• Published 17th Jul 2016
  • 361 Views, 9 Comments

Without Boundaries. Act 1: The Mirror Gemstone - narutobilbao



What would you do if you were able to talk with your darkness? What's the best way of dealing with it? Even if the light remains unseen, there will always be a way of getting out of the dark.

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2 - Confidence and will

Author's Note:

Hello everypony.
Welcome again to my fanfiction. After anything I write below this line, I must make it clear.
I want to bring you my chapters on a regular schedule. My idea is publishing 1 chapter every 2 weeks. But as I have some other fanfiction on the way and I spend half my day working for a living... I may sometimes wait 3 weeks or so. also, before publishing, I need to revise my chapters with a proofreader, so I can't assure a regular publish schedule.
So, this being said, I'll talk a little bit about the first chapter.

I'm glad to see you again and I hope you liked what you've read so far.
As you can see from the first chapter, the beginning of it it's a bit harsh for reading. However, do not worry, In time, everything will be crystal clear.

You know I'm spanish by now, so excuse me if the rhymes of Zecora are not as good as a native would do them. I've had lot of trouble with them and I'm doing my best to sound convincing.

Also, some people here said me Great Thrill's name is a little complicated to deal with. I've been thinking about it, but as this is not one of my OC, I can't simply change his name without his owner's permission. This being said, I've decided to refer him either as "Great Thrill" or just "Thrill". I hope you understand, and please don't be mad about it.

In this second chapter, we'll learn a bit more about Herbal and Great Thrill. I'm sure that from this chapter on, it only gets better, so... Happy reading!

Chapter 2: Confidence and will

“Who’s there? Show yourself!” Herbal could hear something moving in the darkness around him. He didn’t know what it could be, but it felt like something malicious. He was in an eerie forest in which he couldn’t see anything further than two steps ahead of him. In return to his question he just received laughs, creepy and sinister laughs. “Stop laughing at me! What’s so funny?”

You are,” what at first had sounded like a creepy laugh, quickly turned into a masculine whisper that echoed all around him.

“What do you mean I am? Who are you?” Herbal asked. The unknown speaker scared him.

You are pitiful,” Suddenly, vines appeared from the darkness and started to wrap around every inch of Herbal’s body. He could tell that the vines were being manipulated by magic.

He tried calling for help as loud as he could, but nobody came. The vines were suffocating him. He was about to lose consciousness. He didn’t have any strength left. “Somepony… Help me… please,” his voice was merely a whisper. When the vines had covered his entire body, he sensed his energy was being drained.

“Herbal? Herbal! Wake up, Herbal,” a voice called faintly. Somepony was trying to talk to him. With every passing second, the voice sounded closer. “Forgive me for this Herbal,” A sudden pain in his head under his horn made him to react with a shout.

“Hey! That hurts!” With his closed eyes he massaged his head with his left hoof. “Who are you? Enough hiding! Come out and show yourself,” He shouted while opening his eyes, but to his surprise, he was lying on the bed Zecora had lent him the night before. The said zebra was standing right in front of him with a worried look.

“Are you alright? Do you want to talk about what you saw?” Zecora saw pain in the unicorn’s eyes. It seemed like a nightmare to her, but she couldn’t guarantee anything. Herbal was still looking for any bit of the shadow he saw while the zebra was waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know what happened… I lied down in this bed, and suddenly… I woke up in a creepy forest. There was something hunting me. It laughed at me... I don’t understand anything that happened,” Knowing that the shadow and the vines were not in the bedroom made him more confident, but he could feel that darkness waiting for him. Those vines were too real for a mere nightmare..

“That’s a nightmare for sure. Now tell me more about it, what was what scared you so much?” She asked as she laid down with him as she ran her hoof through his mane comfortingly.

“That’s just it! I don’t know. Everything happened too fast. To begin with, I think I remember hearing somepony laughing at me in the darkness, but I couldn’t see anything. Then, it turned out a terrifying masculine voice that said I was… pitiful, I think. What I do clearly remember is being trapped by lots of vines. They were draining my life force. They strangled me… The last thing I think I recall is a hard hit in my head,” Herbal, couldn’t remember everything but did his best to remember as much information as he could. Despite it being daytime and being safe at home, he was still a little bit scared.

“Guilty of that last thing I am I must confess. Being worried I couldn`t think of any other way for you to wake. I hope you are not mad at me, I didn’t really want to hurt you like that,” She apologized. “The clue for the origin of that nightmare may be, in your more inner thoughts and in what you yesterday told me.”

“You may be right...”Herbal answered looking at the ground depressed.

After a few seconds of silence, Zecora got up and walked towards the door. “Let’s forget about it right now. You need strength for facing what comes today. So come with me and eat what I prepared for you and me.”

Before getting up, the unicorn looked through the little window in the room. The flowers beneath the trees and in the bushes were as beautiful as yesterday. He could see the clear sky from there. He couldn’t still believe he was in another world. In another Equestria, and that worried him, but after a few minutes looking at the flowers, he smiled. “I wonder if someday I’ll find a place with just as beautiful flowers as these… It would be perfect. With no ponies disturbing me, I would be so happy…”

The mare entered the room again as he didn’t follow her for breakfast. “Did you hear me Herbal? Breakfast is ready and waiting for you to eat it,” After hearing her voice, he wrapped up his thoughts; he nodded his head and walked out of the room beside her.

He wondered what that day will bring to him in the mysterious forest of Verdur.


When they finished eating, Zecora started working on her potions. She prepared the cauldron, lit the wood under it, and took some flasks of different ingredients. She was preparing for her everyday work.

While setting everything up, Zecora asked a few little questions to the unicorn, but besides the short answers of him, there was no conversation between them. Not until the zebra noticed Herbal was paying close attention to what she was doing.

“Is curiosity what I see in your eyes? You can’t hide it from me nor cover it with lies.”

“Well, that could be the case…” Embarrassed, he looked away as quickly as he could, but as he heard how Zecora was focused again on her potions, he pushed himself to ask something. “Um? Zecora? May I… help you with anything? I know my attitude isn’t the best, but I want to pay you in some way.”

She didn’t expect that offer coming from the shy unicorn she just met only yesterday. She was astonished. “Well, there is indeed something I need. If you are willing to help, ingredients from the forest you must take. However, do you know where to find, the plants and mushroom I require?"

In that moment, Herbal’s attitude changed dramatically. His eyes showed a glow Zecora had never seen from the shy unicorn. Talking about plants and flowers seemed to cheer him up. “Of course I do! Even if it isn’t noticeable, I know a lot about flowers and plants. Sometimes I even play with their fragrances and pollen. I want to learn how to change their properties in a near future too. With magic I mean. I would like to understand everything about them,” Anypony could see the passion he was showing. Even Zecora was shocked with by his change in attitude.

“That’s great indeed. It’s clear by the cutie mark I can see,” And that was a truth no one could deny, because Herbal’s cutie mark was a blue flower. “Even though your ability with plants seems great, would you be able to find the mushrooms I want?”

“You see… I’m not an expert on that subject, but I want to do it anyways. If there is something I can do, I want to. That way I can pay for your hospitality. Because I don’t have a single bit,” He looked at his cutie mark feeling a little bit down, like he used to do, but immediately regained confidence in himself. “Yes, I am definitely going to succeed in this task,” He was clearly taking on more than he should. His face, even with its expression of confidence and will, showed a really nervous unicorn.

“Fine. But if you feel like you can’t, I command you to return. There is no need to risk a life for an ingredient,” She gave him a list full of different ingredients. “Here is all I need. Are you sure you can deal with it?”

Herbal read the list several times. First, he made sure he knew what the plants look like. And then, he moved on to the mushroom part of the list. He frowned as he read through it. “I know all of these plants. Luckily, they are easy to locate. However, as for the mushrooms… I don’t have a clue about them,” A little bit embarrassed, he laughed timidly.

The zebra sighed and then turned around to pick some little flasks with little mushrooms in them. “I thought so. Here, take this. With these references you shouldn’t have to have a problem. Just get what you can and return without trouble.”

“Got it. I won’t fail you. I promise to do this task, well... I’ll try... At least,” His words were less audible while walking further into the woods. Zecora sighed again before entering her cottage.

The sun was shining brightly in the sky. Through the top of the trees, the solar beams made the vivid colors from the forest look even more beautiful. It wasn’t an especially warm day either. The shadows of the trees made his walk very enjoyable. Even the wind blowing slightly, made his fur, mane and tail move slowly.

“Truth being said, this place is absolutely amazing. There are no problems at all. It may be the place I need to forget everything that’s happened so far. There isn’t that sorrowful atmosphere, there aren’t any victims. There isn’t any blood loss at all… And that zebra is helping me out despite not knowing anything about me. I can’t think of a better place right now to heal than this forest,” Herbal took a deep breath and started singing with a sad expression in his face.

It’s been a long long time, since I was young.
Feeling lonely and hopeless, without playing around.
No wonder why now, everything I see.
Seems so suspicious and not suitable for me.

Flowers bloom in freedom; they look so full of life.
There’s nothing better to make, my heart fully arise.
These ponies around, they seem so kind to me.
It feels like something special, and that’s plain to see.

Like a peaceful riverside.
A nice place to live with no need to hide.
Like a peaceful riverside.
Perfect to forget and make a new start.

No need to hide again your inner feelings.
No need to hide again your inner thoughts.
This place seems perfect for me to live in.

Like a peaceful riverside.

Like a peaceful riverside.


While searching for the ingredients, he saw what seemed like a trail of something. It looked like a sticky trail, like as if it was from a slime, but bigger. The trail disappeared between some big bushes. Herbal, couldn’t help himself, and followed the sticky trail.

“What’s this?” He smelled it. “It seems quite familiar and reassuring. Where did I smell this before?” Captivated by the scent, he decided to follow a little more between the bushes.

With every single step he made forward, the scent intensified. It was so comforting to him, that he couldn’t leave it behind. He was so absorbed, that he lost the capacity to decide where to go.

Suddenly, a carnivorous plant shaped creature appeared from the nothingness near a tree in the surroundings. Herbal was walking directly towards it completely captivated by the scent. For his surprise, he could notice two silhouttes in front of him. At the beginning their identity was nearly impossible for him to identificate, but quickly as they appeared, they took the appearence of two ponies quite familiar to Herbal.

“Mom? Dad? Is it really you?” The unicorn started talking. His eyes showed surprise. “What are you doing here?” He was nearly in tears now.
In that emotional moment, the plant slithered its vines slowly towards Herbal. It wanted to capture him. But he didn’t seem to notice.

“I’ve missed you… I’ve missed you so much. Yes, let’s go home again… Together,” While shedding tears of happiness, Herbal smiled at the same time the vines were about to catch him. He was still walking captivated by the scent.

“Watch out! Run away!” A voice rose from his left side as the speaker jumped against Herbal’s body, sending him away from the plant. “You must wake up! You need to react!”

But was pointless, the effect of the scent was so powerful, that he couldn’t make him to regain concienceness. “I’m so sorry for this… Forgive me…” After that, he hit the unicorn with all his might causing him to finally come back to reality.

“What? What happened? Mom? Dad?” Surprised by the hit, he snapped out the trance and started looking desperately around him. To his surprise, he wasn’t in the same place from before, and even worse was the fact that the same stallion from the day before called Great Thrill was standing on top of him. “You! What do you think you’re doing?”

“We can talk later. We need to get away from here. It’s too dangerous. That plant wants to eat us alive,” –He gestured his hoof at the plant for Herbal to see it.

“Where did that thing come from?” terrified, Herbal asked Great Thrill.

“I don’t know. I was having a walk through the forest when I saw you walking towards it. Then you started talking to it… Didn’t you see it?” The plant threw its vines against Great Thrill hitting rear legs.

“We need to get out of here… Quickly!” He moaned a little bit before trying to get up.

“Don’t say such things. You’re wounded. You can’t even stand by yourself,” Herbal sounded really worried about his companion. He considered himself guilty for him being hurt.

“Don’t be a fool… This is nothing,” said Thrill while limping. “See? I’m perfectly fine!” Not giving any chance to recover, the plant threw its vine again towards the earth pony, who was still in range of the attack.

“Watch out!” Herbal jumped in front of him with his horn lit up in his light green magical aura. The vine was reflected by a magical shield giving Great Thrill the time he needed to escape.

“That was way to close,” said the earth stallion while clenching his teeth and looking the wound on his leg.

“But I still don’t understand… Where did it come from? I found a trail which had a familiar scent. Then I found my parents. Then suddenly they disappeared and you were there instead… What happened?" Said Herbal completely confused.

“That’s right! Now I understand, You were trapped in an illusion. It was magical pollen created by the monster plant to force other living things to walk towards it so it can eat them. You see… They can’t move from where they are so… That’s the only way for them to survive. They leave a trail with powerful pollen that causes hallucinations of what the victim desires,” Great thrill seemed an expert on the subject. As he talked, Herbal’s expression fell.

“So… You mean that my parents…” Knowing that everything was false was too much for Herbal to take. He started crying desperately.

“I’m sorry Herbal. I’m really sorry,” Great Thrill hugged him trying to make him for comfortable, but it was pointless. He tried to think of something to cheer Herbal up, or at least make him a bit less depressed, but he simply couldn’t do anything.


After half an hour of crying, Herbal’s sobbing had become whimpers. All of the pain in his heart was extremely hard to take, but somehow he was trying to stay strong.

“Thank you for saving my life… Thank you so much,” It was noticeable Herbal’s sad voice.

“You’re welcome. It was nothing. Everything went well. Besides, as a future royal guard, it’s my duty to protect every pony I can,” Still sad, Great Thrill answered as calmly as possible. He knew that being rude or extremely happy and careless would make Herbal even sadder.

“Is your leg alright? Let me repay you… I can heal little wounds like those,” Lighting his horn again, he started healing the leg slowly. The earth stallion grunted a few times while the magic was doing its job, but he could feel everything returning to normal.

“Is this healing magic? Are you a healer? “Thrill asked astonished. “There aren’t that many ponies with that kind of magic here.”

“Yes. I mean, no. I mean… maybe,” After giving every single answer possible, he wrapped his thoughts up and continued talking. “What I want to say is that I don’t know if this magic is rare or not. Even as a foal I could do little things like this. But that’s not my talent. My magic is related to other things… Stupid things I’d say,” Embarrassed of what he was going to say, he shut up.

“Please, go ahead. Don’t be scared,” Great Thrill was interested in Herbal’s magic

“My magic can manipulate plants and flowers. I love taking care of them with magic, analyzing their pollen and fragrances. I want also to learn to manipulate their properties. Once I was even able to make a flower come back to life. Just once, but I don’t know how I did it,” He covered his face, but was impossible to hide his blush

“That is awesome. Simply amazing. This is the first time I’ve heard about that kind of magic. It’s definitely rare,” He was happy to learn such things about the unicorn.

“You don’t really think that about me, don’t you? My magic isn’t anything special at all,” Even more embarrassed he turned around and answered.

“I’m sure you can bring happiness to a lot of ponies with it. To begin with, to me,” Great Thrill said. He then tried moving his leg. “Look! It’s already cured! Thank you so much! Your name was Herbal, right?”

“That’s right. You don’t have to thank me for anything… Now I’ve got to go. I remembered I have something to do,” When he realized he didn’t make it through everything on the list by that time, he worried. He didn’t want to be too late.

“Wait! Let me help you. You’re nice, and I… I want to be your friend,” Herbal looked surprised at him.

“Well… You can come with me if you want…“ He was extremely unsure about being friends with somepony like him after meeting him just twice. Besides, that annoyed him, because thinking about it; it just brought memories of his dead friends from the prison, which in that moment was the last thing he wanted to think about.

“Did I say something bad? I’m sorry. I didn’t want to sound rude,” Not knowing why, he suddenly excused himself.

“No need to worry. Let’s finish this off as soon as possible,” Looking at the ground, he started walking through the few leaves there were on the floor, but paying attention to the list Zecora gave him.

“We just need to gather everything in the list, right?” His deduction was perfect when he saw how the unicorn pulled out the list. It wasn’t too hard for him to deduce that. “I know this forest quite well. Let me guide you through it. I’ll be your guide. What do you need?”


After a long hour of searching, they succeeded in collecting everything on the list, after which they started the way back to Zecora’s cottage. Through all the time they spent together in the forest, their conversation was as little as the first time they met at the lake. Some awkward silence that the unicorn didn’t want to deal with hung in the air.

“Herbal! You finally arrived! I was worried about you because of the time. But I see you made it through, and now rest you should,” Zecora, after speaking directly to the unicorn, noticed the other pony standing beside him. “Is this pony your friend? It seems everything went surprisingly well.”

“That’s right Lady Zecora. My name is Great Thrill. I met Herbal in the forest,” He answered back hiding the trouble with the plant.

“I wouldn’t say that out loud yet… I did not accept to be your friend,” Herbal said while once again, looking at the ground.

Zecora sensed something strange in that conversation. They weren’t as good as they thought at hiding things. “It’s always a pleasure Herbal’s companions to meet. You will be welcome here anytime you need. Please come inside and have lunch. I’ve cooked something I like too much.”

Both ponies walked at the same time indoors and after looking a few seconds to the masks, they sat on the chairs near the table. The silence of that moment was extremely suspicious to the zebra.

“Well… How did it go? Did you encounter any difficulty on the road?” Breaking the ice, Zecora asked for information.

Both ponies exchanged looks waiting each other’s answers. Finally, the earth pony answered. “There wasn’t any trouble at all… Right, Herbal?”

The unicorn, who was eating some vegetables at that moment, choked.

“You don’t sound very convinced… Is there something I must hear?” There was no escape to that. Zecora was extremely suspicious of the earth pony. She knew something happened.

“The truth is… He saved me from being eaten alive,” Herbal whispered embarrassed.

“Eaten alive? What happened?” Zecora was shocked. After sending him to one simple task, he nearly died. She had promised herself to protect him and she didn`t expect that.

“Please, Lady Zecora. Don’t get mad at him. I’ll explain everything,” Seeing what could possibly end with the unicorn crying in fear and the zebra shouting, he decided to confess. “I found Herbal while he was following the trail of a carnivorous plant. It caused him to hallucinate making Herbal think his parents were there. I reacted nearly too late, but at the last moment, I got between them to save him.”

“What a horrible story,” The fear on her face was so clear, despite trying to stay calm.

“Indeed, But everything is alright now. But the past is in the past, and now Herbal and I are friends. That’s the only thing that matters,” Great Thrill looked at the unicorn, who was looking back annoyed.

“I did not say I was your friend…” His words were filled with sadness.

“Just give me a chance. I’ll prove I can be a good friend. You really are a nice pony, and I want to help you. You seem like you need support,” Great Thrill had a point there, but Herbal was not in the correct mood.

“What do you know about what I need…” Even more annoyed than before, he was getting mad at him.

“Both of you calm down. There is no need to frown,” Zecora was smiling despite the dispute in front of her. She saw the perfect chance for the beginning of the change. “Herbal, I think you should share your problems with him. You may feel more relaxed afterwards.”

“But, why should I do that? I don’t want to remember anything that happened there. I don’t want to!” Shouting with anger and feeling misunderstood, his voice silenced everypony in the room.

“You may not remember it because you were angry, but yesterday you told me everything in the lake… I wanted to tell you something, but you didn’t want to listen to me. I trust you Herbal. Forgive me for doubting you. I swear I will not abandon you,” The earth pony vowed in front of him.

“He is certainly right, Herbal. If you want to progress, you must leave behind all of your regrets. You need to make a new start and open your heart. Only by living you can learn,” Zecora’s words were more valuable for the unicorn than any other at the moment.

“Give me just one chance. If you don’t want to befriend me after a few days, I will not insist,” Ended Great Thrill closing his eyes.

“Zecora, are you sure about this being beneficial to me?”

“I have no doubt about it. But please, don’t ask me things like this. I’ll guide you and give you advice in everything I can, but the most important choices by yourself you must decide.”

Herbal didn’t understand what she said, but agreed anyways. What did she mean by important choices?

“Fine then. Excuse me Great Thrill, for reacting like that.”

“So, you accept me like your friend? Finally! This is fantastic!” The earth stallion was excited about it. “You can trust me. I will help you in everything you need. As a future royal guard, is my duty to help anyone who needs it. Even more if they are my friends, “He laughed loudly.

“Thank you. I’ll do my best… To not disappoint you,” Herbal’s voice was almost a whisper.

“What are you talking about? This isn’t about disappointing anypony. Listen, true friendship needs the confidence and the will to progress. If we trust each other and we don’t lose the will to change, we can never disappoint each other,” Thrill sounded wise, wise enough to make Herbal remember something he didn’t want to. But even if he said so, in the depth of his heart he knew that rejecting those words was wrong.

“You sound just like her… She used to say words similar to those, “Looking down again but smiling, he continued. “And I like it. You protected me in the forest, so I should believe in you.”

“I know what to do right now. Herbal, do you want me to guide you through the rest of the forest? I know where pretty flowers are,” As soon as Herbal heard about the flowers, his mood improved.

“Fine. I suppose that's fine for the first time. You take the lead,” He was smiling with an innocent look in his eyes.

“Have fun and be careful! Watch out for anything hurtful! I’ll be here working all day. Come by if you need any help.” Zecora warned them about a few things they should care of while walking through the forest, and then returned to her duties.


After they were gone, she walked to the window with a pendant in her right front hoof and started looking at the sky, just as the night before.

“Look sis. It seems he has already found one of the keys that will help him heal. I bet you’ll be very proud. I’ll keep watching him… no matter what.”

Comments ( 6 )

Throughout the course of reading the second chapter in this installment, I found that I was dreadfully confused as to what sensory details there were in the environment at a given point; what characters were speaking at given points; and which characters where being introduced at given points. During the scene that involved Herbal almost dying to the carnivorous plant, he, in his delusion, said,

"Mom? Dad? Is it really you?[...] What are you doing here?"

I was perplexed by this occurrence because before this, there was no indication, explicit or implicit, that Herbal was seeing his parents in the trees, thus coming across as sudden to the reader an destabilizing to the story—not that this specific scene was crucial in the overarching plot of the story, but the implications are still quite significant. Similarly to the scene aforementioned, there were many points at which it was not clear which characters were speaking. When a character speaks, there must be a said or action tag preceding or succeeding the dialogue. Here, you just have paragraphs of dialogue without any tags to indicate speakers, such as:

“Look sis. It seems he has already found one of the keys that will help him heal. I bet you’ll be very proud. I’ll keep watching him… no matter what.”

You don't make it clear whom is talking here, though I can imply that it is Zecora, since nobody else is mentioned for the remainder of the scene. Also, who is "sis"? I that some part of the show that I am supposed to know, or a character yet to be introduced? Either way, it is somewhat confusing, though not as much as some of the other issues aforementioned. Finally, your introduction of Great Thrill was very stark, as you did not make it clear whom he actually was until a few scenes later. You mentioned that there was an earth pony, and then you mentioned somebody named "Great Thrill," but you did not establish that these were the same characters. A simple way to remedy this is to have him introduce himself before addressing him by his name—"Hello, my name is Great Thrill." Such a simple piece of dialogue would have made the scene flow much more than it currently does.

Also, when you have a character sing a song, you must make clear that they are singing before you actually show the lyrics.
One last detail—"Everypony?" "Nopony?" That seems forced. It is like somebody in our society going into a room and saying, "Hello everyhuman!" Though, this is more of a subjective and stylistic detail than a detriment to your story.

I hope that what I have written here proves useful and does not come off as too harsh.

7491749

Hi again Ethan. Thank you for your patience here. I love how deep you go into the reviews.
You are helping me a lot with those coments.

I have no excuse for what you say about being clear when a character speaks. I'm going to change that little thing right away. What I didn't get is why you think 'Sis' is wrong. I always thought that 'Sis' was the short and coloquial form for 'Sister'. And still believe I'm wright. am I?
Not that I'm complaining, just asking :)

About the songs, that was a fact I didn't know. When writing in spanish, It's not compulsary to say someone is going to sing and then actually sing. (you can state that after the song) As many other things, I though it was the same as my native language.
I'll make sure to change that and take into account that advice for the following chapters, as there are a few more songs.

Finally, what you say about "somepony" and "nopony". I used that way of speaking because of the show. As in the TV show they tend to use that a lot.
I always found funny, so Is it wrong to use it that way?

Last but not least. Did you enjoyed? I know that it can't be judged by just two chapters... but still, I want to hear as many opinions as I can. :) I still have the dream that someday more people will read my stories.

Thank you so much again.

7493714 I am glad that you found my review to be helpful. When I mentioned 'sis,' I was not trying to say that it did not mean 'sister,' I was just asking as to who Zecora's sister is, because you reference her without actually explaining who she is. So yes, you are right* about that. When I mentioned the use of 'pony' in 'everypony' and 'nopony,' I did not realize that that is how they spoke in the show—it has been two years since I have watched any of the newest show. So no, it is not right or wrong to use that. As I said before, it is nothing more than a subjective and stylistic detail. Finally, I do enjoy what you have composed here—but probably not as much as somebody whom watches and enjoys Friendship is Magic (I prefer the 2003 version of the show over Friendship is Magic). Regardless of my grievances with the show, your writing here does have immense potential, and I look forward to where it goes! I don't know why you think that the way your story starts off is too 'rough' for the reader. It is perfectly acceptable to start off in the middle of the conflict, as long as you make references to explain the status quo of the main character and the merits of the conflict—which you have done quite well. Also, do you have a proof reader?—if not, I would be happy to proofread the next installations of your story and inform you of any grammatical errors and stylistic differences that you should be aware of.

7494171
Every review is valuable. Is up to the writer to take it for good or not :) In my case, I know when to take advice and when not. I know you don't want to be rude or whatever. So your opinion (as you can see from reviews below) is very valuable for me :D

The truth about Zecora's sister is yet to be told. So don't worry. Sooner or later I'll write about it. like a lot of things from Herbal's past and many many other things you may not understand right now. You could say that I like to make the reader think.

I didn't know you didn't watch the whole series from the actual generation. I knew what your preference was, but I thought you were into the friendship is magic show too. In any case, there's nothing wrong with it. ^^ (Hopefully you won't get mad at me for what happens in the next chapter. Just Kiding ;D)

The thing is that I know the beginning of the story isn't as rough as I say, just that some people told me that it could make the reader lose interest in it because it is not written right from the start. and that could be perfectly possible. Is one of the few thing I doubt from my story. I don't like everything told from the beginning, and that's why I worte that way.

Yes, I have one, but I don't think that having two would be bad... Just because two different corrections are better than just one. There's always something that can be improved, so If you wish to... I'll be happy to have you as a proofreader. That's under the assumption that someone can have more than one, of course. I don't know if there's a rule for that.

Thank you again ^^

7506014

I missed it. Sorry. :(
I'll correct it right away.

7510370
There is no need to apologize. I simply told you for the sake of your own story.

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