control over her is troublesome--even if that third party is her mate.
Or perhaps she finds the idea of a secret society that's been literally controlling Equestria from the shadows for a millennium or more, up to and including spying on the country's citizens all outside of the purview of the actual government, a somewhat troubling and horrifying idea, and perhaps not one she should support.
None of these issues are insurmountable nor are they fears that are something Cadance couldn't lay to rest, but they seem like reasonable enough concerns that might motivate Twilight's reluctance.
It also seems to me that Twilight shouldn't be talking to Cadance, because talking to Cadance--who's involved in the society--is only setting up a sort of echo chamber where Twilight's concerns are going to be dismissed out of hoof. If she has to talk to somepony, she really ought to talk to Celestia, since Celestia isn't involved directly in the society and get her thoughts on the issues, but I suppose that's unlikely to happen.
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I couldn't clop because I got too caught up in the story most of the time. Some of the clop only chapters, and other stories about the Society worked fine for it though~
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Cafe Private Room.
Out of curiosity, will there be any characters classified as Switches in the story? Also, sorry if this already came up in a side chapter but I'm waiting to read the whole story first before going back to all the extras.
7708594 i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/932/537/71b.jpg
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I take it I missed something?
7709016 no? that's the "I can't say anything meme", cuz you were right.
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Twilight Velvet (Or just Twilight's Mom if you prefer) is a switch, but thats the only one I know so far. Apparently they can just wear both a collar and a mask, and take one of them off as per the situation.
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Oh. Sorry, I'm bad at memes.
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Thank you for informing me.
"Price of coal in Zebrica" was that a subtle Fallout Equestria reference?
I'm a bit on the fence overall.
On the one hand, I enjoy the worldbuilding, the attention to detail, the technical skill of the writing so far... oh, and the kinks, generally.
They're not quite mine; I enjoy scenarios that have a hint (or more) of danger in them, which unfortunately makes me feel very unwelcome in the group itself most of the time.
On the other, I find the idea that this Society, which has Celestia's endorsement and unbelievable resources and more, is somehow hiding and wants to stay hidden so badly a bit ridiculous. That, and the level of advancement they have over Equestria as a whole since apparently all the smart ponies really loved Luna, not like those idiots scared of Nightmare Moon...
It's distracting. Maybe if less many canon characters were pressed into being members, then that conflict would actually make sense, but with so many prominent ponies active in it it comes across more like a secret handshake Twilight just didn't know about.
This was delightful. Thanks for the update.
Not my greatest enemy!!!
oh goodie now we get to see twilight as the freak she is (i mean that in the nice way)
Just one question: How long do you plan on making this? My heart is praying to whatever cloppy goodness deity would bless me with upwards of 100,000 words!
And after months of having this on my "to read" list, I've finally read it... Twilight hasn't gotten stuffed repeatedly yet, boo...
There's a bizarre logic about this that actually makes sense. Congrats.
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ya same here
Hopefully this signals Twilight now being Twilight and acting like it. Not just some forced allegory for something the story is trying to say. This was a good chapter, Cadance made some good cases, and I can buy Twilight being overwhelmed and rushing like this, just being so excited at the idea after having it marinate up from her subconscious for so long, to be told "Hey it's fine" and just explode like that. And from what we've seen and heard, I trust this is going in the right direction. With them calmly, and slowly easing Twilight into things, making sure she understands the rules, doing it step by step. Not letting her just act out of enthusiasm
Just start slow, get her the normal intro to the Society, work though all the steps, and with Twilight being calm, rational, and using that massive intellect of hers to understand both what is being said, and WHY it's like it is.
As to her desire... not going to lie, her being that desperate for it felt a bit off at first, but, had to fight that, there is nothing wrong with it, and I can get behind and see why Twi might enjoy the idea. But this is still her rather innocent fantasy of what she's read and heard about, she does need to learn what it's really like, and again, I trust the story will be going that route. The issue is... I don't want Twilight to TO subby. That's what I realized the issue was. Now, to be clear, being fully sub in the bedroom, when in the role plays, THAT part, by all means go for it. What was making me leery was Twilight becomes.. basically a doormat. Being to passive and submissive outside of the role play. As a Princess of Equestria, she really can't be that, she needs to be strong, firm, in charge when needed. Yes, allow her softer, more wanting to not have the responsibility side out when in private and in session with her 'Master' but outside of that... that she stays the assertive, in control pony she is. Basically, sexually submissive? By All means. Being submissive outside of that and just a doormat? No, just no. When the Collar comes off, she should be a Princess. But, see how it goes, I can fully expect the story can go that route, as it's making clear how much an act this all is. That it really is playing out fantasies, and they have a clear line between the two. Just, with how it's characterized Twi so far..... ehhhhhh.. still showing hope she'll get better. She can be a submissive sure, but she should not be DEFINED as being a submissive. It should be something that only effects things in the bedroom... and dungeon, and tentacle pit, and etc......
Talked about the 'issues' of her herdmates hiding this from her last time, still apply. It works, and the fact they've been abstaining from involving themselves with any of the more 'fun' aspects of the society clinches it. No idea what Ket Set and the Priestess are up to. Likely Jet Set, just something to try and maneuver for more power for himself. The Priestess.. maybe hoping to get Twilight in her debt, get the new Princess on her side and try to use her to reestablish the prominence of the Keepers? Either way, be fun seeing where this goes.
Now as to the Society, again i freaking LOVE the set up the work, the detail, love the pamphlets. It's not perfect, there are flaws you could nitpick, yet it works well enough and the flaws just make it better, it's ponies doing their best, and it is a good system. They aren't perfect, but it covers the main issues, is a good idea overall... few iffy bits and what not though still beyond normal "They simply aren't perfect"
The whole, size, scope, and shear importance of the Society, yet them being such a total secret, the two just don't feel right. it's so huge, spans the globe, as of now ALL the Princesses involved with it, seemingly every important pony in Equestria. Has been around for so long.... it just feels hard to buy it's that super top secret. Doubly so if they actively try to recruit ponies into that lifestyle. It all just.. feels to forced and too blatantly, the story wants it to be secret so it will be. That said, it would work well as an 'open secret' that type of thing like Area 51. Something everypony in some way knows exists, heard the rumors, knows if they really stop and look at things it's there. Yet has 0 official proof. Is denied, never spoken of. It's all unofficial knowledge. Word of mouth type 'common knowledge' even if not details, just rumors about such a place being common. And not sure if Ponyville being so close and having so many member would make it more, or less unbelievable that Twilight heard nothing about it. More, cause that many around, they'd be better able to police things, to keep it secret, know not to talk about it openly. Less, because that many, it would just increase the odds of them talking about it openly since everyone around them is into it as well.
Secondary to the that is size, again you say 5% yet so many ponies we know are there. ALL of the mane 6, ALL of the Princesses, nearly every pony Twilight knows, even her parents and brother. So many from around town, seems like all the Wonderbolts, just, the shear amount of ponies we know that are there does not match up with the 5% being told. Or at least doesn't feel like it. This is the whole reason "Show don't tell." exists, because of situations just like this, it's what proves what that means. You can tell us 'only 5% of ponies are members' but when you then show us like 80% of the ponies Twilight knows, and a large amount of named ponies from all over, when what we see is making it feel like 90% of the ponies we know are members, that will be what people focus on and take away feeling. That it HAS to be larger then just 5%. The impression of it being so many more then 5% trumps just saying it's only 5% which is where so many people being so sure this is bigger then you meant it to be comes from. The story needs to SHOW that these ponies are a very, very small minority, but you can't do that by putting the vast majority of ponies we know into the place and having them members.
Also the all or nothing way the kinks have been presented so far. Now yes, a lot of that was due to the unorthodox way Twilight went about it, heading right to the more... wild.. areas. But just how extreme it all seems to be. Now, comments have cleared this up, it is just a case of Twilight seeing the wrong stuff, and there are tamer areas. Just really hoping the story shows these off soon and makes clear the Society really does cater to every level of kink and is just as good a place for smaller, more personal and mild kinks as well.
Still, for those potential issues, I freaking LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH! just the care, effort, thought, all of ti put into things.. while the characterization and thinking out thing that way could use work, it is improving. Simply, use the characters AS the characters, not as allegories. make sure their actions occur naturally for them. But the entire idea of the Society is so damn good.. not a huge fan of the retcon into Fire of Devotion and how it works, and how they used it etc... but that's more my own personal issues with that type of retcon to canon in the first place more then any issue with the idea itself, it is fun and interesting in and of itself. The whole focus on consent, on making clear this is consensual, and SHOWING that, showing them using safewords, showing the masks slip now and then, both Dom and Sub, and for showing this type of thing can be just as hard, stress full and emotionally dangerous for the Dom as well. All of that earn this story SO MUCH PRAISE and it is just.. please keep going, please do not stop, just.. I love this so much, issues above aside.. while I'm hoping they get fixed and the story handles it's characterization better, more naturally, what is coming up is a good way to do that, slow, gradual, allowing them to act at a slow pace, and ease Twilight into this. And let her be Twilight now, use her intellect, think, reason, understand, and it'll make her finally reaching the goal, finally, with full, total, understanding of everything she is asking and asking for, get to be her masters little pet.
Firstly, I want to say that this is overall a good depiction of BDSM... or at least, the focus on consent, safewords, dom/sub relationships, and the difficulties that can come to each side (it is truly difficult to be a dom with a sub who wants stuff more extreme than the dom's comfortable with. Consent isn't just something the sub needs to give...). But overall, I'm afraid I dislike the story (particularly how the Clocktower functions).
I personally find Twilight's sudden desire to take part in this to be rather... extreme. She enjoyed some really kinky stories in the context of fiction. But there's a vast difference between being willing to enjoy a story about and act and being willing to try them out in real life (as the majority of people who read underage, incest, or rapefics know very well. Or who read about horsefuckery in general, really). While there are certainly those who want to try the multitude of kinks shown or suggested in this story, she's... well, she objected to them. She got turned on by them after being exposed to them, but damn near anyone will be attracted to damn near anything if it's shown in a sensual enough manner. That doesn't mean they'd genuinely want it. Twilight was horrified by a fair bit of what she saw, and by her own reactions to it. Combined with her herdmate's deception, and she comes off as entirely too accepting of entirely too much.
I do like that Rarity and Doctor Horse hadn't been attending since they started courting Twilight, though. If they had gone... I would have probably dropped the story if she still stayed with them after they had gone there. I suppose it provides a fair place or a single couple to explore some raunchier things together, but for the most part the Clocktower seems much more... public. But I feel that there should have been more relationship strain there--there was never any real feeling of conflict between Twilight and Rarity & Doctor Horse (they certainly felt it, but it wasn't something shared by the reader).
I feel that Twilight... I don't know if "surrendered too easily" is the right term, but it's the best I can think of at the moment. Leaving aside whether or not she should have genuinely wanted to try out her dirtier thoughts, after being reunited with her lovers and conversing with Cadance she gave remarkably little resistance to the idea of something that so deeply disturbed and horrified her only a short time earlier. The "what's wrong with it?" question has a lot of answers--most of which don't hold water, but Twilight's only experience with BDSM has been a few smutty books and a quick exposure into the deeper parts of a secret sex society. There's a lot to be worried about with only that much knowledge.
Also, if the Society was oppressed in the time before information about them was erased, why were the six founders of Equestria still so revered, despite having made a freaking statue of themselves as doms and subs?
And why is Cadance so worried when she was the one who wanted to pull Twilight into the Clockwork Tower in the first place? Twilight didn't really share much of her fantasies with her, so hyper-depravity isn't a worry. Is it because she knew Twilight would be teleporting into a public place to make her declaration?
8150113 While I do agree many aspects of Twilight's characterization have been quite questionable, and the weakest aspect of this story. Most of the stuff you bring up, are not really issues with that.
Let's break it down into the issues. Her being into something she had been 'horrified' about. Not applicable. She was only 'horrified' by them because she thought there was some kind of mind control at work forcing those mares to act like that. Which was in part denial and over compensation for her own latent attraction to this, making her over reacted. gain, this wasn't really using Twilight well, but the issue was it being rather OOC feeling for her to be acting this way, not the way she was acting in and of herself. Or how she got over it. The 'horror' was not at ponies doing the act in and of itself, but that she thought they were being magically compelled to do it. Once she realized that no, this was wholly consensual and they were enjoying this. Even taking pleasure and finding a sense of freedom and control in being so submissive and seemingly surrendering control. She started to thing, maybe this is fine, and this buried, latent feelings she'd been denying rushed to the fore.
Her being so into it, and so demanding, and the whole
Bit. That's the point she is taking this the wrong way. She is just seeing the fantasied she's red about, the stories she'd heard, saw something kinky and realized it might be fun. She is running off this as an idea, as some fun little thing she gets to do and is seeing as nothing more then that. She knows almost nothing about this but what she's read, and the small, massively missing context bits she's seen on her 'tour'. She is a victim of the Dunning-Kruger Effect in this regards. She knows JUST enough about this to have some idea, know it's possible, but not enough to know how little she really knows. She is seeing this as a fantasy she gets to play out. It's up to Horse and Rarity to keep her from doing anything stupid. To bring her back to reality and take her through this step by step, make sure she FULLY understands what is going on, the risks, the everything that she is overlooking.
The author has been very clear that the whole point of this set is to deconstruct the trope seemingly being played. Of some naive newcomer wandering into some crazed sex cult and giving into the pleasure, just jumping right in and being ravished till she loves it. She's (hopefully) about to get a wake up call from there herd the brings her back to reality and takes her through how to do this right, makes her see how she's still being naive. (If that isn't what happens, yeah I'll be right with you calling out the story for that. But it's been pretty clear from the overall tone, the supplemental stuff, and the author's comments, that is where this i meant to be heading.)
So yes Twilight doing this and being so "I WANT YOU TO TIE ME DOWN AND FUCK ME!" is wrong, she should not be acting that way, but that is the point it makes sense in character for her to be acting this way due to her limited knowledge about it, and the story (better) be now switching into Rarity and Horse guiding her, gently, through the process of actually being able to understand this and know what she is asking. You said it yourself
That is precisely what the problem is, she ONLY knows those elements, and that they can be real. She doesn't know enough to know just what it's like IRL to do that stuff, only seeing the fantasy, it's up to Horse and Rarity to teach her and guide her to the knowledge before ever letting her act in things.
The 'lack of tension' between her and her herd mates. A large part of that is just lack of investment in them as a couple due to it just being "Story says they are together" with no set up, no build up, just "Oh and by the way Twilight is deeply in love with these two now" as a starting point. Not a fan of that, even if it works for the needs of the story. But it does also temper any emotional investment in their relationship. As to her so easily forgiving them and not holding it agsint them? What show have you been watching where ponies are NOT amazingly forgiving, and care more about WHY something was done then the action itself? intent matters greatly, and she understood their intent was never to hurt her. They had reasons for what they did she could understand, and were ultimately about them wanting to help her, and they WERE trying to get her into this right. She just jumped the gun.
As to Cadance, not sure what you mean 'why is she worried about her' If you mean at the end, because she sees exactly what is going on. That Twilight hasn't fully understood things and is rushing off half cocked and might make a mistake or do something stupid.
That's because Twilight has only seen the public areas, due to having simply been wandering around.. well.. the public areas. She wouldn't know where, or how to get to, or been able to blend in on the private ones.
Because they ARE the founders. All that was 'erased' were mentions of their sexual proclivities.
The story as a story IS far from perfect, and has a lot of issues when it comes to Twilight's characterization, but none of those are ones, they all make sense and work well for precisely what the story is going for. (Assuming the next chapter goes how I hope it does. IS them just slowly walking Twilight through the process. Not just jumping into it.)
I'm loving the story part of this as much as the clop. I've been looking for a good BDSM story for a while. I've had this in my Reading list for a few months and I'm glad I finally got around to reading it. Keep it up!
Twilight is always cutest when flustered.