"WHAT?!" Morty screamed, shattering the silence that had fallen over the group.
"Jeez, Morty, calm down," Rick calmly said, taking a swig. "Not like you haven't found out stranger things about me."
Morty's shock died down slightly. "I, I know, Rick, but still, this is... How?! Why?!"
"Long story, Morty. Would take a while to get all the way urp through it."
"We have time," Luna said. "After all, we still need to ask you some questions of our own, father."
Rick sighed. "Alright, I guess it's story time. See, when I came here for the first time, I was still a different person." He took another swig. "I hadn't accepted the inevitability of death and the overall pointlessness of prolonged existence yet."
"Oh, uh, wow, Rick, that's pretty depressing," Morty commented.
"Welcome to the club, Morty. Anyway, I found this urp dimension by chance, and honestly Morty the ponies were pretty fucked back then, what with them constantly on the edge of a race war and with the sun and moon on a decaying orbit."
Twilight looked confused, before turning to Celestia. "You didn't tell me-"
"Shut up, Dwight, I'm not finished," Rick interrupted. "Anyway, being the naive scientist I was back then, I decided to give the ponies a leader, or two, or something." He took another swig, then motioned at both Celestia and Luna. "Took some bits of unicorn, pegasus, and, uh, the third one-"
"Earth pony," Celestia helpfully added.
"Yeah, that one, took DNA from all three and funneled them into a gestation machine, along with some human DNA. And since I was the only human here..." He shrugged. "And next thing you know, bam, I got these two."
Morty was mortified. "You mean these two were the product of, of, like, some sort of sick science project?"
"Nothing wrong with gestating life remotely via collected DNA, urp Morty," Rick said. "The tricky part was trying to figure out their bullshit 'magic' enough so they could literally move the sun and moon with telekinetic force."
Morty looked at the two princesses. "And, and you two are okay with that?!"
"Father told us our origin fairly early on," Celestia said. "While I certainly had a small crisis upon learning it, in hindsight I appreciate the honesty."
"But there's one thing I don't get," Twilight spoke up. "That was thousands of years ago, Rick. Where were you in the meantime?"
"Yes, father," Celestia added, "where exactly were you?"
Rick stopped mid-swig. "Wait, thousands? I was only gone for, like, forty-something years." Suddenly, his eyes widened slightly. "Wait, Morty, how urp long ago did we come here?"
"I dunno, a few days, I think."
Twilight tilted her head and arched an eyebrow. "But you two were just here this morning..."
Morty just looked between Rick and the three ponies, confused. "Rick, what does that mean?"
"Well, clearly, Morty, this dimension exists in such a way that its timeline in relation to our own changes exponentially," Rick explained. "A few days in ours is a few hours here, but the longer we stay in our own dimension the more time will pass here."
Everyone was completely silent for a moment.
"R-Rick, that makes no sense!" Morty finally said. Rick only shrugged in response.
"But I must know," Luna said, taking a step forward. "Why now, father? Why choose to come back now?"
Morty realized something, and he grew a small, smug smirk. "Yeah, Rick, you gonna tell them why you came here?"
"Shut up, Morty," Rick said. "Anyway, I just needed to grab some things for a business venture."
"...what?"
"Honestly, I had... well, kinda forgotten about you two," Rick continued.
Celestia gasped. "How could you forget us, father?"
"Look, a loooooot of shit happened in the time since I left, and, hell, I'm getting kinda old, too." He pointed at Morty. "Speaking of, meet my grandson, Morty."
Luna and Celestia looked at each other, before Luna spoke. "Grandson? We have another sibling?"
"Well, I mean-"
"You came here on a business venture?!" Twilight suddenly asked, her face bent in fury. "You mean I did... that for you just for a profit?!"
"Did what?" Celestia asked.
Rick ignored her. "Don't act like it was that bad, Dwight. I'm sure Morty urp enjoyed it, at least."
Morty's smug expression was replaced with one of shock and rage. "Oh no, Rick, don't you dare think about throwing me under the bus, you son of a bitch! You used me, too! Just so you could make your, your stupid space weed!"
"God, what is everyone's problem with this? One time I use horn extract, and now everyone's jumping down my throat!"
"Horn ext-" Luna blushed slightly when understanding hit her. Celestia reached the same conclusion at the same time. "Oh."
"Anyway, Luna, yeah, I had a daughter. At least a 'real' one." Rick took another drink. "Then she married an idiot who got her pregnant, and once they had one kid they decided to have another for some reason. That's urp Morty."
Morty paused. "Wait, does that mean... these two are like, my aunts?"
Rick shrugged. "Sure, I guess, if you wanna get technical."
"Are we all just going to gloss over how I was used?!" Twilight shouted angrily.
"Join the club, pal," Morty said. "Worst part is, I've seen Rick do, like, way worse stuff for less."
Celestia and Luna shared a look.
Rick looked at one of his many watches. "Welp, we spent enough time on this reunion, I think," he said, before pulling out his portal gun and firing it next to himself. "Let's go, Morty. Later, Luna and Tia! Wubba lubba dub dub!"
Rick didn't wait for any responses as he jumped through the portal, and Morty only gave a look back as he followed, and it closed.
Now that there were only three of them in the room, Luna let out a sigh. "He has changed, hasn't he, Tia?"
"Indeed. I do not remember him being so... What is the word I'm looking for?"
"Callous?" Twilight spat out.
"Careless?" Luna offered.
Celestia shook her head. "No, it was like... it felt like he had just... given up at some point."
Luna's ears drooped. "On us?"
"No, on... everything, I suppose."
"Hmm. It is true I don't remember him... drinking so much," Luna conceded.
"At least his grandson- or, our nephew, I suppose, seems nice enough," Celestia said. Suddenly remembering the other pony in the room, she turned to Twilight. "So what was this about the both of you 'being used'?"
Twilight blushed and looked away. "I don't wanna talk about it."
When Morty and Rick reappeared in the garage, neither of them said anything at first. Once Rick had placed both sets of items they gathered on the table, however, Morty found his voice.
"Say, Rick, what did you need the apples and feathers for, even? Making some, like, space heroin? Or some sort of multicolor cocaine?"
"Nope," Rick said simply. "The car needs gas. The stuff I can brew up with these lasts for, like, a year, Morty."
Morty was shocked. "...oh, huh. Guess you aren't selling this one, then?"
Rick scoffed. "God, no. I'm not letting any of those dumbasses get ahold of this stuff."
"You know, Rick, you have, um, some really weird priorities, sometimes, you know?"
"Bite me, Morty."
Morty was about to go inside the house, when he thought of something else. "Say, are we... going to tell Mom?"
"About what?"
"About... well," he looked around before speaking more softly, "my... 'aunts'?"
Rick paused in his work. "Look, Morty, how about you keep your mouth shut about that for now, urp alright? This family is already on the brink of shattering without me bringing horse experiments to the table."
With no further rebuttal that could be made on the subject, Morty went inside.
She's mint. I'm loving these chapter man. Great story. Pretty good job staying in character too. Job well done.
Whoa shit, that's a lot to take in for a guy.
The math, the story, quite accurate and makes me remind of that episode where Rick and Morty entered their car's fuel source.
Well, I finally got the explanation I wanted to see a lot sooner than I expected it. I wonder though what comes next. Either way, I'd like to see that. Keep up the good work. Wubba lubba dub dub!
So if Morty is their nephew, doesn't that mean that Morty is a prince?
This is awesome
It probably wont, but I wonder if Morty's mom being a horse vet comes into play...
Is it weird that I read this using character voices?
Birdperson feels the true under-plot. It breaks birdpersons heart.
7335673
You clearly don't understand Rick yet, child. In time. In time.
This could be an episode of R&M. That's the best part
7335693
Absolutely not. I did the same.
Rarity should get a Meseeks Box, she seems to always need somepony to help her with menial tasks
Good shit. Can't wait for more.
I cannot BREATHE.
And here I though that Rick bang Celestia and Luna' mother twice. You know cause she a redhead and Rick like redheads.
holy shit
7335693 Nope. I read it in those voices too.
Ermahgerd .... Beth is a horse surgeon... And her sisters are horses
7335622 that is a good point, he wold be a prince.
7335622
Better him than Blueblood.
7335833
Always good to have a doctor in the family!
7335775
Part of the point is that he is a colossal ass,
7335713
I foresee it going the same way as Jerry's golf swing at some point. She'll propose some impossible fashion question because it's entirely subjective and we'll have Meeseeks' killing Meeseeks' until eventually they turn on Rarity and she'll get locked in a freezer with Applejack and their marriage will be saved for another da- whoops, wait. Headcanon got away from me there.
B-But... but...
The lip were hereditary.
Absolutely love the weird lip thing.
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7335768
1: In this case he means real as in naturally conceived through non-scientific means.
2: Except he DID figure it out... He said it was difficult, but the fact that the experiment was a success is proof that he did manage to do it.
I get that you don't like Rick (hell, that's like 50% the point of his character), but try poking holes where there are holes to be poked.
7335775 There kind of isn't a point to living beyond some arbitrary one you forge for yourself.
7335921 s32.postimg.org/plbe95zfp/Fuck_that_i_m_out.jpg
Interesting so far, though Morty seems a lot less...well spineless in your story. Not that I'm judging, just a bit odd as I got to get used to Morty more aggressive toward Rick's abuse.
Keep it up.
7335622
7335846
7335841
Well, at least we know how he would deal with any negative criticism.
7335927
If you are really this determined not to like it, why read it? Nobody that browses these comments wants to read you complaining about how much you hate Rick over and over again. We get it. You don't like Rick. Like him or not, he's a main character in this story. Either move on to another story you'll actually enjoy, or at least loathe this one quietly.
In regards to different types of magic, maybe he knows, maybe he doesn't. He doesn't make that clear and obviously doesn't give a damn about it. The point is he figured out enough to do what he set out to do, and at the time, he was legitimately only trying to help for no other reason than the fact that he was there. You can't even give him credit for what he did in the time that he was altruistic because you only want to dislike him based on how he is now without actually looking into his character. How he got to where he is now as well as how he feels about his current state of affairs is important, but you simply don't care. Even his "Wubba lubba dub dub" quote is significant ESPECIALLY considering the conversation he just finished. I'll not spoil the phrase's meaning here for those that may not have finished Season 1, but a quick google search will take care of that for you.
Either educate yourself about the character, or at least shut up about him.
So Celestia and Luna are test tube babies. At least they flourished in their time.
I love this story!! It's giving me my Rick and Morty Fix until season 3,lol
Suddenly, Beth becoming a horse surgeon makes a lot more sense...
Wait, what? First the time runs slower in Equestria compared to the other universe, but then it runs faster? If for Rick and Morty have passed a couple couple of days, while for the ponies were just a few hours, then if Rick was away forty years, his absence in Equestria should have been a couple years at best, not a few thousands.
7335928
No, no. You've got it all wrong.
Life is a finite thing, one which you can never get back.
This gives it infinite value.
Therefore, the only point to it is to extend it. Indefinitely.
7335722 who knows maybe one of celestias mothers WAS a readhead and Rick wasnt satisfied with just extracting her dna , knowing Rick he had already piscological issues / was morally ambiguous so it could be posible.
7336209 ....
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7336224 They're both way to say "just ignore the science stuff and enjoy the story"
Huh so he created them after all huh, makes more sense all things considered.
And they have two siblings, Beth and that clone of both Lincoln and Hitler. Oh man imagine how a meeting between them would go?
Please have the rest of the Main Six meet Rick and Morty soon.
Is Birdperson going to meet the Sisters at some point and tell them about what Rick's catchphrase means so they can help him?
And when I think about it I understand Rick's attitude given that he so freaking smart and understands things about the multiverse no one else can and along with what he did as a 'freedon fighter' in the past made him adopt a cynical and self-destructible stance on life.
7336143 The effect is exponential with the timespan between visits, that was said in the story
Well.... At least Rick isn't a horse shagger.
7335775
I still think you misunderstand here is a hint Rick is not a good person 95% of the time which is part of why he's hilarious
7335968 Rick is a jaded, dimensional/time/space traveler who's seen multiple versions of him and his grandson (And seen them tortured/killed), doomed multiple people/races to death included a version of Humanity, committed every crime worthy of getting him a lift time in space prison, has saved his grand kids from being obliterated from space and time and has seen so much shit I don't think he'd care anymore about whether he lives or dies. He has seen almost everything and no longer cares and it's pretty clear he only really lives for his daughter and grandkids, old friends and to drink/fuck and take drugs. He doesn't care if he lives or dies and unless it's a family member who isn't an in-law or an old friend he doesn't care if anyone else lives or dies either. So yeah, he probably doesn't care if he's giving a possible reason to commit suicide because he's an extremely cynical, drunk possible nihilist who's seen his own relatives die and has tried to kill himself before. I don't agree with him but that is (probably?) how he feels about existence. Also, no offense, but you kinda seem a bit edgy.
This is awesome :3
All this, see all this?
Genius, just pure, unadulterated, insane GENIUS!!
Keep it up dude!
You need to go get a job at Adult Swim.
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This story is far too good for it not to get a proper reading, so I'm doing an unofficial fandub of this unofficial fanfiction. If anyone out there thinks they've got what it takes to voice any of these characters, come over here and show me what you've got:
https://www.castingcall.club/projects/rick-and-morty-do-equestria
(And, yes, sign up and auditioning is totally free.)
7336456 No, but he is a giraffe shagger i.imgur.com/TaaiJDw.png
if you want to be tecnical celestia and luna are more rick half clones rather than his daughters. is like superboy who has dna of both luthor and superman, he is not supermans son, more like his brother or something.
More. Now.
Love this crossover, keep up the good work!