1 - Tears Fall
"I'm such a crybaby."
Clop, clop, clop, went the hooves of Fluttershy, the only pony out at this ungodly hour. It was the early morning and small, blue rain drops fell upon the muddy town of Ponyville. Every pony was in their house, sleeping....every pony except Fluttershy. She trotted slowly through the town. Her life was horrible...and it was all her fault. She had made so many bad decisions. It seemed like she couldn't even make good ones.
"Hey, are you ok?" a voice asked.
Rainbow Dash had woken up because her tortoise, Tank, was hungry. She didn't have any good food for him to eat so she had gone to Fluttershy's house to ask her what food she should buy, of course disregarding the idea that the yellow pony might be sleeping, but Fluttershy wasn't at her house.
"Fine." Fluttershy replied. Her long pink mane covered her face.
"Are you sure?" Rainbow Dash asked. "You look kind of upset about something."
Fluttershy didn't dare look at her rainbow-colored friend for fear that Rainbow Dash might see that Fluttershy was lying.
"Fine." she replied, her voice shaking. "I'm f-fine."
"Oh...ok!" Rainbow Dash chuckled. "Hey, so, I was wonder-"
"Could you come back....l-later?" Fluttershy asked, cutting Rainbow Dash off.
"Um...ok." Rainbow Dash replied. Something was definitely wrong here, and she knew it, but she didn't want to push Fluttershy out of her comfort zone. "Tell me if you want to talk, ok?"
"Ok..."
Rainbow Dash spread her wings and shot up into the sky, flying away. Fluttershy looked up and Rainbow Dash could've sworn she caught a glimpse of the yellow pony...crying? But, she kept going anyway.
"Whoowey! 'Nother day, 'nother ten apples!" Applejack chuckled.
It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, birds were chirping. No amount of bad news could make Applejack feel bad today! Until, Rainbow Dash blasted through the trees.
"Applejack!" she exclaimed, smashing into a tree. She stumbled backward, dizzily and then shook it off and ran over to Applejack. "Applejack, Applejack, Applejack!" Rainbow Dash yelled.
"What, what, what?" Applejack replied.
"I need your help!"
"With what?"
"With....with..."
"What?"
"With Fluttershy." Rainbow Dash sighed.
She sat down, looking sad. She knew there was something wrong with her yellow-colored friend. Fluttershy was usually so cheerful...ish.
"What do you mean, sugar?" Applejack asked, noticing Rainbow Dash's sad expression.
"I think something's up with her. She seemed really sad yesterday." Rainbow Dash sighed.
"Dash, are you sure it wasn't just your imagination?" Applejack asked.
"Yes! Sort of...no. I dunno!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
"Why don't we go see her now? If something is up, trust me, I'll know!" Applejack smiled and nodded triumphantly.
The two of them trotted over to Fluttershy's house and knocked on the door. The door opened slightly and Fluttershy poked her head out. Her hair was messy and her face was dirty. Her eyes were red, as if she had been crying.
But, she smiled and said, "Oh...h...hello! D-do you need something?"
"No, darlin', thank you. We just wanted to see how ya'll was doing." Applejack told Fluttershy.
"Have you been...crying?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Oh...um...would you like to come in?" Fluttershy asked, trying to change the subject. She ducked inside and then opened the door all the way. "Come on in."
Applejack and Rainbow Dash walked inside. The house was small and looked normal except for the exceptional amount of tissues.
"Darlin'....are you sick?" Applejack asked Fluttershy.
"Um...n-no..." Fluttershy replied.
She didn't want to lie to her friend but she didn't want her friends to find out she had been crying either.
"You know, actually, I gotta go! I'll see you later!" Rainbow Dash told Fluttershy.
"Ok." Fluttershy replied.
The rainbow pony flew out of Fluttershy's house and went to get Pinkie Pie. If anybody knew how to cheer other ponies up, it was Pinkie.
"Pinkie! Pinkie!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
"What? What? Heehee, this is fun!" Pinkie replied.
"It's Fluttershy, I need your help." Dash told Pinkie.
"What? Why?" Pinkie asked.
"She seems really sad...do you think you could help me and Applejack cheer her up?" Rainbow Dash asked Pinkie Pie.
"Sure! Pinkie is my name and cheering ponies up is my game!" Pinkie smiled.
"Ok, thanks!" Rainbow Dash smiled at Pinkie Pie. The two went back to Fluttershy's house.
"O-oh my....y-you brought m-more..." Fluttershy blushed.
"Fluttershy...we're your friends! You can tell us anything! We'll always be here for you." Rainbow Dash told Fluttershy.
Fluttershy smiled, "Thank you b-but I'm r-really fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Ok then...let's go, guys."
Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash walked out of Fluttershy's house. She smiled, watching them leave.
"Don't stick your nose into other ponies' business, Rainbow Dash. You'll end up messing up something you don't understand." Her blue eyes shined and then she went back inside her house and closed the door.
The next day, Rainbow Dash woke up. She had just had the most terrible dream about Fluttershy trying to kill herself. Rushing to her pegasus friend's home, she opened the door, yelling,
"Fluttershy!"
Fluttershy trotted over and yawned.
"Good morning, Rainbow Dash. D-did you sleep well?"
"Don't kill yourself!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
"W-what?" Fluttershy asked.
"Never mind." Rainbow Dash mumbled.
Then, she noticed something. Fluttershy's eye twitched in a strange way.
"Are you ok?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Fine. Good bye!" Fluttershy said, quickly, pushing Rainbow Dash out the door and closing it.
Rainbow Dash was confused but she flew away anyway. Fluttershy sighed. Poor Rainbow Dash was too nosy for her own good. And Fluttershy had so many secrets...terrible, terrible secrets...if any pony ever found out...Princess Celestia herself would probably come to lock Fluttershy away...or maybe worse.
I should turn myself in... she thought to herself. This isn't fair to my friends... She shook her head. I can't....I just can't...I've worked so hard to cover this up...I just can't throw it all away...
Twilight Sparkle hummed a nice melody to herself. She was going to visit Fluttershy because no one had seen the pegasus in a few days. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Rarity trotted behind her as the five of them walked to Fluttershy's house. Once they were there, they knocked on the door. It opened a crack.
"Do you need something?" Fluttershy's voice asked quietly from inside the dark house.
"We just wanted to come visit! None of us have seen you in days and we were getting sort of worried. Do you need any help with anything?" Twilight asked Fluttershy.
"No thank you. I'm ok." Fluttershy replied.
"Well, buttercup, can we at least come inside?" Applejack asked.
There was a silence and then the door opened and Fluttershy was standing there. She looked horrible. She had big bags under her eyes, which were red, and her hair was knotted and frayed.
"Darling, you look horrible!" Rarity exclaimed. "Let me fix you up!"
"No thank you." Fluttershy replied.
"Fluttershy, what's up? You've been acting strange lately." Rainbow Dash asked Fluttershy.
"YEAH!" Pinkie added. Fluttershy closed the door behind them.
"Ok...I suppose I can't hide it any longer..." Fluttershy sighed. "I'm...evil..."
"What?" Twilight asked, chuckling nervously.
"It all started when I was just a filly.
It was three days before my birthday and I was in the forest picking flowers when I saw some ponies harassing a filly. The filly was my best friend, Chocolate Swizzle. I wanted to stop them but I was too afraid. They killed Chocolate Swizzle. The police questioned every pony and I didn't even say anything. I saw the cutie marks of the murderers and I knew exactly what they looked like, I still do, but I never said anything. I was too afraid. A while later, when I was older, I was walking in an alley when some ponies pulled me aside. It was the same ponies who killed Chocolate Swizzle. They tied me to a chair and told me that they just found out that I had seen them kill Chocolate, they said they were going to kill me unless...
unless I b e c a m e o n e o f t h e m.
I had to kill a filly in their sleep. And I did it...a filly died because of me. Because I was too scared to tell the police who killed Chocolate Swizzle, because I was to scared to stand up to those ponies, and because I was so selfish that I would kill a filly if it meant I'd live." Fluttershy smiled bitterly at her friends. "I hope you're happy now."
The five ponies looked at Fluttershy, shocked.
"That's...um....wow....."
They looked at each other and back at Fluttershy and then left. Fluttershy watched as they left, the cold light of the setting sun illuminating them almost.
"Don't stick your nose into other ponies' business." Then, she walked inside and closed the door.
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But why though?
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSt4D5q4xmXHRfgVCn8Gr_XJTGpFNu0fQhwmsiaO4NNYFJL3wac
hmm if there had been further explaining as to why flutters would do this and why mane six just walked away like...
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instead of figuring out more this would most likely be a more enjoyable read instead of the abrupt stop in the story after flutters tells them she killed a filly.. a FILLY? lolwut...
P.S. Kinda spoilers if you ask me:
the description has nothing to do with the story, is this meant to troll us or is this an honest mistake, if so you should probably change it to something that fits the story... btw wether should be whether
WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THOSE WHO HAVE YET TO READ THIS!
The fact that there is a "Complete" tag on this story makes me have to down vote this.
You have an interesting premise in the short blurb, but the actual story has absolutely NOTHING to do with a stallion or their unwanted child. Instead, you have Fluttershy acting as if she's depressed and her friends are believing her lies, despite what they see, meanwhile she's harboring a dark secret that would even put her in a dungeon? I can't believe that for a second.
On top of all that, there is the whole thing she "did" because she wanted to live. First off, Fluttershy couldn't kill an animal, let alone a small filly. I understand that when your life is on the line, you make some pretty messed up decisions, but I don't think she could do it. Not here. It isn't believable to me, especially since there is no build up. There is nothing about her attitude that shows it in here, either. She's just weeping 99% of the time before she tells the story and then makes the snide remark at her friends. And why would it matter years later if she said anything about the ponies or not? They obviously got away with it, so why track down your only witness and remind them about it, only to "force" them to kill an innocent, too? This story is completely incoherent and honestly, I'm disappointed. It started out okay, but it just deteriorated. I'm sorry, but it left me with a feeling of annoyance since I didn't actually achieve the goal of finding out about this colt/stallion and the fate of this supposed unborn foal.
7286136 AAAH! NO, NO, NO! D= IT'S THE WRONG BLURB!
7285645 IT WAS NOT TO TROLL SO SHUT UP. It was a mistake. That was the blurb for another story I'm writing but by accident it got posted on this one somehow.
I liked this story! I don't really know why, though. Maybe how you embodied the characters, or how the story itself was written, but it just appealed to the stranger side of me.
Keep it up!
How shall we...? Nevermind, there isn't much point. Congrats on your first story, darling!
7286358 That explains a lot more, then!
I figured that was the case. However, for a first story, its not bad, there are some errors that need improvement on, just like everyone else's stories. If my comment upset you, I do apologize.
7286836 Thanks!
7286955 Thanks...I think?
7287034 I expected criticism. Not a fricken @$$load of it, though. I'm a kid. Even writing 1000 words was kind of hard for me.
7287084
Oh, no, darling. I was simply trying to point out that it's almost impossible for somepony to know if they like something without reading it. No worries, however. This was a nice story, though I know it could benefit more from an editor or proofreader. There's a whole group on the likes of that if you're interested in improving.
Oh, and don't let age stop you from writing. Harmony's a child, too. Heavens know everypony is capable of weaving a great tale
~Rares
7287105 Thanks.
7287084
There is a method to criticism; to help you become a better writer and help you keep continuity. I started writing at eleven years old, so don't take criticism hard, okay?
7287914 I'm 13. It's hard for me to not take criticism hard.
7288024
You will learn. When you write, your feels will be hurt by what people say, but you gotta hang in there. It will always be okay. :3
7286681 Plz don't rage I wasn't sure just tryin to give friendly feedback on your story, so descript is for another story I wanna read it!
7288024 P.S. oh cool another young person, I'm 12!
Honestly you're story is better then mine though I'm going to rewrite it and actually try to take my time ah well enough blabbing good luck in the future..
I'm so young...
This was good. Little rough but some practice will take care of that. Well done.
7288367 I was not raging!
Cool, your 12? You know you have to be 13 or older to be on this site, right? ((I'm actually 12 too but turning 13 in three months so I round up, don't tell anybodyyyyyy xD))
7288284 Thanks. You're nicer than some other people who have commented on my stories on other websites.
7288504 Thanks! ^^
7289283
Any time, hun.
If you ever need anything don't hesitate to shoot me an email. Writing young is hard, but you'll do just fine.
This was...interesting. That's really all I can say.
Also I like to imagine that Applejack said 'darlin' ' in this fic because Rarity is rubbing off on her or something.